Monday Night Football: New Orleans vs Atlanta

There are meaningful late-season battles, and there are knock-down, drag-out, egg-tossing rivalries like the one we're about to encounter tonight. Few have ventured into the Dirty South and lived through the miracle of quadruple-bypass to tell about it. Tonight, we'll count ourselves among those lucky victims as we gorge ourselves on these two southeast juggernauts who call the NFC West home. They've both yet to run out of steam, and now their perseverance finds them tied atop that division. Let's go see who survives the night, and who succumbs to their eyes thinking their stomach could fit one more cornbread biscuit.

Quarter One
First-rounder Tony Smith continues to confound with another solid return to the Atlanta 37-yard line. Chris Miller comes out looking to throw, but with the Dome Patrol tied up at the line he decides to take his chances on the run. Fulfilling the prophecy laid out by his fortune cookie at the Chinese buffet lunch, Miller makes today count with a long and winding run to the New Orleans' 4-yard line. He caps it off on the next play with a bootleg run that sees him crashing into the right side of his line in full taunting mode before swiveling around to score.

Atlanta leads 7-0

Return specialist for the Saints, Dalton Hilliard, catapults his way out of the end zone to just the 6-yard line. Bobby Hebert takes the snap and drops back into his end zone, wishing he'd have washed the catnip off his jersey when the hungry Moe Gardner lunges at him for a safety.

Atlanta leads 9-0

The enigmatic Smith takes a shortened Morten kick near midfield, setting up a drive that begins with Miller completing his first pass to tight end Harper Lebel who plods his way for a deep gain to the Saints' 14-yard line. Steve Broussard appears healthy enough to take his first of many 2-yard gains on the day. Going back to pass, Miller lofts it towards the end zone but sees his pass batted away. Broussard gets another rep in, picking up an important first down to extend the drive one more play that gives Broussard his sixth full rushing touchdown for the season.

Atlanta leads 16-0

Hilliard gets a marginally better return to his team's 41-yard line for the Saints' second drive. Hebert drops back with a little more breathing room and a lot more time to scan the field, though he eventually gives up a mouthful to Ken Tippins for Atlanta's second sack in as many Saints' offensive plays. Hebert finally gets the opportunity to lob up a pass, a flea flicker to Quinn Early, though it's lost in a flurry of Reebok gloves. On 3rd and 18, Hebert's second flea flicker in a row fools nobody but Eric Martin, who turns around in time to see the ball careen off his facemask. Tommy Barnhardt racks up the best New Orleans' offensive play thus far with a long punt that pins Tony Martin at the Falcons' 15-yard line.

Quarter Two
After a productive first quarter, Atlanta gets right back to work with a quick 19-yard pass from Miller to Mike Pritchard. Two plays later, Miller hits the rising Andre Rison near the Saints' 40-yard line to convert a new set of downs. The fresh Broussard picks up some positive yardage up the middle, and two plays later he's taking a pitch 14 yards to get inside the 30. When Broussard finds himself with a faceful of Bill Fralic butt on two plays in a row, Miller is forced to go back to the air. The long drive is capped with a pick by Sam Mills when Miller's vision is screened once again by the sumptuous curves of Fralic.

 Vaughn Dunbar takes his chances and rolls a 1 on New Orleans' first play of the drive. Craig Heyward only nets 5 more, though he's able to pick up 7 to give the Saints a first down for the first time in the game. Hebert's famous flea flicker is pulled in by Martin near the sidelines, and he carries it down to the Atlanta 25-yard line to finally threaten the dirty birds with time winding down. With 35 seconds left, Hebert's pass is harmlessly swatted away, leading Morten Andersen to come out and swing his Great Dane leg at the ball for a 45-yard field goal to put New Orleans on the board at the half.

Atlanta leads 16-3

Halftime - Saints 16, Falcons 3

Quarter Three
Hilliard's comeback campaign rolls along with the native Louisianian barreling his way past midfield to the Saints' 43-yard line. Hebert's first pass is too hot for Heyward to handle, yet Neon Deion has no issues with his next pass when he wraps his fingers around just his first interception of the year.

After another promising showing from Broussard on first down with a 9-yard run, Miller sears a pass through the air to his new favorite target, the journeyman Harper LeBel. LeBel continues to put on his yards-after-catch clinic with a Saints-repellant run to the New Orleans' 35-yard line. Miller tries to change things up with a pass to Pritchard, but finds himself licking his wounds after his second interception of the day to Sam Mills at the goal line.

From the shotgun formation, Hebert throws the ball as if it were a clump of wet laundry towards Heyward, who can't handle it. Early saves his quarterback on second down with a leaping grab that he takes to the Atlanta 47-yard line, but can't manage to repeat the feat on the next play. When Dunbar fails to turn around for the catch on second down and then falls down in front of a gaping hole on third, the Saints find themselves marching Barnhardt back out for a long punt that lands in the lap of a busker's monkey.

Miller has surprise written on his face when LeBel can't handle his pass on first down. Broussard and Miller pick up some yards on the ground as the third quarter threatens to close without any scoring. Miller lofts one in the air to Rison who picks up another long gain of 29 yards, though he's brought down near the 35 as the field prepares to flip.

Quarter Four
Miller continues the fancy footwork by daring the Dome Patrol with a long 17-yard gain to get inside the red zone. The next three plays put the Falcons' offensive weak spots under a microscope, though it's Norm Johnson's noodle leg that keeps Atlanta from extending their lead with a miss from just 32 yards away.

The Saints go the unorthodox route with a Dunbar run on first down and down by 13 in the 4th quarter. His pickup of 8 yards is admirable, if not defeatist, though Hebert washes away the questioning with a Hail Mary tossup to Martin that's just off the receiver's fingertips. Heyward picks up the first down on the next play, but his next four runs in a row have fans of Hebert wondering if the Ragin' Cajun has finally hit the Lamella-framed dome roof as time nears triple zeroes in the fourth. With just over a minute remaining, Hebert finally gets enough air under the ball to first complete a pass to Heyward for a first down, followed by a flea flicker to a diving Early in the end zone for the Saints' first, yet quite belated, touchdown of the game.

