Monday Night Football: NY Jets vs New England

In what would normally be a basement level brawl in the AFC East, the Jets will now hope to use the hapless Patriots as a springboard to keep even with Miami in a very tight race for the division lead. The only thing truly separating these two teams is the strong defense of New York, though even that group appears to be tiring out a few weeks too early. They shouldn't have too much of a problem with a Millen-helmed defense tonight, though as of late there's been some rumblings coming out of Alabama of a young, able-bodied running back named Kevin Turner making some waves for the Patriots. As long as the Jets aren't caught unawares and quarterback Browning Nagle doesn't play like a zombie chicken, New York should be able to bounce back for a much-needed win.

Quarter One
Return specialist Jon Vaughn puts his Patriots at the 15-yard line to start the game. He can't bail his quarterback out on first down when Millen faces a full-on Jets blitz, though on second down the man from Des Moines has a much calmer pocket to launch a long 42-yard pass to Greg McMurtry. Finally finding their one successful play 12 weeks into the season, Millen airs it out once more to McMurtry but has his pass knocked away in the end zone. They opt for a shorter connection, with the one-time Red Sox first-rounder taking the pass at the New York 28-yard line. The first play to Weapon X, otherwise known as Kevin Turner, is a failure of a pass, though he resets his confidence with two plays that net 19 yards to slash his way into the red zone. Kyle Clifton stops the bleeding for the moment with an 11-yard sack of Millen, shaking him up enough to see two of Brian Washington intercepting him in the end zone.

New York runs a play action on first down, fooling nobody on the usually short-bus-occupying Patriots defense. Blair Thomas picks up a weak 4 yard run on 2nd down, though it appears rather Espy-Award worthy compared to his 2-yard loss on 3rd down to force a punt.

Though Michael Timpson has a hard time doing anything with Louie Aguiar's punt, the Prattville Punisher (Kevin Turner's alter ego) finishes up the quarter with a mean 32-yard run to put his team in Jets territory and immediately picking up where they left off on the last drive, with Turner melting hearts and Millen forcing bathroom breaks.

Quarter Two
Pin-up boy Turner can't handle Millen's first pass of the quarter, and the sudden panic causes Millen to absorb a second Kyle Clifton sack of the day. On 3rd and 19, Millen throws up along the sidelines for Irving Fryar, who pulls it in at the Jets' 17-yard line. Millen's one-trick pony is in full-gallop mode when his second consecutive pass to Fryar flies hopelessly into the visitor's tunnel. His attempt at getting Vaughn a third receiving touchdown goes unfulfilled, though on another 3rd down play his pass to Fryar is on the money at the 2-yard line and watches his star receiver run it in for a rare touchdown.

New England leads 7-0

Terance Mathis racks up a hefty run to his team's 43-yard line on his first return of the game. Brad Baxter is handed the ball on first down, from which he finds some running room for 20 yards to New England's 37-yard line. Browning Nagle watches no less than 3 receivers streak down the field wide open before experiencing one night in Andre Tippett for a loss of 9 yards. Blair Thomas is called upon to pick up 12 yards, still about 7 short of a first down which he still can't achieve on his second go-round. With a chance to put some points on the board for New York, Cary Blanchard misses his fifth attempt in just eleven tries, this one from 46 yards away.

The only man to escape a Killer Kowalski Claw, Kevin Turner takes a pitch from Millen for 4 yards on first down, but loses 2 of those on the next play when all eleven Jets defenders kamikaze dive on top of him. Undaunted, Turner takes his third straight pitch and picks up a first down and more to the New England 48-yard line. After an innocent miscommunication as Millen throwing to a cute but pesky gopher alone on the 10-yard line, the ball is handed to the unsuspecting Vaughn, who bounces off his left tackle but is otherwise untouched for 52 yards to the score.

New Englands leads 14-0

Mathis takes the kick out from the end zone to the Jets' 35-yard line, though his run leaves only 9 seconds on the clock for Nagle to panic, eschew his two open receivers along the sideline and throw a short pass to Robb Thomas that is harmlessly yet predictably blocked.

Halftime - Patriots 14, Jets 0

Quarter Three
Another stellar Mathis return comes at a high price, with the star receiver going down to a swollen patella. Thomas continues his forgettable day with a 2-yard loss, followed up by Moore finally getting some separation but now unaware what to do with this oblong shaped ball near his hands. On 3rd and 12, Nagle attempts a run of his own, and though his 1-yard run may seem like 100, he mathematically falls short of the remaining yards needed for a first down to force another Louie Aguiar sighting.

A touchback has the Patriots starting at their own 20 with a comfortable lead over the Jets. Wild Man Millen takes advantage of the rare occasion to lob a pass up to Irving Fryar that leaves a decent-sized gash near a table of Gatorade cups. Kyle Clifton has upper New York management thinking of a name change with his one-man show on a third sack of Millen, leading to a pass to Vaughn that falls hopelessly short of a first down.

Freeman McNeil makes his return to kick-fielding to much fanfare, taking the punt 15 yards to the Jets' 45-yard line. Nagle draws upon the play action with not much to lose, finding Moore open along with a desire to catch the ball for their obligatory one connection per game. It's a meaningful one that sees Moore streak down the sideline for a quick 55-yard score to get New York on the board.

