Week Eleven: Full-On Frenzy

The byes are over and we've got a hefty schedule on hand this week. As seen in our Looking Ahead feature, it's a full deck filled with interesting storylines and playoff implications. Nobody's more excited to see this thing through than me, and now that we're getting closer to the last leg it's all finally being realized. Of course we'll miss the friends we've made and the new Tecmo memories that have been created, but I can only comment on the crummy play of Rodney Peete three or four more times before I start to question my own existence on this rock called Earth.

1:00 Games

Classic NFC West: Rivalries two time zones away

San Francisco (5-4) at New Orleans (4-5)

The Saints were passed over for dead just a few games into the season, but with a chance here to show up the 49ers and slip into a possible 1st place tie you'd have to believe Steve Walsh and Co. were ready to play to the best of their ability. And while the best of Walsh's ability wasn't too shabby with 87% completion and 1 pick to 3 touchdowns, and New Orleans owned the time of possession with 14 first downs, they unfortunately had to compete with the Holy Trinity, San Francisco chapter, in Joe Montana, Jerry Rice and Joe 'Holy Ghost' Rathman.

Final Score: 49ers 28, Saints 24

New York Giants (5-4) at Phoenix (1-9)

Timm Rosenbach had his foot on the Giants' throat with a lead in the fourth quarter, threatening a debilitating second loss in a row to the G-Men, but because Rosenbach's foot was mostly paper-mache and the Giants had Ottis Anderson rolling for 153 yards, they were able to somehow rebound with two unanswered touchdowns to get back on the winning track. Alternatively, the Cardinals have just one more win than you.

Final Score: Giants 24, Cardinals 14

The enigma of Eagles continues

Cleveland (4-5) at Philadelphia (5-4)

The Browns took the Eagles to overtime, and that was their second mistake. Their first was having their defense act as the red carpet for QB Eagles' comeback tour, who ran for 130 yards on just 8 carries. Cleveland led 27-13 in the fourth quarter, with a chance to throw a wrench into two divisional races, but decidedly fell apart faster than fellow Cleveland native Drew Carey's optimism at the beginning of each Price is Right episode.

Final Score: Eagles 33, Browns 27 (OT)

New England (1-8) at Miami (7-2)

The Phins trounced the Pats in their first match-up, and that was in New England. Therefore, we were understandably worried about the health and well-being of Foxboro's Finest when Dan Marino welcomed them to sunny Miami. The ruthless factor was toned down a bit, with Tony Paige taking over the offense with 55 yards rushing and 104 yards receiving, but I'm sure it was still quite difficult for Coach Shula to rein it in at thirty-five.

Final Score: Dolphins 35, Patriots 14

L.A. Raiders (4-5) at Denver (6-3)

What's more frustrating than a defensive coordinator having to plan against the two-headed she-witch of Marcus Allen and Bo Jackson? Offensive coordinators that don't utilize them. Allen led the Raiders in rushing with just 16 yards on 3 carries, while on the other side Bobby Humphrey ran over the L.A. 'D' for 111 yards. Denver gains yet another game over the Raiders, while Jay Schroeder gains a Careerbuilder profile.

Final Score: Broncos 34, Raiders 28 (OT)

New York Jets (3-6) at Indianapolis (2-7)

The Colts win their first game since Week 3, a win that, while coming much too late, reminds us of Indianapolis' glory days, with Jeff George tossing 205 yards and no picks and Albert Bentley rushing 88 yards and catching 3 balls for 75 yards. Call me strange, but I'm more excited to see who doesn't finish last in this division, rather than who finishes first.

Final Score: Colts 24, Jets 17

Kansas City (4-5) at L.A. Rams (5-4)

Somehow the Rams keep finding ways to crap on their amazing start, losing their fourth of the last five. Jim Everett lobbed up two picks and threw for an underwhelming 170 yards, while Steve DeBerg shocked the world with 175 yards and only 1 interception. Kansas City gets their much-needed win, while the Rams finally return the 'Divison Champions' banner to the 49ers that they stole at the beginning-of-the-season banquet.

