Looking Ahead: Week Sixteen

A long season is nearing its inevitable close, and yet we've just one champion in our midst: the San Diego Chargers. With only one team riding the magic carpet into the playoffs, it's going to be a bloodbath come Sunday as the rest are just a win (or loss from a rival) away from the crown. While not all of these match-ups contain divisional dust-ups and seem less significant than others, they all play some role, major or minor, in the calculating of algorithms that decide the destiny of each of our teams still in the hunt. The apocalypse is about to come 20 years early for a few of our beloved squads, and all we can say here is that the people we are today aren't going to be the same people we'll be once Monday morning hits. Let's get the rations ready.

The early games feature many teams still hanging on by their dirty, chipped fingernails to any playoff hopes. A year out from an improbable division championship, the Rams are now just a loss away from elimination, while even a win against the Packers has them scoreboard watching. Though Cleveland was just wiped from contention in the AFC Central, a division they had no business winning anyway, they still see light at the end of the tunnel should they beat their big brothers in Houston. Atlanta and Dallas meet in an NFC affair with playoff implications, while the Chargers hope to avenge their loss to the Raiders by knocking the silver and black bullies out of playoff consideration altogether.

Perhaps the most interesting match-up of the early games is one that could have been a de facto division championship between the Dolphins and Jets. Though New York is out of their own divisional race after sinking 4 of their last 5 games, they still hold the executioner's axe in the wild card race. Thanks to their tie game against Miami earlier in the year, they now hold the advantage over Cleveland, Cincinnati and Los Angeles, and a win would all-but behead all three teams' hopes of any postseason life. Meanwhile, San Francisco looks to get back in the NFC West, though with two games to go they may have found they waited too long. They'll need some help from Buffalo against New Orleans. The Bills, using a late-season 5-game win streak, are keeping Miami's heels a bit hotter than they'd like in the AFC East. And finally, we urge you to not avert your eyes despite how much you may desire to as Minnesota and Pittsburgh battle to see who wants out of the playoffs the most in their respective divisions.

Aside from Chicago trying to avoid a spoiler loss against Detroit to possibly leapfrog the Vikings, our late games mean nothing, and would quite possibly be a good time to plow yourself out of the snow fort nature built around your house over the weekend. Or get your special someone something from the Tecmo Bowl store for the holidays.

And finally, we're proud to present our final featured game in the Tecmo Bowl 1992 season. The Philadelphia Eagles return to the spotlight for the first time since Week One, where they'll take on reigning NFC Champions, the Washington Redskins. Washington was all but left for dead just a few weeks ago, yet suddenly they're back in the picture. Just as they did a year ago, the Redskins are more than ready to give the nearly-crowned Eagles a battle to the finish tape. Washington took Philadelphia to the limit in Week 7, and this time it's a do-or-die situation. Be here for this special Wednesday Night Football match-up when your Wii U inevitably bursts into flames the morning after Christmas.

***************************************************************************************

AFC

2 Games to Go

(^=playoffs *=division #=home field)

AFC East

^Miami (10-3-1) DIVISION with win OR BUF loss

Buffalo (9-5) -1.5 (Lose and out OR MIA win and out)

NY Jets (7-6-1) E

New England (4-10) E

Indianapolis (4-10) E

AFC Central

^Houston (10-4) DIVISION with win OR PIT loss

Pittsburgh (8-6) -2 (Lose and out OR HOU win and out)

Cleveland (7-7) E

Cincinnati (6-8) E

AFC West

*San Diego (10-4)

LA Raiders (6-8) E

Denver (5-9) E

Seattle (4-10) E

Kansas City (3-11) E

Wild Card

Buffalo (9-5) WILD CARD with win OR JET OR CLE loss

Pittsburgh (8-6) WILD CARD with win AND JET OR CLE loss

NY Jets (7-6-1) WILD CARD with win AND CLE, CIN, and RAI losses

Cleveland (7-7) -.5 (Lose AND JET win and out)

Cincinnati (6-8) -1.5 (Lose and out OR JET win and out)

LA Raiders (6-8) -1.5 (Lose and out OR JET win and out)

Denver (5-9) E

Seattle (4-10) E

New England (4-10) E

Indianapolis (4-10) E

Kansas City (3-11) E

 NFC

2 Games to Go

(^=playoffs *=division #=home field)

NFC East

Philadelphia (10-4) DIVISION with win AND DAL, WAS loss

Dallas (9-5) (Lose AND PHI win and out)