New England leads 14-7

Vaughn is unable to get much farther than the 10-yard line on his return, setting up a dangerous 4th sack from Clifton that has the Jets suddenly claiming momentum in a game they had all but let slip away. From the shadow of their goal line, the Patriots are saved once more by Kevin Turner, Vampire Hunter, who escapes a diving defender in the end zone and picks up 8 yards. Millen puts his legs to work, though they disassemble somewhere near the 11-yard line, sounding the bell for a second consecutive Shawn McCarthy punt.

McNeil picks up a few yards to get the Jets a starting spot at the 45-yard line moving into the 4th.

Quarter Four
The Jets continue to put their faith in Thomas, who picks up 3 yards to put his net on the day somewhere around 0. Baxter nabs a rare reception in the flat for a 10-yard gain into New England territory, though it's Nagle who uses his rushing ability to pick up 20 yards on a Patriots' defense caught on their heels. From the 22-yard line, Nagle picks up another 7 before pitching it to Baxter to complete the final 7 needed to knot this one up late.

Score tied 14-14

The Patriots start off a slow, clock-burning drive with a wild overthrow of Fryar that's nearly picked off, along with another pass that's just off the fingertips of Clifton at the line of scrimmage. On 3rd down with 10 yards necessary, Millen drops back and finds a man open, though the 5-yard gain is only notable for the final stat sheet as McCarthy punts it to McNeil for a third straight time.

Suddenly in charge of the game, field general Browning Nagle throws the ball away in the face of a Patriots blitz that nearly proves costly when it goes out of the hands of a New England defender. Thomas is able to run for double digits on second down, though it also takes off double digits from the clock as just over a minute remains in this tied game. Nagle throws incomplete to Moore, the only covered man on the field, and somewhere, some high school quarterbacks coach just had an aneurysm. Baxter takes a pitch on second down, though it's caught immediately and only picks up 2 yards. Tim Goad saves the game for New England on 3rd down with a big sack of Nagle, though New York maintains its hard edge by going for it on 4th down. Though their unconventional play choice of having Thomas go up the middle proves a failure, it still manages to get a round of applause from ironic hipsters at the Built to Spill concert next door.

The Patriots take the ball with just 22 seconds left on the New York side of the field. The Jets send them backwards on first down, however, with a blitz of Turner for a 4-yard loss. Millen drops back on second down and goes for broke with just 15 seconds left, finding Marv Cook who lays out for the ball but can't get out of the frozen mud in time to score. This taxi cab's headed back to the land of deja vu.

Overtime
The Jets win the toss, though any hope the team's fans have at a quick score are dashed when Browning Nagle latches his helmet on and takes the field. The drive starts as slow as ever with a Thomas run for 7 yards, though the nightmares Nagle will have tonight should occur even slower as he watches his pass on second down sail into the gut of Johnny Rembert at the New England 38-yard line.

Kevin Turner the Bounty Hunter gets his team's sails at full mast with two runs that net 30 yards and get the Patriots at the precipice of Jason Staurovsky territory. Clifton breaches the line to knock Turner back 6 yards, though he still shows why his midichlorians are off the charts with a 26-yard scamper to the Jets' 13-yard line. With the soft, drunken whispers of Dan Marino in his ear, coach Dick MacPherson calls Staurovsky on to the field for a 30-yard kick that banks in off the right upright, symbolizing the Patriots banking off a rare late-season win against a fading playoff contender.

Final: Patriots 17, Jets 14 (OT)

 
The Jets come back to the national stage in just a few short weeks, and once again they hit the 14-point glass ceiling. This time, their impotence comes back to bite them in losing to perennial cellar-dwelling Patriots. With Blair Thomas and Browning Nagle leading the team in their respective categories and only totaling 104 yards, they only have New England to thank for not making them look totally inept on the field. Hugh Millen played less-than-horrible enough to keep his game in it, though once again the story of the game for the Patriots was the enigmatic Kevin Turner, who still remains invisible on game tapes to thwart any planning his team's opponents may have. His efforts finally converted into a Patriots win, and though it may be the last for his team, it was a strong showing that shows glimmers of what the future can be should they find a decent quarterback and not trade Turner away to a Caribbean football league.

 

Looking Ahead: Thanksgiving Edition!

The Thanksgiving holiday will last all weekend long here at the Tecmo Bowl, so make sure to pack your fridge full of leftovers to ready yourself for the festivities. Though Thursday is sure to be jam-packed with your favorite football action on the television screen, we here at the Tecmo Bowl are committed to bring you some of our own brand of football gamesmanship over the weekend with the typical Detroit and Dallas holiday games, along with a featured matchup on Monday night. Don't worry if you get lost, just follow the Bubby Brister balloon all the way down the ol' information superhighway back to the Tecmobowl.com come this weekend to keep that tryptophan hangover rolling right along!

The weekend will start off traditionally with Detroit finally getting their chance in the sun, and it couldn't be more fitting in the Thanksgiving holiday game against Cincinnati. At this stage in the game, however, Detroit will only be lacing up their cleats to play the spoiler against a Bengals team trying to get their head back above water while riding a 2-game win streak. Dallas will return to the spotlight as well, hoping to finally bust their way forth from the 2nd place position they've been riding all season. They'll take on the hopeless Cardinals; though it would only be fair to mention that Phoenix's one win came in their only featured game just a few weeks ago. If they can nab another one here, it may be at the expense of their divisional mates' playoff dreams.

