Looking Ahead: Week Nine

'Feelin' Fine in Week Nine' isn't the motto for all of our Tecmo participants, in fact it's probably better that way, but we are finally seeing some teams break free and ready to take the second half by storm. A few divisional gaps are widening, but that doesn't mean we're ready to gloss over the races and half-ass it here, folks. It may be the mid-season doldrums, but we're going to make it as exciting as it possibly can be before the era of Two Point Tupa.

The week begins with New England hoping to gain a half game in the divisional race with the rest of their division idle. They may only have one win, and they may be playing a hungry Denver team, but don't count out Hart Lee Dykes' desire to win his first Super Bowl ring for as long as he's able to avoid bars and Irving Fryar. The exciting NFC East is back in the ring, with the Cowboys riding into Detroit and the division-leading Redskins heading into a suddenly hostile New York environment. To prove how far this season has gone maverick, the Giants have railed off 4 straight after losing their first 3 in a row, and could potentially wind up in a first place tie should they win. Phil Simms is so excited, his stare has gone from blank to creepy and confrontational.

In case you're nostalgic for early-90s era
print layout

It's also a big week for the AFC West, with four teams doing battle before they sail into the sunset of their pre-bye week schedule. First, Kansas City will try to shake things up and rain dance their way back into the race, while the Raiders try to keep Bo Jackson awake long enough to bust out of their .500 limbo. Meanwhile, in perhaps the game of the day, the two AFC West powerhouses in San Diego and Seattle do battle. B.J. Tolliver may have ten more passing touchdowns than Dave Krieg, but the Chargers only have one more win and a couple injuries to their special teams corps. That, and Burt Grossman will probably sleep through his alarm again unless he gets that toilet paper out of his ears.

The early games end with a rare Phoenix vs. Minnesota match-up mopping up the floor, and a Rams vs. Falcons divisional show-down to turn out the lights.

Never fear, however, as the afternoon games begin shortly afterwards with a tough challenge for Tampa Bay at home. They have a chance to make their case in the competitive NFC Central if they can catch up to the Packers, although we're thinking Green Bay and their potent offense will pose more of a challenge to the Bucs than having to match up against plays called by the future coach of the Cardinal Newman Crusaders. Meanwhile, the AFC Central sees some action late in the day with the fading Browns doing battle with the flickering-to-life Steelers. More importantly, the Bengals try to shake off a hard-luck loss against the Bills last week with an opportunity to tie the Oilers atop the division. They'll have to beat Warren Moon in Houston, but may not get that chance if his wife gets to him first.

Golden locks blowing in the breeze of his
1652 passing yards

Don't forget about our big Monday Night contest, starring the Philadelphia Eagles and San Francisco 49ers. The Eagles have lost their way as of late, and are now met with more bad news when they have to hop a plane to San Francisco for a melee with the 49ers in a game with big playoff implications. The Eagles won a big game against the Packers in their first featured game this year, but facing an early-season Majkowski versus a mid-season Montana is like jumping a second-grader walking home from school and jumping a well-coiffed, poised quarterback in the prime of his career with a left hand weighed down by four Super Bowl rings.



***************************************************************************************

AFC

NFC

Byes: Buffalo Bills, Miami Dolphins, Indianapolis Colts, New York Jets

 

 

(Tuesday) Night Football: Tampa Bay vs. New Orleans

I suppose even paper bags get sort of stale after a while

Well, once again we're rehashing our featured game this week a day later, due somewhat to Halloween festivities but mostly due to my beer drinking practice that started at 5 PM and lasted long into the witching hour. While that may have made for a more amusing and bitter recount of our game tonight, I didn't feel I owed that to you or myself quite yet. Speaking of tonight: not only an important game for both teams to keep pace in their respective divisions, but perhaps more importantly, it's one Tampa mayor Sandra Freedman is frothing at the mouth to win just to see New Orleans mayor Sidney Barthelmy march down Bourbon street in Buccaneer Creamsicle.

