Monday Night Football: San Diego vs. L.A. Raiders

We round out Week 13 with another visit to the always electrifying AFC West. Last year there was a bottleneck in the division with hardly any time for the dusts to settle before the playoffs began. This year is an entirely different story, with San Diego in line to claim a front row parking spot to the postseason. Claiming a first playoff spot doesn't always indicate a long playoff run, though it is a pretty good stamp on how dominant a team can be. The Chargers will get the opportunity tonight, with a chance to savor the flavor that much longer by beating up on the Los Angeles Raiders, a final stalwart between them and a trophy presentation sponsored by L.A. Gear. The Raiders are 4 games behind with 5 to go, though beating their big brothers in the division head to head will help them leapfrog a few spots. To the left coast we go, with a chance to see how the West will be won.

Quarter One
The Raiders find themselves in the hole early with San Diego winning the toss and Nate Lewis starting his team up with good field positioning at the 39-yard line. Stan Humphries begins the game under center, rushing for a yard when the Raiders defense comes down on top of him. He doesn't fare much better on 2nd down when rookie Thomas Benson turns him inside out for a loss of 8. Humphries comes out in the marginally safer shotgun formation, though a collapsing pocket has Stan panicking and throwing short to Derrick Walker to force the fourth down punting decision.

Tim Brown has the open field ahead of him on the punt return and is taken down at his own 40. The last second decision is made by head coach Art Shell to send the healed Jay Schroeder out on the field, the one man capable of keeping his team's playoff hopes alive. Schroeder starts by taking a sack for a loss of 8, followed by two incomplete passes to Eric Dickerson. Last year's Pro Bowl punter, Jeff Gossett, brings the pain with a punt to inside the 5-yard line.

The Chargers pick up the first positive play of the game with an 8 yard pass between Humphries and Walker. Rod Bernstine wakes the crowd up with a leaping grab on the next play to take it down to the Raiders' 30-yard line. Humphries has a chance to run a flea flicker for the hell of it, though it appears the Los Angeles defense hasn't found the illicit substances yet and were on the field to break it up. The next two plays fail to pick up a first down, eliciting an appearance from John Carney to kick the ball from 45 yards away. His 18th attempt falls short, keeping this steamroller chugging along.

Steve Smith gets an attempt to run the ball for the Raiders, and the second back swallows a 6-yard loss. The quarter ends with a long run from Dickerson that ends with him bobbling the ball and his contract extension over to Anthony Blaylock.

Quarter Two
Bernstine goes off for 7 yards on first down to begin a fresh quarter. Humphries is chased out of the pocket and runs for some positive yardage, though his medal of honor ceremony is called off with a fumble that goes back into the hands of the Raiders.

Five different receivers stretch the field for the rusty Schroeder, yet the man of 1,000 endorsements throws short to Smith. Tim Brown is the target on second down, however the Chargers defense continues to make the towhead question why he ever came back to play a child's game. On 3rd and 10, Schroeder goes for broke and sees his next Hair Club magazine ad go out the window with an interception by Gill Byrd.

Riki Ellison does his team a solid with a sack of Humphries for 8 yards the other way. A play action pass to Nate Lewis regains 10 of those yards, though on 3rd and 8 the San Diego reverse is snuffed out faster than the Duke Cunningham scandal.

Tim Brown can only manage to get the John Kidd punt to his team's 19-yard line, from which Dickerson tumbles backwards another 3. The next play goes unseen by 50% of the audience watching a six-year old child doing the worm in the stands, which involved Schroeder connecting with Tim Brown for a gain of 80 yards. With 4 yards between them and points, the Raiders elect to go with Dickerson on two straight plays. His touchdown puts the Raiders up by a seemingly insurmountable 6 points with just a minute left in the half.

Los Angeles leads 7-0

Lewis' return picks up 35 yards with 24 seconds removed from the clock. A pass to Marion Butts up the middle racks up an enormous 36 yards to the Los Angeles 29 with 12 seconds remaining for John Carney to put a nice football-shaped imprint on the right upright.

Halftime - Raiders 7, Chargers 0

Quarter Three
Sam Graddy weaves his way through the San Diego special teams to the Los Angeles 35-yard line, setting his team up for a 2-yard Smith run, a wildly incomplete Schroeder throw across his body and Eric Dickerson running into a wall of his own players after being distracted on whether or not he mailed in his AARP registration.