Washington (8-6) -2 (Lose and out OR PHI win and out)

NY Giants (5-9) E

Phoenix (2-12) E

NFC Central

Minnesota (9-5)

Chicago (9-5)

Tampa Bay (5-9) E

Detroit (4-10) E

Green Bay (4-10) E

NFC West

Atlanta (11-3) DIVISION with win AND NO loss

New Orleans (10-4) -1 (Lose AND ATL win and out)

San Francisco (9-5) -2 (Lose and out OR ATL win and out)

LA Rams (7-7) E

Wild Card

New Orleans (10-4) WILD CARD with win AND SF, DAL or CHI loss

San Francisco (9-5)

Dallas (9-5)

Chicago (9-5)

Washington (8-6) -1 (Lose AND any 2 of SF, DAL or CHI win and out)

LA Rams (7-7) -2 (Lose and out OR any 2 of SF, DAL or CHI win and out)

Tampa Bay (5-9) E

NY Giants (5-9) E

Detroit (4-10) E

Green Bay (4-10) E

Phoenix (2-12) E

Monday Night Football: Chicago vs Pittsburgh

Two teams on the verge of an improbable playoff berth meet up tonight in a make-or-break game. And speaking of 'breaking', both teams have a propensity for turning limbs in the wrong direction and making skin turn unnatural shades of purple when they're through. It's hard to think either team could be prepared for extra-curricular games whether they win or not, so we should extend our gratitude for their exhibition of the following bloodbath. Should points somehow be scored, we'll have to tack that up as a bonus.


Quarter One
Rookie Darren Lewis out of Texas A&M takes the short Gary kick to his team's 39-yard line. Coach Ditka sends out his scrap heap of an offense, led by the beaten and battered Jim Harbaugh, who proceeds to get things rolling with a pass to Wendell Davis that shears the grass about 10 yards in front of his intended receiver. The ball is given to the ghost of Neal Anderson who runs up the middle for 3 yards, followed up by a more successful gallop of 16 after breaking a few tackles at the line. Davis is a bit closer to the ball on Harbaugh's first down pass, though the Steelers defense is prepared with double coverage of the star receiver. On second down, Harbaugh launches the ball in Keith Jennings' direction instead, and the open receiver lays out for the pass to punch an exclamation point on Chicago's impressive opening drive.

Chicago leads 7-0

Able-bodied Dwight Stone fails to cross over his team's 10-yard line on the kickoff, putting his team in a precarious position against one of the NFL's most advantageous defenses. Mike Singletary starts the party for the Bears' defense with a sack of Neil O'Donnell to the 2-yard line. Barry Foster gets some positive yardage on second down with a 6-yard run to open up some breathing room, though it's still 1 yard too short when Dick Dent barrels around the line, undetected, for a safety of O'Donnell.

Chicago leads 9-0

Lewis fumbles the kick return, though the Pittsburgh fans in attendance are forced to exhale disappointment when the Bears' special teams bails him out with the recovery. From the 40-yard line, Brad Muster takes control with two runs of nearly 20 yards to boost the immediate sales of neck rolls across the country. The streaking drive nearly comes to a grinding halt when Harbaugh throws a dangerous pass into coverage. He's saved for one more play with even Pittsburgh being averse to his throws, though he'd more than likely give it back after Greg Lloyd indents his body into the field and picks up his fumble for a long return to the Chicago 40-yard line.

Quarter Two
Merrill Hoge makes his presence known with three straight runs to start Pittsburgh's next drive. The first one goes for 4 yards, while the second goes for 6. The third goes for -25 when he bobbles the ball at the line and Ron Cox runs it back for Chicago.

Tom Waddle continues his All-Star campaign for Chicago with a 20-yard reception he's forced to lay out for. With his spotlight apparently burning a bit too bright, Waddle fumbles the ball away after another 15-yard reception, allowing Davis  to scoop it up and run a few more yards. Brad Muster keeps Neal on the oxygen reserves with two runs netting 11 yards for a first down to the Pittsburgh 15, though it's the ghost of Chicago's past who is open in the flat for a touchdown catch. Neal's now up to 9 receiving touchdowns to 0 rushing, making about as much sense as Chicago's gargantuan lead over Pittsburgh after just a quarter and a half.

