Looking Ahead: Week Seventeen

Strike up the band, we're headed into the final regular season of Tecmo Bowl. Seventeen weeks ago, we were advised to avoid this nonsense for another year. Instead, we forged through to another successful season of broken bones and, after this week, broken hearts. The AFC has their three kings on their thrones, though the wild card has five teams all jammed in the neck of the bottle jockeying for position. The NFC, meanwhile, has seven teams fighting for six spots, though the positioning of those six is anyone's guess. They say when there's no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth. Let's hope Browning Nagle stays buried when the seeds are finally locked up in the hell of the NFL postseason.

***************************************************************************************

AFC East
Not only has Miami cinched up an AFC East title, they also sealed the deal on home field throughout the playoffs with last week's win. Meanwhile, it's been six weeks since the Bills lost a game, a surge good enough to give them a wild card berth. For the Jets, however, those past six games haven't been kind, as they went from a divisional contender to the AFC runt fighting to suckle at the teat of destiny.


New York either clinches a wild card with a win, or is eliminated with a loss. While their tie game against the Dolphins seemed certain to cloud things at the end, it now serves as a final ultimatum to Gang Green.

AFC Central
While the rest of their division played patty-cake all season, the Houston Oilers once again bubbled to the top to lay claim to the AFC Central. It wasn't always pretty, but then again with Warren Moon in charge it's not always about the looks. Cincinnati fell from grace after a promising 3-0 start to begin their campaign at a second straight postseason before going 3-9 the final 12 games. That leaves Pittsburgh and Cleveland, two old, ironclad AFC bastards still kicking out the vitals.

Playing each other with identical records, Cleveland and Pittsburgh are either in with wins, or their loss to the other means they're looking for a New York and Los Angeles loss to stay alive.

AFC West
San Diego wrapped up the West just in time to self-destruct over their last four games, losing twice to their divisional foes in Los Angeles along with a mind-rattling loss to lowly Phoenix. In line for a first-week bye, the Chargers will now need to cross their fingers for a Houston loss or a better differential. Though the rest of the AFC West resembled a graveyard this season, the Raiders have used their two late-season defeats of San Diego to get back in a competitive stance in Week 17.

Los Angeles can suit up with a win along with help from New Orleans against New York and a better differential against the loser of Cleveland/Pittsburgh.



NFC East
The Eagles were our preseason pick to take the division, and they're in good shape with a game against the floundering Giants on the schedule. However, though Philadelphia was the sexy pick, Dallas was our tight-lipped choice for the Tecmo Bowl, though their route is a bit trickier against another playoff contender in Chicago. Washington can't repeat after their Monday night loss, perhaps giving them that all-too-useless title of best team to miss out on the party.

Philadelphia is already in, and can win it all with another victory. Dallas is in the party with a win, and can take the division should Philadelphia falter.

NFC Central
Minnesota isn't the same team we saw in the Conference Championship last year, though they have an unbelievable chance to repeat with a very palatable point differential against Chicago should they both finish the way they've ran all season, neck and neck. The Vikings also win the match-up draw, getting the last-place Packers against the Bears' opponent in Dallas to conclude the season. It's really Minnesota's division to hand over, though Rich Gannon is the last person we'd trust with a silver platter.

It's pretty basic between Minnesota and Chicago, though the Vikings obviously own the tiebreaker. Either way, they're both in with a win or a San Francisco loss.

NFC West
The NFC West was a wild cluster all season long. San Francisco has found themselves on the wrong end of some distance, however, as a result of their 1-4 record over the last 5 games. They're the odd man out in the wild card race, having already been eliminated from a division that Atlanta seems to finally have a chokehold on.

Atlanta is in, and can take the division with a win. New Orleans is in with a victory, and can take the division with their sizable point differential should Atlanta lose. San Francisco needs the most help, with a win and a loss from any of the contending teams ahead of them to attempt to break a tie.


***************************************************************************************

Our featured games have seen their final days, though that doesn't mean we won't have a prying eye on some of the more curious contests this week. Though there are four spots locked up in the AFC West, there's still a lot to play for in terms of bye weeks and the final two wild cards. The NFC has three divisions with two teams each still battling for the right to having future thrift-store t-shirts printed, along with seeds 4-6 still up for grabs. Here be your list of pivotal games with additional content in Week 17:

New Orleans (10-5) at New York Jets (7-7-1)
Pittsburgh (8-7) at Cleveland (8-7)
Dallas (10-5) at Chicago (8-5)

And for the Denver fan in us all, we went back in time to visit John Elway and let him know the final results of his 1992 season. We'd share his reaction, but felt this photo really told the whole story.

 

See you on Sunday!

