Week Twelve: Troy's Turkeys and Peete's Potatoes

The Thanksgiving holiday has come and gone, and now most of us are lying on our couches with full stomachs and empty pockets. You may have spent three month's salary during Black Friday, but we're here to offer you some twenty-year old football free of charge. Today you'll see some recaps of the classic Thanksgiving throwdowns involving Detroit and Dallas, alongside today's current lineup of superstars mushing eachother's brains for your enjoyment. So grab a plate of microwaved stuffing and potatoes and let us guide you through the final turn on your holiday weekend of food, football and finding new ways to finance your child's college education.

Game One
Cincinnati (5-5) at Detroit (2-8)

The Bengals have picked up their britches after giving up five straight losses, pulling themselves back to .500 and now drawing the Detroit Lions en route to a pretty decent shot at finding some air in the AFC Central. The Lions have played considerably better than last season, but have yet to find any answers to getting their own record to reflect that. One factor may be the dramatic fall of Barry Sanders from being a rushing threat, putting all the pressure on a man named Peete: Rodney Peete, that is. Rodney's done his best to keep his team in close games, but Barry will need to get back on track against one of the league's worst rush defenses to give the Lions some teeth again.

Quarter One
Harold Green's fall from grace had never been more apparent than in Cincinnati's first drive, which featured him running twice into his own linemen and fumbling the ball over to Ray Crockett on third down. Detroit faced their own struggles over the first two plays, with Peete unable to find open men. Unfortunately, Cincinnati must have recorded the part of the tape where Barry Sanders makes catches out of the backfield with coverage of the Fish Toss at Fountain Square, as they totally left him wide open to bring Peete's pass to paydirt on third down.

Detroit leads 7-0

The Lions blitzed Boomer on three straight plays, but only managed to fluster him for two when he found Green open on 3rd and long to set up a fresh set of downs. Green bailed the Bengals out again on another third down situation with a long run into the red zone. With the targets set to Green, Esiason finally got some breathing room and found a sliding Tim McGee just across the end zone for a game-tying score.

Score tied 7-7

Quarter Two
Like your Grandmother and her classically-trained turkey carving, Peete sliced and diced his way past the Cincinnati secondary, leading to a needled pass to Brent Perriman at the 15-yard line. Peete took it on his own over the next two plays, falling a yard short on third down to set up a crucial call by head coach Wayne Fontes on 4th-and-goal. Emboldened perhaps by their negative win-to-loss ratio, the Lions went for broke on 4th down, leading to a somewhat rare incompletion by Peete in the end zone.

Harold Green was called on once more to get his team as far away from the inch line as possible, successfully moving his team forward until Esiason's flea flicker attempt was picked off. With just under a minute remaining in the quarter, the Lions finish what they started earlier with a Peete-to-Herman Moore touchdown connection of 55 yards.

Detroit leads 14-7

Halftime - Lions 14, Bengals 7

Quarter Three
As it has all year, Detroit's new-look rushing attack featured Rodney Peete taking the ball on a few bootlegs to get the Lions in scoring territory. However, in a more traditional fashion, Peete went to the air to attack the porous Bengals' back four and find Herman Moore once again for their second touchdown and Peete's third of the day.

Detroit leads 21-7

Lions' rookie cornerback and future XFL star for the Los Angeles Outlaws, Kevin Scott, intercepted Boomer's first pass of the drive to cut their comeback campaign a bit short. With a more comfortable lead, the Lions finally put Barry's feet on the turf with Peete's first pitch to the explosive back going for 25 yards. The formula was put back on the shelf, however, with Peete lacing it once more to another reciever, tight end Jimmie Johnson, for another 30+ passing touchdown.

Detroit leads 28-7

Time was running out on the Bengals who needed a big play to pull somewhat closer to Detroit, though with Esiason's arm in question they pulled off a trick play to power runner Derrick Fenner that was on its way to netting 30 yards before he fumbled it back over to Ray Crockett for the heart-stabbing turnover as the quarter expired.

Quarter Four
Even with Peete throwing for short gains, his receivers were still able to gather large amounts of ground, including a 10-yard pass to Perrima to start the quarter going for another 47. Sanders finally got his first score over the next two plays that saw him catching a short pass, along with a pitch, to show off his still-explosive speed for Detroit's first non-Peete involved touchdown of the day.

