Football Night in America: Philadelphia vs. Green Bay

Time to settle the age-old question: who would win a
fight between an eagle and a meat-packager?

It's Philadelphia vs. Green Bay, two teams that your league guide has boldly picked to become eventual NFC playoff contenders. While the main difference between the two teams is that one player has the initials 'QB' before his name, there isn't much separating the two. There's superb offensive talent on both sides of the ball, which could lead to an offensive explosion in this electric Week One match-up. Also, Green Bay has Bob Nelson. It's still early in the season, but both teams are looking to stick their heads out from the pack of early favorites. If Don "Magic Man" Majkowski can keep his team in it through three quarters, they may have a chance to hold off QB Eagles' jivin' jukes.



Quarter One

Someone had to catch it, just not one of the three Packers

Philadelphia wins the toss, and elects to receive. Chris Jacke kicks with the wind, but still only gets it about twenty yards, and before long Kenny Jackson has the ball at about midfield. Two plays later, on 3rd and five, QB Eagles fools everyone and runs for a long 20 yards. On the next play, the Eagles are on the board with a pass into triple coverage to Calvin Williams.

Philadelphia leads 7-0

Green Bay starts with the ball on their own 33 yard line, and soon Majik man and his offense are staring at their own 3rd and 5 situation. Coach Lindy Infante starts to send out the punting unit early, when Majkowski tells him he has other plans. And on the very next play, Don finds Perry Kemp for a beautiful catch and run of 62 yards that gets the Packers on the board.

Score tied 7-7

Jacke lends his efforts in keeping the game tight with another 20 yarder, but it appears only to be a setup to injure Kenny Jackson, which the Packers promptly do. QB Eagles holds a quick vigil, and then looks to the cot as it's carried away and tells Jackson "This drive's for you." After a quick incompletion and 6-yard loss on a sack, Eagles hands it off to Heath Sherman who promptly hands it back to the NFL's Wisconsin representative.

The Green Bay fans are clearly not amused by this trick

Majkowski tells his huddle that he wants to try off a new trick he learned over the weekend. His offense doesn't quite know what to make of the title, the Disappearing Chance for an Important Lead Trick, but after Don's interception it all makes sense.

At their own 33, Heath Sherman is heard shouting at Bob Nelson that he could build a small metropolis in the gap of his teeth. On the next play, Sherman is left picking up his own teeth from the 27 yard line as the quarter expires.




Quarter Two

Referees sniff the pits, too

On a long 3rd and 19, Sherman gets the ball again and slides between Nelson's legs, elbowing him in the crotch on the way, and streaks for another 42 yards. Literally. His uniform was torn off him by a diving Chuck Cecil. While he goes to the sideline for a new uniform, the Packers defense wakes up again and stuffs the Philadelphia run game until there's another 3rd and long situation. Needing 20 yards, QB Eagles takes a chance and realizes he maybe should take a 3 month vacation to Vegas when he runs in for an easy touchdown.

Philadelphia leads 14-7

At their own 49 yard line after a nice return, Majkowski pulls out another trick from his book, called Nobody Ever Covers Ed West, and finds the Toolbox for a 51 yard touchdown.

Score tied 14-14

With only 30 seconds taken off the clock, QB Eagles gets the team primed for another quick score before the half.  Not long after, it's 3rd and 7, but with the Packers day-long lack of understanding that only one more stop = punt, Keith Byars snags another first down with 1:21 left on the clock. Two more plays, and Keith Byars finds himself tripped up at the Packers' 1-yard line with seconds ticking off the clock. A quick huddle doesn't help, as Bob Nelson's labradoresque hearing gets his defense to stuff Byars on the next play. On 3rd and 6 with seconds ticking away, Roger Ruzek comes in for a chip shot to give the Eagles a tight lead at halftime.