Quarter One
Tampa Bay wins the toss, and elects to receive. Danny Peebles gets it to the Buccaneer 37-yard line, and promptly removes himself from the game with a fractured tibia and maybe wishing he'd finished those business courses in college. Mr. Gary Anderson is the first ball carrier of the game, moving it a respectable 6 positive yards before being brought down into the shallow marshes of New Orleans' Superdome turf. The next play is a pitch to Anderson good for no gain, but on 3rd-and-4, Vinny's first pass is a screen to Anderson that is good for 19 yards and a complimentary 'Big SL-Easy' button from Mardi Gras, 1984. Testaverde is handled roughly by Renaldo Turnbull, but avoids a second consecutive sack with a throw off his back foot to Bruce Hill, good for 30 yards. Anderson gets back into the game with a catch on the run, sling-shotting himself 17 yards to the Saints' 3-yard line. A pitch to Anderson is good for a 3-yard touchdown on the next play, but more importantly, good for the self-esteem of a man who decided to roll with a common nickname amongst mafia second-hand men.

Tampa Bay leads 7-0

Some play to win, I play to ogle 8-bit cheerleaders

Gil Fenerty is the man chosen by New Orleans to find a good starting spot, and he chooses the Saints' 24-yard line. From the shotgun, Steve Walsh quickly gets to work lowering expectations with a wild incompletion to Eric Martin. Deciding to go with a play with even less expectations of working, the Saints run a flea-flicker that is impossibly converted with Brent Perriman pulling it down for 34 yards. Dalton Hilliard gets exploded on the next play, and so the Saints shrug and give it back to Steve Walsh. He launches it to a wide-open Eric Martin, and this game is suddenly tied up faster than you can say 'Kevin Haverdink'.

Score tied 7-7

The Buccaneers get a second drive started at the Tampa 25-yard line, and Reggie Cobb is soon after introduced to Vaughan Johnson. Cobb love-wrestles him for about 10 seconds, before somebody on his team gets the S.O.S. and frees him from Johnson's death snuggle to allow a 10-yard run. The quarter ends with a Jim Wilks public raping of Testaverde, however, and those hard-earned yards are promptly wiped clean.

Quarter Two
Cobb gets Wilks and the rest of the New Orleans front-seven to chase him on the next play for about 18 yards, and then for another 9, but it's on 3rd-and-1 when Cobb's cries for help go unheeded and he's swallowed up for no positive yardage. Mark Royals gets off a hefty punt of over 60 yards, and the Saints get another chance at their own 10-yard line.

With a face like that, Halloween must have come early

Dalton Hilliard rides the 1984 World's Fair Monorail for 31 yards on the first play from scrimmage, but Walsh can't stop the gale winds of tropical storm Eugene Marve afterwards and is knocked back a good 9 yards. Hilliard takes the ball back on second down, but winds up coughing it up to Tampa Bay at his own 46-yard line.

Cobb is given the duty of finding a first down with a run play over the left side, and he manages to avoid an open field tackle to wind up with 32 yards. From the shotgun, Testaverde misses Cobb, and on the next play throws it away in the face of a New Orleans blitz. On third down, Vinny goes back through the air and finds Bruce Hill right at the goal line. Cobb busts down the levee on the next play for his first touchdown of the game.

Tampa Bay leads 14-7

Fenerty runs the ball out from the New Orleans 1-yard line and kicks it into high gear to the 21-yard line with 1:21 remaining the half. A blitz, not surprisingly involving Eugene Marve, knocks Hilliard back about 7 yards, but Craig Heyward gains it back on the next play with his first carry of the game. On 3rd-and-10 with just a minute to go, Marve pulls out the ghetto blaster and knocks Walsh on his respective ass with some tight Billy Ocean sax solos.

It's the Vinny Testaverde show after the punt, with an overthrown lob and a 5-yard scramble accompanied with some circus music to run out the half.