The games to follow on Sunday have the powerhouse of yesteryear in Buffalo battling against one of this year's surprising Goliaths, the Atlanta Falcons. The Bills have gotten back to their winning ways as of late, but a match-up here against the tough-as-nails dirty birds may wind up knocking them back under .500 for the second time this season. Miami and Houston also tussle in a match-up of division leaders. Both teams have underwhelmed against expectations, though Week 12 is usually about the time that the blood in both Warren Moon and Dan Marino's veins begin to react to the 'medication' they've been receiving on the sidelines.You'll also see the Minnesota Vikings attempt to bounce back against an unidentifiable Cleveland Browns team who are desperately looking for their first playoff shot in some time, as well as Green Bay and Chicago beating each other black and blue in the NFC Central for a chance to stay alive in the NFC wild card discussion.

The late games should pack a punch just as hard as the early ones. New Orleans and Washington undoubtedly make an interesting pairing, with the Redskins taking their 4-game win streak against perhaps the hottest team in our 1992 Tecmo Bowl season. Bobby Hebert, leading the league in nearly every statistical category, takes on the highly-ranked Washington pass defense, including Brad Edwards and his 7 sacks and 3 interceptions. San Francisco takes advantage of the Saints' and Falcons' tougher match-ups in landing themselves the packed-for-the-postseason Los Angeles Rams. Pittsburgh should have no problems making it 6 in a row against the Colts, while the Raiders hope to make it a race in the AFC West with a win over the Broncos.

Monday's contest will highlight our final team to be featured in the 1992 Tecmo Bowl Season, the New England Patriots, when they play the New York Jets. Depending on what happens in Miami, the Jets could be playing for sole possession of the AFC East lead. It seems like the 5th week in a row they've played for that claim, but it finally looks like a reality when they touch down in the Nor'east to play a Patriots team with no real direction. Hugh Millen had us all fooled earlier this season by playing above himself, but now that he's not only landed back on earth but found himself halfway to China, the Patriots are no more than a high school JV team looking for a chance to play with the big boys. Though Browning Nagle and Co. can hardly be labeled as such, they are certainly looking for a chance to redeem themselves after a lackluster tie in their last featured game just a few weeks ago.

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AFC

 

NFC

Week Seven: Blame Stan Gelbaugh

With most of the Tecmo world awaiting the premiere of NFL Films' presentation of Tecmo Super Bowl, our little editorial group at The Tecmo Bowl 1992 season are preparing ourselves to turn the page into the second half of an already thrilling season. And though we're moving into our seventh week already, there are still a few teams standing undefeated with another one looking for their first win. In the middle lie the rest of the teams, all looking to start their push towards a coveted spot. Some teams will fight for the all-important mid-season win, and some will be the Phoenix Cardinals. And since we know hardly any of you read these opening paragraphs anymore, we're just going to dive right into the games, but not before telling you that your mother would make a Chinese Crested give her a fake phone number.

1:00 Games

Dallas (3-2) * Kansas City (1-5)

It appears we're getting the wasted win out of the way early with the occurrence of this big upset. The Cowboys, a Tecmo Bowl favorite, leave this game with a large Derrick Thomas-shaped footprint on their behinds. Thomas intercepted Troy Aikman twice and helped hold him to just 84 yards passing, giving his Chiefs some measure of revenge for getting kicked out of Dallas at the beginning of their AFL days. The Cowboys take a huge blow here, and must know it'll take some time to wash out the taste of a Dave Krieg victory from their mouths.

Final Score: Chiefs 24, Cowboys 17

L.A. Rams (2-4) * New York Giants (2-3)

It was an encounter between two playoff teams that should have no business contending at year's end; however, the two squads put on a great barn-burner worthy of a Week 7 early-game contest on Fox Sports. Jim Everett finally came alive from the slumber he succumbed to after getting knocked out last year, throwing a 77% completion rating with 331 yards on the day. Flipper hauled in 201 of those yards, including the game-winner in overtime, putting the Rams back in the hunt in their division. The Giants, now at 2-4, are still poised to be in second place within theirs.

Final Score: Rams 30, Giants 24 (OT)

Washington (2-4) * Philadelphia (3-2)

After the first two NFC East massacres, Philadelphia wins this incestuous affair to become the only victors in their division after the obvious Phoenix defeat later on. Earnest Byner fought valiantly for his Redskins, running 105 yards to Herschel Walker's middling 50, while Mark Rypien was quite a bit more efficient than his more mobile counterpart in Cunningham, with 0 interceptions to the Phenom's 2. The Eagles scored 7 points in the 4th quarter to steal the win from the Redskins, moving them forward in their campaign to win what has become a very winnable division.

Final Score: Eagles 21, Redskins 17

San Diego (4-1) * Indianapolis (2-3)

The Chargers don't miss a beat after their bye week, doing away with a sorry Colts team to reach their fifth win in six games. Stan Humphries played the cool, calm and collected role with his 224 yards and a few touchdowns with no picks, while Anthony Miller took over one of San Diego's weaknesses, its run game, and used his stealth as a wide receiver to pick up 76 yards on just 4 touches. Jeff George and Jessie Hester appeared to be back in sync, connecting on 117 of Georges 144 yards, but the Chargers' defense proved too overwhelming by picking him twice and just generally being present on the field.