Eric Bieniemy returns a punted ball to his team's 16-yard line, and the Chargers march on to the field for their next offensive series. From there, Stan Humphries throws an 84-yard touchdown to Nate Lewis and the Chargers march back off the field to drink Gatorade on television for a small paycheck.

Score tied 7-7

Starting from their own 34-yard line, Smith continues going the wrong way with a 6-yard loss. Dickerson can't make up any ground for his partner, and so Schroeder saves his punter's leg with another throw to Gill Byrd on the Chargers' 46-yard line.

Anthony Miller handles Humphries' hot potato after pulling in a flea flicker in coverage at the Los Angeles 15-yard line. Lewis converts another touchdown for San Diego, open in the back of the end zone for his second score in as many drives.

San Diego leads 14-7

Watching their lead blown in the same amount of time it takes Jay Schroeder's hair to clump up in the drain, the Raiders get to work at midfield. The quarterback's first pass is thrown 20 yards over anyone's head. His transgression is rewarded with his line opening up to Henry Rolling to tackle Schroeder for a loss of 9. Schroeder connects on a rare pass to Willie Gault, though the Olympian is just inches short of the 1st down.

Quarter Four
Los Angeles makes the decision of their tumultuous season with a Smith run on 4th and inches. The troubled back picks up the greatest 2 yards of his career, setting up for a late-game drive that sees Schroeder on the run for 11 yards into San Diego hallowed ground. It's another salty situation two plays later when, facing 3rd-and-11, Schroeder laces a beauty to Dickerson that picks up the 11 yards needed, plus another 10, to get within the Chargers' 10-yard line. Smith picks up his second touchdown of the day with a 6 yard score that puts his total on the day somewhere near 0.

Score tied 14-14

Back to square one at their own 8-yard line, the Chargers run a reverse that has Nate Lewis gain 25 yards. A positive sign for the team just minutes away from a possible pennant, Humphries lobs a flea flicker to Anthony Miller for his third touchdown pass after being shut out in the first half.

San Diego leads 21-14

The Chargers dare Los Angeles with a short kick to Sam Graddy that has the returner starting his team near midfield. With just under 2 minutes to go for an offense that needs about 3, the Raiders get to work with a strange call to Steve Smith that has the back running 5 yards. Another questionable call goes Los Angeles' way when Dickerson dodges a couple San Diego blockers at the line and streaks his way down the field for a 48-yard gain. Not fooling any judges for offensive coordinating of the year, Los Angeles still caps an impressive late-game drive with Dickerson bursting his way into the end zone.

Score tied 21-21

A man possessed, Nate Lewis crosses midfield with the kickoff and gets to the Raiders' 42-yard line. With just 10 seconds left and about 30 yards out of Carney range, San Diego plays it safe with a Lewis reverse that's wiped out for no gain.

Overtime

In our second overtime game in as many weeks, Los Angeles wins the toss and bravely elects to receive. Apparently saving his leg for such a situation, John Carney rails one off to Graddy who still manages to get the ball out to his team's 32-yard line. Schroeder needs not look off any defenders with Tim Brown left wide open along the sidelines. He saves his quarterback with a leaping catch that he carries to the San Diego 2-yard line, generously allowing our first Jeff Jaeger field goal sighting. The accomplished kicker makes just his 8th field goal of the year, though it's one that'll keep the bottles corked and the cake stale in San Diego.

Final: Raiders 24, Chargers 21 (OT)

San Diego was a different team in this, their second Monday Night game in three weeks. They fell short when it counted by choosing to arrive late to the game after fitting themselves for Division Champion t-shirts. Stan Humphries came alive in the 2nd quarter, showing off why he's still Top 5 material in the league, though their one-dimensional attack may have other possible playoff contenders licking their chops. The Raiders were the weaker team in this match-up, but with the any-day attitude of the league they were able to pull up their big boy pants and put on a rather decent game once they got going. Schroeder didn't make any fans miss Todd Marinovich in his return, though he also didn't make any believers out of a fan base needing to win out for any shot. It was a fun game in its own little capsule, and a sight for fans wondering what could have been in the AFC West.
 

