Looking Ahead: Week Five

It's Week Five, folks. We called Week Two "Separation Sunday", where the 1-0s tried to move farther from the 0-1s. Things didn't go as we predicted, of course, as Tecmo never does. Maybe we jumped the gun; however, I don't admit to mistakes. And I don't look back. Neither will the teams presented in this docket of games. There are some teams that have had a few roadblocks, and others that haven't been playing up to their potential. But with Week 5 here already, it's time for some of those teams to break out from the pack. I'm looking at you, New Orleans.

Schroeder doesn't understand golf scoring, either

The first slate of games are sure to kick off the short-listed schedule off with a bang. The Los Angeles Raiders travel just a few miles north to San Francisco, hot off a blowout win against Atlanta. The 49ers, meanwhile, haven't had a breather since their Week One win, losing three in a row and falling behind the Rams early on. They're still favored over the faltering Raiders, with their fourth-ranked run defense up against the two-headed demon known as Bo and Marcus. Who will give in first? We're going with Jay Schroeder's rubber band arm.

Another early game to watch will be the Colts marching to the great Northwest Territory to battle the Seahawks. The Colts started off strong, but lost a shocker in Detroit to put them at 2-2. Being that we're huge Albert Bentley supporters (in the fan sense), we're hoping they're not petering out already, and this match-up against the 3-1 Seahawks will most likely be the litmus test of the Colts' staying power. The AFC West, meanwhile, has been one of the best divisions early on, and Seattle can't trip up here if they want to keep up with Denver and San Diego. Like two Cy Young pitchers going in a do-or-die game, Dave Krieg and Jeff George will need to be the leaders to take their team to the next level, or in George's case, to take to the hair-grafting clinic.

It will also be hard to look away from the Giants in Dallas, as they try to continue their comeback tour against a divisional rival that has been surprisingly dominant. Two other surprising 3-1 teams collide in the Twin Cities as the Broncos visit the Vikings. We think only one of these teams is for real, and if you need a clue, the team that will win will be the one with a quarterback that went on to win two Super Bowls and become a successful Vice President of his team, and not the one that got busted for using HGH.

Note: There are 28 more Pro 'Running Backs' after No.2

The late afternoon games are all about heavy hitters locking up and settling some bets. Three of the four games feature teams that are all 3-1 (a combined 18-6 record), while the odd game out will probably get cancelled due to a Ringling Bros. Circus coming to town. We can't tell which one will provide the most playoff implications, but perhaps the one with the NFC East divisional leaders will provide the most coke dealers. We're hoping for a return to glory for QB Eagles, but if he's overshadowed by Mark Rypien, well, we know we won't be able to blame the guy.

With Sunday Night games cancelled until the bye weeks are over, we move to Monday Night Football, and a key AFC West match-up in San Diego. The Chargers stumbled last week after a quick 3-0 start, while the Chiefs lost as well for the second time in a row. If De Berg was looking for a breakout game, there couldn't be a more perfect time than in South Cali against a divisional rival that's currently in the lead. We're thinking this game will come down to the Nightmare from Nigeria versus the man named Butts, and with Kansas City's defense, and the inability for most of the Chargers to point out Nigeria on a map, we say advantage: Chiefs. We had Kansas City winning the Wild West, with San Diego only eking out 5 wins, and so the Chiefs will need to buck up. Otherwise, I'll be spending the rest of the week wiping egg yolk out of my eyebrows.

Hitting Power 88 = 88 mangled defenders

But don't take my word for it; here are the standings, as read by a bunch of loud-mouthed children:

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AFC

NFC

Byes: Houston Oilers, Cleveland Browns, Cincinnati Bengals, Pittsburgh Steelers