1:00 Games
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| Jay Schroeder just knows how to win. |
L.A. Raiders (1-3) at San Francisco (1-3)
Hot off their Monday night win just a week ago, the Raiders marched into San Francisco, and marched out wiping Joe Montana off their jerseys. Winless just a week ago, the Raiders now have two big inter-conference victories under their belts. Although Bo Jackson was a bit more silent, Joe Schroeder screamed his way into relevance with 205 passing yards and no interceptions for the first time since he was picked next-to-last in his son's flag football league.
Final Score: Raiders 24, 49ers 17
Indianapolis (2-2) at Seattle (3-1)
The Seahawks represented their tough division well here in stifling the Colts, who badly needed a win to keep their Cinderella season on solid ground. Seattle's defense returned, holding Indianapolis to a goose egg in the last two quarters of play and picking Jeff George off 4 times. Dave Krieg wasn't his all-star self, with only 73 yards of passing, but his defense kept him in the game long enough to sign his Playgirl cover shoots on the sidelines.
Final Score: Seahawks 20, Colts 10
New York Giants (1-3) at Dallas (3-1)
The New York Football Giants entered the hostile environment of their divisional rivals in Dallas, and outscored them 9-0 in the fourth quarter to pull out a huge win. Phil Simms earned his job for another week with an 83% connection rate and 235 yards passing, while Babe Laufenberg stood on the sidelines having his jock re-fitted after Troy Aikman only threw 89 yards and two picks. The Giants are still playing with a handicap, but now that handicap is no longer known as David Meggett.
Final Score: Giants 23, Dallas 14
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| Nobody is more upset about this injury than John Stephens |
New England (1-3) at Phoenix (0-4)
The Patriots once again played the remedy to a winless team's ailments, and let Johnny Johnson run all over them for 158 yards on 15 attempts. In comparison, the Patriots two running backs have a total of 157 yards on the year, and that's not going to get any better with John Stephens getting knocked out early in this one. We picked the Patriots to only win 2 games this year, and even with one win under their belt we still think that may have been too optimistic.
Final Score: Cardinals 27, Patriots 6
New Orleans (1-3) at Atlanta (0-4)
Atlanta keeps the winning streak alive for the winless teams with a statement victory here over the Saints. Chris Miller was a man possessed with 248 yards and a few TDs to no interceptions, but perhaps Mike Rozier had a few more spirits consuming his soul as he rushed for an un-Rozier-like 110 yards on 11 attempts and a score to increase his season total yardage 150%. With the playing abilities shown today by Atlanta, they may have enough to finish ahead of the 49ers this season.
Final Score: Falcons 31, Saints 14
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| Too bad Humphrey can't kick extra points, too |
Denver (3-1) at Minnesota (3-1)
The first of our big boy match-ups of the day, Denver visited Minnesota during a balmy, Indian-summer type of day, and were suddenly scalped by a late score to lose by one point, souring Bobby Humphrey's triumphant return. Wade Wilson and John Elway put up almost exactly similar numbers, hence the score, and the Vikings have now won four straight after a huge dinosaur turd of a performance to begin the season against Chicago. We're thinking Minnesota is here for real, but that would mean admitting that a Super Bowl-caliber team is one that includes Rick Fenney on the roster.
Final Score: Vikings 21, Broncos 20
Miami (2-2) at New York Jets (1-3)
It was a showdown of the two teams nobody pays attention to in the AFC East, and it lived up the the anti-hype. Mark Clayton went out before halftime with some sort of an injury, but the Dolphins were just fine without him, putting up 20 points in the fourth quarter and handily beating their little brothers in the division. Marino was super with 257 yards, and Mark Duper was super-duper with 120 yards receiving, but what this all means is that we'll just be let down that much more when Buffalo beats the 'Phins for the crown yet again.
Final Score: Dolphins 34, Jets 10
4:00 Games
Detroit (1-3) at Tampa Bay (1-3)
Tampa Bay didn't need much help in this thumping of Detroit, but Rodney Peete did his best anyway with two picks and only 132 yards of passing. Vinny Testaverde had his best game yet with a 72% completion rate, but he was decidedly overshadowed by Reggie Cobb, who may or may not have had family in attendance when he ran 12 times for 120 yards. Cobb had two more touchdowns in this game than Barry Sanders has all season, but we're not telling you something you didn't already know.
Final Score: Buccaneers 27, Lions 14
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| Somewhere in the crowd, Norwood is cowering |
Buffalo (3-1) at Chicago (3-1)
It was a battle of division leaders, but the divisions that they lead offer decidedly different challenges. Nonetheless, the Bears escaped with one here at home, keeping pace with Minnesota behind 105 Neal Anderson yards and 14 fourth quarter points. The Bills were even more powerful on offense, however, with Thurman Thomas slashing a stout Bears run defense for 158 yards, but with Scott Norwood booting the balls, even the best team can still lose by a missed extra point or two.
Final Score: Bears 28, Bills 27
Washington (3-1) at Philadelphia (3-1)
This was the premiere late-afternoon match-up, and the game offered some surprising firsts that we're ashamed to say we missed. First, Mark Rypien threw up his first pick of the year, and then threw up another for good measure to keep the Redskins out of the increasingly important win column. Secondly, the Eagles won with no rushing yards whatsoever from QB Eagles, leading us to believe that either he has hamstring issues, or Jim McMahon has had him tied up in the locker room the past few weeks in nothing but boxer shorts covered in little red hearts.
Final Score: Eagles 24, Redskins 17
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| Tecmo Sports News: Less Flash, More Cleveland Gary |
Green Bay (3-1) at Los Angeles Rams (3-1)
The original write-up for this match indicated that both teams were horrible on paper, but somehow had enough to win the games they needed to. While Green Bay lived up to that analysis, the Rams, behind Jim Everett, blew those theories out of the water for good with 328 passing yards. Henry Ellard took down 5 passes for 140 yards, while the Los Angeles defense held the Packers to a total of 38 yards rushing. The Rams separate themselves even further from San Francisco, and if my print screen function goes down before I see the Division Champions screen plastered with John Robinson's shit-eating grin, I might choke a bitch.
Final Score: Rams 45, Packers 27
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Our apologies to all those Kansas City/San Diego fans waiting for their teams' turns in the spotlight tonight. Scheduling conflicts led to us pushing the Week 5 breakdown a day later into Monday Night Football territory, and so the AFC West battle will have to be pushed back as well. We did have a chance to travel in a wormhole to see the future, and you won't be let down by this showcase (especially if you're into watching Barry Word chug for 2.1 yards per carry every other play). A win by Kansas City will put them back into the thick of the hunt, but if they can't stop the Chargers here they might as well cash in their chips and send Steve De Berg on a nice vacation to an isolated desert island unreachable by Chiefs fans and Marty Schottenheimer.
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| Nobody said it was easy to be De Berg |
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