 

Week Thirteen: Toilet Bowl Helmets

This is the week that our writers here at the Tecmo Bowl start running out of hyperbole to describe the season with, so instead we'll just reinforce the immense importance each of these last few games have to the survival of the teams still in the race. Nobody outside of the Phoenix Cardinals has yet been mathematically eliminated from the race, though we have a minor inkling that's about to change. We'll wrap up our third quarter of football play with some exciting match-ups and bloody rivalries renewed, so let's go forth and examine how many ways from Sunday that Derrick Thomas can symbolize the fortunes of his 1992 Kansas City Chiefs.

1:00 Games

Seattle (3-8) * Denver (5-6)

Gelbaugh came unglued in a desperation game for the Seattle squad, throwing 303 yards with a nearly 80% completion rate to keep his Seahawks on the bubble. Denver's quest for an unexpected playoff spot is stalled, perhaps until next season, when Elway reverted to his sub-par play of just 136 yards passing and an interception. It's inspiring to see Seattle show this type of resilience, though tape of their first 11 games shouldn't even be shown in a military detention camp. 

Final Score: Seahawks 38, Broncos 17

Dallas (7-4) * New York Giants (3-8)

In the first of just four intra-divisional match-ups today, Dallas all but puts New York out their long-standing misery with another stellar day from Emmitt Smith, taking on another 93 yards to his league-leading total. Jeff Hostetler wasn't entirely incompetent, throwing 0 interceptions to 219 yards, though he was bested by his counterpart in Troy Aikman, who is finally clicking and finding his star receivers consistently, such as Michael Irvin and his 106 yards on 4 catches. 

Final Score: Cowboys 34, Giants 24

Washington (6-5) * Phoenix (1-10)

The little bro bashing continues with Washington tacking on another win against the lowly Cardinals behind Mark Rypien and his accurate arm. Gary Clark adds his name to the hit list of Phoenix's bullies with 105 receiving yards and 5 catches. For the Cardinals, Johnny Johnson was the favorite target, catching the ball twice for 65 yards and signifying the state of the Phoenix offense. The defending NFC champions are making another surge in the NFC East, much to the chagrin of ageists everywhere.

Final Score: Redskins 34, Cardinals 24

Green Bay (4-7) * Tampa Bay (4-7)

Two teams going nowhere in the NFC Central meet in a contest that has Vinny Testaverde out-passing Brett Favre 342 yards to 108. Lawrence Dawsey has the type of day current fantasy players pay Benjamins for with 164 yards receiving on just 5 throws from Testaverde. With the loss, Green Bay is sniffing the six feet of soil they're about to be buried under. The first season for coach Mike Holmgren and Favre has been forgettable, leaving us to wonder what the future holds for sexting in this alternate dimension.

Final Score: Buccaneers 38, Packers 20

Minnesota (8-3) * L.A. Rams (5-6)

The Rams flavor of Los Angeles wins a huge game for themselves while also stalling the stumbling Vikings. Quarterback Jim Everett continued the trend of the tremendous quarterback this week with 311 yards tossed, throwing 4 completions to rookie tight end Jim Price for 131 yards. Rich Gannon, in his campaign to be the worst quarterback to lead his team to a division championship, threw just 171 yards with 3 picks and now Minnesota is treacherously close to tripping on their own shoelaces with Chicago taking the inside track.

Final Score: Rams 35, Vikings 21

Indianapolis (2-9) * Buffalo (6-5)

It was the closest the Colts came to their first win since Week 2, but they were once again thwarted by a Buffalo team rising from the ashes. Thurman Thomas pushes his way into MVP talks with another day of 100+ yards, this time on just 7 attempts. Jeff George played his best game during the streak, throwing 304 yards and completing his passes 75% of the time. Nonetheless, Buffalo gets into the wild card race, while the Colts cap off an unmatchable futility streak by mathematically eliminating themselves from contention.

Final Score: Bills 35, Colts 28

Kansas City (2-9) * New York Jets (6-4-1)

The Jets tried their hardest to give Kansas City a shot behind Browning Nagle's 22% completion and just 44 yards thrown, but their own defense ruined it by crushing Krieg and just allowing 126 yards with 2 picks. The 'D' of New York has been their only hope in this 1992 season, and the seemingly undesired win keeps them in a suddenly hotly contested race in the AFC East. The Chiefs are out of the playoffs, though we're certain Derrick Thomas had his La Quinta card punched back in mid-October.