Atlanta leads 16-10

There remains enough hope for New Orleans in the eternal springs when Eric Martin covers the bumbling onside kick by Mortensen at the Atlanta 45-yard line with just 40 seconds remaining. Moe Gardner adds another 10-yard sack of Hebert on first down, adding another peak to the Everest that lies between the Saints and the end zone. The next play becomes one of the most bizarre this season, beginning when Hebert's pass goes in Early's direction. Perhaps seeing the clock loudly tick down to zero, Early sucks the ball in and then immediately spits it back out on to the Mardi Grass. With the game in the balance, the very last person the Saints want to see pick up the ball outside of a gray jersey does so, and Vaughn Dunbar races at a snail's pace towards the end zone before crossing his ankles at the 9-yard line to keep the Saints an entire Moe Gardner sack away from tying this once-runaway game up.

Final: Falcons 16, Saints 10

The Falcons never scored after the first quarter, while the Saints didn't get their first touchdown until just a minute left in the fourth. It was an odd game between two teams that had been expected to put on a fireworks show on Monday Night, yet looked like a bottom-barrel headbutt-fest of two teams far too inept for the crownings they've been getting all season. Though Miller wasn't the most efficient, his feet kept his team in the lead the entire time, a promising sign for the Falcons in their postseason endeavors. For the Saints, however, the team ranked at or near Number One all season had a quarterback complete about one in four passes, if he even threw that many, with about as many yards thrown in the game as he'd usually complete in his first drive of the first 13 games this season. For our eyes and brains we hope to see any postseason rematches contain a little more heart, but for now the Falcons move into first place as the only team with double-digit wins. Meanwhile, New Orleans' Coach Jim Mora may be hitting double digit bourbon shots before the clock moves into Tuesday.

Week Two: Sexy Zubaz and New Orleans Tubas

The office drones here at The Tecmo Bowl are still abuzz with excitement as we head full speed into Week Two. With the initial shock of the first week out of the way, it's now time to get into the nitty gritty to see which teams still have the momentum and gusto and which are ready to cash in their volunteer hours. And though we're coming to you with the results late, know that we've been hard at work trying to break down and analyze each exciting match up from the Buffalo/San Francisco game to calling on our Fashion Police for the annual Zubaz runway walk-off. Strike a pose, Marino.

1:00 Games

Pittsburgh (1-0) * N.Y. Jets (0-1)

The Jets averaged about 10 yards per run over 15 rushes while their defense held Barry Foster to only 53 yards on 7 carries. Perhaps in even stranger news, Browning Nagle makes the mysterious start for the New York Football Jets and, despite his inferior performance to the steady hand of Neil O'Donnell, the Jets were one Cary Blanchard field goal better. The Steelers are left with a bad taste in their mouth after last week's heroic performance, though the team is still trying to figure out if it's actually due to the halal cart they hit up before the game.

Final Score: Jets 24, Steelers 21

Buffalo (1-0) * San Francisco (1-0)

In what was advertised as the premier match-up of early Sunday games, neither team lived up to the hype. Only one team left undefeated, though the other would not leave as only losers after this snoozer was over with. San Francisco takes this one, even with Tom Rathman only charging for 21 yards on 9 carries. Thankfully, Jim Kelly's loss was their gain, as he never looked comfortable in his own Zubaz. Kelly only completed 50 yards worth (including one 42-yard reception to James Lofton) while chucking up 2 interceptions, and now the Bills appear to be looking backward more than ahead.

Final Score: 49ers 28, Bills 6

Cincinnati (1-0) * L.A. Raiders (1-0)

Jay Schroeder couldn't hide behind the ineptitude of a one John Elway this week, and was exposed for the horrible quarterback and even worse Rogaine spokesperson we all knew him to be. His four interceptions buried the Raiders early, while also burying Boomer's under-performing stat line of 128 yards with 2 interceptions to 1 touchdown. The Bengals escape with the win nonetheless, while Schroeder goes back to sitting by his phone and waiting for the call from Doug Williams to play a round of mini golf.

Final Score: Bengals 23, Raiders 7

Washington (1-0) * Atlanta (1-0)

The Atlanta Falcons score 7 points in the 4th quarter to remain undefeated for the first time this season. Steven Broussard goes out with an undisclosed injury, prompting his quarterback to come unglued for 251 yards passing. The Redskins are quieted for the time being in their quest for a repeat, due in large part to their star receiving corps being underused by an aging and easily angered Mark Rypien. In fact, right after the game, Rypien was seen raising his voice when told it was spaghetti again this week.

Final Score: Falcons 19, Redskins 17

Tampa Bay (1-0) * Green Bay (0-1)

The Creamsicle Warriors entered the game the underdogs despite being ahead in the rankings, until Green Bay's Brett Favre came along with his perfect performance to knot them up in the NFC Central division. Favre threw 328 yards with no incompletions, 164 of those to Jackie Harris. The eyes of the football nation center in on the small town in Wisconsin, where, for the first time since Bart Starr and Fuzzy Thurston, the Packers are showing signs of life.

Final Score: Packers 33, Buccaneers 24

Detroit (0-1) * Minnesota (1-0)

Detroit won this one, that is, in terms of inducing injuries to star players. Roger Craig is knocked flat out in the course of the Vikings' win over the Lions, though even on a stretcher he gained more yardage than Barry Sanders and his 25 yards on 9 carries. With their starting rusher out, Rich Gannon's 40% completion rate and 113 yards tossing were exposed, leading many to believe there were no real winners in this contest after all. Though that's only if you disregard second-round pick Jason Hanson's 2 perfectly converted field goals.