Halftime - Buccaneers 14, Saints 7

This game: slightly better than Hocus Pocus on ABC Family

Quarter Three
The second half starts with a bad Steve Christie kick out to the New Orleans 40-yard line, and Fenerty is dragged down five yards later. The next three plays go a little like this: Walsh to Perriman for 25 yards, screen pass to Heyward for 7, and another long ball to a diving Perriman in the end zone, and if you're as surprised as I am, your computer monitor is probably wearing half a bowl of Life cereal.

Score tied 14-14

Bruce Perkins fights his way to decent starting position at the Tampa Bay 32-yard line, and the first play is a daring lob to Reggie Cobb, but it's overwhelmingly overthrown. Ron Hall takes a more Heisman-worthy pass from Testaverde in coverage for 21 yards up the middle, and the Buccaneers are once again breaking through into New Orleans territory. Jim Wilks shows off just why he was such a top prospect out of San Diego State University with a blistering sack of Testaverde, but Vinny gets his revenge on the next play with a 48-yard connection with Hall that ends at the Saints' 8-yard line. The Bucs can't punch it in on two consecutive plays, so Vinny, as he's done all season, carries his team on his broad New Yorker shoulders into the end zone for Tampa Bay's third lead of the game.

Tampa Bay leads 21-14

Fenerty hustles it once again to the New Orleans' 19-yard line. Two straight runs by Heward and Hilliard net a total of 5 yards, and when the law of averages goes against them on third down, Tommy Barnhard is out to punt a cannon ball about 70 yards, pinning Willie Drewrey at his own 10-yard line.

Quarter Four
Tampa sees its second injury of the game when Bruce Hill is destroyed despite a miraculous snag of a Testaverde heave. Anderson sees his first action since the first quarter with a run up the middle for 7 more yards, but it's a pitch on second down that goes for 21 yards back into New Orleans territory. The slow trickling turns into a gushing geyser when the sieve that is the New Orleans run defense gives up a 26-yard scramble to Testaverde. The drive is suddenly stalled, however, when Anderson fumbles it over to Gene Atkins and the Saints have a new life.

Walsh throws up a trick, Hamilton gets a treat

Hilliard runs around the right and breaks away for a 37-yard gain, and the breath continues to pour into New Orleans' fetus. The breath soon becomes about as wheezy as Wayne Martin after about half a dozen po' boys when Walsh offers up his first pick of the day to Harry Hamilton.

From their own 22-yard line, Testaverde shoots it off to his new receiver, little Willie Drewrey, and the Bucs have a quick 35 yards back into Saints' territory. A 44-yard pass to Mark Carrier finally gets Tampa Bay the score they were looking for, along with Vinny Testaverde's team-leading 11th touchdown on the year.

Tampa Bay leads 28-14

The Saints are working with 59 seconds on the clock down by 14, leading fans to hurriedly toss out all their beads to the New Orleans' cheerleaders for a quick distraction. Whether it's this trick that works, or the fact that garbage touchdowns to Tecmo are what Cajun food is to Joel Hilgenberg, but Walsh actually lobs up another flea-flicker initiated pass to Eric Martin, which is good for 63 yards and a score.

Tampa Bay leads 28-21

Mark Carrier, perhaps the only member of the Tampa Bay squad still paying attention to the game (save for some of the more questionable coaches) quickly picks up the onside attempt by Morten Anderson, and this game is iced faster than a yard-long margarita on Fat Tuesday.

Final: Buccaneers 28, Saints 21

What have we here? A 4-3 Tampa Bay team, tied with Chicago for third in the NFC Central? Yes, there's still some hope for some crazy finishes here during this randomized Tecmo season, and with how Testaverde led his team to victory today I'd maybe be surprised if the Bucs didn't cause a ruckus towards the finish line. The Saints drop to 2-5, and in a division with San Francisco and the surprising Rams, they may be down for the count. However, while it wasn't always pretty or fun to watch New Orleans play, it is Halloween (technically, it was when I watched it), and what better team to watch than one that honors costuming and cringe-inducing acts on and off the field? While Steve Walsh hits the showers tonight with hopes of washing away tears and disappointment, Testaverde has to be pretty proud of his mid-season shape right now. With both a rushing and passing touchdown to his name today, ol' Vinny sure turned some heads tonight--a refreshing change from churning his coaches' bowels.