Week Sixteen: Jack Pardee Nipping at Your Nose

The wrapping paper is off and the plates are sitting by the sink, caked in gravy and ham grease. You're sitting there, fireplace dying out, clothed in your new bathrobe and playing with your new Poetry Processor, the sounds of the football game fizzling behind you. It's Week Sixteen in the 1992 Tecmo Season, and either you're over the whole concept of football or you're just finally feeling the drool build up in the corners of your mouth. It's the week when playoff prognoses turn into realities and most teams are forced to carry their suitcases into their locker rooms. With eyes trained to look toward the New Year, the last week in December usually gets a bum rap. It's time we spice things up around here with our penultimate pronouncements of some passionate pigskin play!

 

1:00 Games

Green Bay (4-10) * L.A. Rams (7-7) 

Playoff Implications: Rams eliminated with a loss 

Los Angeles staves off the unavoidable for now with a passable win over the disappointing Packers. With the opportunity to spoil more than just the locker room egg nog, Green Bay cashed it in early with Favre unable to hit 100 yards passing against throwing 2 interceptions and Vince Workman leading the team in rushing with 46 yards on 7 attempts. Jim Everett put up 234 yards on his own, and the flashing bulbs reading "what could have been" over his head are never more noticeable.

Final Score: Rams 19, Packers 7

Houston (10-4) * Cleveland (7-7)

Playoff Implications: Oilers claim division with win

On the verge of falling short in an otherwise surprising season, the Browns not only pulled out an upset but solidly beat a Houston team with its sights set on a second consecutive division crown. Mike Tomczak reminded Warren Moon how a hungry quarterback plays with an uncharacteristic 278 passing yards (125 to Michael Jackson) and a 78% completion rating. With the win, Cleveland not only stays alive in the wild card but takes control of their destiny with a week remaining.

Final Score: Browns 28, Oilers 14

Dallas (9-5) * Atlanta (11-3)
Playoff Implications: Falcons clinch playoff berth with win
The Falcons slip up at perhaps the worst possible time in a division that was never a cake walk, falling to the red-hot Cowboys when a win could have put them in a possible division-clinching scenario. Chris Miller played less-than-inspired with just 140 yards and 3 picks, and though Troy Aikman wasn't much more exciting with 187 passing yards, his 0 interceptions and 90% completion rating have him in good shape for a deep playoff run. They put some distance between themselves and the wild card while also keeping the heat on Philadelphia.

Final Score: Cowboys 31, Falcons 10

San Diego (10-4) * L.A. Raiders (6-8)
Playoff Implications: Raiders eliminated with a loss
The Raiders are the second California team to avoid a playoff beheading with a season sweep of the now-reigning division champion San Diego Chargers. All Jay Schroeder had to do was sit back and let Stan Humphries show off his vulnerabilities, throwing just 104 yards with 3 interceptions. The Raiders win more convincingly this time around, keeping their heels entrenched in the mud. And though the Chargers were the first team in the postseason, they're now convincing most that they'll be the first out of it as well.

Final Score: Raiders 24, Chargers 7

Cincinnati (6-8) * New England (4-10)
Playoff Implications: Bengals eliminated with a loss
Cincinnati is the first team mercifully relieved of their duties after allowing the Patriots to score a late touchdown. Though New England has been nothing short of miserable, their glowing beacon in the night continues to be Kevin Turner, who put up not only another 100+ yard rushing game, but also caught 132 yards out of the backfield on just 3 receptions. His performance is enough to spoil a second showing in two years for the Bengals, giving Boomer a chance to bow of the season out as ungraciously as he entered it.

Final Score: Patriots 24, Bengals 21

Miami (10-3-1) * N.Y. Jets (7-6-1)
Playoff Implications: Dolphins claim division with win
                        Jets eliminate Raiders with win
In a divisional playoff that should have been, the Dolphins win the season series by actually defeating their divisional foe. The Jets beat Miami on the ground and, surprisingly, through the air, with Browning Nagle out-throwing Dan Marino 218 yards to 133, though it was obvious that Miami was comfortable with sitting back and letting the Jets self-destruct as they have all season. The Dolphins are the second team to swim into the playoffs, while the Raiders are able to hold their breath for another long week with New York losing.

Final Score: Dolphins 20, Jets 17

San Francisco (9-5) * Tampa Bay (6-8)
Playoff Implications: 49ers eliminated from NFC West with loss
In what will go down as perhaps the most befuddling chapter of the 49ers already puzzling season, the Buccaneers lay waste to a San Francisco team already wasted by a late-season slump that spelled their ultimate demise. Steve Young couldn't keep up with his old team, getting out-thrown by Vinny Testaverde 272 yards to 228, and though Tampa Bay was eliminated a week ago they still surprisingly play with enough heart to spoil the party for a team that nearly had their postseason spot etched in stone just a few weeks ago.