Chicago leads 16-0

Stone breaks open a big return to the Pittsburgh 39-yard line, setting his team up for just their fifth offensive play of the game. It starts off innocently enough with Foster bumping into his own line, before he breaks through and tears down the field to the Chicago 9-yard line. With a bit of time to spare, the Steelers try to get inventive with a Hoge run up the middle that's stuffed at the 2-yard line. Pittsburgh is rewarded for their cuteness with a Singletary sack of O'Donnell for a 9-yard loss, putting them in a 3rd-and-goal situation from the 11-yard line. O'Donnell finds tight end Adrian Cooper at the 3-yard line, though the Bears are waiting for him like hungry...bears. Defeated, the Steelers send Gary Anderson out to chip in a 20-yarder as the half comes to a close.

Chicago leads 16-3

Halftime - Bears 16, Steelers 3

Quarter Three

Pittsburgh gets chance number two after Stone's return to the 27-yard line. Jeff Graham out of Dayton, Ohio, makes a remarkable grab at the 42-yard line. When Foster and Hoge are both stopped at the line on consecutive plays, O'Donnell goes back to the air and finds Graham open once more for a 49-yard gain after a long run along the sidelines. With the hit out, Graham cautiously avoids O'Donnell's next pass, putting the ball back in Foster's hands. He runs to the 2-yard line, setting up an opportune 1st-and-goal situation that sees Merril Hoge run backwards and Graham once again punting the ball that comes his way. On a big 4th-and-1, the man that should have gotten the ball 3 plays ago does so and Foster runs into the end zone untouched.

Chicago leads 16-10

Beginning at their own 25, Chicago is looking to answer Pittsburgh's first big score. Their ensuing drive offers up more questions, however, with Harbaugh faking a run and throwing to Anderson's back followed by a hobbled Anderson getting washed over by a wave of Steelers. On 3rd and 9, David Little has Harbaugh questioning which day of the week it is with a big sack to stamp an impressive defensive stop.

Stone rides the momentum to the Pittsburgh 40-yard line on the punt return. Foster, second only to the cyborg in Dallas, continues his breakout campaign with a 35-yard run that puts Chicago on their heels long enough to set up O'Donnell's beautiful rainbow pass to Graham for the tight-end's much deserved touchdown to give Pittsburgh their first lead.

Pittsburgh leads 17-16

Gary Anderson kicks the ball off his ankle, giving Chicago good field position at their own 44-yard line. Muster pulls in a nice 18-yard grab just in time to flip the field and get his team driving.

Quarter Four
The fourth quarter starts off a bit slower for the Bears, with Muster only mustering 2 yards and Jennings tickling the bottom of the aired out ball on 2nd down. Muster gets just 3 more yards, putting Kevin Butler on the field to attempt a 52-yarder. The ball sails about as far right as Mike Ditka's new aorta will after his next bypass surgery.
 
O'Donnell starts the pity party with a needled pass to Cooper up the middle for a 15-yard gain, followed by another 10-yarder to Graham. Those two plays will have to remain in his obituary, however, after he's buried on two straight sacks from Mike Singletary netting 18 yards in the negative. On 3rd-and-28, O'Donnell's fractured body attempts play action, though it's possible he actually was trying to give the ball away, leaving his splintered and wobbly arm to lob up a lame duck for Donnell Woolford to intercept for a late-game chance to put his Bears back in the lead.

The Anderson-Muster duo gets off to a slow start with just 2 combined yards, and though Harbaugh's cross-body pass to Davis sails hopelessly wild, Singletary's effectively positive yardage for the Bears is enough for Butler's second chance from 47. His kick is straight and true this time, allowing Chicago fans to rejoice with just over a minute to go.

Chicago leads 19-17

After a hefty kick from Butler, the Steelers are staring at a long field from their own 3-yard line. Hoge heroically makes it a memory with a 40-yard saunter after dodging a near-tackle in his own end zone, followed by another run to midfield as the clock hits the minute mark. Two plays later and facing 3rd-and-8, however, O'Donnell opts to use his arm but finds his beard out of lucky strokes as his pass falls harmlessly incomplete. Going for broke on 4th down, Hoge tries to catch the Bears' 'D' off guard once more, which he nearly does when Chicago gives up 7 of the 8 needed yards. 