Halftime - Eagles 17, Packers 14

Quarter Three

Although Sharpe dislocated his tibia on this catch, he was
apparently able to pop it back in for any inevitable reverses

Running out to the field, Coach Infante's playbook looks to be about half the size it was going in. During the halftime show, he apparently told sideline reporters the only running play he needed was the Sharpe reverse. Starting at their own 22, a few passes to Michael Haddix and Keith Woodside get the chains moving. After a QB Eagles-channeled 12-yard run by Majkowski moves the Packers near midfield, a sterling silver pass to Sterling Sharpe gets the Packers their first lead with a 65-yard connection.

Green Bay leads 21-17

On the ensuing kickoff, Jacke picks the ball up off the tee and places it at the Eagles own 49 yard line for the next drive. On the very first play, a QB Eagles bootleg run is good for a 39 yard gain, which is respectable by QB Eagle bootleg run standards. While Byars finds the end zone two plays later, he still trails his quarterback by about 975 rushing yards.

Philadelphia leads 24-21

Must be an extra puff of Philadelphia douchbaggery in that ball

Ruzek spoils the kickoff fun by actually getting the ball across Green Bay's goal line. Charles Wilson, fresh off his political stint and Afghan troop-rousing, takes the ball out to the 13-yard line. Majkowski starts it off promising with a 20-yard laser to Haddix, but then gets greedy with the same pass to Perry Kemp getting picked off by Ben Smith.

Quarter Four
The Eagles run two quick plays to begin the quarter, but soon are staring at the looming 3rd and 2 situation ahead of them. After somehow skirting the touted Green Bay third-down defense all day, Byars somehow gets a second wind and hoofs it down to the Green Bay 14-yard line. Not waiting for Brian Noble to finish double knotting his cleats, QB Eagles squeaks his way in for his second touchdown of the day.

Philadelphia leads 31-21

He was all-tool before Tim Allen made tools cool

The Eagles stuff Green Bay at their own 10-yard line on the ensuing kickoff, and the Majik man is staring at a long field ahead of him. With the time showing just over 3 minutes remaining, he pulls his team into the huddle to construct the perfect drive that will be executed quickly and with finesse, so that there would still be plenty of time remaining to try an onside kick. The first play from scrimmage is a beautiful Sharpe reverse that, while netting Green Bay an important 25 yards, also takes nearly 45 seconds off the clock. Pleased with his cunning abilities, Majkowski dumps a 6-yard pass off to Haddix in the middle of the field. A final timeout is called by the Packers, which is just want the doctor ordered, as on the very next play the Majik man actually gets the game within three with a perfectly lobbed meatball to the wide-open and new Green Bay folk hero Ed West.

Philadelphia leads 31-28

What Green Bay was like, pre-Favre (hard to imagine)

Infante boldly calls for the onside kick, and when Jacke shoots him a confused look, Infante shouts for him to just keep doing the same thing he's been doing all game. Jacke kicks it it midfield, and who else is there to scoop it up but QB Eagles. After running plenty of time off the clock with a few bootlegs, the Eagles face 3rd and 10 with 33 seconds left. If ever there was a time for Bob Nelson to grease his mustache and bear down, it was now. Or, perhaps another time, as QB Eagles finds a wide open Keith Jackson in the end zone for the final proverbial nail in the first of many proverbial coffins of this 1991 Green Bay squad's season.

Final: Eagles 38, Packers 28

The Majik man was sizzling with his 206 yards of passing and 4 touchdowns, but it was the two interceptions that were the real deal-breakers in this shootout. That, and the Packers stunning revulsion to stopping any third down conversions from occurring (there were 7...yes, I had to count them). QB Eagles was at the top of his game--while not always hitting the open receiver, his own special set of bionic legs carried him to two rushing touchdowns. His 120 yards led a team that ran up and down and all over what appeared to be an imposter Bob Nelson-led defense. Green Bay has a lot of work to do if they want to make any noise in the NFC. Philadelphia, on the other hand, has enough noise coming out of that city with Will Smith rapping about his parents that they don't really need help from the Eagles.