Final Score: Vikings 20, Lions 6

Miami (0-0) * Cleveland (0-1)

The Dolphins could have spent another week on bye and still pulled out a victory over Mike Tomczak's insulting 79 passing yards and 3 interceptions. The Dolphins don't necessarily make a splash in their season debut, but do enough to take a victory over the hapless Brownies. Cleveland did show some shades of hope in their running game with Leroy "All Aboard" Hoard going off for 104 yards on 11 carries, but as long as Tomczak keeps throwing for more yards to the other team, the Browns are in for many long train rides home.

Final Score: Dolphins 21, Browns 7

Houston (0-1) * Indianapolis (1-0)

Despite an underwhelming victory over the Browns last week, we still picked the Colts to win in our early upset of the week. Jeff George and his rag-tag group of misfits didn't disappoint, as he tossed 378 yards at an efficient 71% rate. Jessie Hester quickly became the league's leading receiver by pulling in 10 catches for 278 yards and causing many Monday morning regrets for fantasy owners. Warren Moon was equally as impressive with 348 passing yards, though that won't exempt him from wearing the goat costume for being out-thrown by George.

Final Score: Colts 30, Oilers 28

L.A. Rams (0-1) * New England (0-0)

Though the Patriots had yet to play a game, they still came in ahead of the Rams in the standings. They wouldn't leave that way, however, due in equal parts to their 17 total rushing yards and the fact that they have Hugh Millen lined up behind center. Millen still out-tossed normally proficient Jim Everett, however, as the Rams continued to grow their wounds even in the win. Neither team really has a bright future in this Tecmo season; however, they'll both continue to exist afterward. The same won't be said for our dear old friend, Pat the Patriot, who only gets to languish for one more year.

Final Score: Rams 26, Patriots 21

4:00 Games

Denver (0-1) * San Diego (1-0)

The Chargers continue their division-slaying quest against Denver, destroying the bumbling Broncos on both sides of the ball. Stan Humphries continues to shine in his starting role, throwing 271 yards with a 78% completion rate. John Elway, on the other hand, finished Week Two with a 32.5 quarterback rating thanks to 3 more interceptions to add to his two-game total of seven. Miami continued to look pretty far away, with Reggie Rivers' 22 yards rushing prompting Denver ownership to try and convince the Dolphins that they still have a chance to send Bobby Humphrey back, receipt or not.

Final Score: Chargers 35, Broncos 20

New Orleans (1-0) * Chicago (1-0)

Though both teams entered the game with a win, they each appeared headed in separate directions when the season began. The Saints of New Orleans created a bit more of a gap between the two by scoring 44 more points than Chicago behind another strong performance from Bobby Hebert. The Cajun Cannon connected with his receivers for 305 yards, making Jim Harbaugh's 125 yards look cute in comparison, and the suddenly scary Saints are now leading the pack in the NFC West with both a 54-point differential in 2 games and in the battle of USFL heavyweights.

Final Score: Saints 47, Bears 3

Dallas (0-1) * N.Y. Giants (0-1)

Dallas bounces back with a win in this intra-divisional battle, stomping out the smokeless Giants despite their loss of Emmitt Smith. Troy Aikman was effective with 259 passing yards, while Jeff Hostetler was convincingly not behind 145 yards and 3 picks. New York continues to tumble down the ladder of greatness after their quick exit from the playoffs last year, while Dallas takes advantage of a division where no team remains undefeated. It's going to be a battle down to the wire for the crown once again, though the Giants will only be involved when determining which other team spanked them the hardest.

Final Score: Cowboys 35, Giants 17

Philadelphia (0-1) * Phoenix (0-1)

Our late-game upset of the week didn't quite pan out so well, with the Eagles taking out their frustrations from last week on a poor, literally defenseless Phoenix Cardinals team. They suffered a casualty in Herschel Walker, though Randall Cunningham more than made up for his absence with 89 rushing yards on 8 carries. His 63 passing yards left something to be desired, like the 241 put up by Chris Chandler, though we think Cunningham would take the 'W' over having to wake up each morning remembering that you're Chris Chandler.

Final Score: Eagles 31, Cardinals 21

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In our earliest Wednesday Night Football game ever, the AFC West gets some love as the Chiefs of Kansas City confront the Seattle Seahawks. Dave Krieg will play his old team for the first time, and so his knack for throwing to the wrong squad may turn out in his favor should he suffer flashbacks. Much like a grizzled war vet, it will be hard for Krieg to adapt to life outside the cold, dark Northwest, so this contest may turn out to be a low-scoring affair. At least, that's what we'll attribute it to even in the midst of crap play from both Krieg and his successor, "Stone Hand Stan" Gelbaugh.

Thursday Night: Philadelphia vs. New Orleans

As with everything, the pages of the calendar turn on another year of Tecmo. Not too much has changed; we've still got promiscuous cheerleaders and fumbles that seem to roll all the way to that weird clinic where Dr. Mario works. But, perhaps for the first time ever, a game will be documented with 1992 rosters. That's right, it's the year that brings us the rise of future car salesmen Steve Young and Brett Favre, the emergence of a new dynasty in Texas that doesn't have a roster of old professional wrestlers and rumblings of expansion into well-established basketball and rugby towns. 1992 also brings us people like Bobby Hebert, as the Saints look to wipe off the stain of Steve Walsh and give the Cajun Cannon another chance to return his team to glory. They'll collide tonight with the Philadelphia Eagles, another early playoff pick also led by a familiar face to Philly fans, the enigmatic Randall Cunningham.


Quarter One
The camera bulbs flash (no smart phones in 1992, smarty-pants) as the ball is kicked off for another rousing year of the Tecmo Bowl. The Eagles will begin with the ball at their own 14, and in the huddle we have a few new faces. Most noticeable is the new running back, Herschel Walker, taking over for the noticeably absent Heath "the Queef" Sherman. Second most noticeable is new tight end, Pat Beach, but only because Randall keeps shouting at the sidelines, "BEACH! BEEAACH! WHERE YOU AT, BEEEACH?"

