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| Rich Gannon, the loose cannon |
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| 1991: When footballs apparently had teeth, or poison |
Gaston Green takes the kickoff, and then becomes this week's particular Los Angeles pariah when he fumbles it over to Minnesota at the Rams' 33-yard line. We can't fault him too much, however, as the Vikings gave the Rams about 15 seconds to recover it themselves. I guess it really is about who wants it more.
On the Vikings' first possession, Wade Wilson drops back but overthrows Steve Jordan in the end zone. Wilson passes from the gun on the next play, and flips it to Jordan for a 5-yard gain and a nice round of polite applause from the Rams fans. Rick Fenney takes the carry on third down, but only nets 3 yards to initiate the first Fuad Reveiz sequence of the day. Mr. Automatic is having problems with his clutch, however, and banks the 43-yard attempt off the right upright. The ball is given back to Los Angeles in basically the same field position, minus about a minute and a half.
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| Gotta love that team blocking |
Los Angeles leads 7-0
Herschel Walker takes his first carry, a kick return, out to the Minnesota 38-yard line. Wilson, who's first name should never be confused with 'Athleticism', scrambles out of a blitz and finds Fenney on the run for a 26-yard pass connection. One play later, and Wilson fools the Rams' 'D' and nobody else with a flea-flicker touchdown connection to Walker to make a game of it.
Score tied 7-7
With just seconds left in the quarter, Gaston Green gets the Rams into good starting position at midfield. Everett scrambles for a five yard gain into Vikings territory, only to flip the field when the quarter comes to a close.
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| If it weren't for Tecmo, we wouldn't know that Cleveland Gary was an amputee |
A lateral to Gary, first name Cleveland, only nets 3 more yards, and so the Rams face another precarious third down. Luckily for them, Warner hasn't had his third-down conversion appetite whetted in a while, so he gets the ball and gobbles up ten yards. Gary takes the ball 27 yards on the next play down to the Minnesota 3-yard line, but it takes two more plays before he's finally given the ball back to complete the score.
Los Angeles leads 14-7
Minnesota starts from their own 28-yard line. They quickly add another 50% of that with a 14-yard Hassan Jones reverse, and while the Rams wait for their watches to catch up with real time, Fenney guts it up the middle and then races 48 yards to the Rams' 10-yard line. The Jones reverse is inexplicably called, but it still nets another 6 yards. The final 4 are picked up on the third Jones reverse of the drive, and Jerry Burns is hailed as a cerebral coaching genius for about 0.7 seconds.
Score tied 14-14
With time running out on the half and knowing that the Vikings will be taking the ball directly afterwards, the Rams run three straight carries by Warner and Gary that net 19 yards. With just 24 seconds left, Everett goes for the gold, but overthrows 'Average' Willie Anderson at the 2-yard line. Warner scrambles for 4 yards to get into Mike Lansford territory, who nails it up the middle from 55 yards out. Somewhere Fuad Reveiz is asking for an advance on his weekly stipend.
Los Angeles leads 17-14
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| Physics were never Lansford's forte |
Quarter Three
Walker zig-zags his return all the way to the Rams' 46-yard line to start the second half. Minnesota appears to boldly go for a third consecutive Jones reverse, but the play is predicted wisely by the Rams' 'D' and is blown up for a loss of 6. Back in their own side of the world, Walker takes the ball on a fake reverse for 16 yards and a first down. With that wild success, the Vikings decide to go back to Jones, but he loses 11 and the NFL Rules Committee is seriously thinking about revoking the earlier touchdown. Fenney is finally entrusted with the ball, but only gets 3 of those yards back and now Minnesota faces a 3rd-and-18 situation. A play action pass to Anthony Carter lands somewhere between Carter's hands and a nacho vendor 18 rows up, and Harry Newsome is on to show why he's paid the big bucks.
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| Doleman only knows 2 words: BLARRGHH and psychophysicotherapeutics |
The Vikings start at midfield after a billowing punt from Keith English. After two unsuccessful flea flickers, one of which was dropped by Cris Carter at the Rams 5-yard line, the Vikings face a quick 3rd-and-10 situation. Walker tries his best to earn his $38,000 per carry, but only nets 8 yards and Newsome is on to play 500 with the Rams once again.
Gary runs twice consecutively for 23 yards as the quarter expires with no scores, but with Los Angeles charging.
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| We still don't know where Tecmo found this screenshot in their microprocessor |
The mysterious 'M.' Merriweather takes Everett down for another 10 yard loss and his fourth sack of the game. Jim's rage is felt on 3rd-and-15, however, when he keeps Punt-a-mania from forging ahead with a 22-yard connection to 'Fading Health' Willie Anderson. When the play is over and three purple jerseys are peeled off Anderson, the medical staff is on to cart him away. It's a deep cut into the Rams' offensive weaponry, but three plays later his replacement Derrick Faison shows incredible promise with a 45-yard snag that's good for Los Angeles' third touchdown of the game. And according to Stats LLC, it's one of Faison's three career receptions, so pat yourself on the back for getting to bear witness to such a rare and exciting feat.
Los Angeles leads 24-14
Walker fights his way to the Rams 44-yard line, his second return into L.A. territory today. After a wild overthrow of one of the Carters (we weren't paying attention), Wilson goes to Jones, who decides to perform one of his more common duties in actually catching the ball as a wide receiver. Jones zooms down to the Rams' 7-yard line, and two plays later Wilson's scrambling in for a Minnesota touchdown. But down by 3 with just two minutes to go, Fuad Reveiz is finishing witness protection paperwork in the tunnel before he kicks it back to the Rams.
Los Angeles leads 24-21
Gary scoops up the bumbled onside kick from Reveiz, who obviously has other things on his mind, and scoots around to hustle it all the way to the Vikings' 13-yard line. He gets the ball on first down for the inevitable score, and somewhere in South America the kids are getting ready for a Christmas filled with rejected San Francisco division champion shirts--at least for the time being.
Los Angeles leads 31-21
Time runs out on Minnesota's chances for an improbable 13th win, although they'll have a chance next week with about 2 of their starters playing. Cris Carter makes things interesting with two huge catches that get the Vikings to the Rams 6-yard line, but with time expiring, the relevance of this is somewhere between 8th grade trigonometry and flossing with no dentist appointments in the near future.
Final Score: Rams 31, Vikings 21
It was a game that meant everything to one team, and very little to the other. Still, it was a fun, offensive-in-a-good-way contest that showed off two potential playoff teams. We're excited to see what kind of damage Cleveland Gary can cause in the postseason if the Rams continue to roll, while we think the Rick Fenney factor is inversely proportional to Minnesota's own success on their march to the Tecmo Bowl. We're still not sure why the Vikings are the number one team this year, with two of their 8 plays consisting of a reverse and flea flicker that should doom them to Phoenix Cardinals island, but they've found a way to win which is the most important thing in Tecmo's NFL. Minnesota gets another team hungry for a shot in the playoffs with Green Bay next week, while Los Angeles has their own hands full with Seattle looking to not lose the AFC West championship. We know they're hoping for a quick return to 'Fast' status for Willie Anderson, otherwise the Rams are heading into shaky ground with their entire season on the line.
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