1:00 Games
Green Bay (6-6-1) at Chicago (7-6)
Chicago drops back to .500 and will have to continue fighting all the way to the end to stay in the playoffs. To their credit, they held the Packers to only 12 yards rushing, but were ransacked by Mr. Majkowski through the air for 323 yards and a few touchdowns to bring him back to relevancy. Harbaugh was downright stinky, and if the Bears have any decency they'll keep these kinds of stats out of the playoffs altogether. Unfortunately that'd also mean a Brad Muster-less postseason, which I've heard is akin to a New Year's Eve party where everyone fell asleep at 10 P.M.
Final Score: Packers 27, Bears 7
Tampa Bay (6-7) at Minnesota (11-2)
The Vikings use their late-season bye to bounce back from an embarrassing loss to Detroit and stomp all over Tampa Bay, ultimately booting them from the playoff party. Wade Wilson was an efficient 60% for 210 yards and no picks, while Rick Fenney led the rushing attack with 78 yards. Anthony Carter had a robust 102 yards receiving on only 2 receptions, and all of a sudden the Vikings aren't only scary for Al Noga's fashion.
Final Score: Vikings 27, Buccaneers 13
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| The enigmatic auto-play scoreboard |
Boomer's Bengals climb back onto the bubble in the AFC with a huge upset win of the Dolphins behind a near perfect game from Esiason and James Brooks, who had 103 yards rushing on the ground. Dan Marino was stellar as well with 325 yards through the air, but he couldn't keep his team from dropping precariously backwards in the AFC East race. With the Phins acting perhaps as the rabbit, we can finally see why everyone makes all those Jim Kelly/tortoise comparisons.
Final Score: Bengals 42, Dolphins 28
N.Y. Jets (4-9) at Detroit (3-10)
In a game that not even Ken O.Brien's grandmother cared about, the Lions continued clawing into relevance with a big offensive game--and this time we're not talking about Rodney Peete's performance. Peete still had 2 picks, but his 291 yards added on to Barry Sanders' 132 yards rushing had Detroit roaring to their fourth win. Meanwhile, Blair Thomas' meager 40 yards had the Jets roaring into the pavement, running on fumes.
Final Score: Lions 27, Jets 17
Cleveland (5-8) at Denver (8-5)
Jerry Kauric's leg gives the Browns a rare one-up in this strange rivalry, pulling the Broncos out of first place for the time being while also pumping a breath of fresh air in the Browns' unrealistic playoff hopes. QB Browns and John Elway were eerily similar with their 245 yards and 2 picks, and with a combined 145 rushing yards I'm led to believe the late field goal was more of a sigh of relief that the game actually ended.
Final Score: Browns 24, Broncos 21
San Diego (8-5) at Kansas City (5-8)
The Chargers' 14 point comeback in the 4th quarter brought them into first place, despite B.J. Tolliver's clearly hungover 115 passing yards. Luckily for him, Steve DeBerg forgot his orange juice and eggs as well with 155 yards passing, and his two-headed rushing attack couldn't boost him the way Marion Butts' 117 rushing yards put San Diego ahead in the roulette wheel that is the AFC West.
Final Score: Chargers 24, Chiefs 21
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| That '6' is strangely taking the form of a dagger |
The mystery that is the Tecmo Seattle Seahawks almost pulled out a big upset in southern California, but unfortunately for them and everyone else with an ounce of decency the 49ers found a way to pull it out in overtime to win their ninth game in a row. To cap it off, they did it with a touchdown in overtime, taking their level of showboatiness from annoying to eye-gougingly annoying. The usual suspects in Montana, Rice and Rathman accounted for most of the points here, and now the only thing outside of an injury to stop San Francisco may be an asteroid, or my computer shorting out.
Final Score: 49ers 30, Seahawks 24 (OT)
Philadelphia (8-5) at N.Y. Giants (9-4)
After spending most of their season under a cloud of doubt, Phil Simms led his team to another victory to underscore why they may be the conference's only hope of stonewalling San Francisco. Simms was a stellar 80% with 265 yards passing, his weapon of choice being Mark Bavaro who brought down four passes for 135 yards. The bipolar Eagles lose their edge in the wild card race and in continuing QB Eagles' exultation.
Final Score: Giants 35, Eagles 14
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| How the West was somewhat watchable |
Jim Everett returned to form with 75% passing completion and 260 yards, and it was all he could do to keep up with a red-hot Chris Miller, who nailed down an 81% rate and 304 passing yards with no picks. The Rams defense were the heroes, holding up and keeping the hidden weapon in Mike Rozier silent with just 39 yards on the ground. It was a nail-biter, but the Rams keep a flame blowing at the 49ers' heels, even if those heels are made of full-blasting jet propellers.
Final Score: Rams 35, Falcons 31
4:00 Games
Phoenix (1-12) at Washington (7-6)
Washington played one touchdown better than Phoenix in order to keep their fight for the postseason alive. Mark Rypien was efficient with 222 yards and no picks, while Byner ran around the Phoenix defense for 89 yards on 8 attempts. Johnny Johnson continued to play as a one-man team with 206 all-purpose yards, but unfortunately for him Timm Rosenbach out-played him as ten horrible teams.
Final Score: Redskins 35, Cardinals 28
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| What happens when you leave COM teams unwatched |
Nothing much could be expected from a 14-7 contest, but this one puts high school girls' basketball to shame. If not for a late score by New Orleans to pull out the win, it may have gone forever behind Emmitt Smith's 13 rushing yards, Steve Walsh's 68 passing yards and a total of 8 first downs. Unfortunately, it didn't go on forever, which means we'll have to see these two teams play again some time in the near future.
Final Score: Saints 14, Cowboys 7
Pittsburgh (5-8) at Houston (10-3)
The Steelers made things interesting, but couldn't pull Houston out of a first-place seed. Bubby Brister out-threw Warren Moon with 205 yards to 171, but his 3 throws to the other team is what sealed the deal for the Oil-men. Houston is making the chase to home field in the playoffs, and barring their appeal to playing the Steelers twice more, they may still have to start Lorenzo White in the final two weeks.
Final Score: Oilers 21, Steelers 14
New England (2-11) at Indianapolis (5-8)
With the loss, the Colts won't complete a surprising .500 season. With the win, the Patriots can still pull off a shot at not being the most terrible Tecmo team. Albert Bentley played his heart out with 109 rushing yards on 11 attempts, but John Stephens ripped it out with 129 yards of his own. Steve Grogan and Jeff George combined for 251 passing yards, setting back the argument for hybrid efficiency at least 10 years.
Final Score: Patriots 28, Colts 13
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At long last, Buffalo returns to the featured game spotlight in charge of their own destiny. After losing their week one battle to Miami, and tripping up a few times afterward, they regained their footing and could be in the hunt for a first-round bye. They'll travel cross-country to the bright lights of Los Angeles, however, to battle a Raiders team that nobody who knows Bo thought would still be in the hunt. With a win, the Raiders would not only jump into an improbable wild card battle, but would also snuff out any sense of entitlement the Bills may have built up over the past few weeks. It'll be a military battle of air versus ground, with QB Bills and Andre Reed up against Bo Jackson and Marcus Allen. If this site made any money, I'd put it all on Mr. Bills--unless Howie Long gets to him early and caves in his chest with a wall of hair.
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| Wears 'L.A. Raider' on his heart, and L.A. Looks in his hair |
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