The Philadelphia offense starts off on a thrilling note with combined runs from Herschel and Keith "the other Queef" Byars combining for 6 total yards. Cunningham, who leaves for a year and thinks he can just come back and run the ball like he's QB Eagles or something, takes the ball on third down and runs 21 of his own yards. This gets the offense rolling a bit, with the next few plays netting 33 yards to the New Orleans 20-yard line. From there, the drive stalls, and the Eagles are facing 4th and inches at the 11. And of course, you're not Rich Kotite if you're not going for it on fourth down on the first drive of the season.

So New Orleans gets the ball at their own 11, and the first play is a Bobby Hebert lob to Quinn Early for 35 yards. Hebert decides it's not too 'early' for a flea flicker, and he's right when he finds Early again, this time for 45 yards. Unfortunately for the Saints, it's also not too 'early' for a fumble. Luckily, Mr. 'Man of the Hour' Eric Martin uses his infrared vision to see the ball where 6 other Eagles players can't, and scoops it up for a score before Saints fans even have a chance to put their paper sacks back on their heads.

 

New Orleans leads 7-0

The first quarter ends abruptly with an always-inspiring 3-and-out from Philadelphia.

Quarter Two
Hebert goes to the air again on just the third play of New Orleans' season, but before the MVP ballots are cast he's picked off by Ephesians Bartley, a 9th round pick out of Florida who doesn't even have his own Wikipedia page. Seriously, someone get on that.

With Philadelphia on enemy turf, Walker finally gets his first big breaking run and goes 20 yards to the Saints' 14. Nearly 7 of those yards are negated on the next play when the Saints' 'D' washes over Walker like a typhoon, or some other related natural disaster that occurs frequently in the city's geographical location. Walker gains 13 yards back, but on 3rd down Cunningham once again shows his inferiority by getting picked off in the end zone for a New Orleans-style touchback (which is basically just a regular touchback, but they like to feel special about things down there).

The Saints exercise their God-given right to use a running game, and use it they do with Ironhead Heyward rip-roaring for 19 yards. After that rousing success, Hebert decides to play it safe with a 43-yard heave to Hoby "Comin' Round the Mountain" Brenner, who lays out for it at the Philadelphia 18-yard line. Early gets his third catch of the day, and it's a doozy as he corrals it in for the second Saints touchdown.

New Orleans leads 14-0

With just over a minute to play, the Eagles begin at their own 20-yard line. Calvin Williams drops an easy pass from Cunningham, who's captured by 1992 technology mumbling "should've thrown it to Beach...". Randall moves it around the right side for 19 yards into gator country, and Philadelphia is looking at a clock that reads 39 seconds left to halftime, down by 14 at the enemy's 39-yard line. But you're just not Rich Kotite if you're not calling two Keith Byars runs that predictably go nowhere.

Halftime - Saints 14, Eagles 0

Quarter Three
The Saints will start at their own 35-yard line after a decent return from a fellow named Fred Mcafee (hold on a second, gotta check something, okay, so apparently Gill Fenerty's visa expired in Canada). Two straight handoffs to rookie Vaughn Dunbar lead to 8 of his first National Football League yards. On third down, Hebert loads the cannon, lights the fuse, and rockets one off to Eric Martin, who pulls the ball in after it passes through Otis Smith's new Reebok gloves. Gotta get the Adidas, man, come on. Martin gets his second touchdown, while Hebert gets his second and a half and the Saints are surprisingly running away with this one.

New Orleans leads 21-0

Vai Sikahema is seeing a lot of ball today. While the college student inside me laughs for a bit, I'll go on to explain the Eagles' exciting sequence of plays that include a Byars 9-yard run and a Herschel Walker fumble over to Brett Maxie. Hahah, like Maxie-Pad! Now that one's too easy to not acknowledge.

Beginning at the Philadelphia 45-yard line, Hebert attempts the flea flicker. The resulting failure is the same as usual, though this time I'm not as mad for some reason. Something about Bobby Hebert's face. I don't know. I just can't get mad at a face like that. The next two plays are also go nowhere, though I think it's more due to the Saints' devil may care attitude than anyone on Philadelphia's defense.

After a touchback, the Eagles get to work on maybe trying to actually make this "contest" a little more "competitive". Two plays later, and Philly is staring at a third down larger than their city's obesity rate. Randall goes to the air for Calvin Williams, who catches it in stride and runs for the New Orleans 38-yard line. Walker busts loose for 22 more yards to the Saints' 16, and before my very eyes, Fred Barnett gets his first catch for an Eagles touchdown.

New Orleans leads 21-7

Quarter Four
Either my computer emulator has learned the 'rewind' trick, or Hebert is making a fool of the Eagles' secondary again, because before long he's hitting Martin along the sidelines for a deja vu-esque 58-yard connection. They finish off the rest of the yardage for another touchdown; but in bigger news, I just figured out how to whistle using my thumb and forefinger, like they did in the '50s. Neat!

New Orleans leads 28-7

Sikahema takes the short kick over midfield to the New Orleans' 47, where the Eagles begin their offensive clinic. Keith Byars racks up 12 yards up the middle. Walker gets another 5 while thinking of his glory days back in Minnesota. The clock continues to tick away as Walker is given the ball again. He tacks on 10 more yards. Byars runs into a wall of his own men, adding a little levity to this depressing drive. Cunningham then puts us all out of our misery with a fearless run through Saints defenders for a 20-yard touchdown scamper, causing us all to wonder, "why are Randall Cunningham and QB Eagles never in the same place?"

New Orleans leads 28-14

Eric 'The Playmaker and Wifetaker' Martin scoops up the onside kick and returns it all the way to the Philly 27-yard line. Heyward is blitzed on first down, while Dunbar fares no better on second. Welcome to the NFL, pal! Speaking of the NFL, why is this USFL dude throwing all these touchdown passes? Oh yeah, that was Early hauling in that 25-yard toss for his second (should have been third) of the day.