Detroit leads 35-7

Green's ground game was less than inspired over the next few plays of Cincinnati's possession, so Esiason opted to go to him through the air, successfully connecting with the former Trojan for the Bengals' second touchdown.

Detroit leads 35-14

Sanders picked up the fated onside kick and trampled his way to the Cincinnati 35-yard line, unable to burst past kicker Jim Breech. He was able to close off those remaining yards, however, with two runs to give him just his twelfth touchdown of the season, but his third on the day.

Detroit leads 42-14

With just 47 seconds remaining and the Bengals looking for something positive, they opted to show that they're still the best flea-flicking team in the league. The campaign took a few steps back, however, when Green tossed the ball back to a flattened Boomer and William White picked it up for Detroit to run out the clock on a rare Thanksgiving win.

Final Score: Lions 42, Bengals 14

The Lions laid a turducken-sized thumping on Cincinnati in a game the Bengals needed to win to keep up with the surging Houston and Pittsburgh teams in their division. Though it was just Detroit's third win of the season, it was a dominating one in their first time in the national spotlight this year. Rodney Peete's gunslinging still has him gunning for Comeback Player of the Year, and his growing corps of weapons can only be promising for the Lions future in spoiling other teams' quests for postseason play. This was perhaps the turning point in Cincinnati's once-promising season, exposing them as the turkeys they are. Rodney Peete and his four throwing touchdowns may have his hotel door getting a lot of knocks tonight, yet it was Barry Sanders' three scores and dominant second half that have him feasting on the spoils of a Turkey Day award in the early game.

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Game Two
Phoenix (1-9) at Dallas (6-4)

With Dallas heating up at the right time and the Cardinals playing perhaps their worst football since moving from Racine Street, we're only expecting another Thanksgiving Day stuffing with the high-powered Cowboys' offense trampling all over Phoenix. Of course, we'll still see the glimmers of hope with Chris Chandler throwing a similar 5-for-25 for 400 yards, though their one win during Monday Night may as well be the highlight of this rather dismal season that even we here at the Tecmo Bowl weren't jaded enough to predict.

Quarter One
The Cardinals moved backwards on their first drive, with a 7-yard sack being the only movement from the line of scrimmage. To add insult to even more insults being hurled at the league-worst Cardinals' defense, the usually complex-but-misguided Irvin reverse fooled Phoenix for a 58-yard gain. Daryl Johnston uncharacteristically ran in for Dallas' first score, only highlighting where this day was headed for the Cardinals.

Dallas leads 7-0

The Cowboys went up by two scores when Chandler found himself on the bottom of a Dallas dogpile, coughing the ball up to Charles Haley to run it in for a 40-yard score. The game was already a runaway with Troy and Emmitt not even showing up on the scoreboard yet.

Dallas leads 14-0

Phoenix's first positive amount of yardage comes just when the quarter headed towards its end, as Chandler crossed the midfield point with a 24-yard scamper. The next two plays, however, had a riled up Dallas defense coming down on Chandler with two straight blitzes to knock the Cardinals back to their own 32-yard line.

Quarter Two
With a change of scenery and Chris Chandler's arm fed a few more quarters, he lobbed up a desperation pass to Ricky Proehl near the Dallas 2-yard line. The jump ball was brought in by the soft hands of Clayton Holmes, however, who ran it back to the Dallas 11-yard line. Aikman completed what was surprisingly just his first pass of the game to Jay Novacek, though the usually dependable tight end out of Wyoming bobbled it over to safety Michael Zordich. With the Cardinals given a rare second chance, Chandler continued to build up an unfortunate rapport with cornerback Holmes as the rookie pulled in his second interception in as many passes from Chandler. Dallas' next drive burned Phoenix for their amateur play with Aikman picking apart the defense and unleashing Emmitt Smith for 40-something yards, capped off by a 14-yard reception to score a more traditional Dallas touchdown.