Final Score: Chargers 30, Colts 13

Miami (3-2) * New England (1-4)

The Dolphins take advantage of a week off in Buffalo and New York, and the fact that they play the Patriots of New England to move into a first-place tie in the East. Mark Higgs kept Bobby Humphrey on the bench for one more week with his 94 yards on 9 rushes performance. And though Dan Marino was slightly less Marino-esque with just 115 yards and a pick, he had the advantage of facing off against Hugh Millen's catatonic body, which still surprisingly threw for 43 yards.

Final Score: Dolphins 21, Patriots 7

L.A. Raiders (4-2) * Seattle (1-5)

It's these types of games that keep the Tecmo Raiders out of the playoffs each year. We can blame Jay Schroeder's 92 yards passing, though it may be hard when he connects 80% of the time with no interceptions. We can blame Eric Dickerson's sharp and sudden dropoff, though he still led the team in receptions. I think the only person left to blame is Stan Gelbaugh, who threw his best game of the year with 217 yards and no interceptions to give his Seahawks their second win in a row. The Raiders go back to the drawing board after another surprising start piddles away to mediocrity.

Final Score: Seahawks 28, Raiders 17

Pittsburgh (1-4) * Cincinnati (3-2)

The Steelers keep Cincinnati in their slump for another week, while also gaining their first win since Week One with a thrilling overtime win. After keeping games close over the last few weeks, Pittsburgh finally pulled it off behind Barry Foster's 260 all-purpose yards. Cincinnati fought hard with the resurgence of Derrick Fenner and his 86 rushing yards with a few scores, along with rookie Carl Pickens' strong performance of 2 big receptions for 75 yards. Unfortunately, the Bengals continue to bungle and will draw a very hot Oilers team, one that's poised to push the Cincinnati under .500 after starting the season 3-0.

Final Score: Steelers 31, Bengals 28 (OT)

Cleveland (2-3) * Green Bay (2-3)

Sterling Sharpe returns to the Green Bay receiving corps, but Brett Favre struggles once again with two big interceptions, including a pick-six on the behalf of Clay Matthews, the junior. Eric Metcalf and Kevin Mack found their groove, running over the 20th-ranked Packers' rush defense for 121 yards, and the Browns quietly nab their third win in a row to reach .500. Green Bay's struggles continue in their year of rebuilding, leading most to believe this is the first of many death knells in their season. Despite their win streak, those knells rang out for Cleveland long ago when the Oilers were announced as still participating in the AFC Central.

Final Score: Browns 35, Packers 28

4:00 Games

Denver (2-4) * Houston (3-2)

Denver's luck would not strike thrice in their meeting with the rising powerhouse in Houston. Tommy Maddox threw for over 200 yards in his debut for the injured John Elway, but they learned, just like many other teams before them, that you can't beat the Oilers by playing a flat game. And one can't get flatter than Denver's 6 rushing attempts for a total of 1 yard on the day, padding a normally mediocre rush defense's stats. Houston pulls into sole possession of first place after losing their first two games, making it more obvious than ever that we've entered the second half snooze in the AFC Central.

Final Score: Oilers 26, Broncos 15

New Orleans (5-1) * Phoenix (0-5)

Despite Phoenix's winless woes, one thing they've always carried with them is their ability to play close. And even in the face of Hebert's Holocaust, they still stood toe to toe with the Saints. The Cardinals' pass defense, one of the best in the game, held Hebert to just 172 yards, while even their terrible run defense kept Ironhead Heyward in check with 69 yards leading the day. Unfortunately for Phoenix, Chris Chandler still can't find anyone to connect with, despite Ricky Proehl returning from injury, and the Cardinals may finally be bothered to draft a quarterback without a a concrete block for an arm and a billboard for a forehead.

Final Score: Saints 27, Cardinals 21

Minnesota (5-0) * Detroit (1-4)

The Vikings' get the parade floats gassed up with another win to put them in nearly unreachable territory inside the NFC Central. Though the score may look ugly on paper, Minnesota won in all facets of the game to prove they are the class of the worst division in the NFL. Terry Allen was formidable with his 101 yards on 9 carries, far out-shadowing the dwindling Barry Sanders and his 13 carries for just 58 yards. Cris Carter continued to impress in his new home, pulling in 4 of Rich Gannon's passes for 84 yards, once again proving that the only team that can now beat Minnesota, is Minnesota.

Final Score: Vikings 20, Lions 14

San Francisco (6-0) * Atlanta (5-1)

In the de facto game of the week, the Falcons continue to rise from the ashes and deliver to the 49ers their first loss of the season. Atlanta scored 13 unanswered points in the 4th quarter to pull off the unlikely win, set up by Chris Miller's uncanny 248 passing yards and the defense's ability to hold early-season MVP Steve Young to just 122 yards, despite his ability to still connect on nearly every throw. The win creates a 3-way stalemate in the NFC West, making for an interesting second half even with the NFL considering San Francisco's request to play the Rams in the last 9 games.

