6 Seattle Seahawks (10-7) at 1 Houston Oilers (13-3)
Quarter One
Seattle wins the toss, the first of what may be a few small victories here in the Lone Star state. They make the most of it by running three straight plays before having to punt after Sean Jones turns Dave Krieg into pâté.
The Oilers drive for about three and a half minutes before ending in a 43-yard field goal from Tony Zendejas, but before that they encountered a small scare when Lorenzo White coughed up the ball near midfield. Their indelible fears were erased for the time being when he recovered it again, erasing what may have been a huge mistake against a very formidable team in Seattle.
Houston leads 3-0
Quarter Two
Seattle runs three more successful plays, this time coming even closer to a first down, but John L. Williams comes up a hair short. Rick Donnelly, the Seahawks punter paid in coffee beans and trout, trots out and boots it to Houston for his second straight punt.
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| Thwarted again; seen only twice in the Seattle Seahawks' season, the elusive first down remains an enigma for the men in silver and blue |
Houston leads 10-0
Krieg is the first Seahawk to convert a first down when he scampers 25 yards, but Williams is stuffed on the next three plays to render all of that moot. The Oilers squeak by on another lucky defensive stand coached by the owner's 8-year old son and his gang of misfit orphan friends.
Their expertise on the offensive side of the ball isn't as recognizable, however, when the Oilers go quickly into a 3rd-and-19 situation and are stuffed for no gain. They punt it away to the highly skilled and very reputable Seattle offense once more, but luckily for them they don't score in the remaining 20 seconds of the half.
Halftime - Oilers 10, Seahawks 0
Quarter Three
Houston mysteriously emerges from the locker room with their coaching staff reinstated, but in the confusion they once again forget to not score right away when they call for the Moon-to-Jeffries connection for 55 yards to paydirt. Oilers fans are left scratching their heads.
Houston leads 17-0
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| Norm, a new sitcom on ABC: He's not inside the Norm! |
Houston leads 17-3
Warren Moon makes a mockery of the Seattle defense when he scourges them for two straight 25-yard runs to close out this wild third quarter of AFC football.
Quarter Four
Never let up on the Seattle Seahawks is the warning Moon and his Oilers heard all week, and they learn why as the fourth quarter starts when Moon is sacked by Joe Nash on fourth down and Zendejas is sent out for his second boot of the day. His kick bounces off the left upright from 50 yards out, casting a dark cloud over Houston and its suddenly very nervous fanbase.
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| The Oiler defense combining into the unstoppable PixelBlob |
Houston can't get anything going on their next drive, and suddenly face a 3rd-and-18 situation after a David Wyman sack. When Wyman consumes Moon on a second consecutive sack, Zendejas is shakily trotting out for a 52-yard try. His kick sails wide left, not even coming close to the bar, and suddenly Houston has never looked more vulnerable.
Dave Krieg senses blood in the water, and quickly goes to work with some cerebral play calls that lull the Oilers into a false sense of security as he hands off the ball to Williams on three consecutive plays. Soon enough, however, the Seahawks face their biggest challenge yet when they stare right into a 4th-and-6 situation on the Houston 33-yard line. Derrick Fenner heroically takes the ball into his own hands and converts the first down, but with time as their greatest enemy the Seahawks wisely embrace their defeat and give Williams the ball for the final, courageous play of Seattle's season.
Final Score: Oilers 17, Seahawks 3
We tried to juice this one up as much as possible, but the fact of the matter is that this was simply a refresher for the Houston Oilers to remember how to play football. And while they didn't convince anyone with their weak victory here, they advance to the AFC Conference championship for a mighty battle against the number 2-seeded Buffalo Bills. Their momentum is surely lacking after two missed field goals from Tony Zendejas, but with Warren Moon manning the offense it's easy to see why he was rusty with only 12 attempts on the year. Seattle had some bright moments on defense, their only strong suit and reason as to why they were here to begin with, but now must return home after a noisy whimper to an otherwise crazy rollercoaster ride of a season.
6 Green Bay Packers (10-6-1) at 1 Minnesota Vikings (12-4)
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| Not to be confused with the popular blaxploitation actor |
Don Majkowski, a man who's thrown 42 touchdowns this year and is second only to the overly charismatic Warren Moon, has also thrown 28 interceptions, and tosses up another one here to Carl Lee at the Minnesota 20-yard line.
The Vikings can't pillage the opportunity to strike first when Hassan Jones drops an off-target throw from Wade Wilson. Harry Newsome, the token mouth-breather of the Vikings squad, is on to punt it back to Green Bay.
Majkowski is slightly more efficient this time around, but not as electric with short passes and lazy handoffs only getting them near midfield where they're eventually stopped by the Purple People Disfigurers in Chris Doleman and Al Noga. The Packers punt it back to Minnesota.