Dallas leads 21-0

Unable to find a way to break through the Cowboys' defense, Phoenix called a few trick plays, finally rewarded by a Ricky Proehl reverse that nets 50 yards. With time running under a minute until halftime, however, the Cardinals are forced to revert back to looking for the big play. Though Johnny Bailey found a hole for 22 yards to set up Phoenix for at least 3 points, Greg Davis and his balsa wood leg had the Cardinals banking off the left upright headed into halftime. However, with 15 seconds still left on the clock, Dallas proved that no amount of time is short enough for Emmitt Smith to run 78 yards to score.

Dallas leads 28-0

Halftime - Cowboys 28, Cardinals 0

Quarter Three
Kelvin Martin was taken out by the Cardinals on the opening kickoff. Though it doesn't limit the amount of attacks in Dallas' arsenal, it did prove their vulnerability and give Phoenix's defense some new wind to keep them from scoring on their first drive of the half. Unfortunately, they still had to run out their offense that, still suffering their personality disorder, went 3-and-out on the ensuing drive. The quarter ended as it began with Aikman cutting the Cardinals apart with a slow, methodical drive.

Quarter Four
After tacking on to his league-leading yards by getting his team to midfield, Emmitt Smith gave way to the capable arm of his quarterback as Aikman found Michael Irvin 40 yards away to get into threatening position once more. Opting to sit Smith on the next play, Aikman, perhaps to win a bet, ran a bootleg to score himself and put Dallas up by a very much insurmountable lead.

Dallas leads 35-0

After figuring out that Johnny Johnson wasn't actually on the injured reserves list, Chandler found his man at midfield and watched Johnson show off his legs to the Dallas 15-yard line. The two-headed Johnny attack returned, even if it was just for a short sweet, second, when Bailey ran up the middle untouched for Phoenix's obligatory score.

Dallas leads 35-7

The Cardinals surprised nobody with an onside kick, though Aikman did raise a few eyebrows in running it back to just outside the red zone. Johnston tried to get involved in a score once again, but the presence of a certain safety once again struck the fear of Zordich in Johnston, causing him to cough it up to the one bright spot in Phoenix's defense. Starting at their own 30 after the return, Chandler got his team down to the end zone with a 26-yard throw to Randal Hill, followed up by a pitch to Bailey in the face of a blitz that covered up the final 54 yards for Phoenix's second consecutive score.

Dallas leads 35-14

Smith picked up the onside kick this time, and followed it up with a 49-yard score to slide the icy knife into Phoenix's back and cement the Cowboys' dominant Thanksgiving win.

Dallas leads 42-14

After four touchdowns were scored in the last quarter alone, Bailey tried his best to make it a fifth with a long return that fell just short of a rare exciting touchdown for Phoenix.

Final Score: Cowboys 42, Cardinals 14

It was a game similar to its earlier match-up in score only, with the Cowboys hardly looking weak at all save for a few untimely turnovers. Though Emmitt Smith was once again the story for Dallas on offense, it was a tough defense that never let Chandler get going on one of his normally explosive attacks. Dallas was just .500 three weeks ago, but since then have won three in a row in what could conservatively be called dominating fashion to put the heat on Philadelphia and Washington in their division. Phoenix fell to a league-worst 10th loss, and now the only thing that can stop the bleeding in the southwest would be Freddie Joe Nunn strongbox-sized hemorrhage.

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With the headache of the holiday over, it's time to get back into the thick of the battle. There's some interesting match-ups today, setting up what's sure to be some hot races down the line. Week 12 generally represents the last gasp for a lot of teams, so let's do some cannonballs and see which teams will float to the surface, and which will sink while attached to the dead weight of Dave Krieg. Due to the heft of our Thanksgiving recaps, we'll present this week's games in abbreviated haiku form.

1:00 Games

Buffalo (5-5) * Atlanta (8-2)

Bills score late to win

Miller still wins the air game

Broussard is a bust

Final Score: Bills 28, Falcons 24

Kansas City (2-8) * Seattle (2-8)

Suck-fest in the West

Seattle has Krieg's number

Stan "Joe Cool" today

Final Score: Seahawks 20, Chiefs 14

Miami (6-3-1) * Houston (7-3)

Dolphins outlast Moon

Marino nearly perfect

Duncan one man show

Final Score: Dolphins 31, Oilers 24

San Diego (8-2) * Tampa Bay (4-6)