Week 8: Halfway Hoedown

Eight weeks in, and we're getting into the nitty gritty of our Tecmo season. The leaves have fallen and the snow will soon be following as we turn the page to November with a few tight divisional races. Knockout blows can be delivered over the next few weeks starting with today, as some teams are suddenly staring at must-win games in the face while others are doing the halfway hoedown with the other leaders in their division and conference. Nobody said it would be easy, not everyone said it would be fun, but then again those same people said Detroit would still be in it at this point, too.

1:00 Games

Cleveland (3-3) at San Diego (5-2)

Cleveland's campaign to make something of a decent start never really got going in San Diego, as the Chargers led throughout and never relented. Marion Butts outran Eric Metcalf considerably, with 17 rushes for 144 yards to Metcalf's 2 for 13. QB Browns wasn't shy about his fear of a Burt Grossman pass rush, as he was only able to unleash 117 yards amidst 2 interceptions. The Chargers look ready to take control of an AFC West division that's shaping up to be among the best in the game.

Final Score: Chargers 20, Browns 7

That jersey's hungry for some Word

Denver (4-2) at Kansas City (2-5)

Keeping with the AFC West theme, the Chiefs muddle things up a bit by holding the Broncos back from a first-place tie with San Diego. The Kansas City offense wasn't spectacular, with Steve De Berg only throwing 140 yards and Christian Okoye jogging for 60 yards on 7 rushes, but John Elway and Bobby Humphrey were nearly nonexistent, which is never a winning combination. The Chiefs are now stretching out their necks to get back in the race, with the exception of Barry Word, whose neck disappeared during his junior year of college.

Final Score: Chiefs 20, Broncos 16

Miami (5-2) at Houston (5-1)

Two AFC Heavyweights met up in Houston, and it turned into a battle of legs as Pete Stoyanovich out-kicked Tony Zendejas for an overtime win. The Dolphins found a way to carry on after Sammie Smith went out in the first quarter, with Marc Logan carrying for 69 yards and a touchdown. Their cause was helped tremendously when Warren Moon's game-time decision to play with a chafing crotch led to a fairly disappointing 115 passing yards and two picks.

Final Score: Dolphins 16, Oilers 13 (OT)

Indianapolis (2-5) at New York Jets (1-6)

The battle for longest losing streak was won by the Colts on this Sunday. The Jets snapped a 6-game losing streak at the cost of Indianapolis' 5th straight, with the game decided by halftime as neither team decided to score in the second half. Blair Thomas continued his hot running with 96 yards on 10 attempts, and while Albert Bentley was quiet on the ground for the Colts, his 81 yards receiving and a touchdown were enough to scare the Colts front staff into thinking they'd miss out on their first draft pick next year.

Final Score: Jets 17, Colts 7

Pittsburgh (2-4) at Seattle (5-2)

The Dr. Jekyll side of Seattle showed up at home today, with an inept offense and defense that allowed 31 Steelers points keeping them from a share of the AFC West lead. However, we musn't take anything away from the Bubby Brister-led Steelers offense, which put up 14 points in the fourth quarter to pull away for good. Mr. Brister himself was good for a 75% completion rate and 201 yards, enough to be the best quarterback in a division including Warren Moon today.

Final Score: Steelers 31, Seahawks 10

New England (1-5) at Minnesota (6-1)

The Vikings win a league-leading seventh game, and now their seventh in a row, in another close game against the Patriots at home. And once again, they did it with some flair by overcoming a 10-point deficit at halftime behind Herschel Walker's 75 yards on 8 rushes and Marvin Allen's ability to fall down before a first down for New England. Surprisingly, Steve Grogan was the better quarterback than Wade Wilson in this game, but that won't get him a Division Champion t-shirt to match Wilson's at the end of the year.