Final: Bears 19, Steelers 17

It's hard to say who needed the game more, though it appears the Bears played as if they did with a busy day from their defense, namely Mike Singletary and his 4 sacks, as well as an effective-enough Jim Harbaugh taking advantage of opportunities to steal the win from the Steelers. Barry Foster had a monster day from an average back's perspective, though he didn't have an answer for the tough Chicago defense when it mattered most. Meanwhile, the usually quiet Jeff Graham had a solid day wasted, though his performance showed off yet another weapon for the Steelers who, despite the loss, still control their destiny going into the wild card race. The Bears are playing tough late, and as long as the Vikings continue to collapse, their blowout losses earlier in the season could be distant memories as they neck roll through the playoffs.
 

Week Fifteen: Champagne Wishes, Infirmary Dreams

Like many an opposing quarterback, the pieces of Anthony Pleasant's broken rib puzzle are beginning to fall into place in Week 15. Many teams are one or two steps away from postseason promises and January dreams fulfilled. Eight teams are already out of the running, with a few more hanging dangerously close off the precipice. While some are in control of their own destinies, there are a select few hanging on to hopes of a fractured Chris Miller fibula or Warren Moon concussion to stay alive. Let's take a look at who's flowers and balloons will find a home in the infirmary after this week.

 

1:00 Games

Miami (9-3-1) * L.A. Raiders (6-7) 

With the Chargers playing in what may feel like their own backyard, the Raiders see their hopes for a miraculous division surge come toppling down in the end. Despite outplaying the Dolphins throughout the majority of the game, the loss of Eric Dickerson right after halftime spelled doom for Los Angeles, as even an underwhelming Dan Marino performance of 190 yards and a pick was enough to earn Miami a few cases of bubbly, courtesy of Stan Humphries.

Final Score: Dolphins 24, Raiders 20

San Diego (9-4) * Cincinnati (6-7)

The Chargers were already in celebratory mode with a coasting victory over Cincinnati, but when the clock hit triple-0 in Miami they knew it was time to party. The Bengals are bounced from the AFC Central race with the loss, allowing themselves to be run over by Rod Bernstine for 126 yards on just 12 carries. Boomer Esiason was a one-man rally killer for his team, throwing 3 picks to let a close game unravel in the end. The Chargers are the first lucky crew to see their names in 8-bit monochromatic, pixellated glory. 

Final Score: Chargers 28, Bengals 14

Indianapolis (3-10) * N.Y. Jets (7-5-1)

In what was, at one time, a two-team race in the AFC East, the Jets lose their fourth game in five attempts to have the final threads of their AFC East divisional hopes severed. One way to highlight the fact that you're a team of also-rans is to be beaten senseless by a team that at one point had lost 10 straight. Jeff George had his way with the normally stout Jets' defense, tossing up 264 yards with no interceptions. And somehow, the 10-game losing streak looks less offensive than Browning Nagle's 27% completion and just 89 yards. 

Final Score: Colts 31, Jets 20

Atlanta (10-3) * Tampa Bay (5-8)

Tampa Bay kept things tight with Atlanta all the way into overtime, with Vinny lobbing up 266 yards, 71 to his back-up running back in Anthony McDowell. Meanwhile, Chris Miller moved from dark horse to favorite in the MVP talks with another huge day of 366 yards, though Keith Jones was the fantasy darling with 202 yards receiving. Their victory does double duty of keeping the Rams from repeating in the West, while also delivering upon Tampa Bay a one-way ticket to a prolonged Christmas vacation. 

Final Score: Falcons 27, Buccaneers 24 (OT)

Detroit (4-9) * Cleveland (6-7)

The Browns pick up another big win against an unpredictable Lions squad that very well could have sent them packing to the promised land. Barry Sanders had a solid day of 92 yards rushing, though he was a man apart from his team with Rodney Peete's poor performance of just 114 yards with a pick. Mike Tomczak played like the elite quarterback he always insisted he was, chucking 229 yards with a 76% completion percentage, keeping the Browns in the hunt.

Final Score: Browns 28, Lions 7

Washington (7-6) * Dallas (9-4)

The biggest game of the early grouping had Washington come out the victors, defending their honor in a tough divisional battle behind a strong defense and Mark Rypien's return to prominence, throwing nearly perfect for 236 yards. The impenetrable duo of Troy Aikman and Emmitt Smith were stymied, combining for just 175 yards between them, and suddenly Washington is back in the race to defend their crown. And after what occurred last season, we're ready to go all in with any remaining chips from Ricky Sanders' Vegas bender.

