(Tuesday) Night Football: Tampa Bay vs. New Orleans

I suppose even paper bags get sort of stale after a while

Well, once again we're rehashing our featured game this week a day later, due somewhat to Halloween festivities but mostly due to my beer drinking practice that started at 5 PM and lasted long into the witching hour. While that may have made for a more amusing and bitter recount of our game tonight, I didn't feel I owed that to you or myself quite yet. Speaking of tonight: not only an important game for both teams to keep pace in their respective divisions, but perhaps more importantly, it's one Tampa mayor Sandra Freedman is frothing at the mouth to win just to see New Orleans mayor Sidney Barthelmy march down Bourbon street in Buccaneer Creamsicle.

Quarter One
Tampa Bay wins the toss, and elects to receive. Danny Peebles gets it to the Buccaneer 37-yard line, and promptly removes himself from the game with a fractured tibia and maybe wishing he'd finished those business courses in college. Mr. Gary Anderson is the first ball carrier of the game, moving it a respectable 6 positive yards before being brought down into the shallow marshes of New Orleans' Superdome turf. The next play is a pitch to Anderson good for no gain, but on 3rd-and-4, Vinny's first pass is a screen to Anderson that is good for 19 yards and a complimentary 'Big SL-Easy' button from Mardi Gras, 1984. Testaverde is handled roughly by Renaldo Turnbull, but avoids a second consecutive sack with a throw off his back foot to Bruce Hill, good for 30 yards. Anderson gets back into the game with a catch on the run, sling-shotting himself 17 yards to the Saints' 3-yard line. A pitch to Anderson is good for a 3-yard touchdown on the next play, but more importantly, good for the self-esteem of a man who decided to roll with a common nickname amongst mafia second-hand men.

Tampa Bay leads 7-0

Some play to win, I play to ogle 8-bit cheerleaders

Gil Fenerty is the man chosen by New Orleans to find a good starting spot, and he chooses the Saints' 24-yard line. From the shotgun, Steve Walsh quickly gets to work lowering expectations with a wild incompletion to Eric Martin. Deciding to go with a play with even less expectations of working, the Saints run a flea-flicker that is impossibly converted with Brent Perriman pulling it down for 34 yards. Dalton Hilliard gets exploded on the next play, and so the Saints shrug and give it back to Steve Walsh. He launches it to a wide-open Eric Martin, and this game is suddenly tied up faster than you can say 'Kevin Haverdink'.

Score tied 7-7

The Buccaneers get a second drive started at the Tampa 25-yard line, and Reggie Cobb is soon after introduced to Vaughan Johnson. Cobb love-wrestles him for about 10 seconds, before somebody on his team gets the S.O.S. and frees him from Johnson's death snuggle to allow a 10-yard run. The quarter ends with a Jim Wilks public raping of Testaverde, however, and those hard-earned yards are promptly wiped clean.

Quarter Two
Cobb gets Wilks and the rest of the New Orleans front-seven to chase him on the next play for about 18 yards, and then for another 9, but it's on 3rd-and-1 when Cobb's cries for help go unheeded and he's swallowed up for no positive yardage. Mark Royals gets off a hefty punt of over 60 yards, and the Saints get another chance at their own 10-yard line.

With a face like that, Halloween must have come early

Dalton Hilliard rides the 1984 World's Fair Monorail for 31 yards on the first play from scrimmage, but Walsh can't stop the gale winds of tropical storm Eugene Marve afterwards and is knocked back a good 9 yards. Hilliard takes the ball back on second down, but winds up coughing it up to Tampa Bay at his own 46-yard line.

Cobb is given the duty of finding a first down with a run play over the left side, and he manages to avoid an open field tackle to wind up with 32 yards. From the shotgun, Testaverde misses Cobb, and on the next play throws it away in the face of a New Orleans blitz. On third down, Vinny goes back through the air and finds Bruce Hill right at the goal line. Cobb busts down the levee on the next play for his first touchdown of the game.

Tampa Bay leads 14-7

Fenerty runs the ball out from the New Orleans 1-yard line and kicks it into high gear to the 21-yard line with 1:21 remaining the half. A blitz, not surprisingly involving Eugene Marve, knocks Hilliard back about 7 yards, but Craig Heyward gains it back on the next play with his first carry of the game. On 3rd-and-10 with just a minute to go, Marve pulls out the ghetto blaster and knocks Walsh on his respective ass with some tight Billy Ocean sax solos.