New Orleans leads 35-14

I'll tell you what, for as awful as the Eagles are looking right now, that Vai Sikahema's got a lot of heart. The native Tongan and import from the Cardinals of Phoenix gets another impressive return to the Philadelphia 41-yard line. On the next play, Calvin Williams gets a nice grab at the New Orleans' 24-yard marker, but fumbles it. Brett Maxie absorbs his second recovery of the day, cleaning house on fumble recoveries so far this year and all but mopping up this game for the Saints.

Final: Saints 35, Eagles 14


When this crazy sophomore experiment began, we expected the returns of both Randall and Bobby to lead their teams to the promised land. Nobody saw this performance from the Cajun Cannon, however, whose 236 yards could have been nearly 300 had one catch not been wiped out by a fumble. While Randall will most likely put this one behind him, the Saints fans have nothing but exciting games in their future, with the chemistry between Bobby and his receivers already at Ragin' Cajun levels. The Eagles have a lot of work to do to become the playoff team we expected them to be. The Saints, on the other hand, are already looking to give the rest of the NFC West a run for their money, though not in the literal sense with the amount of stink Vaughn Dunbar emanated today.

New Orleans vs. San Francisco + Week Fifteen Preview

Well, it took until Week 14 but it happened: the train derailed. Be not afraid: although your medium has failed you, the Tecmo season has continued on at a torrid pace by itself. We're back on track now, but due to the fact that Week 15 is only right around the corner I have the unfortunate task of letting you know that the regularly scheduled Week 14 Monday Night game between New Orleans and San Francisco will have to be abbreviated and mashed together with Week 15's Looking Ahead feature. I can only hope that someday you'll find it in your Gil Fenerty-filled heart to forgive me.

It took me about five minutes to reacquaint with this name

Quarter One
New Orleans began the game with the ball, and it started fast and furious with Dalton Hilliard and Craig Heyward running the Saints' first five plays for a total of 6 yards (including a 12-yard first down run, negated in just two plays). On the sixth play of the drive, Steve Walsh finally put his highly-paid arm to work, but bounced the ball off of three 49ers defenders while Eric Martin was doing jumping jacks along the sideline.

San Francisco took over at their own 29-yard line, and after two ridiculous throws to Rice that still baffle the most seasoned of Tecmo veterans, the 49ers were threatening at the New Orleans' 32-yard line. The 19th-ranked run defense then showed their mettle when they stuffed Rathman and Craig on three straight plays, forcing a rare appearance of Mike Cofer on 4th down to nail it between the uprights for the first score of this contest.

San Francisco leads 3-0

The Saints went three-and-out on the next drive to nobody and Craig Heyward's surprise, including a strange blitz of Heyward on 3rd-and-8.

See it here first: Montana in a heap as a distorted mass

Just as this game seemed to be hurtling out of control for the Ragin' Cajuns, Vaughan Johnson dropped Joe Montana for a loss of 8, while on the next play Gene Atkins picked him off for just the ninth time this season as the quarter came ticking away to an end.

Quarter Two
In only the first few seconds of the new quarter's life, Walsh found Martin in the back of the end zone from about 18 yards out to complete his first pass and in turn give New Orleans their first lead of the game.

New Orleans leads 7-3

Some Saints players go for the "play dead" defense

Starting at their own 44-yard line, which just also happens to be Saints' territory for Montana, the 49ers went with a heavy serving of Tom Rathman with a dessert of hot buttered Saint-popcorn. Accounting for the first 47 yards of the drive, Rathman was passed up for an easy lob to Rice in the end zone to put San Francisco up faster than Bubba Paris can put down a row of pints.

San Francisco leads 10-7

The next Saints drive began with Gil Fenerty injuring something, and the ominous music that accompanied his carting off the field suddenly also acted as a portent of doom for the remainder of the game. But just as Coach Jim Mora was phoning the funeral home to carve up another tombstone for the season, Hilliard blew by eleven 49ers' defenders for 31 yards. One play later, Walsh found Martin wide open in the end zone for their second touchdown connection, and in case you were wondering if this game was real or Tecmoized: Walsh was 2-for-3 with 2 touchdowns.

New Orleans leads 14-10

With 1:37 left in the half, the Saints' coaches were beginning to update their resumes knowing they left too much time for a George Siefert-led West Coast offense.For their sake, Montana was humane enough not to tease the Saints when he lobbed the football over the hands of a Saints' cornerback into the protective arms of John Taylor at the New Orleans' 13-yard line. One play later, Montana found Brent Jones, one of 8 eligible receivers, in the end zone.

If only the carrier pigeon hadn't stolen his attention

San Francisco leads 17-14

The half ended with Morten Anderson taking his chances from 56-yards out: unfortunately his kick went wider left than James Carville in a marijuana dispensary.

Halftime - 49ers 17, Saints 14

Quarter Three
The only thing worse for the Saints than San Francisco taking possession to start the half was the fact that Tom Rathman was fed a heaping bowl of children in the locker room. He carried the 49ers to the New Orleans 39-yard line, but the Saints came up big with a 3rd-and-3 stop of Roger Craig. Mike Cofer came on to convert his second field goal of the game.

San Francisco leads 20-14

Rueben Mayes continued his strong start of replacing Fenerty with his second return into San Francisco territory. Unfortunately, his team fumbled the baton-handoff when they were forced to go for it on 4th and 5 from the 43-yard line and still lost an extra two yards.

The bad news: No torqued elbow on this spike

The 49ers started the drive showing signs of mortality when a pass to Rice was batted away by just ONE (1) defender. Apparently Montana was so frightened of this prospect that he handed the ball off on the next six plays to Craig and Rathman, which still got the Niners out to the New Orleans' 5-yard line. After being out on the field for most of the quarter, the once-stout Saints' defense gave up a Montana sneak for a touchdown, corresponding with the selling out of paper bags at the Breaux Mart.

San Francisco leads 27-14

The quarter came to an end on a cliffhanging 3rd-and-9 play looming for New Orleans.