Final Score: Buccaneers 27, 49ers 24

Buffalo (9-5) * New Orleans (10-4)
Playoff Implications: Saints clinch playoff berth with win
Though the playoffs were more than an afterthought in Saints' fans minds halfway through the season, they now find the road a little tougher after falling victim to the hottest team in the NFL. The Buffalo Bills already claimed their second postseason trip with the Jets losing to Miami, yet handling a tough team in New Orleans was just as important to prove their mettle. Thurman Thomas is firmly entrenched in MVP talks with another stellar game of 111 yards on 14 attempts before injury, though with the berth the Bills hope to have their lame horse rested come playoff time.

Final Score: Bills 23, Saints 14

Minnesota (9-5) * Pittsburgh (8-6)
Playoff Implications: Steelers eliminated, Oilers clinch AFC Central with loss
The Vikings keep themselves alive with a needed win over the Steelers, while doing double duty by booting their opponents out of an improbable division race and allowing Houston to claim another backdoor title. Pittsburgh is dangerously close to letting their schizophrenic season be their undoing, with Barry Foster's 90 yards on 9 attempts not good enough to cover Neil O'Donnell's neck-straining performance of just 22 passing yards. The Steelers need help into the playoffs, but once there it may be a matter of who's willing to take "The Beard" out to pasture anyway.

Final Score: Vikings 24, Steelers 14

4:00 Games

Denver (5-9) * Seattle (4-10)

Playoff Implications: None

John Elway had a quietly consistent game in what was set to be a snoozer in the AFC West, throwing 235 yards with 91% of his passes reaching his receivers. Stan Gelbaugh was also efficient enough, keeping the ball out of the hands of his opponents. Though the book of both teams' seasons were written and closed early on, it's still possible for them to put on a performance like this that gives us hope for seasons to come. It's also possible that playing in an empty, silent arena helps the level of play as well. 

Final Score: Broncos 28, Seahawks 24

N.Y. Giants (5-9) * Kansas City (3-11)

Playoff Implications: None

While there's one story going on with teams in the playoff hunt, there's another one going on somewhere near the bottom of the barrel between teams hustling to not be the worst when the dust is settled. Kansas City gets just their fourth win in 16 tries by playing against one of those rare quarterbacks that is actually worse than Dave Krieg in a Kansas City uniform. The game was won by Kansas City through the air, with Krieg finding the unlikely Barry Word for 101 yards, a number Hostetler only has wet dreams about.

Final Score: Chiefs 28, Giants 21

Detroit (4-10) * Chicago (9-5)

Playoff Implications: Bears eliminate Rams with win

Chicago keeps the wild card annoyingly and excitingly convoluted and crowded with a slim win over their divisional brothers in Detroit. Brad Muster and Barry Sanders ran an identical 14 times, though Muster won the ground game by 3 yards. The air battle was lackluster and somewhat depressing for a late-season battle with playoff meddling on the line for the Lions, reminding us how relieved we are to not see Detroit in a postseason chair and how nervous we are to see Jim Harbaugh harpooning the backs of receivers in a wild card contest.

Final Score: Bears 17, Lions 14

Indianapolis (4-10) * Phoenix (2-12)

Playoff Implications: Cardinals eliminate Colts from the Jimmy V Celebrity Golf 

                         Classic with win

Chris Chandler plays for his career with the number one draft pick on the line, throwing 320 yards with 78% of his passes completed and the Cardinals have a third win under their belts. Ricky Proehl remained invisible all day, racking up 226 yards on 8 catches to keep Phoenix distanced from the Colts, who still haven't recovered from the 10-consecutive loss streak that will define their illustriously unsettling season. Somewhere, the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers are uncorking another bottle of champagne.

Final Score: Cardinals 30, Colts 17

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monday Night Football

Philadelphia (10-4) * Washington (8-6)

Playoff Implications: Eagles clinch playoff berth with win

                        Redskins eliminated with loss

While most of you were nestling snugly in your beds, candy canes in your grubby clutches and all, there was a football game going on between Philadelphia and Washington. The last Monday Night contest was a fitting one, with more than just lost love on the line between the two divisional foes. A season removed from their Tecmo Bowl run, the Redskins found themselves in a do-or-die situation with Chicago and Dallas winning the day previous, while the Eagles had a chance at redemption by eliminating their pesky siblings a season after Washington came from behind to send Philadelphia packing in Week 17.

The first quarter was all about momentum, or, more appropriately, the lack thereof. Just as Philadelphia flirted with scoring, Herschel Walker dropped the first of what would be many fumbles throughout the day, allowing the Redskins the chance to turn the game around quickly. Unfortunately for them, they ran into one of the better defenses in the NFC and were forced to punt the ball back to the dangerous Randall Cunningham-led offense. Of course, as dangerous as Cunningham is to other teams, he is to his own when he threw a pick on his first pass. Mark Rypien plays hot potato with the ball, giving it back on his first play and allowing the Eagles a chance at redeeming themselves in Washington territory.

