1:00 Games
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| Hearts are palpitating |
Aside from the fact that these two play in the same division, there's not much in common between the squads. Houston scored in every quarter, while the Browns waited until the fourth. QB Browns threw up 3 interceptions on the day, while Drew Hill caught 6 passes for 162 yards for Houston, more than Browns threw all day. The only thing hot in Cleveland right now is the seat of Coach Belichick's pants.
Final Score: Oilers 24, Browns 14
Tampa Bay (5-5) at Atlanta (2-8)
Greg Davis more than likely booted Tampa Bay out of the postseason in this overtime comeback win for Atlanta. It was all-Dirty Bird offense, with Chris Miller connecting on 72% of his passes, 4 of them to Andre Rison for 101 yards. The Buccaneers may have seen their hopes for perhaps the first ever Tecmo postseason berth as a COM team evaporate, but Randy Grimes is sure to take home the Creepiest Mustache Award.
Final Score: Falcons 24, Buccaneers 21 (OT)
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| He may be 'punky', but he loves to throw 'the pill' |
As much fun as we have with Indianapolis' ineptitude, they do have three more wins than Curtis Painter. However, this Colts' squad would have to play another full season before they could replicate Jim Harbaugh's 100% completion rate or run off the face of the earth like Neal Anderson. The Bears come back in a big way, which is good for them considering the Fridge's Rage-o-Meter is on the verge of breaching.
Final Score: Bears 37, Colts 14
Pittsburgh (4-6) at Washington (6-4)
This one was closer than the Redskins would have liked, with their victory claimed by a Chip Lohmiller field goal, but at the end of the season it's just another 'W'--something that's eluded the Steelers too many times this season for any playoff hopes. Bubby Brister out-shined Mark Rypien with more passing yards and fewer picks, but judging based on the hotness of one's daughter, we call Rypien the ultimate victor.
Final Score: Redskins 24, Steelers 21
Phoenix (1-10) at San Francisco (6-4)
If you were of the majority who thought that this would be a game that the 49ers overlooked, eventually leading to a huge upset by the Cardinals and the decisive game in which the Rams pull ahead to claim the division, well then you probably also thought that Timm Rosenbach could still pull a win out of his ass even after throwing 3 interceptions and less than one hundred yards on the day.
Final Score: 49ers 27, Cardinals 17
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| Screenshot captured mainly for posterity |
The Dolphins might have thought that their half-game lead before this contest was pretty huge, considering their opponent and how far along they are this season, so when they totally outplayed the Bills you'd have to believe the printing presses in South America are already busy with World Champion Miami sweatshirts. When Marino throws 348 yards and the running back catches 134 of them, you know you're in deep doo-doo.
Final Score: Dolphins 24, Bills 14
Green Bay (6-3-1) at Minnesota (10-1)
Minnesota is still in the "test" phase of their improbable season, and the lab technicians here at The Tecmo Bowl are still baffled by the results. While the team continues to win, despite their offense putting out numbers like 133 yards passing and 52 rushing, the fact that they make proud quarterbacks like Don Majkowski only complete 28% of his passes for 127 yards are signs of a weird experiment about to turn into a Frankensteinian disaster.
Final Score: Vikings 27, Packers 7
4:00 Games
Seattle (6-4) at L.A. Raiders (4-6)
The Seahawks may not be ready to hit the panic button yet, but the fact that they gave up a lead to the Raiders in the fourth quarter is pretty bad considering this is the late-season Tecmo Raiders. Jay Schroeder was a big part of that, as he didn't want his 100% passing day wasted with a loss. Dave Krieg had to see his 345-yard passing day squandered, but at least he still has better Ladykiller locks.
Final Score: Raiders 21, Seahawks 17
Cincinnati (5-5) at Philadelphia (6-4)
With the rest of the league predictably winning their late season games, the Bengals still continue to upset the apple cart. Boomer Esiason keeps his team in the playoff hunt with his 91% passing percentage and 255 yards, 163 of those brought down by scalding-hot Tim McGee. To be serious for a moment, if the Bengals do in fact squeeze into the postseason, I'm going to give McGee the MVP before the playoffs even start.