Quarter Four
In just a matter of a flip of the field, the Saints' fans were able to shove their hearts back into their empty cavities when Heyward pulled in a miraculous catch for 16 yards. Brent Perriman followed that up with a beautiful reception in coverage at the San Francisco 9-yard line. Unfortunately all too soon, however, the Saints were facing 3rd-and-goal at the 11-yard line, and when Heyward couldn't keep from stepping on his own shoelaces at the 2-yard line, Anderson came out to punch it in despite being down by 13 in the fourth quarter.

San Francisco leads 27-17

When New Orleans' attempt at an onside kick had about as much success as a 16-year old girl coming back from Bourbon Street with her innocence, the 49ers started driving, and driving hard. There was a quick interlude when Taylor fumbled a reception at the New Orleans' 18-yard line, but when Toi Cook kicked it back to his waiting hands, the 49ers got another chance to convert. And did they? If you guessed "no", then I'll assume you pump gas in New Jersey for a living.

San Francisco led 34-17

I've already spent too much time on this, so I'll get to the point: New Orleans got down near the 49ers' end zone, ran two failed flea flickers as time expired, my dog puked on my shoe and I'm not going to clean it up until tomorrow.

Final Score: 49ers 34, Saints 17

If you've already read this far down, then my condolences are with you. If you stopped in the second quarter, however, you might have thought this was going to finish out in pretty exciting fashion. Unfortunately, it didn't, and unfortunately in losing the Saints not only fell out of the playoff hunt but also ruined it for about 15 other NFC teams. Walsh played his valiant self, pretty much outdoing Montana for the second time this season, but when Dalton Hilliard isn't fit to button up Tom Rathman's crotchless chaps, you'd have to be a fool to think this wasn't one of those David/Goliath stories that ended with David getting a slingshot surgically removed from his ass.

*************************************************************************************** 
Now that that's overwith, we can get on to the task at hand: looking ahead to the crucial third-to-last week in this marathon of hell. Our calves are tight, our throats are dry and cottonmouthed and caked in three-miles-ago vomit, and our heads are simultaneously pounding and lighter than the fifteen-year-old boys staying late in the locker room to huff empty whipped cream canisters. Houston and Minnesota have clinched, and in light of events just witnessed, at least one other team has a chance to move one level closer to saving the princess, er, winning the highly-coveted Tecmo Bowl. Let's see what's in store for us on the XVth edition of Looking Ahead!

The week comes charging out of the gate with a pretty stinkin' big divisional match-up between Chicago and Green Bay. The Packers beat Chicago in their first battle in Week 8, but since then have only won once more, opening the door for the Bears to take over in the wild card battle. A victory for Chicago will go a long way in deciding a postseason berth, but you can bet that the cheeseheads have saved all their quarters to use on Bob Nelson in this late-season contest.

Enter into evidence: The last person
to ever mess with Chuck Knox

Cincinnati is on life support, and will have to pull off a huge upset at home to pull even and stay sniffing the playoffs instead of Marc Logan's jock. Miami needs to get back on track, and luckily for them they're back in the AFC where they've been dominant all season. Elsewhere, three straight games featuring AFC West teams will take place, with all three of the teams being the ones tied for first place at 8-5. It's possible they'll still be in the same traffic jam of south California proportions since they don't face off head-to-head; however, somewhere we think Chuck Knox is chain smoking after drawing the short straw in favored match-ups.

The New York Football Giants could lose their one-week lead in first if they drop a home game against the Eagles, a team they lost to by a missed PAT in Week 10, while the less-competitive NFC West is showcased with the Rams fighting to get back into a playoff-field they were streaking towards earlier in the season. Los Angeles won the first meeting, but the Falcons are playing spoiler patrol as of late, and there'd be no bigger spoiler than pulling the Rams into the quicksand as a red-and-gold sun sets behind the horizon line.

Eat your heart out, 2011 Indianapolis Colts!

Two NFC East teams in contention start off the late afternoon, with the Redskins playing the last remaining one-win team in Phoenix at home while Dallas tries to right the ship against the deflated New Orleans Saints. The afternoon ends with everyone who's ever played as New England or Indianapolis' favorite Week 15 game, New England vs. Indianapolis. It's a paradoxical guaranteed win for either team, but with the Colts chasing a rare .500 season you can bet that Albert Bentley's ready to show why he's the original Beast Mode.

Monday Night brings us back to the city where dreams are made, Los Angeles, where the Raiders will hope to continue making their postseason dreams come true. It's been a blue moon since a lot of us have seen Bo Jackson play into Spring Training, and they could do it with a highly convincing win over the Buffalo Bills. However, before we lose that jade sheen, we must remember that this is late-season Buffalo Bills, where the only thing that can stop Jamie Mueller is his own selfish desire for caving in chests. The Bills took over first place in the AFC East after letting the Dolphins coast all season, and the only way they'll give it back is if Mueller is given a chew toy to bury at the forty-yard line.

WOOF WOOF SNARL....*squeak*

***************************************************************************************

AFC
1. *Houston (10-3)
2. Buffalo (9-3-1)
3. Seattle (8-5)

Wild Card
4. Dolphins (9-4)
5. Broncos (8-5)
6. Chargers (8-5)

On the Bubble
L.A. Raiders (7-6)
Cincinnati (6-7)

Playoff Scenarios:

AFC East
None

AFC Central

None

AFC West

None

***************************************************************************************

NFC

1. *Minnesota (11-2)

2. San Francisco (9-4)
3. N.Y. Giants (9-4)

Wild Card
4. Philadelphia (8-5)
5. Washington (7-6)

6. Chicago (7-6)

On the Bubble
L.A. Rams (7-6)
  Green Bay (6-6-1)
Tampa Bay (6-7)
Dallas (6-7)

Playoff Scenarios:

NFC East
None

NFC Central

Vikings clinch 1st-round bye with 49ers OR Giants loss

NFC West

49ers clinch with win AND L.A. Rams loss

 
* - Division Champion

** - 1st Round Bye

*** - Home field throughout

(Tuesday) Night Football: Tampa Bay vs. New Orleans

I suppose even paper bags get sort of stale after a while

Well, once again we're rehashing our featured game this week a day later, due somewhat to Halloween festivities but mostly due to my beer drinking practice that started at 5 PM and lasted long into the witching hour. While that may have made for a more amusing and bitter recount of our game tonight, I didn't feel I owed that to you or myself quite yet. Speaking of tonight: not only an important game for both teams to keep pace in their respective divisions, but perhaps more importantly, it's one Tampa mayor Sandra Freedman is frothing at the mouth to win just to see New Orleans mayor Sidney Barthelmy march down Bourbon street in Buccaneer Creamsicle.