Chargers can't be beat

Vinny, more picks than catches

Bucs not in same league

Final Score: Chargers 17, Buccaneers 6

Minnesota (7-3) * Cleveland (5-5)

Vikings eke one out

Gannon strangely efficient

Browns losing ground fast

Final Score: Vikings 24, Browns 17

Green Bay (4-6) * Chicago (6-4)

Muster still the man

Bears win despite Harbaugh

Favre reeks of rookie

Final Score: Bears 24, Packers 10

Philadelphia (7-3) * New York Giants (3-7)

Walker fools New York

Eagles step out from Dallas

Hoss to change his name

Final Score: Eagles 35, Giants 14

4:00 Games

New Orleans (8-2) * Washington (6-4)

Hebert has off day

Heyward bails out with big game

Saints hang for ninth win

Final Score: Saints 17, Redskins 13

San Francisco (8-2) * Los Angeles Rams (4-6)

L.A. scores upset

Everett out-Youngs Steve Young

Rams still thorn in side

Final Score: Rams 34, 49ers 31

Pittsburgh (6-4) * Indianapolis (2-8)

Steelers remain hot

Foster over two hundred

Smells in Hoosier Dome

Final Score: Steelers 27, Colts 14

Los Angeles Raiders (5-5) * Denver (4-6)

Raiders take step back

Chargers send Denver champagne

Todd is no Elway

Final Score: Broncos 37, Raiders 14

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Tomorrow night will be bittersweet as we swing up to visit the New England Patriots in our last featured game of teams yet to be featured. From here, it'll be big games upon big games, suddenly meaning the possibility of my head no longer meeting my keyboard. But before we get ahead of ourselves, I'll have one more romantic weekend between my forehead and the space bar when Millen takes his team against the recently anemic New York Jets. The last time we saw Nagle and Co., they were mired in a tie in the biggest game of their season while Nagle floundered in the spotlight. He gets an immediate chance at redemption, and should come away with a few more supermodel phone numbers going up against a Patriots team that only have a defense because it's mandated by the league.One bright spot for New England includes their running back, Kevin Turner, who's recent one-man wrecking crew gimmick is peaking at just the right time for us to view this debacle.

Monday Night Football: Dallas vs. L.A. Raiders

Halloween week has never really been anything out of the ordinary for NFL fans. For a sport with people wearing cheese blocks on their heads, costumes aren't anything new. However, with the night in which demons are free to roam the earth fast approaching, we here at the Tecmo Bowl couldn't find a better game to feature than one including the Los Angeles Raiders. They're a group of misfit pirates cheered on by a band of miscreant barbarians with only one goal in mind: beat their opponents black and blue. If they should win a few games, that's a mere bonus; and this year's Raiders have done a decent job of that. Tonight, they'll face off against an upstart Dallas team which, on the surface, don't appear too fazed, but beneath have to be shivering in their spurs with the prospects of falling further down the rungs of their division. It's an important midseason battle between two hungry teams, and we're not editing it for content.

Quarter One
Future Boston College Hall-of-Famer Kelvin Martin is out on the field for Dallas, returning a Jeff Jaeger kick out to his own 45 yard line to start this ball game. The Raiders came ready to pillage the Dallas offense, destroying Emmitt Smith for a loss of 5 yards on the first play. As the black and silver scourge celebrate over their loot, however, Michael Irvin is on call to run the famous Irvin Reverse (not to be confused with the famous Irvin Curse that ran rampant through the Dallas locker room during training camp), regaining 12 yards. Emmitt's next run picks up 11 more yards to set up an Aikman pass out of the shotgun formation. Tight end Jay Novacek lays out for the dead duck, sliding head first into the end zone for the Cowboys' first score.

Dallas leads 7-0

Sam Graddy, Olympic gold medalist and Cherokee County Fair blue ribbon winner, is out to return the kick for the Raiders. After a humble run to the 14-yard line, Graddy will be spending some more time at home making his famous peach cobbler when a Dallas blocker inverts his knees. The Raiders spend two plays running their version of the 'Smith' draw, but just like their names, Steve's attempts are far less exciting than Emmitt's. On 3rd and 7, Jay Schroeder drops back to pass but bounces it off the fingertips of Tim Brown. Hide your wives, here comes Jeff Gossett out to punt!