End of 1st Quarter - Eagles 0, Redskins 0

The second quarter quickly began by imitating the first, with Walker bobbling over his second fumble in the red zone. Washington once again went nowhere on their next drive, punting it back to Philadelphia. After another slow drive got its start, the rumblings in the stands began of fans fearing another Miami/New York debacle. Suddenly, Cunningham let one rip down the sideline to Freddy Barnett, picking up a svelte 47 yards. The Eagles kept the yardage positive down the rest of the field, capping it off with an exciting cross-body throw from Cunningham to Barnett that finally put a crooked number on the scoreboard just before the half.

Halftime - Eagles 7, Redskins 0

Washington took the ball to start the second half, and were immediately rewarded with an Earnest Byner injury. Fortunately, Rypien found his second biggest weapon in Ricky Ervins with a 50-yard touchdown connection that had Ervins outracing nearly all of Philadelphia's defenders. The Eagles responded with a quick drive deep into Redskins' territory, but not scoring quickly enough came back to bite them in the form of a third lost Walker fumble. Ricky Sanders told the story of Washington's next drive, taking the reverse for three straight plays that equalled 12 yards, then -5 and another -5. Ervins couldn't bail his quarterback out a second time, and Kelly Goodburn readied another punt going into the fourth quarter.

End of 3rd Quarter - Eagles 7, Redskins 7

Cunningham finally broke open for a big run, streaking for 57 yards to the Washington 33 and setting up a second Cunningham-to-Barnett connection to regain the lead. The Redskins continued the scoring flurry however, with Sanders getting his reverse on for 32 yards on 2 carries after a stellar Brian Mitchell return. Sanders capped off the drive in style with another reverse to tie the game. With enough time remaining to suck the air out of a second Tecmo Bowl trip for Washington, the Eagles drove fast and hard behind the daggers of Keith Byars, finally setting up a Calvin Williams catch-and-run up the middle to score.

Final Score: Eagles 21, Redskins 14

Knowing what was necessary to keep their dreams of a repeat alive, the Redskins found their foes in Philadelphia to be a bit more tough and hungry than they, falling short of not just another division crown but a playoff berth altogether in the midst of a highly competitive NFC field. Though the holidays were cut short for our friends from the nation's capitol, the rest of us are caught up now and ready to look ahead to the final week of blood-letting in this long and difficult 1992 season. The Eagles have the best chance to lay claim to the NFC East, and after this performance that saw them do everything outside of relenting it's almost a given. With an offense that's clicking and a defense that cracks mirrors, Philadelphia appears to not fear the short week ahead of them riding into the last week of regular season play.

Looking Ahead: Week Sixteen

A long season is nearing its inevitable close, and yet we've just one champion in our midst: the San Diego Chargers. With only one team riding the magic carpet into the playoffs, it's going to be a bloodbath come Sunday as the rest are just a win (or loss from a rival) away from the crown. While not all of these match-ups contain divisional dust-ups and seem less significant than others, they all play some role, major or minor, in the calculating of algorithms that decide the destiny of each of our teams still in the hunt. The apocalypse is about to come 20 years early for a few of our beloved squads, and all we can say here is that the people we are today aren't going to be the same people we'll be once Monday morning hits. Let's get the rations ready.

The early games feature many teams still hanging on by their dirty, chipped fingernails to any playoff hopes. A year out from an improbable division championship, the Rams are now just a loss away from elimination, while even a win against the Packers has them scoreboard watching. Though Cleveland was just wiped from contention in the AFC Central, a division they had no business winning anyway, they still see light at the end of the tunnel should they beat their big brothers in Houston. Atlanta and Dallas meet in an NFC affair with playoff implications, while the Chargers hope to avenge their loss to the Raiders by knocking the silver and black bullies out of playoff consideration altogether.

Perhaps the most interesting match-up of the early games is one that could have been a de facto division championship between the Dolphins and Jets. Though New York is out of their own divisional race after sinking 4 of their last 5 games, they still hold the executioner's axe in the wild card race. Thanks to their tie game against Miami earlier in the year, they now hold the advantage over Cleveland, Cincinnati and Los Angeles, and a win would all-but behead all three teams' hopes of any postseason life. Meanwhile, San Francisco looks to get back in the NFC West, though with two games to go they may have found they waited too long. They'll need some help from Buffalo against New Orleans. The Bills, using a late-season 5-game win streak, are keeping Miami's heels a bit hotter than they'd like in the AFC East. And finally, we urge you to not avert your eyes despite how much you may desire to as Minnesota and Pittsburgh battle to see who wants out of the playoffs the most in their respective divisions.

Aside from Chicago trying to avoid a spoiler loss against Detroit to possibly leapfrog the Vikings, our late games mean nothing, and would quite possibly be a good time to plow yourself out of the snow fort nature built around your house over the weekend. Or get your special someone something from the Tecmo Bowl store for the holidays.