Final Score: Chiefs 20, Rams 17

They had an extra uniform in the nurse's closet

Seattle (6-3) at San Diego (6-3)

Nate Lewis joins this rollicking affair, which came to an end with only 21 points scored and the Chargers taking revenge to kick Seattle out of the first-place club. While B.J. Tolliver was begging to lose with his 3 interceptions, Dave Krieg shattered his dreams with his decision to only connect on 25% of his passes and 84 yards. Once again, the AFC West reminds us why they're always the needy little brother at the playoffs party.

Final Score: Chargers 14, Seahawks 7

Tampa Bay (4-5) at Detroit (2-7)

The Buccaneers take advantage of their meeting in Detroit to get back to .500 after scoring in the fourth quarter to go ahead. Gary Anderson out-ran Barry Sanders by nearly 50 yards, while Vinny Testaverde slept through three quarters and then came out in his creamsicle sweatsuit and still out-passed Rodney Peete by 100 yards. Detroit hosts a Thanksgiving game next week, leading me to wonder why only a turkey gets lucky enough to be pardoned.

Final Score: Buccaneers 17, Lions 13

4:00 Games

Minnesota (9-1) at Chicago (4-5)

The Vikings travel to the Windy City to play the only team that's beaten them thus far. While Neal Anderson still made the Minnesota run defense look silly, the Vikings nab their tenth win in a row by silencing the mighty Jim Harbaugh with only 92 yards passing and taking over time of possession with 17 first downs. Minnesota is close to being the first to clinch their division, which may cause a Tecmo programming glitch.

Final Score: Vikings 21, Bears 16

We'll miss his happy smiles and season-crushing fumbles

Washington (5-4) at Atlanta (2-7)

Just when we thought there'd be some shuffling in the NFC East this week, Washington keeps its log in the jam with a predictable win against the hapless Falcons. Earnest Byner goes out in the first, throwing up question marks for what may remain of Washington's season, but Mark Rypien remains sharp with 244 yards and no picks. While his heroism is enough to keep the Redskins in the race, his finesse is what the ladies clamor for.

Final Score: Redskins 31, Falcons 21

Houston (7-2) at Dallas (5-4)

The 'Boys can't make it four in a row for their division, losing the Lone Star Battle to Houston. Dallas tried to rally from down 28-10, but Warren Moon fought them off by leading his team in passing, rushing, and would have led in receiving had his pass to himself not been overthrown by twenty yards. The Oilers will now be watching Monday's game with interest, but the kind of interest one gives to the wardrobe of a porno.

Final Score: Oilers 28, Cowboys 24

Eat your hearts out, soccer fans

Buffalo (7-2) at Green Bay (6-3)

I admit that, while the season is starting to round out into the conventional same-12 teams, we've had some fun surprises so far this year. Therefore, it couldn't have been complete without a five-quarter tie between two teams trying to keep pace with their red-hot division leaders. Majkowski and QB Bills combined for 507 yards passing, but neither could lob up the one pass needed to get in position for the win. Although it was a tough pill to swallow for Green Bay's division championship hopes, backup Packers' QB Anthony Dilweg had no problem kissing his sister on the lips.

Final Score: Bills 28, Packers 28

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We head into Monday night with the last two teams that have yet to be featured, the Cincinnati Bengals and Pittsburgh Steelers. It's an AFC Central showdown with a chance to stay in the hunt, and both teams are looking to their captains to continue leading them on the right path. Neither team has done much this season to stand out, perhaps the reason why they're the last to be featured, but they both are set to put on a great game with Pittsburgh's stout defense against Cincinnati's powerful offense. Look forward to a good mixture of Boomer passes and James Brooks prances, along with a dash of Bubby Brister trying to figure out if it's his socks or his shoes that go on first.

"Now listen Bubby, I know it's called a football, but you
have to stop kicking it to your receivers..."