Martin gets another solid return on the punt to the Cowboys' 45-yard line, from which the Aikman show is set to begin. A lateral pass to Smith picks up 5 yards, to be overshadowed by Troy's sack-dodging laser beam to Mr. Martin for an additional 40. Everyone's favorite Daryl, Mr. Johnston, gets his first rushing attempt of the day for 4 yards around the left side, which is capped off by Emmitt Smith picking up the final 11 for his first touchdown of the day.

Dallas leads 14-0

Just when everyone stopped wondering where the hell Marcus Allen was, he shows up as the backup kick returner to a man with pie filling for gloves. Allen returns the Dallas kickoff to his team's 38-yard line, and on Los Angeles' first play, Steve Smith strikes about as much fear as the confused boy dressed as the Pink Ranger for Halloween when he punches his way through for 6 yards. A Dallas blitz erases that gain when linebacker Robert Jones takes down Schroeder. On third down, the John Carpenter soundtrack kicks in as the body count continues to rise, with Godfrey Myles taking out his defender and leaving Jay Schroeder writhing on the ground surrounded by masked madmen.

Quarter Two
The final quarter before halftime begins with Gossett's second punt, a doozie that pins the Cowboys deep for the first time all game. Fortunately for Dallas, their league-leading rusher erases a good portion of that deficit with a 70-yard run in which he goes untouched by a single L.A. defender to the Raiders' 5-yard line. Aikman is out to connect on his second passing touchdown of the evening, a stinger to Michael Irvin in the back of the end zone.

Dallas leads 21-0

Allen makes another cameo appearance to return the kick to the Raiders' 38-yard line. The goblins from Dallas continue to torment Los Angeles' offense, however, shutting Dickerson out on his first two plays of the game. Schroeder escapes another blitz, connecting on his first pass to Tim Brown for 22 yards. The Cowboys continue to bring the heat, but the suddenly calculating Raiders' offense is clicking with a couple of nice Dickerson runs followed by a perfect lob into the waiting arms of Willie Gault at the Dallas 2-yard line. Eric Dickerson completes the drive with a touchdown for his team, his tenth of the season.

Dallas leads 21-7

Martin continues to pave the path for his team's success with his third kick return past the 40-yard line, though an Anthony Smith sack of Aikman pushes them back 11 yards. A pass to Renaissance Man Martin erases the deficit, though on third down Troy's pass is tipped at the line. One of the 35 people listed on Wikipedia's page for notable names out of Arcadia, California, John Saxon makes an appearance to punt the ball just inside the goal line.

With 9 seconds left in the half, it was a perfect opportunity for a Steve Smith run up the middle. Of course, being they're the Raiders, they couldn't even follow that simple formula, and instead unleashed Schroeder to toss a short pass to Willie Gault, who somehow outran every Dallas defender to put this once-runaway game back within reach at halftime.

Dallas leads 21-14

Halftime - Cowboys 21, Raiders 14

Quarter Three
After the momentum shift that caused the San Andreas fault to crack open a few inches wider, the Raiders came back out to start a possible game-tying drive. Starting at their own 38-yard line, L.A.'s offensive line suddenly found themselves running from the man in the Robert Jones costume, allowing his second sack of Schroeder this evening. Somehow, Cool Jay was able to compose himself long enough to find Tim Brown for another 20+-yard completion for a fresh set of downs. However, with the shades of Schroeder's Jones-plagued past continuing to haunt his dreams, he's unable to connect with Gault on the next two plays, the second of which getting intercepted by a mysterious stranger, known to some as 'Clayton Jones'.

Michael Irvin sandwiches a long Emmitt Smith run with two reverse plays, one for 13 yards and one for a loss of two that knocks them back to the Los Angeles 3-yard line. Smith finishes the job with a draw play to pick up his second rushing score.

Dallas leads 28-14

Marcus Allen, apparently happy with his week's paycheck, coughs up the football at his own 45-yard line to give his team's opponent the ball back up by two scores. The witching hour has begun early for the silver and black.

Aikman goes back to the air, finding his favorite target of the evening in Kelvin Martin for 33-yard to the Raiders' 1-yard line. Once again on the precipice of danger, Los Angeles' defense holds tough for one of the three required plays to force a field goal. The second required play results in Smith's third touchdown.