And finally, we're proud to present our final featured game in the Tecmo Bowl 1992 season. The Philadelphia Eagles return to the spotlight for the first time since Week One, where they'll take on reigning NFC Champions, the Washington Redskins. Washington was all but left for dead just a few weeks ago, yet suddenly they're back in the picture. Just as they did a year ago, the Redskins are more than ready to give the nearly-crowned Eagles a battle to the finish tape. Washington took Philadelphia to the limit in Week 7, and this time it's a do-or-die situation. Be here for this special Wednesday Night Football match-up when your Wii U inevitably bursts into flames the morning after Christmas.

***************************************************************************************

AFC

2 Games to Go

(^=playoffs *=division #=home field)

AFC East

^Miami (10-3-1) DIVISION with win OR BUF loss

Buffalo (9-5) -1.5 (Lose and out OR MIA win and out)

NY Jets (7-6-1) E

New England (4-10) E

Indianapolis (4-10) E

AFC Central

^Houston (10-4) DIVISION with win OR PIT loss

Pittsburgh (8-6) -2 (Lose and out OR HOU win and out)

Cleveland (7-7) E

Cincinnati (6-8) E

AFC West

*San Diego (10-4)

LA Raiders (6-8) E

Denver (5-9) E

Seattle (4-10) E

Kansas City (3-11) E

Wild Card

Buffalo (9-5) WILD CARD with win OR JET OR CLE loss

Pittsburgh (8-6) WILD CARD with win AND JET OR CLE loss

NY Jets (7-6-1) WILD CARD with win AND CLE, CIN, and RAI losses

Cleveland (7-7) -.5 (Lose AND JET win and out)

Cincinnati (6-8) -1.5 (Lose and out OR JET win and out)

LA Raiders (6-8) -1.5 (Lose and out OR JET win and out)

Denver (5-9) E

Seattle (4-10) E

New England (4-10) E

Indianapolis (4-10) E

Kansas City (3-11) E

 NFC

2 Games to Go

(^=playoffs *=division #=home field)

NFC East

Philadelphia (10-4) DIVISION with win AND DAL, WAS loss

Dallas (9-5) (Lose AND PHI win and out)

Washington (8-6) -2 (Lose and out OR PHI win and out)

NY Giants (5-9) E

Phoenix (2-12) E

NFC Central

Minnesota (9-5)

Chicago (9-5)

Tampa Bay (5-9) E

Detroit (4-10) E

Green Bay (4-10) E

NFC West

Atlanta (11-3) DIVISION with win AND NO loss

New Orleans (10-4) -1 (Lose AND ATL win and out)

San Francisco (9-5) -2 (Lose and out OR ATL win and out)

LA Rams (7-7) E

Wild Card

New Orleans (10-4) WILD CARD with win AND SF, DAL or CHI loss

San Francisco (9-5)

Dallas (9-5)

Chicago (9-5)

Washington (8-6) -1 (Lose AND any 2 of SF, DAL or CHI win and out)

LA Rams (7-7) -2 (Lose and out OR any 2 of SF, DAL or CHI win and out)

Tampa Bay (5-9) E

NY Giants (5-9) E

Detroit (4-10) E

Green Bay (4-10) E

Phoenix (2-12) E

Monday Night Football: Chicago vs Pittsburgh

Two teams on the verge of an improbable playoff berth meet up tonight in a make-or-break game. And speaking of 'breaking', both teams have a propensity for turning limbs in the wrong direction and making skin turn unnatural shades of purple when they're through. It's hard to think either team could be prepared for extra-curricular games whether they win or not, so we should extend our gratitude for their exhibition of the following bloodbath. Should points somehow be scored, we'll have to tack that up as a bonus.


Quarter One
Rookie Darren Lewis out of Texas A&M takes the short Gary kick to his team's 39-yard line. Coach Ditka sends out his scrap heap of an offense, led by the beaten and battered Jim Harbaugh, who proceeds to get things rolling with a pass to Wendell Davis that shears the grass about 10 yards in front of his intended receiver. The ball is given to the ghost of Neal Anderson who runs up the middle for 3 yards, followed up by a more successful gallop of 16 after breaking a few tackles at the line. Davis is a bit closer to the ball on Harbaugh's first down pass, though the Steelers defense is prepared with double coverage of the star receiver. On second down, Harbaugh launches the ball in Keith Jennings' direction instead, and the open receiver lays out for the pass to punch an exclamation point on Chicago's impressive opening drive.

Chicago leads 7-0

Able-bodied Dwight Stone fails to cross over his team's 10-yard line on the kickoff, putting his team in a precarious position against one of the NFL's most advantageous defenses. Mike Singletary starts the party for the Bears' defense with a sack of Neil O'Donnell to the 2-yard line. Barry Foster gets some positive yardage on second down with a 6-yard run to open up some breathing room, though it's still 1 yard too short when Dick Dent barrels around the line, undetected, for a safety of O'Donnell.