Final Score: Falcons 20, 49ers 10

 

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Put on your deep-sea diving gear as we travel into the abyss that is the Chicago-Tampa Bay rivalry for Monday Night Football. It's a rivalry that's given us such great moments as Doug Williams choking on a Chicago dog and Richard Dent getting arrested outside Busch Gardens for disorderly conduct. While we mostly kid, we do have to unveil our honesty and discuss what little interest this game draws at this point in the season. The Bears are victims of the blowout in about half their games this season, while the Buccaneers are in the midst of one of their famous mid-season optical illusions by looking like a playoff contender. With a Bears win, they can pick up some pieces of their dignity and move into a second-place tie in the division. Should Tampa Bay win, perhaps the discussion of their playoff hopes can move from 'doubtful' to 'slightly less doubtful'. All we know is that this storied rivalry is ready to enter another chapter, and if it doesn't involve another Lamuel Stinson sexual harrassment claim, we should all feel lucky.

The Tecmo Bowl: Quarter One Report!

What could be better than reading another blog brought to you by The Tecmo Bowl, you're asking? Well, listening to one, of course!

The Tecmo Bowl head writer, Butt Douglas, and his longtime Tecmo sparring partner, the Lodgefather, are proud to bring you the first in a series, the Tecmo Bowl Radio Show: Quarter One Report! In our inaugural episode, we take a look at all 28 Tecmo squads and see where they stand in our first ever Power Rankings. Where does Denver's underwhelming 0-4 start land them? Can the Jets and Raiders finally earn the respect of the Tecmo writers and bloggers for their surprising runs? Will Hugh Millen's otherworldy stat sheet put his Pats up with the big dawgs? Only one way to find out! We also take a look at individual players that have helped or hindered their team's first lap around the Tecmo Bowl track. No one is safe from the watchful eye of Butt or the scathing criticisms of the 'Father.

Hosted by Kiwi6 file hosting. Download mp3 - Free Music Hosting.

                       

Playable right here on the website, or available as a direct download (right click and save as), is our show, brought to you by the Tecmo Radio Network. Made up of enthusiasts just like yourself, we wouldn't have been able to bring this to you without some of our friends in the nationwide Tecmo scene. Huge "props" to TecmoBowl.org for all the help and for syndicating our little corner of the blogosphere on their website. Hope you all enjoy it, and we're more anxious than Dan Marino on a Friday night in a bathroom stall at the 1235 club to hear your thoughts and opinions! That's according to Lodgefather, anyway.

Also, we can't stop listening to the opening and closing track to our little show. The song is titled "Dutch Town", from the band Armcannon. Pop in to iTunes and show them some love.

Week Four: Millen Smells Like a Dallas Cowgirl

Don't look now, but we're already a quarter of the way around this racetrack of a Tecmo Bowl season. The exciting part about October football is that no team outside of Washington state is ready to hang their hat yet, and the rest are playing like it's already a 20+ team playoff race. Some divisions will tighten, some will spread further apart, but we can all rest assured that one will remain exactly the same. The entire NFC East is on a bye this week, which means the Dallas Cowboys cheerleading camp can continue their reality show on the Spice Network unabated.

1:00 Games

San Francisco (3-0) * New Orleans (3-0)

Perhaps the most important game in the young season for both teams, this highly-covered battle of USFL supremacy was won in the end by the Los Angeles Express, whose Steve Young outdid the valiant Bobby Hebert of the Michigan Panthers. While their combined yardage was lackluster for two aerial teams (only 278 yards total), Young was far more accurate to help edge his team out. A bright spot for Hebert's squad was the return of Eric Martin, who caught two of Hebert's passes for 83 yards. How these players would translate to the NFL, however, remains the game's greatest mystery.

Final Score: Express 17, Panthers 10

Chicago (2-1) * Atlanta (2-1)

Though their records were the same coming in, these two teams couldn't be any different. Chicago was actually up 3-0 in the first quarter, however it wasn't more than a minute after Brad Muster, the team's leading rusher, limped off the field when the Falcons released Tony 'Kraken' Smith for over 100 yards and 2 touchdowns. The Bears are blown out for the third time this year, affecting the safety and well-being of any and all bratwursts within a 15-mile radius of Coach Ditka.

Final Score: Falcons 41, Bears 3

Denver (0-3) * Cleveland (0-3)

The history of these two teams' rivalry sees a new chapter written, though it's one neither will likely bookmark as the Browns somehow found a way to win in a pretty ugly contest. With the crowd averting their eyes from another poor John Elway showing, nobody saw Mike Tomczak toss for 202 yards, 57 of them to a returning Kevin Mack. The Broncos hit rock bottom with their fourth loss in a row, while Cleveland is pretty pleased to get their contractual win out of the way early.

Final Score: Browns 30, Broncos 28

Tampa Bay (1-2) * Detroit (1-2)

The battle of the two annual Central cellar dwellers is won by the Bucs, in spite of the returning Barry Sanders. The Tampa 2 defense arrives a few years early to hold Sanders to just 58 yards rushing while also limiting a surprisingly effective Rodney Peete, giving kicker Ken Willis a chance to boot his team into a .500 record. Lawrence Dawsey doubles his season output with 113 yards receiving and a touchdown, and becomes Vinny Testaverde's new favorite target after Ron Hall tried hitting on his girlfriend at the morning buffet.