Dallas leads 35-14

Apparently missing the no-fumble clause in his modified contract, Allen is back out to return the kick to near midfield. Eric Dickerson picks up 20 yards in the final play of the third quarter.

Quarter Four
Despite the promising start of the drive, the treats continue to elude the Raiders' offense when Schroder finds another Clayton Holmes razorblade in his apple.

With the Cowboys cruising, the Los Angeles defense returns for the first time since the first play of the first quarter to stop Dallas on a three-and-out to get the ball back with just over 3 minutes on the game clock. They'll have to also contend with a long field after a booming John Saxon punt pins them behind their own 20-yard line. Jay Schroeder runs out to the field, eliciting the loudest screams of the night.

In about two plays and five seconds, the Raiders are already facing a 3rd-and-9 situation, once again bailed out by the ghost of Eric Dickerson's career when he's able to gouge out a nice 22-yard run. A short 5-yard dash and a near-pick follow up this play, putting Los Angeles back in the belly of the beast. Dickerson is once again entrusted with saving this drive, and does so with a catch-and-run in coverage to the Dallas 14-yard line. The two-headed dinosaur of Steve Smith and Dickerson pick up 9 yards over the next two plays, and on a 3rd-and-1 game-changer, the Cowboys' blitz gobble up Smith for a yard loss. Facing 4th-and-2 at the 6-yard line, the Dallas defense once again locks its eyes on Smith with a blitz to end the drive, calling into question the strange late-game decisions of both coaching staffs.

Aikman pleases Tecmo fantasy players everywhere with a 57-yard heave to Martin to close out the game, padding both mens' stats and ruining one guy's week for playing Ivory Lee Brown over Martin.

Final: Cowboys 35, Raiders 14

It was another blowout on Monday Night Football, this time with the Dallas Cowboys storming their way back over .500 with the Raiders as their victims. Los Angeles enters their bye week licking a few wounds, their once promising ground game exposed alongside a defense that sat around picking daisies rather than imitating the gory Gwar-like massacres by their fans in the parking lots before (and after) the game. Emmitt Smith had another career day to keep himself at the top of the league's rushers, and with some important divisional games coming up it'll be up to him to keep his team afloat in the race. Despite the rout, I'd say we had some fun cavorting up and down the streets of the Tecmo Bowl's eighth Monday Night Football game. There were tricks like Willie Gault's miracle run as the half expired, treats like seeing Kelvin Martin break out as a star in the Dallas defense. And of course, there were the unspeakable horrors each time Jay Schroeder lofted up a pass. All in all, another successful All Hallow's Eve week here at the Tecmo Bowl, with just enough time left to feast on the strange powedery candy given out by Nate Newton's mom.

Monday Night Football: Dallas at Green Bay

After this game, he's boxing for the Soviets

Dallas heads north to Green Bay amidst inner turmoil and external goings-on within their own division. While the NFC Central isn't a cake-walk for the Acme Packing Company's favorite team, Dallas faces at least three other teams that don't expect to go anywhere for a while, and another that plays happily amidst 115 degree heat. Dallas needs a win to stay ahead of the surging Giants, while the Packers need to dig deep into their own gouda-covered souls just to keep pace with the league-best Minnesota Vikings. The Cowboys and Packers have identical 3-2 records, and while their style of play is mostly different, with Emmitt Smith on the ground for Dallas and Ed West trying out his moon boots to pull in Don Majkowski bombs for Green Bay, their will to win is the same. After all, you don't have to scour the internet to find out how far Troy Aikman is willing to go for this win--in fact, you just need to look to your left, courtesy of Pro Line Portraits.




Quarter One

Aikman can only watch in pixellated horror

Dallas wins the toss and greedily decides to take the kick, going against all social customs and I believe a few of the Camp David Accords. James Dixon takes a poor Chris Jacke kick to the Dallas 41 for a prime starting spot. After an incomplete pass to Jay Novacek and a modest, yet unsuccessful, run by Tommy Agee for 7 yards, Dallas finds themselves with a third-and-three situation. Not wanting to relinquish their drive and waste good field position, they decide to try and convert the third-down with another Agee dash around the end for 4 yards and the first down. After this successful display of professional football play-calling and a gutsy effort by Agee, Aikman gives it up anyway with a pick to linebacker Scott Stephen.