Final Score: Vikings 21, Patriots 17

L.A. Raiders (3-4) at L.A. Rams (4-2)

The Hollywood Bowl is predictably won by the Raiders, despite a stellar game by Jim Everett (90% completion rate, 206 yards and 2 TDs) and Wacky Willie Anderson (4 catches for 123 yards). Despite these statistics, however, the Raiders were one touchdown better thanks to Jay Schroeder avoiding a first-quarter meltdown, and now they single-handedly set up a couple of exciting divisional races down the stretch. Unfortunately for the Raiders, the race will not be a foot race between Bo Jackson and John L. Williams.

Final Score: Raiders 35, Rams 28

4:00 Games

Phoenix (1-6) at Atlanta (1-5)

Although this was a match-up of two of the worst teams in the NFC, they've somewhat flown under the radar thanks to some decibel-shredding terribleness by teams like Detroit and New England. It appears they actually put on an exciting bout here, with Atlanta scoring the late field goal to nab their second win. Johnny Johnson was decent with 84 yards on 12 rushes, but Mean Mike Rozier was a step better with 88 yards on 8 rushes. Atlanta now takes their second win into a pivotal game against division-leading Rams, while the Cardinals get another chance at their second win against the league-leading Vikings.

Final Score: Falcons 27, Cardinals 24

Chicago (4-2) at Green Bay (4-2)

While not a knockout game for either team, it was an important divisional match-up that pitted two like-minded teams trying to keep pace in their division. It was a rubber band match, with Chicago putting up zero points in the first half, then going up 14-13 after 4 Don Majkowski picks before giving up 17 4th quarter points to Green Bay to drop to 4-3. We thought Chicago would take the NFC Central this year, but it's now apparent that the Majik man has taken the division by its mullet and is ready for a second-half charge at Minnesota.

Final Score: Packers 30, Bears 14

Detroit (1-5) at San Francisco (2-4)

Everyone knew it was a lucky draw for the 49ers to meet up with Detroit in their quest for a comeback in the NFC West, but nobody wanted to see them rip apart a J.V. squad like they did in this thrashing. Roger Craig not only came back off the IR, but he also outran Barry Sanders, while Joe Montana's 218 yards and 4 touchdowns looked downright Olympian compared to Rodney Peete, whose 74 yards and whopping 5 interceptions make it apparent that he completed more passes to the Niners defense than his own receivers.

Final Score: 49ers 35, Lions 0

Buffalo (5-2) at Cincinnati (4-2)

It was perhaps the biggest game of Cincinnati's season thus far, and they let it slip away at the very end with a late Buffalo touchdown. Boomer Esiason out-thrusted QB Bills, but it was the battle on the ground that sealed it with James Brooks' valiant 100 yards on 6 rushes outdone by the Thurminator, who dashed for 127 yards on 17 hard-fought runs. It'll be an insignificant game in the Bills' quest for another division crown, while Brooks and the rest of the Bengals may as well run in place for the rest of the season.

Final Score: Bills 31, Bengals 27

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By Monday night, enough dust will have settled for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and New Orleans Saints to know where they stand. While nobody expects the Saints to follow in the footsteps of the 49ers and charge back into the NFC West race, Tampa Bay surprisingly has a shot to make it a four-way dogfight in the NFC Central with a win. Vinny Testaverde has shown his abilities to hang with the best in the game, both in the league sauna and on the field, whereas Steve Walsh had a hard time impressing his son's students last Thursday during show-and-tell. While we're still standing skeptical of the Bucs' chances as a legitimate playoff threat, we're hoping they can keep things together long enough this season to make things interesting for the rest of the NFC, and so we can admire watching grown men as Flinstones' Push Pop mascots.

Tampa Bay: Smooth as pushing ice cream through a cardboard tube