Final Score: Buccaneers 31, Lions 28

Houston (1-2) * San Diego (3-0)

The Oilers, behind Warren Moon, put on another scary performance against the undefeated Chargers to once again play above their record. Moon was just a hair under 300 yards passing once again, showering new receiver Gary Brown with 6 throws for 151 yards and a couple of scores. No longer decrying the loss of Drew Hill, who is languishing down in Atlanta, the Oilers are on the charge to take back their division. The Chargers, meanwhile, still own theirs, though with a humdrum Houston defense laying into Rod Bernstine and quarterback Stan Humphries, we may soon see San Diego sign over the deed to a man nicknamed "The Goose".

Final Score: Oilers 38, Chargers 10

Miami (1-1) * Seattle (0-3)

Miami gets the win on paper, but their performance against the punchless Seahawks won't do much to convert any believers. Dan Marino underperformed once again, this time getting out-thrown by "The Chosen One" Stan Gelbaugh by 5 yards. Mark Higgs and Tony Paige continue to share the load of runs, though with their less-than-stellar performance, we may see Coach Shula bring Bobby Humphrey out of special teams to make the Phins more convincing. Seattle joins Denver in the winless class of the AFC, where they'll most likely continue throwing spitballs until they're old enough to drop out.

Final Score: Dolphins 21, Seahawks 14

4:00 Games

L.A. Rams (2-1) * New York Jets

In an exciting see-saw effort that saw New York go home with a win on a Cary Blanchard kick in overtime, the Jets enjoyed the return of Blair Thomas who ran 14 times for 95 yards. Overall, Gang Green covered the field for 150 yards with Thomas and Brad Baxter, exploiting the league-worst rush defense to knock the Rams back down to earth. Browning Nagle continues to shine with the limelight totally off of Ken O.Brien, whose holdout is about as impressive as his acting abilities.

Final Score: Jets 17, Rams 14 (OT)

Green Bay (1-2) * Pittsburgh (1-2)

The Jekyll/Hyde offense of Green Bay rears its ugly head once again, this time taking the free-falling Pittsburgh Steelers as their next victim. Brett Favre could light a Mississippi mudhole on fire with his 75% effectiveness and 247 yards, 168 of those on 6 connections to tight end Jackie Harris. With O'Donnell hurting from 3 picks in the game, it seems only a matter of time before Coach Cowher takes his tight leash off of Barry Foster. Until then, the Steelers may continue to spend their long Sunday nights licking Neil's hairy wounds.

Final Score: Packers 31, Steelers 26

Buffalo (2-1) * New England (1-1)

With not much to play for this early on in the season, the Patriots took the Bills to the wire in overtime. Hugh Millen continued to make tongue-eaters out of his critics with 268 yards passing, improving his already impressive QB rating, but in the end Jim Kelly and his murderous corps of receivers steals a win in an otherwise brave showing by the Patriots. Facing a fork in the road, New England can either choose to drop the ball or continue dropping jaws. As long as Scott Zolak is reigned in, they may also continue to see dropping panties around the Millen machine.

Final Score: Bills 34, Patriots 28 (OT)

Kansas City (1-2) * L.A. Raiders (2-1)

The Raiders improve to 3-1 in spite of another game helmed by Jay Schroeder. Eric Dickerson continues to rush into prominence, taking the ball 17 times for 135 yards. Meanwhile, the Raiders defense made sure to feast on an especially delicious-looking Dave Krieg, battering him with a few sacks while keeping him at just 112 yards passing. With Barry Word injured, Todd McNair led the team in rushing with 14 yards on 5 attempts, leaving Chiefs fans to wonder if they'd have been better off just carting in Okoye, bad knees and all, and rolling him down the field with a football in his lap.

Final Score: Raiders 24, Chiefs 7

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After tomorrow night's game, only two teams will remain undefeated. Right now, it remains to be seen whether it'll be Minnesota or Cincinnati, but regardless of the victor it'll still be a surprise to see one of them at 4-0. Though an undefeated record after just three games is nothing to print t-shirts over, both teams have proven to be contenders once again. This game will go a long way in writing the rest of each team's season, so we should expect to see a lot of Derrick Fenner chewing up yards and Darrin Nelson tightening chests on his impressive special teams play. From a fan's perspective, however, the less we have to hear about Mike Tice's horse love during the broadcast, the better.

Looking Ahead: Week Four

It's full-steam ahead into Week 4. With the conclusion of these contests, we will officially be around 23.5% done with the 1992 Tecmo Bowl season (pause for sigh), but we'll be fair and round it up to a quarter. There's a lot on the docket for this week, including TWO head-to-head contests between undefeateds. There are also six teams on a bye week, seven if you include Buffalo in their contest against New England, which means even more focus to be paid on these here matchups. Let's get to it!

In some parts of the country, the marquee match-up may be between Denver and Cleveland. Let's face it, these teams have to win sometime. Of course, most eyes will be fixated on the battle for the NFC West, as the two teams topping our power rankings fight for a fourth win. Bobby Hebert and his Saints have been the best team in the Tecmo Bowl so far, but Steve Young and his 49ers aren't far behind. You can trust there'll be fireworks in the bay when these two USFLers take over.