Starting from his own 40-yard line, Don Majkowski takes the field, and his mullet appears a bit perturbed that he's missing the hockey game. His first pass is a perfect strike to Perry Kemp, who carries it into Dallas territory with a 29-yard gain. This play inevitably sets up the Michael Haddix draw, which is usually almost always doomed from its inception. When his next pass to Kemp is blocked, Majkowski now faces an improbable 3rd-and-10 situation, and so he goes to the sure-handed Kemp again for a possible conversion. Unbeknownst to him, Kemp is now drawing about three defenders a play, and his pass is batted harmlessly away. Chris Jacke is on, and not even the cold October chill of eastern Wisconsin can stop his 50-yarder from splitting the uprights.

Nintendo goal post, or M.C. Escher drawing?

Green Bay leads 3-0

Dixon takes another nice return out to the Dallas 43-yard line. And what starts as a promising drive turns into a broken promise for Cowboys' fans when Aikman is picked off again, this time by another member of Green Bay's alliterative secondary, Chuck Cecil.

Majkowski keeps the momentum going with an overthrow of wide open Sterling Sharpe on first down. He makes up for this indiscretion with a 12-yard connection to Haddix. And if the conventional thinking here is to keep moving quickly to keep Dallas reeling, Lindy Infante does the opposite with a Sharpe reverse play, perhaps to go along with the fact that his clothes and hat are all on backwards and that he keeps telling the other coaches that "It's NOT OPPOSITE day".

All that paid-for weight training, yet Aikman
just can't buy this kind of talent

Quarter Two
The next quarter begins with a football bouncing off Michael Haddix's face mask, and it's 3rd-and-11. Out of the shotgun, Majkowski launches a beauty to Kemp that spends about 30 seconds in the air and goes 12 yards. The next two plays involve Keith Woodside and Sterling Sharpe, but because they're not Sharpe reverses, Green Bay scores a touchdown.

Green Bay leads 10-0

Like the middle brother, James Dixon takes another great return unnoticed to the Dallas 47-yard line. The first Aikman pass is blocked at the line of scrimmage, considered a great success by his coaches, so when his next pass is completed to Michael Irvin for a gain of 23 yards they're pretty much ready to dust off Roger Staubach's crown and scepter. Knowing when to cash in their chips, however, the Cowboys entrust the next play to Emmitt Smith, who sheds a defender or two for a 28-yard touchdown run and gets Dallas back in this one.

Green Bay leads 10-7

If that is your real name...

From their own 26-yard line, Green Bay starts with about two and a half minutes remaining to build on their lead before the half. Kemp pulls in a pass in double coverage for 13 yards, but the Packers' scoring campaign comes to a halt there after three straight sacks, two by Jimmie Jones. One of the NFC's best punters named Don comes out, and boots one 60 yards to pin Dallas at their own 26-yard line.

With 1:12 left in the half, it's Dallas' turn to take control of their destiny, and their scoring drive begins with a Smith burst up the middle for 11 yards. With 50 seconds left, Aikman drops back to pass and finds Smith again, this time hoofing it down the field. He characteristically breaks a tackle, and it's not until he crosses in for a touchdown when the next Packer defender finally breaks the 50-yard line.

Dallas leads 14-10

Charles Wilson doesn't fool anyone into thinking he's scoring on his 15-yard kickoff return, as the time runs out on the half and Green Bay's early dominance.

Halftime - Cowboys 14, Packers 10

Lake Michigan is closer than any Dallas defender on this play

Quarter Three
It's Green Bay's turn at the start of the second half due to NFL rules regarding ball control, and out from their own 38 Woodside takes a handoff to midfield for a first down. The Magic Man can't find his rabbit with an overthrow of Kemp, but he successfully saws the Cowboys defense in half on the next play with a lob to Kemp for a 51-yard touchdown connection.