It's the Vinny Testaverde show after the punt, with an overthrown lob and a 5-yard scramble accompanied with some circus music to run out the half.

Halftime - Buccaneers 14, Saints 7

This game: slightly better than Hocus Pocus on ABC Family

Quarter Three
The second half starts with a bad Steve Christie kick out to the New Orleans 40-yard line, and Fenerty is dragged down five yards later. The next three plays go a little like this: Walsh to Perriman for 25 yards, screen pass to Heyward for 7, and another long ball to a diving Perriman in the end zone, and if you're as surprised as I am, your computer monitor is probably wearing half a bowl of Life cereal.

Score tied 14-14

Bruce Perkins fights his way to decent starting position at the Tampa Bay 32-yard line, and the first play is a daring lob to Reggie Cobb, but it's overwhelmingly overthrown. Ron Hall takes a more Heisman-worthy pass from Testaverde in coverage for 21 yards up the middle, and the Buccaneers are once again breaking through into New Orleans territory. Jim Wilks shows off just why he was such a top prospect out of San Diego State University with a blistering sack of Testaverde, but Vinny gets his revenge on the next play with a 48-yard connection with Hall that ends at the Saints' 8-yard line. The Bucs can't punch it in on two consecutive plays, so Vinny, as he's done all season, carries his team on his broad New Yorker shoulders into the end zone for Tampa Bay's third lead of the game.

Tampa Bay leads 21-14

Fenerty hustles it once again to the New Orleans' 19-yard line. Two straight runs by Heward and Hilliard net a total of 5 yards, and when the law of averages goes against them on third down, Tommy Barnhard is out to punt a cannon ball about 70 yards, pinning Willie Drewrey at his own 10-yard line.

Quarter Four
Tampa sees its second injury of the game when Bruce Hill is destroyed despite a miraculous snag of a Testaverde heave. Anderson sees his first action since the first quarter with a run up the middle for 7 more yards, but it's a pitch on second down that goes for 21 yards back into New Orleans territory. The slow trickling turns into a gushing geyser when the sieve that is the New Orleans run defense gives up a 26-yard scramble to Testaverde. The drive is suddenly stalled, however, when Anderson fumbles it over to Gene Atkins and the Saints have a new life.

Walsh throws up a trick, Hamilton gets a treat

Hilliard runs around the right and breaks away for a 37-yard gain, and the breath continues to pour into New Orleans' fetus. The breath soon becomes about as wheezy as Wayne Martin after about half a dozen po' boys when Walsh offers up his first pick of the day to Harry Hamilton.

From their own 22-yard line, Testaverde shoots it off to his new receiver, little Willie Drewrey, and the Bucs have a quick 35 yards back into Saints' territory. A 44-yard pass to Mark Carrier finally gets Tampa Bay the score they were looking for, along with Vinny Testaverde's team-leading 11th touchdown on the year.

Tampa Bay leads 28-14

The Saints are working with 59 seconds on the clock down by 14, leading fans to hurriedly toss out all their beads to the New Orleans' cheerleaders for a quick distraction. Whether it's this trick that works, or the fact that garbage touchdowns to Tecmo are what Cajun food is to Joel Hilgenberg, but Walsh actually lobs up another flea-flicker initiated pass to Eric Martin, which is good for 63 yards and a score.

Tampa Bay leads 28-21

Mark Carrier, perhaps the only member of the Tampa Bay squad still paying attention to the game (save for some of the more questionable coaches) quickly picks up the onside attempt by Morten Anderson, and this game is iced faster than a yard-long margarita on Fat Tuesday.

Final: Buccaneers 28, Saints 21

What have we here? A 4-3 Tampa Bay team, tied with Chicago for third in the NFC Central? Yes, there's still some hope for some crazy finishes here during this randomized Tecmo season, and with how Testaverde led his team to victory today I'd maybe be surprised if the Bucs didn't cause a ruckus towards the finish line. The Saints drop to 2-5, and in a division with San Francisco and the surprising Rams, they may be down for the count. However, while it wasn't always pretty or fun to watch New Orleans play, it is Halloween (technically, it was when I watched it), and what better team to watch than one that honors costuming and cringe-inducing acts on and off the field? While Steve Walsh hits the showers tonight with hopes of washing away tears and disappointment, Testaverde has to be pretty proud of his mid-season shape right now. With both a rushing and passing touchdown to his name today, ol' Vinny sure turned some heads tonight--a refreshing change from churning his coaches' bowels.