Between feasting on tryptophan-laced fowl and watching helium-powered monsters take over New York City, you may have noticed some football games on television. And just like most of America, you may have been too overcome by the flooding of alcoholic beverages to really pay attention. Therefore, we at The Tecmo Bowl have decided to give thanks to your dedication to following our little corner of the blogosphere, and are offering an encore presentation to satiate any leftover feelings of guilt that you're trying to hide behind turkey sandwiches today.
Game One
Los Angeles Rams (5-5) at
Detroit (2-8)
The Rams stumble into the Motor City on gimpy legs, losing four of their last five and falling a game behind the 49ers in the NFC West. They'll be welcomed by their hosts in the Lions, a team that hasn't taken a Thanksgiving Day game seriously since George Plimpton was nearly called upon to try and lose a tied game with the Green Bay Packers. The Lions don't have much to play for this season besides trying to keep Barry Sanders out of early retirement for another year, but they could seriously play spoilers to the Rams' once-promising season.
Quarter One
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Recover: As in, "How will the Rams recover having an
offensive lineman run back a fumble against them?" |
Rodney Peete does
turkeys everywhere proud when he leads the Lions out to the field and then immediately leads them back out after three failed plays in a row. Jim Everett has a relatively more successful start, but a
squash by Dennis Gibson on third down keeps the Rams out of field goal range. After the Rams' punt, the Lions go with a Barry-heavy offense, but apparently No.20 ate his Thanksgiving feast before the game and his plodding is punished with three straight
stuffings to force another Detroit punt. Utility man Gaston Green fumbles the kick, however, and Eric Andolsek is forever linked to Detroit Thanksgiving lore when he scoops up the ball and runs it in for a score.
Detroit leads 7-0
Quarter Two
Playing from behind, Jim Everett starts throwing balls into the open air like cans of
corn, and it's only a matter of time before Ray Crockett gobbles it up to give the ball back to Detroit. Sanders is the man again, using his legs to get all the way to the Detroit 9-yard line, but the Los Angeles defense holds up this time, absorbing Sanders' runs like pads of butter in
mashed potatoes, and Eddie Murray is on for the short kick from 26.
Detroit leads 10-0
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Gary must feel like the plate of olives at his team's
dinner table after this blunder |
The Rams start from their own 6-yard line with just 1:14 left, but that doesn't stop Jim Everett from driving his team down the field. A pass to Cleveland Gary gets the Rams into field goal range with enough time left, but Gary's hands must have been covered in
cranberry sauce, as he fumbles the ball over to Detroit who wind out the clock and go into halftime with the lead.
Halftime - Lions 10, Rams 0
Quarter Three
Los Angeles comes out of halftime inspired, with Everett completing 100% of his passes, including a 38-yard connection to Henry Ellard for the Rams' first score. One more drive like that, and the Lions may be cooked.
Detroit leads 10-7
After a positive Rams' drive, a poor Mike Lansford kick combined with a huge Mel Gray return gives the momentum back to Detroit. The Rams defense holds strong, however, and Eddie Murray is out for his second try of the game. However, his kick is from nearly twice as long as his first, and his wide right miss means there's a cream
pie waiting to be introduced to his face on the sidelines.
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This one had about as much of a chance as Murray not falling
on his ass after the kick |
The Rams get their next drive going with the same pace as their last one, starting with a huge leaping grab by Curt Warner. However, facing 3rd and 19, it's the University of Georgia Bulldog, Cleveland Gary, that runs the ball 41 yards to paydirt and the Rams' first lead of the game.
Los Angeles leads 14-10
The third quarter draws to a close with the Rams defense swallowing up Detroit for another 3-and-out. The Lions may be needing someone to perform the Heimlich on them, as they're choking away this game like it's the turkey bone stuck in Grandpa's throat.
Quarter Four
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| He'd clutch the Turkey Leg Trophy just as hard that night |
Cleveland's looking for his first Turkey Leg Award as his first play from scrimmage is a 28-yard run. The drive is capped with a huge Willie Anderson catch for the Rams' third consecutive touchdown, however, putting Gary's campaign on hold.
Los Angeles leads 21-10
The Lions needs to score on this drive to keep it a game, but they nearly give Los Angeles more points when Peete is sacked near the end zone. He responds brilliantly on the next play, however, with his first completion since the first quarter that gets Detroit to the 42-yard line. It's deja vu all over again from there, however, when the drive stalls. On 4th and 10, Peete overthrows the other wide receiver named Willie, Willie Green, and the Rams get the ball with enough time to either run out the clock or throw another touchdown pass to a wide open Willie Anderson in the end zone. They opt for the latter, sealing Anderson's Turkey Leg Award and another year of getting snubbed for Mr. Gary.
Final Score: Rams 28, Lions 10
The Rams strung Detroit along through the first half with their three turnovers, before unleashing the hounds of hell, aka Los Angeles, on them. It was another Thanksgiving thrashing of the Lions in their hometown, sealing yet another losing season for the Lions and for any of their fans trying to hold in that extra helping of candied yams. The Rams go back to L.A. still holding on to a sliver of hope in a division title chase with San Francisco and getting out of the doghouse temporarily with the win.