Final Score: Bengals 28, Eagles 21
San Diego (7-3) at New Orleans (4-6)
The Saints are the victors in this age-old rivalry, stalling the Chargers' ability to claim sole possession of first in the AFC West. New Orleans keeps the light on with Steve Walsh throwing 265 yards and Eric Martin catching 106 of them, and the Saints hold on despite not scoring in the second half. San Diego is cruising to a late-season crash and burn, but you wouldn't know it from the look on Leslie O.Neal's face.
Final Score: Saints 17, Chargers 13
New England (1-9) at New York Jets (3-7)
The Patriots lose in convincing fashion, as Steve Grogan completes more passes to the Jets defense than his own team with 5 picks and only connecting for 84 yards, just over half of what Blair Thomas caught from Ken O.Brien. New York controlled this one with 21 first downs, and now control their own destiny in not being the most terrible team in their division. As far as the rest of the league is concerned, however, they'll have more convincing to do if Freeman McNeil is the leading rusher with 34 yards.
Final Score: Jets 38, Patriots 14
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If you're not excited for the AFC West showdown on Monday Night, then we may need to have the doctors check your pulse one more time. The Chiefs climb the mountains into Denver to face the division-leading Broncos, looking for a sweep of their rival. Kansas City's Week Eight victory over Denver jump-started their 3-game win streak en route back to a .500 record, but they'll need this contest as well if they want to be taken seriously in their quest for a playoff berth. We predicted the Chiefs to take the division over Denver despite an identical record, and if they can beat the Broncos we'll still have time to pat our backs. Should Denver win, they'll take sole possession of first and of psychiatric counsel for Karl Mecklenburg.
The Seahawks may not be ready to hit the panic button yet, but the fact that they gave up a lead to the Raiders in the fourth quarter is pretty bad considering this is the late-season Tecmo Raiders. Jay Schroeder was a big part of that, as he didn't want his 100% passing day wasted with a loss. Dave Krieg had to see his 345-yard passing day squandered, but at least he still has better Ladykiller locks.
Final Score: Raiders 21, Seahawks 17
Cincinnati (5-5) at Philadelphia (6-4)
With the rest of the league predictably winning their late season games, the Bengals still continue to upset the apple cart. Boomer Esiason keeps his team in the playoff hunt with his 91% passing percentage and 255 yards, 163 of those brought down by scalding-hot Tim McGee. To be serious for a moment, if the Bengals do in fact squeeze into the postseason, I'm going to give McGee the MVP before the playoffs even start.
Final Score: Bengals 28, Eagles 21
San Diego (7-3) at New Orleans (4-6)
The Saints are the victors in this age-old rivalry, stalling the Chargers' ability to claim sole possession of first in the AFC West. New Orleans keeps the light on with Steve Walsh throwing 265 yards and Eric Martin catching 106 of them, and the Saints hold on despite not scoring in the second half. San Diego is cruising to a late-season crash and burn, but you wouldn't know it from the look on Leslie O.Neal's face.
Final Score: Saints 17, Chargers 13
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| And the Jets match their total points for the year |
The Patriots lose in convincing fashion, as Steve Grogan completes more passes to the Jets defense than his own team with 5 picks and only connecting for 84 yards, just over half of what Blair Thomas caught from Ken O.Brien. New York controlled this one with 21 first downs, and now control their own destiny in not being the most terrible team in their division. As far as the rest of the league is concerned, however, they'll have more convincing to do if Freeman McNeil is the leading rusher with 34 yards.
Final Score: Jets 38, Patriots 14
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If you're not excited for the AFC West showdown on Monday Night, then we may need to have the doctors check your pulse one more time. The Chiefs climb the mountains into Denver to face the division-leading Broncos, looking for a sweep of their rival. Kansas City's Week Eight victory over Denver jump-started their 3-game win streak en route back to a .500 record, but they'll need this contest as well if they want to be taken seriously in their quest for a playoff berth. We predicted the Chiefs to take the division over Denver despite an identical record, and if they can beat the Broncos we'll still have time to pat our backs. Should Denver win, they'll take sole possession of first and of psychiatric counsel for Karl Mecklenburg.
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| Seriously, this guy's a freak. |
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