Other early games include Houston continuing to dig themselves out against a tough San Diego team, also still undefeated behind Stan Humphries. Our Tecmo Bowl AFC representative, Miami, will hope to battle back to relevance against a hungry Seattle team after being blown out by the Rams. And Chicago and Atlanta will meet, two 2-1 teams that are on opposite ends of that spectrum. Each team is looking to continue a surprising start to their season, though if Jim Harbaugh comes out of the game with his spine still in his body, we'll consider him a winner either way.

The late games feature a surging Rams team out to prove us wrong against a Jets team standing tough in spite of their holdout quarterback. The Packers, behind rookie Brett Favre (have we gotten that name in enough times to be considered a professional blog yet?) will try to bounce back against a struggling Pittsburgh team. The Steelers showed promise in Week One, defeating their division's standard-bearer in the Oilers, but since then have tried to make fools out of anyone not named Bubby Brister. Buffalo will roll out the red carpet to greet Hugh Millen to the AFC East, while Kansas City and the Raiders will apparently play a game at some point during the evening.

Monday night's contest will highlight the other match-up of undefeateds as the Vikings butt heads with the Bengals. Both squads were playoff contenders that we predicted to struggle a bit more this year. Boomer Esiason and Rich Gannon have been equally as mediocre, with 3 touchdown passes each and throwing for around 450 yards. For the Bengals, however, the story of the year has been former Seahawks-castout, Derrick Fenner. Fenner's got 6 touchdowns on the year, living up to the high standards set for him by previous Bengals standouts Ickey Woods and Robert Brooks. The Vikings hope to have an answer for him, as well as seeing Roger Craig return from the infirmary to make up for the ineffective Terry Allen. It's a battle of 3-0s that shouldn't be, with only one team coming through unscathed. And the Vikings better hope it's them, or they'll be hearing Coach Dennis Green in their sleep.

These standings are what you thought they were! 
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AFC 

NFC

Byes: Indianapolis Colts, Dallas Cowboys, New York Giants, Philadelphia Eagles, Phoenix Cardinals, Washington Redskins

Week Two: Sexy Zubaz and New Orleans Tubas

The office drones here at The Tecmo Bowl are still abuzz with excitement as we head full speed into Week Two. With the initial shock of the first week out of the way, it's now time to get into the nitty gritty to see which teams still have the momentum and gusto and which are ready to cash in their volunteer hours. And though we're coming to you with the results late, know that we've been hard at work trying to break down and analyze each exciting match up from the Buffalo/San Francisco game to calling on our Fashion Police for the annual Zubaz runway walk-off. Strike a pose, Marino.

1:00 Games

Pittsburgh (1-0) * N.Y. Jets (0-1)

The Jets averaged about 10 yards per run over 15 rushes while their defense held Barry Foster to only 53 yards on 7 carries. Perhaps in even stranger news, Browning Nagle makes the mysterious start for the New York Football Jets and, despite his inferior performance to the steady hand of Neil O'Donnell, the Jets were one Cary Blanchard field goal better. The Steelers are left with a bad taste in their mouth after last week's heroic performance, though the team is still trying to figure out if it's actually due to the halal cart they hit up before the game.

Final Score: Jets 24, Steelers 21

Buffalo (1-0) * San Francisco (1-0)

In what was advertised as the premier match-up of early Sunday games, neither team lived up to the hype. Only one team left undefeated, though the other would not leave as only losers after this snoozer was over with. San Francisco takes this one, even with Tom Rathman only charging for 21 yards on 9 carries. Thankfully, Jim Kelly's loss was their gain, as he never looked comfortable in his own Zubaz. Kelly only completed 50 yards worth (including one 42-yard reception to James Lofton) while chucking up 2 interceptions, and now the Bills appear to be looking backward more than ahead.

Final Score: 49ers 28, Bills 6

Cincinnati (1-0) * L.A. Raiders (1-0)

Jay Schroeder couldn't hide behind the ineptitude of a one John Elway this week, and was exposed for the horrible quarterback and even worse Rogaine spokesperson we all knew him to be. His four interceptions buried the Raiders early, while also burying Boomer's under-performing stat line of 128 yards with 2 interceptions to 1 touchdown. The Bengals escape with the win nonetheless, while Schroeder goes back to sitting by his phone and waiting for the call from Doug Williams to play a round of mini golf.

Final Score: Bengals 23, Raiders 7

Washington (1-0) * Atlanta (1-0)

The Atlanta Falcons score 7 points in the 4th quarter to remain undefeated for the first time this season. Steven Broussard goes out with an undisclosed injury, prompting his quarterback to come unglued for 251 yards passing. The Redskins are quieted for the time being in their quest for a repeat, due in large part to their star receiving corps being underused by an aging and easily angered Mark Rypien. In fact, right after the game, Rypien was seen raising his voice when told it was spaghetti again this week.

Final Score: Falcons 19, Redskins 17

Tampa Bay (1-0) * Green Bay (0-1)

The Creamsicle Warriors entered the game the underdogs despite being ahead in the rankings, until Green Bay's Brett Favre came along with his perfect performance to knot them up in the NFC Central division. Favre threw 328 yards with no incompletions, 164 of those to Jackie Harris. The eyes of the football nation center in on the small town in Wisconsin, where, for the first time since Bart Starr and Fuzzy Thurston, the Packers are showing signs of life.