Quarter One
Tampa Bay wins the toss, and elects to receive. Danny Peebles gets it to the Buccaneer 37-yard line, and promptly removes himself from the game with a fractured tibia and maybe wishing he'd finished those business courses in college. Mr. Gary Anderson is the first ball carrier of the game, moving it a respectable 6 positive yards before being brought down into the shallow marshes of New Orleans' Superdome turf. The next play is a pitch to Anderson good for no gain, but on 3rd-and-4, Vinny's first pass is a screen to Anderson that is good for 19 yards and a complimentary 'Big SL-Easy' button from Mardi Gras, 1984. Testaverde is handled roughly by Renaldo Turnbull, but avoids a second consecutive sack with a throw off his back foot to Bruce Hill, good for 30 yards. Anderson gets back into the game with a catch on the run, sling-shotting himself 17 yards to the Saints' 3-yard line. A pitch to Anderson is good for a 3-yard touchdown on the next play, but more importantly, good for the self-esteem of a man who decided to roll with a common nickname amongst mafia second-hand men.

Tampa Bay leads 7-0

Some play to win, I play to ogle 8-bit cheerleaders

Gil Fenerty is the man chosen by New Orleans to find a good starting spot, and he chooses the Saints' 24-yard line. From the shotgun, Steve Walsh quickly gets to work lowering expectations with a wild incompletion to Eric Martin. Deciding to go with a play with even less expectations of working, the Saints run a flea-flicker that is impossibly converted with Brent Perriman pulling it down for 34 yards. Dalton Hilliard gets exploded on the next play, and so the Saints shrug and give it back to Steve Walsh. He launches it to a wide-open Eric Martin, and this game is suddenly tied up faster than you can say 'Kevin Haverdink'.

Score tied 7-7

The Buccaneers get a second drive started at the Tampa 25-yard line, and Reggie Cobb is soon after introduced to Vaughan Johnson. Cobb love-wrestles him for about 10 seconds, before somebody on his team gets the S.O.S. and frees him from Johnson's death snuggle to allow a 10-yard run. The quarter ends with a Jim Wilks public raping of Testaverde, however, and those hard-earned yards are promptly wiped clean.

Quarter Two
Cobb gets Wilks and the rest of the New Orleans front-seven to chase him on the next play for about 18 yards, and then for another 9, but it's on 3rd-and-1 when Cobb's cries for help go unheeded and he's swallowed up for no positive yardage. Mark Royals gets off a hefty punt of over 60 yards, and the Saints get another chance at their own 10-yard line.

With a face like that, Halloween must have come early

Dalton Hilliard rides the 1984 World's Fair Monorail for 31 yards on the first play from scrimmage, but Walsh can't stop the gale winds of tropical storm Eugene Marve afterwards and is knocked back a good 9 yards. Hilliard takes the ball back on second down, but winds up coughing it up to Tampa Bay at his own 46-yard line.

Cobb is given the duty of finding a first down with a run play over the left side, and he manages to avoid an open field tackle to wind up with 32 yards. From the shotgun, Testaverde misses Cobb, and on the next play throws it away in the face of a New Orleans blitz. On third down, Vinny goes back through the air and finds Bruce Hill right at the goal line. Cobb busts down the levee on the next play for his first touchdown of the game.

Tampa Bay leads 14-7

Fenerty runs the ball out from the New Orleans 1-yard line and kicks it into high gear to the 21-yard line with 1:21 remaining the half. A blitz, not surprisingly involving Eugene Marve, knocks Hilliard back about 7 yards, but Craig Heyward gains it back on the next play with his first carry of the game. On 3rd-and-10 with just a minute to go, Marve pulls out the ghetto blaster and knocks Walsh on his respective ass with some tight Billy Ocean sax solos.

It's the Vinny Testaverde show after the punt, with an overthrown lob and a 5-yard scramble accompanied with some circus music to run out the half.

Halftime - Buccaneers 14, Saints 7

This game: slightly better than Hocus Pocus on ABC Family

Quarter Three
The second half starts with a bad Steve Christie kick out to the New Orleans 40-yard line, and Fenerty is dragged down five yards later. The next three plays go a little like this: Walsh to Perriman for 25 yards, screen pass to Heyward for 7, and another long ball to a diving Perriman in the end zone, and if you're as surprised as I am, your computer monitor is probably wearing half a bowl of Life cereal.

Score tied 14-14

Bruce Perkins fights his way to decent starting position at the Tampa Bay 32-yard line, and the first play is a daring lob to Reggie Cobb, but it's overwhelmingly overthrown. Ron Hall takes a more Heisman-worthy pass from Testaverde in coverage for 21 yards up the middle, and the Buccaneers are once again breaking through into New Orleans territory. Jim Wilks shows off just why he was such a top prospect out of San Diego State University with a blistering sack of Testaverde, but Vinny gets his revenge on the next play with a 48-yard connection with Hall that ends at the Saints' 8-yard line. The Bucs can't punch it in on two consecutive plays, so Vinny, as he's done all season, carries his team on his broad New Yorker shoulders into the end zone for Tampa Bay's third lead of the game.