Final Score: Jets 14, Chiefs 10

Houston (7-4) * Detroit (3-8)

The Lions were the talk of Thanksgiving last week, but it was back to business as usual against Houston. The Oilers continue to soar back into the head of the class behind none other than Warren Moon and his 240 yards. Barry Sanders falls back into his rut after just one game, only meeting 55 yards on 12 attempts, though he did add 68 more with 2 receptions from Rodney Peete who seemingly couldn't find anyone else. The Lions join Kansas City and the Colts in the dried-up kiddie pool with the loss.

Final Score: Oilers 23, Lions 17

New Orleans (9-2) * Miami (7-3-1)
In a potential Tecmo Bowl meet-up, the Saints fail to be the first team to 10 wins after a 13-0 run in the 4th quarter by Miami. Up until that point, the man they call Ironhead, Craig Heyward led the early games in rushing with 135 yards on just 7 attempts for a nearly 20-yard per rush average. The stat somewhat covers up the glaring off-day by Bobby Hebert with just 122 yards and 2 picks despite an otherwise 75% completion rate. Not even Marino's AA coach could cover up his 27% and 88 yards, however.

Final Score: Dolphins 23, Saints 21

4:00 Games

Cleveland (5-6) * Chicago (7-4)

The Bears win a game of two teams heading in separate directions. The Browns lose their fourth straight and are now hanging on a thread in both their division and within the wild card discussion. Mike Tomczak still bested Jim Harbaugh in the air with 244 yards passing to Wild Jim's 175 and 2 picks, 125 of those to back-up runner Neal Anderson. With a different player losing the game for Cleveland each week, it was Matt Stover who was struck by the lightning of the Tecmo Gods with his first missed extra point of the year.

Final Score: Bears 21, Browns 20

Atlanta (8-3) * New England (3-9)

Steve Broussard's uncharacteristic 105 yards rushing on 12 attempts was overshadowed by rising star in Kevin Turner, who racked up 112 of his own in a losing effort for New England. After leading his team to a big win last week against the Jets, Turner's output couldn't be matched through the air by Hugh Millen who was torched by Atlanta's Chris Miller 264 yards to 147. With the win, the Falcons keep the fire hot at the heels of New Orleans leading up to their huge tussle next week. 

Final Score: Falcons 31, Patriots 21

San Francisco (8-3) * Philadelphia (8-3)

In this sure to be a tasty playoff preview, the Eagles eke one out against San Francisco, delivering upon the mighty behemoths of the West their third loss in four games and second in a row. Steve Young and Mike Sherrard continue to build their chemistry with 139 yards between themselves, but fell to Herschel Walker's career day of 151 yards on 12 attempts, making up for a paltry 104 yard showing by Randall Cunningham. With the win, the Eagles take sole ownership of the East and knock the Giants out of contention.

Final Score: Eagles 28, 49ers 24

Pittsburgh (7-4) * Cincinnati (5-6)

The honeymoon is over for the Steelers at the expense of divisional hangers-on in Cincinnati, who put up 28 points on the scoreboard in the 2nd half. Barry Foster continued his MVP-like season as a threat not just behind the line, but as a receiver with 114 yards on just 4 catches. The quarterback battle was a wash between O'Donnell and Esiason, with similar completion ratings and Esiason winning in yards but not interceptions, throwing two more than Neil. Warren Moon's bender is back on.

Final Score: Bengals 35, Steelers 21

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The story of each season appears to be: As go the Raiders, as goes the AFC West. With the Denver loss, only the Raiders remain as a threat to San Diego's foregone division championship. A win can delay the celebration another week, while their loss will have the Chargers celebrating on a nationally televised evening as the remaining divisions appear to be headed to Week 17 undecided. Stan Humphries hasn't shown signs of stopping, though Eric Dickerson will hope to shed defenders like corn popping. The task could be dealt to Todd Marinovich to keep his team alive, but with his lights turned way down low, let it Schroe, let it Schroe, let it Schroe.