Wade Wilson, known more for his flukey passing than his good looks, launches one off here to the wide open Anthony Carter, who shows why he's the superior Carter as he streaks to the end zone, causing multiple Packer defenders to fall at his feet and praise him as the ultimate football-playing Carter on this particular Minnesota Vikings football team.
Minnesota leads 7-0
Quarter Two
The Packers answer quickly on their next drive at the start of the new quarter, capping it off when Majkowski throws a crooked across-the-field ball to Sterling Sharpe for a 30-yard touchdown. The wild card of the team, however, is Chris Jacke, who is apparently the ultimate proponent of the two-point conversion rule that has yet to go into effect. He shows why when his sixth extra point of the year is blocked, meaning this game is ultimately headed for a 1-point win by Minnesota somewhere down the line.
Minnesota leads 7-6
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| Why they pay Anderson the big bucks |
Minnesota leads 14-6
Green Bay knows they need a quick strike before the half to keep it close and quell the Vikings' momentum, but pick the worst strategy when Michael Haddix fumbles the ball during a decent drive at midfield.
The Vikings don't get any points on the turnover when Wilson is sacked on 3rd-and-9 during a Green Bay blitz, and the dangerous Majkowski will get the ball back one more time before the half.
With his team driving and back-up quarterback and former high school soccer player Anthony Dilweg getting dressed in Jacke's uniform, Majkowski appears to have one more play to take a shot or go with a field goal. They go with the more popular and less risky chance of going for a Hail Mary, but the demon-possessed Scott Studwell puts an end to that clamor with a sack of Majkowski and some split-pea soup projectile vomiting.
Halftime - Vikings 14, Packers 6
Quarter Three
The Vikings get the ball after halftime to make a statement and pull away from the suddenly impotent and cheeseless Packers team, but when Clark gets nowhere on three straight plays the Vikings are forced to send Newsome out after only taking off 48 seconds from the clock.
Noga gets another sack of Majkowski, while Lee adds to his defensive resume with his own sack, and the Packers face a 3rd-and-22 situation. The Don goes on the run, but his escape artists tactics can't outrun the adrenaline and Grain Belt-fueled Joey Browner, who brings him down after a gain of only two yards.
Hassan Jones converts a successful reverse play during Minnesota's next drive, but when he's called on to actually do his job of catching the ball on 3rd down, he fails wildly and the Vikings punt it back.
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| One downfall of Tecmo: the lack of mystery |
A few things happen on this drive for the Packers as they attempt to draw the score within one point. The first is a 4th-and-9 play at the Vikings' 39-yard line that Keith Woodside cleverly converts after a fake reverse play. Secondly, two Chris Doleman sacks of Don Majkowski push the Packers back to beyond where they started on that fourth down play. Thirdly, on 3rd and 24, Haddix yanks in a long ball from Majkowski and finally, Perry Kemp caps off a wild Packers drive with a 15-yard touchdown in the corner of the end zone. And now with just under two minutes remaining, the Packers are within one defensive stop of using this magical drive as a means to come back on their hated rival and upset the number-1 seeded Vikings.
Minnesota leads 14-13
While the Packers are within one defensive stop of the Vikings with about a minute and a half to go, Minnesota is within one stupid call from Green Bay's coaching staff to go ahead and punch their tickets to the NFC Conference championship. And just as they've done all season, the Vikings trick the opposing team to do something stupid when they call for an onside kick, one that Jessie Clark easily recovers. One play later, and Wilson makes the Pack pay with a flea flicker to Clark that converts into a 51-yard touchdown to give the Vikings an insurmountable lead.
Minnesota leads 21-13
Charles Wilson returned 72 kicks for the Packers this season, but on his 73rd he's inured and won't go golfing with his buddies next weekend in a telling turn of events for Green Bay. Down 8 with 28 seconds to go in a game before the anything-goes era of 2-point conversions, the Packers accept two more Chris Doleman sacks to make that about 42 sacks allowed by the Green Bay offensive line today, possibly leading to the -8 points they allowed their team as they hit the road back to Wisconsin.
Final Score: Vikings 21, Packers 13
The curse has been lifted! The Vikings win their very first featured game here on The Tecmo Bowl despite having possibly their best Tecmo season to date with 12 wins. Even with their lack of Herschel Walker, they show that they were deserving of the NFC's number 1-seed with the dominant victory here, led by Chris 'Bob Who?' Doleman. The Vikings have been a two-sided team all season, beating inferior teams but getting smoked by some of the more potent ones. They showed now that they're ready for a team like Washington to come to town for the rights to move on to the Tecmo Bowl, especially if Mark Rypien remains out of commission. And with the win, they round out a weekend that sees the top two seeds from each conference advance to make sure that the Tecmo Bowl will be a contest of the season's elite, plus a possible Wade Wilson thrown in for good measure.
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