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Game Two
New York Giants (6-4) at Dallas (5-5)
It's an NFC East showdown that carries the pomp and circumstance of a Dallas Thanksgiving Day game mixed with the drama of a divisional rivalry. The Giants can take a huge edge over Dallas in their quest for the division crown, and get a leg up on Washington before the weekend. But you can bet that the Cowboys go down without a fight deep in the heart of Texas, at least not until after the New Kids on the Block get caught lip-syncing or the fireworks start Michael Jackson's hair on fire during the halftime show.
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| What can it be that makes Irvin jump that high? |
Quarter One
The Giants are rewarded for their correct coin flip call with the ball to start the game. The Dallas defense shows up in a big way against New York, however, forcing them into a 3rd-and-24 situation. One play later, and Phil Simms has to call an early time out to figure out what the refs mean by 'fourth down'. He is told the wisely by his coaches that the Giants need to punt, which they do.
The Cowboys' drive is one filled with sacks of Troy Aikman and little-to-no gain runs by Emmitt Smith. So when Aikman finds Michael Irvin in the end zone for the first score of this contest, the Giants' 'D' can be forgiven for asking for a Presidential pardon.
Dallas leads 7-0
The quarter Meggetts to an end, as Dave drives the G-men down the field to answer the Dallas score.
Quarter Two
After Meggett carries the Giants on his back down the field, he is rewarded by getting to block for Stephen Baker who snags a Simms pass and runs down the field for a 25-yard score.
Score tied 7-7
Aikman can't luck his way past the Giants defense on his team's second drive, and the Cowboys are forced to punt. Unfortunately, Cowboys' punter Mike Saxon forgot to wear his throwback uniform, which karmically causes his punt to only travel for a net gain of about 14 yards.
One play after the punt, and Baker is walking in for his second touchdown after Simms tosses it over the yearning hands of Issiac Holt. It wouldn't be Tecmo at Thanksgiving if it didn't have Baker going the full 70 yards after Holt falls down, with no other defenders in sight.
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| Why players with amputated fingers shouldn't be on defense |
New York leads 14-7
Dallas is stuffed near their own end zone after the kick, and with Aikman using up all three downs trying to avoid a safety, they don't get far and are forced to punt as the clock drains away to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles-inspired Halftime Show.
Halftime - Giants 14, Cowboys 7
Quarter Three
The Cowboys start off in a much more favorable spot, as James Dixon gets them into New York territory. The vaunted Giants 'D' comes up big once again, however, giving Smith no room to run or Aikman no room to flail his arms and scream. Needing a momentum shift, coach Jimmy sends Ken Willis out for the fifty-two yarder. He's wide right, the same direction Dallas fans are leaning as they break into their third box of Franzia.
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| Why you shouldn't eat dessert first |
Simms answers to the Cowboys' broken drive with three straight flea-flickers, breaking the Thanksgiving flea-flicker record by three. When Mark Ingram is carted off the field after the third one, however, the Giants go conservative and give it to Ottis Anderson for his first score of the game.
New York leads 21-7
Aikman and his Cowboys are down, but not out. They show signs of life as the quarter comes to an end, converting three third-downs in a row into New York territory.
Quarter Four
As the quarters change over, so does Dallas' fortunes, as they can't convert their next set of downs. Willis is back out near the spot of his first indiscretion, and his haunted soul misses again, this time from fifty-three and wide left. 72-inch televisions all across Dallas are getting covered in Skoal as we write this.
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Seen during this miss: Cowboys throw back to 1965,
during their 'purple and orange' phase |
New York survives an Ottis Anderson fumble at the beginning of their next drive as they march down the field, but they can't score on their fourth consecutive possession and punt it away to Kelvin Martin, who gets stuffed at his own 9-yard line.
Aikman goes to the air, needing to score, but his desperation pass is somehow intercepted even though all eleven of the Giants are currently dogpiled on top of him.
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Crude humor of the day: That's not a football, that's
Anderson making room for seconds! *rimshot* |
From the 15-yard line, Anderson trots in untouched for his second touchdown of the game, putting this one to a humbling end for the Cowboys.
New York leads 28-7
Dallas gets the ball back and brings it to midfield with about 50 seconds left, but Lawrence Taylor hasn't had his dinner yet. Four straight Giants' blitzes are what close out this game, leaving behind a pretty tender Dallas O-line. Keep the turkey baster away from L.T., it looks like there's drool dripping off his facemask!
Final Score: Giants 28, Cowboys 7
There's
not much to be thankful for in Dallas right now. The Cowboys fall to 5-6, which may be the death knell in this division, and their offense looked hapless despite a promising start to the game. The Giants are playing like Mr. Hyde to the Dr. Jekyll of earlier this season, rebounding nicely from their first loss in seven games to take over the division for a few days. It was a dominant game for New York, and if I don't see Phil Simms' boyish grin in the next few weeks, you can Color Me Badd (aka the halftime entertainment for next year).
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