Final Score: Redskins 31, Cowboys 7

Buffalo (8-5) * Denver (5-8)

In a game that was more important for Denver to win than for Buffalo to lose, John Elway succumbed to the pressure and returned to his early season slump. Though his 283 yards bested Jim Kelly's unsurprisingly lackluster 166, his proclivity for picks kept his Broncos from keeping up with the Bills. Denver falls out of a race they had no business being in, while the Bills are suddenly back in one we counted them out of after racking up their fifth win in a row.

Final Score: Bills 29, Broncos 17

Green Bay (4-9) * Houston (9-4)

The ill-experienced Packers had a big ticket to punch with Houston, and in a game that Favre needed to be at his boyishly brilliant best he succumbed to the big lights and threw up 2 picks with just 219 yards. Warren Moon's 90% completion and 300-yard barrier busting all but cemented him the passing crown, and their win has the presses stopped on Cleveland's improbable Division Champions t-shirt run. Houston is heating up at just the right time for a Tecmo Bowl repeat.

Final Score: Oilers 38, Packers 22

New Orleans (9-4) * L.A. Rams (7-6)

After feasting on their own division for much of the second half of the season, the Rams lost their bite after seeing Atlanta's win on the scoreboard. New Orleans squeaked by despite all of Bobby Hebert's attempts at throwing away a second game, this time fighting for just 112 yards aside from an eye-popping 5 interceptions. The Saints keep at Atlanta's heels, though their early-season thrusting has their tanks dangerously crossing over the 'E' line at perhaps the worst time for their surprising season.

Final Score: Saints 16, Rams 14

4:00 Games

Philadelphia (9-4) * Seattle (4-9)

The Eagles floated to a win in their late game with Dallas losing earlier on, claiming sole possession of first despite dozing through the Seahawks behind Randall Cunningham's 133 yards and 2 interceptions. His somnambulist line looked downright inspired next to Zombie Gelbaugh's own 65 yards and 3 picks, leading some in the Seattle press to think he's taking money under the table from Dan McGwire. With the win, the Eagles take the reins of their own destiny around the final curve of the season.

Final Score: Eagles 19, Seahawks 7

Kansas City (3-10) * New England (3-10)

The AFC sewer rats collide in the muck and grime of this late season affair, and in the end the Patriots spare us with a late field goal to win. The bright spot that continues to burn into the diseased flesh of New England is Kevin Turner, who picked up 97 yards on the ground and another 117 in the air. A man who plays this hard on a team destined to nest beneath the trash at the bottom of a subway rail says a lot about resolve and responsibility, something Dave Krieg could pay a portion of his enormous salary to learn about.

Final Score: Patriots 31, Chiefs 28

San Francisco (8-5) * Minnesota (9-4)

It was a contest we could see in the postseason, though the Vikings wouldn't like to admit it. With everyone from Tom Rathman, who ran 103 yards on just 13 attempts, to Steve Young to even the 49ers' underestimated defense rolling over Minnesota, it was a lopsided effort that shows one team ready to take over the playoffs and another oblivious to the fact that it's only a few short weeks away. The Vikings go back to regroup, their eyes a little more fixed on the Monday Night game to commence tomorrow.

Final Score: 49ers 31, Vikings 7

Phoenix (2-11) * N.Y. Giants (4-9)

The Giants looked like the team playing for a playoff position a season ago with Jeff Hostetler finally waking up before the game to throw 291 yards and completing 76% of his passes. Phoenix removed their world-beater masks early on in this one, a week removed from stalling San Diego in their quest for a championship. The Cardinals reverted to their woeful ways with Chandler throwing picks and third-stringer Larry Centers leading the rushing attack, clinching the one thing nobody doubted they'd clinch this season: last place in the NFC East.

Final Score: Giants 24, Cardinals 16

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Bears and Steelers are two teams of angry, brutish men fighting for a glass slipper. Cinderella representations from their respective Central divisions, these two meet in a late season battle that leaves the winner with a great chance at some great things in the postseason. The loser, on the other hand, will have to keep the night alive as long as possible before watching any hopes they've developed over their own late-season surge turn back into the rotten pumpkin they started the year with. The Bears have been victims of three separate blowouts, while Pittsburgh's greatest margin of victory during their exciting six-game streak was only 7. Something's going to give in our Monday Night contest, and as long as it's not Barry Foster's sternum when Mike Singletary runs headlong into him, the Steelers have a good chance to be asked to the ball by a handsome prince.