Green Bay leads 17-14

Inspired by his team's last drive, Chris Jacke finally gets his kick past the Dallas 30-yard line, where Dixon is eventually stopped anyway. Aikman goes to the air on the first play from scrimmage, hitting Michael Irvin between the middle hashmarks for 13 yards. Jerry Holmes sacks Aikman on the next play, making Agee's ensuing bootleg run a bit questionable until he gets the ball to within inches of another Dallas first down. They go with the Agee run around the left again, and just when the Cowboys looked to be choking away their lead on Colby cheddar, Agee breaks a tackle behind the line and tacks on 13 more yards. Smith steals his thunder and perhaps his father's love on the next play, however, with a 30-yard burst up the middle to the Green Bay 4-yard line. In spite of this success, Dallas goes to the air on the next two plays, and although they try to involve Smith both times, he can't haul in the Aikman lobs and it's 3rd-and-goal from the 5-yard line. Smith goes around the right end, but the human wood-chipper named Bob Nelson is there to swallow him up, leaving nothing but a cloud of navy and gray molecules. Ken Willis is on for the chip shot and Dallas ties it up.

Score tied 17-17

After a considerably poor return by Wilson, Green Bay starts at their own 16-yard line. Majkowski scrambles into the fourth quarter with a 12-yard run.

Ed West, followed by Majkowski's magical floating football

Quarter Four
The Haddix draw play somehow nets the Packers 21 total yards into Dallas territory, wiping away nearly a minute, along with the smiles of any connoisseurs of defensive prowess. Majkowski hits Kemp for a 35-yard gain, and then Ed West in double-coverage for a touchdown, using up less than half the time it took Haddix to get back to the sideline.

Green Bay leads 24-17

Knowing that his team needs a touchdown just to tie with only 3:24 remaining, Dixon helps his team out with a return to the Dallas 46-yard line. Jimmy Johnson breaks out the cerebral coaching tactics he's so well-known for by using Smith to run down the clock, and then is taken over by his inner flashy offense demons when he calls for a deep pass to Kelvin Martin for a 48-yard catch-and-run touchdown to tie it up with two and a half minutes remaining.

Score tied 24-24

Misplacing a page from the James Dixon book of kick returning, Wilson only gets the ball to the Green Bay 18-yard line with 2:11 remaining for a final win-sealing score. After Woodside takes the ball for a short gain, Majkowski almost tosses the game away when his pass to West is nearly intercepted. With 3rd-and-5 staring at him in the face, Don goes to his favorite Sharpe, who pulls in a nearly impossible reception and streaks down to the Dallas 23-yard line. Needing just to run down the clock and put Jacke out on the field, Green Bay opts for a Sharpe reverse. Coach Johnson's got his Brainiac cap on, however, and decides to let Sharpe score on the reverse to put the ball back in his team's hands. Unfortunately for Dallas, the Sharpe play is designed to take off at least 45 seconds, and when Dallas gets the ball back they only have 30 seconds left and lots of Monterey Jack-covered egg to wipe off their faces.

Green Bay leads 31-24

Purely for football card stats only

Jacke puts everything into his next kick, apparently saving it all for this one, but Dixon carries it out of the back of the end zone anyway. Needing one of his patented exciting returns, Dixon can only get to the 7-yard line. With 14 seconds left, Dallas goes to the popular Last Play in Tecmo playbook and hands the ball and hopes for a win to Agee. And in true Tecmo fashion, he takes it for a 9-yard gain that still falls 55 yards short of spur-kicking, pistol-shooting glory.

Final: Packers 31, Cowboys 24

Fans of the Packers have to be happy with what they saw out of their quarterback and his favorite target, as they connected 5 times, twice for a touchdown. Majkowski leads the league with 18 touchdowns, 3 more than Jim Everett, and the Packers are hot on the heels of Minnesota and Chicago in the NFC Central leading into Week Seven. The NFC East gets a little messier here with Dallas' loss, and despite the Cowboys' efficient run game there is much to be desired by their offense. They fall into a tie with New York, looking up at Philadelphia, Washington and perhaps the roofs of their own coffins. Troy Aikman threw two early picks, but Dallas stayed close with Green Bay, even leading at the half. It sort of makes you wonder where they may have finished had the picks been touchdowns, but then again that sort of wondering might get you thinking about how much longer you have until you see your wife in bed with Babe Laufenberg.