Chicago leads 9-0

Lewis fumbles the kick return, though the Pittsburgh fans in attendance are forced to exhale disappointment when the Bears' special teams bails him out with the recovery. From the 40-yard line, Brad Muster takes control with two runs of nearly 20 yards to boost the immediate sales of neck rolls across the country. The streaking drive nearly comes to a grinding halt when Harbaugh throws a dangerous pass into coverage. He's saved for one more play with even Pittsburgh being averse to his throws, though he'd more than likely give it back after Greg Lloyd indents his body into the field and picks up his fumble for a long return to the Chicago 40-yard line.

Quarter Two
Merrill Hoge makes his presence known with three straight runs to start Pittsburgh's next drive. The first one goes for 4 yards, while the second goes for 6. The third goes for -25 when he bobbles the ball at the line and Ron Cox runs it back for Chicago.

Tom Waddle continues his All-Star campaign for Chicago with a 20-yard reception he's forced to lay out for. With his spotlight apparently burning a bit too bright, Waddle fumbles the ball away after another 15-yard reception, allowing Davis  to scoop it up and run a few more yards. Brad Muster keeps Neal on the oxygen reserves with two runs netting 11 yards for a first down to the Pittsburgh 15, though it's the ghost of Chicago's past who is open in the flat for a touchdown catch. Neal's now up to 9 receiving touchdowns to 0 rushing, making about as much sense as Chicago's gargantuan lead over Pittsburgh after just a quarter and a half.

Chicago leads 16-0

Stone breaks open a big return to the Pittsburgh 39-yard line, setting his team up for just their fifth offensive play of the game. It starts off innocently enough with Foster bumping into his own line, before he breaks through and tears down the field to the Chicago 9-yard line. With a bit of time to spare, the Steelers try to get inventive with a Hoge run up the middle that's stuffed at the 2-yard line. Pittsburgh is rewarded for their cuteness with a Singletary sack of O'Donnell for a 9-yard loss, putting them in a 3rd-and-goal situation from the 11-yard line. O'Donnell finds tight end Adrian Cooper at the 3-yard line, though the Bears are waiting for him like hungry...bears. Defeated, the Steelers send Gary Anderson out to chip in a 20-yarder as the half comes to a close.

Chicago leads 16-3

Halftime - Bears 16, Steelers 3

Quarter Three

Pittsburgh gets chance number two after Stone's return to the 27-yard line. Jeff Graham out of Dayton, Ohio, makes a remarkable grab at the 42-yard line. When Foster and Hoge are both stopped at the line on consecutive plays, O'Donnell goes back to the air and finds Graham open once more for a 49-yard gain after a long run along the sidelines. With the hit out, Graham cautiously avoids O'Donnell's next pass, putting the ball back in Foster's hands. He runs to the 2-yard line, setting up an opportune 1st-and-goal situation that sees Merril Hoge run backwards and Graham once again punting the ball that comes his way. On a big 4th-and-1, the man that should have gotten the ball 3 plays ago does so and Foster runs into the end zone untouched.

Chicago leads 16-10

Beginning at their own 25, Chicago is looking to answer Pittsburgh's first big score. Their ensuing drive offers up more questions, however, with Harbaugh faking a run and throwing to Anderson's back followed by a hobbled Anderson getting washed over by a wave of Steelers. On 3rd and 9, David Little has Harbaugh questioning which day of the week it is with a big sack to stamp an impressive defensive stop.

Stone rides the momentum to the Pittsburgh 40-yard line on the punt return. Foster, second only to the cyborg in Dallas, continues his breakout campaign with a 35-yard run that puts Chicago on their heels long enough to set up O'Donnell's beautiful rainbow pass to Graham for the tight-end's much deserved touchdown to give Pittsburgh their first lead.

Pittsburgh leads 17-16

Gary Anderson kicks the ball off his ankle, giving Chicago good field position at their own 44-yard line. Muster pulls in a nice 18-yard grab just in time to flip the field and get his team driving.

Quarter Four
The fourth quarter starts off a bit slower for the Bears, with Muster only mustering 2 yards and Jennings tickling the bottom of the aired out ball on 2nd down. Muster gets just 3 more yards, putting Kevin Butler on the field to attempt a 52-yarder. The ball sails about as far right as Mike Ditka's new aorta will after his next bypass surgery.
 
O'Donnell starts the pity party with a needled pass to Cooper up the middle for a 15-yard gain, followed by another 10-yarder to Graham. Those two plays will have to remain in his obituary, however, after he's buried on two straight sacks from Mike Singletary netting 18 yards in the negative. On 3rd-and-28, O'Donnell's fractured body attempts play action, though it's possible he actually was trying to give the ball away, leaving his splintered and wobbly arm to lob up a lame duck for Donnell Woolford to intercept for a late-game chance to put his Bears back in the lead.