Final Score: Packers 33, Buccaneers 24

Detroit (0-1) * Minnesota (1-0)

Detroit won this one, that is, in terms of inducing injuries to star players. Roger Craig is knocked flat out in the course of the Vikings' win over the Lions, though even on a stretcher he gained more yardage than Barry Sanders and his 25 yards on 9 carries. With their starting rusher out, Rich Gannon's 40% completion rate and 113 yards tossing were exposed, leading many to believe there were no real winners in this contest after all. Though that's only if you disregard second-round pick Jason Hanson's 2 perfectly converted field goals.

Final Score: Vikings 20, Lions 6

Miami (0-0) * Cleveland (0-1)

The Dolphins could have spent another week on bye and still pulled out a victory over Mike Tomczak's insulting 79 passing yards and 3 interceptions. The Dolphins don't necessarily make a splash in their season debut, but do enough to take a victory over the hapless Brownies. Cleveland did show some shades of hope in their running game with Leroy "All Aboard" Hoard going off for 104 yards on 11 carries, but as long as Tomczak keeps throwing for more yards to the other team, the Browns are in for many long train rides home.

Final Score: Dolphins 21, Browns 7

Houston (0-1) * Indianapolis (1-0)

Despite an underwhelming victory over the Browns last week, we still picked the Colts to win in our early upset of the week. Jeff George and his rag-tag group of misfits didn't disappoint, as he tossed 378 yards at an efficient 71% rate. Jessie Hester quickly became the league's leading receiver by pulling in 10 catches for 278 yards and causing many Monday morning regrets for fantasy owners. Warren Moon was equally as impressive with 348 passing yards, though that won't exempt him from wearing the goat costume for being out-thrown by George.

Final Score: Colts 30, Oilers 28

L.A. Rams (0-1) * New England (0-0)

Though the Patriots had yet to play a game, they still came in ahead of the Rams in the standings. They wouldn't leave that way, however, due in equal parts to their 17 total rushing yards and the fact that they have Hugh Millen lined up behind center. Millen still out-tossed normally proficient Jim Everett, however, as the Rams continued to grow their wounds even in the win. Neither team really has a bright future in this Tecmo season; however, they'll both continue to exist afterward. The same won't be said for our dear old friend, Pat the Patriot, who only gets to languish for one more year.

Final Score: Rams 26, Patriots 21

4:00 Games

Denver (0-1) * San Diego (1-0)

The Chargers continue their division-slaying quest against Denver, destroying the bumbling Broncos on both sides of the ball. Stan Humphries continues to shine in his starting role, throwing 271 yards with a 78% completion rate. John Elway, on the other hand, finished Week Two with a 32.5 quarterback rating thanks to 3 more interceptions to add to his two-game total of seven. Miami continued to look pretty far away, with Reggie Rivers' 22 yards rushing prompting Denver ownership to try and convince the Dolphins that they still have a chance to send Bobby Humphrey back, receipt or not.

Final Score: Chargers 35, Broncos 20

New Orleans (1-0) * Chicago (1-0)

Though both teams entered the game with a win, they each appeared headed in separate directions when the season began. The Saints of New Orleans created a bit more of a gap between the two by scoring 44 more points than Chicago behind another strong performance from Bobby Hebert. The Cajun Cannon connected with his receivers for 305 yards, making Jim Harbaugh's 125 yards look cute in comparison, and the suddenly scary Saints are now leading the pack in the NFC West with both a 54-point differential in 2 games and in the battle of USFL heavyweights.

Final Score: Saints 47, Bears 3

Dallas (0-1) * N.Y. Giants (0-1)

Dallas bounces back with a win in this intra-divisional battle, stomping out the smokeless Giants despite their loss of Emmitt Smith. Troy Aikman was effective with 259 passing yards, while Jeff Hostetler was convincingly not behind 145 yards and 3 picks. New York continues to tumble down the ladder of greatness after their quick exit from the playoffs last year, while Dallas takes advantage of a division where no team remains undefeated. It's going to be a battle down to the wire for the crown once again, though the Giants will only be involved when determining which other team spanked them the hardest.

Final Score: Cowboys 35, Giants 17

Philadelphia (0-1) * Phoenix (0-1)

Our late-game upset of the week didn't quite pan out so well, with the Eagles taking out their frustrations from last week on a poor, literally defenseless Phoenix Cardinals team. They suffered a casualty in Herschel Walker, though Randall Cunningham more than made up for his absence with 89 rushing yards on 8 carries. His 63 passing yards left something to be desired, like the 241 put up by Chris Chandler, though we think Cunningham would take the 'W' over having to wake up each morning remembering that you're Chris Chandler.

Final Score: Eagles 31, Cardinals 21

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In our earliest Wednesday Night Football game ever, the AFC West gets some love as the Chiefs of Kansas City confront the Seattle Seahawks. Dave Krieg will play his old team for the first time, and so his knack for throwing to the wrong squad may turn out in his favor should he suffer flashbacks. Much like a grizzled war vet, it will be hard for Krieg to adapt to life outside the cold, dark Northwest, so this contest may turn out to be a low-scoring affair. At least, that's what we'll attribute it to even in the midst of crap play from both Krieg and his successor, "Stone Hand Stan" Gelbaugh.