The Anderson-Muster duo gets off to a slow start with just 2 combined yards, and though Harbaugh's cross-body pass to Davis sails hopelessly wild, Singletary's effectively positive yardage for the Bears is enough for Butler's second chance from 47. His kick is straight and true this time, allowing Chicago fans to rejoice with just over a minute to go.

Chicago leads 19-17

After a hefty kick from Butler, the Steelers are staring at a long field from their own 3-yard line. Hoge heroically makes it a memory with a 40-yard saunter after dodging a near-tackle in his own end zone, followed by another run to midfield as the clock hits the minute mark. Two plays later and facing 3rd-and-8, however, O'Donnell opts to use his arm but finds his beard out of lucky strokes as his pass falls harmlessly incomplete. Going for broke on 4th down, Hoge tries to catch the Bears' 'D' off guard once more, which he nearly does when Chicago gives up 7 of the 8 needed yards. 

Final: Bears 19, Steelers 17

It's hard to say who needed the game more, though it appears the Bears played as if they did with a busy day from their defense, namely Mike Singletary and his 4 sacks, as well as an effective-enough Jim Harbaugh taking advantage of opportunities to steal the win from the Steelers. Barry Foster had a monster day from an average back's perspective, though he didn't have an answer for the tough Chicago defense when it mattered most. Meanwhile, the usually quiet Jeff Graham had a solid day wasted, though his performance showed off yet another weapon for the Steelers who, despite the loss, still control their destiny going into the wild card race. The Bears are playing tough late, and as long as the Vikings continue to collapse, their blowout losses earlier in the season could be distant memories as they neck roll through the playoffs.
 

Week Fifteen: Champagne Wishes, Infirmary Dreams

Like many an opposing quarterback, the pieces of Anthony Pleasant's broken rib puzzle are beginning to fall into place in Week 15. Many teams are one or two steps away from postseason promises and January dreams fulfilled. Eight teams are already out of the running, with a few more hanging dangerously close off the precipice. While some are in control of their own destinies, there are a select few hanging on to hopes of a fractured Chris Miller fibula or Warren Moon concussion to stay alive. Let's take a look at who's flowers and balloons will find a home in the infirmary after this week.

 

1:00 Games

Miami (9-3-1) * L.A. Raiders (6-7) 

With the Chargers playing in what may feel like their own backyard, the Raiders see their hopes for a miraculous division surge come toppling down in the end. Despite outplaying the Dolphins throughout the majority of the game, the loss of Eric Dickerson right after halftime spelled doom for Los Angeles, as even an underwhelming Dan Marino performance of 190 yards and a pick was enough to earn Miami a few cases of bubbly, courtesy of Stan Humphries.

Final Score: Dolphins 24, Raiders 20

San Diego (9-4) * Cincinnati (6-7)

The Chargers were already in celebratory mode with a coasting victory over Cincinnati, but when the clock hit triple-0 in Miami they knew it was time to party. The Bengals are bounced from the AFC Central race with the loss, allowing themselves to be run over by Rod Bernstine for 126 yards on just 12 carries. Boomer Esiason was a one-man rally killer for his team, throwing 3 picks to let a close game unravel in the end. The Chargers are the first lucky crew to see their names in 8-bit monochromatic, pixellated glory. 

Final Score: Chargers 28, Bengals 14

Indianapolis (3-10) * N.Y. Jets (7-5-1)

In what was, at one time, a two-team race in the AFC East, the Jets lose their fourth game in five attempts to have the final threads of their AFC East divisional hopes severed. One way to highlight the fact that you're a team of also-rans is to be beaten senseless by a team that at one point had lost 10 straight. Jeff George had his way with the normally stout Jets' defense, tossing up 264 yards with no interceptions. And somehow, the 10-game losing streak looks less offensive than Browning Nagle's 27% completion and just 89 yards. 

Final Score: Colts 31, Jets 20

Atlanta (10-3) * Tampa Bay (5-8)

Tampa Bay kept things tight with Atlanta all the way into overtime, with Vinny lobbing up 266 yards, 71 to his back-up running back in Anthony McDowell. Meanwhile, Chris Miller moved from dark horse to favorite in the MVP talks with another huge day of 366 yards, though Keith Jones was the fantasy darling with 202 yards receiving. Their victory does double duty of keeping the Rams from repeating in the West, while also delivering upon Tampa Bay a one-way ticket to a prolonged Christmas vacation. 

Final Score: Falcons 27, Buccaneers 24 (OT)

Detroit (4-9) * Cleveland (6-7)

The Browns pick up another big win against an unpredictable Lions squad that very well could have sent them packing to the promised land. Barry Sanders had a solid day of 92 yards rushing, though he was a man apart from his team with Rodney Peete's poor performance of just 114 yards with a pick. Mike Tomczak played like the elite quarterback he always insisted he was, chucking 229 yards with a 76% completion percentage, keeping the Browns in the hunt.

Final Score: Browns 28, Lions 7

Washington (7-6) * Dallas (9-4)

The biggest game of the early grouping had Washington come out the victors, defending their honor in a tough divisional battle behind a strong defense and Mark Rypien's return to prominence, throwing nearly perfect for 236 yards. The impenetrable duo of Troy Aikman and Emmitt Smith were stymied, combining for just 175 yards between them, and suddenly Washington is back in the race to defend their crown. And after what occurred last season, we're ready to go all in with any remaining chips from Ricky Sanders' Vegas bender.

Final Score: Redskins 31, Cowboys 7

Buffalo (8-5) * Denver (5-8)

In a game that was more important for Denver to win than for Buffalo to lose, John Elway succumbed to the pressure and returned to his early season slump. Though his 283 yards bested Jim Kelly's unsurprisingly lackluster 166, his proclivity for picks kept his Broncos from keeping up with the Bills. Denver falls out of a race they had no business being in, while the Bills are suddenly back in one we counted them out of after racking up their fifth win in a row.

Final Score: Bills 29, Broncos 17

Green Bay (4-9) * Houston (9-4)

The ill-experienced Packers had a big ticket to punch with Houston, and in a game that Favre needed to be at his boyishly brilliant best he succumbed to the big lights and threw up 2 picks with just 219 yards. Warren Moon's 90% completion and 300-yard barrier busting all but cemented him the passing crown, and their win has the presses stopped on Cleveland's improbable Division Champions t-shirt run. Houston is heating up at just the right time for a Tecmo Bowl repeat.

Final Score: Oilers 38, Packers 22

New Orleans (9-4) * L.A. Rams (7-6)

After feasting on their own division for much of the second half of the season, the Rams lost their bite after seeing Atlanta's win on the scoreboard. New Orleans squeaked by despite all of Bobby Hebert's attempts at throwing away a second game, this time fighting for just 112 yards aside from an eye-popping 5 interceptions. The Saints keep at Atlanta's heels, though their early-season thrusting has their tanks dangerously crossing over the 'E' line at perhaps the worst time for their surprising season.

Final Score: Saints 16, Rams 14

4:00 Games

Philadelphia (9-4) * Seattle (4-9)

The Eagles floated to a win in their late game with Dallas losing earlier on, claiming sole possession of first despite dozing through the Seahawks behind Randall Cunningham's 133 yards and 2 interceptions. His somnambulist line looked downright inspired next to Zombie Gelbaugh's own 65 yards and 3 picks, leading some in the Seattle press to think he's taking money under the table from Dan McGwire. With the win, the Eagles take the reins of their own destiny around the final curve of the season.

Final Score: Eagles 19, Seahawks 7

Kansas City (3-10) * New England (3-10)

The AFC sewer rats collide in the muck and grime of this late season affair, and in the end the Patriots spare us with a late field goal to win. The bright spot that continues to burn into the diseased flesh of New England is Kevin Turner, who picked up 97 yards on the ground and another 117 in the air. A man who plays this hard on a team destined to nest beneath the trash at the bottom of a subway rail says a lot about resolve and responsibility, something Dave Krieg could pay a portion of his enormous salary to learn about.

Final Score: Patriots 31, Chiefs 28

San Francisco (8-5) * Minnesota (9-4)

It was a contest we could see in the postseason, though the Vikings wouldn't like to admit it. With everyone from Tom Rathman, who ran 103 yards on just 13 attempts, to Steve Young to even the 49ers' underestimated defense rolling over Minnesota, it was a lopsided effort that shows one team ready to take over the playoffs and another oblivious to the fact that it's only a few short weeks away. The Vikings go back to regroup, their eyes a little more fixed on the Monday Night game to commence tomorrow.

Final Score: 49ers 31, Vikings 7

Phoenix (2-11) * N.Y. Giants (4-9)

The Giants looked like the team playing for a playoff position a season ago with Jeff Hostetler finally waking up before the game to throw 291 yards and completing 76% of his passes. Phoenix removed their world-beater masks early on in this one, a week removed from stalling San Diego in their quest for a championship. The Cardinals reverted to their woeful ways with Chandler throwing picks and third-stringer Larry Centers leading the rushing attack, clinching the one thing nobody doubted they'd clinch this season: last place in the NFC East.

Final Score: Giants 24, Cardinals 16

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Bears and Steelers are two teams of angry, brutish men fighting for a glass slipper. Cinderella representations from their respective Central divisions, these two meet in a late season battle that leaves the winner with a great chance at some great things in the postseason. The loser, on the other hand, will have to keep the night alive as long as possible before watching any hopes they've developed over their own late-season surge turn back into the rotten pumpkin they started the year with. The Bears have been victims of three separate blowouts, while Pittsburgh's greatest margin of victory during their exciting six-game streak was only 7. Something's going to give in our Monday Night contest, and as long as it's not Barry Foster's sternum when Mike Singletary runs headlong into him, the Steelers have a good chance to be asked to the ball by a handsome prince.