Tampa Bay leads 21-14

Fenerty hustles it once again to the New Orleans' 19-yard line. Two straight runs by Heward and Hilliard net a total of 5 yards, and when the law of averages goes against them on third down, Tommy Barnhard is out to punt a cannon ball about 70 yards, pinning Willie Drewrey at his own 10-yard line.

Quarter Four
Tampa sees its second injury of the game when Bruce Hill is destroyed despite a miraculous snag of a Testaverde heave. Anderson sees his first action since the first quarter with a run up the middle for 7 more yards, but it's a pitch on second down that goes for 21 yards back into New Orleans territory. The slow trickling turns into a gushing geyser when the sieve that is the New Orleans run defense gives up a 26-yard scramble to Testaverde. The drive is suddenly stalled, however, when Anderson fumbles it over to Gene Atkins and the Saints have a new life.

Walsh throws up a trick, Hamilton gets a treat

Hilliard runs around the right and breaks away for a 37-yard gain, and the breath continues to pour into New Orleans' fetus. The breath soon becomes about as wheezy as Wayne Martin after about half a dozen po' boys when Walsh offers up his first pick of the day to Harry Hamilton.

From their own 22-yard line, Testaverde shoots it off to his new receiver, little Willie Drewrey, and the Bucs have a quick 35 yards back into Saints' territory. A 44-yard pass to Mark Carrier finally gets Tampa Bay the score they were looking for, along with Vinny Testaverde's team-leading 11th touchdown on the year.

Tampa Bay leads 28-14

The Saints are working with 59 seconds on the clock down by 14, leading fans to hurriedly toss out all their beads to the New Orleans' cheerleaders for a quick distraction. Whether it's this trick that works, or the fact that garbage touchdowns to Tecmo are what Cajun food is to Joel Hilgenberg, but Walsh actually lobs up another flea-flicker initiated pass to Eric Martin, which is good for 63 yards and a score.

Tampa Bay leads 28-21

Mark Carrier, perhaps the only member of the Tampa Bay squad still paying attention to the game (save for some of the more questionable coaches) quickly picks up the onside attempt by Morten Anderson, and this game is iced faster than a yard-long margarita on Fat Tuesday.

Final: Buccaneers 28, Saints 21

What have we here? A 4-3 Tampa Bay team, tied with Chicago for third in the NFC Central? Yes, there's still some hope for some crazy finishes here during this randomized Tecmo season, and with how Testaverde led his team to victory today I'd maybe be surprised if the Bucs didn't cause a ruckus towards the finish line. The Saints drop to 2-5, and in a division with San Francisco and the surprising Rams, they may be down for the count. However, while it wasn't always pretty or fun to watch New Orleans play, it is Halloween (technically, it was when I watched it), and what better team to watch than one that honors costuming and cringe-inducing acts on and off the field? While Steve Walsh hits the showers tonight with hopes of washing away tears and disappointment, Testaverde has to be pretty proud of his mid-season shape right now. With both a rushing and passing touchdown to his name today, ol' Vinny sure turned some heads tonight--a refreshing change from churning his coaches' bowels.

Week 8: Halfway Hoedown

Eight weeks in, and we're getting into the nitty gritty of our Tecmo season. The leaves have fallen and the snow will soon be following as we turn the page to November with a few tight divisional races. Knockout blows can be delivered over the next few weeks starting with today, as some teams are suddenly staring at must-win games in the face while others are doing the halfway hoedown with the other leaders in their division and conference. Nobody said it would be easy, not everyone said it would be fun, but then again those same people said Detroit would still be in it at this point, too.

1:00 Games

Cleveland (3-3) at San Diego (5-2)

Cleveland's campaign to make something of a decent start never really got going in San Diego, as the Chargers led throughout and never relented. Marion Butts outran Eric Metcalf considerably, with 17 rushes for 144 yards to Metcalf's 2 for 13. QB Browns wasn't shy about his fear of a Burt Grossman pass rush, as he was only able to unleash 117 yards amidst 2 interceptions. The Chargers look ready to take control of an AFC West division that's shaping up to be among the best in the game.

Final Score: Chargers 20, Browns 7

That jersey's hungry for some Word

Denver (4-2) at Kansas City (2-5)

Keeping with the AFC West theme, the Chiefs muddle things up a bit by holding the Broncos back from a first-place tie with San Diego. The Kansas City offense wasn't spectacular, with Steve De Berg only throwing 140 yards and Christian Okoye jogging for 60 yards on 7 rushes, but John Elway and Bobby Humphrey were nearly nonexistent, which is never a winning combination. The Chiefs are now stretching out their necks to get back in the race, with the exception of Barry Word, whose neck disappeared during his junior year of college.

Final Score: Chiefs 20, Broncos 16

Miami (5-2) at Houston (5-1)

Two AFC Heavyweights met up in Houston, and it turned into a battle of legs as Pete Stoyanovich out-kicked Tony Zendejas for an overtime win. The Dolphins found a way to carry on after Sammie Smith went out in the first quarter, with Marc Logan carrying for 69 yards and a touchdown. Their cause was helped tremendously when Warren Moon's game-time decision to play with a chafing crotch led to a fairly disappointing 115 passing yards and two picks.

Final Score: Dolphins 16, Oilers 13 (OT)

Indianapolis (2-5) at New York Jets (1-6)

The battle for longest losing streak was won by the Colts on this Sunday. The Jets snapped a 6-game losing streak at the cost of Indianapolis' 5th straight, with the game decided by halftime as neither team decided to score in the second half. Blair Thomas continued his hot running with 96 yards on 10 attempts, and while Albert Bentley was quiet on the ground for the Colts, his 81 yards receiving and a touchdown were enough to scare the Colts front staff into thinking they'd miss out on their first draft pick next year.

Final Score: Jets 17, Colts 7

Pittsburgh (2-4) at Seattle (5-2)

The Dr. Jekyll side of Seattle showed up at home today, with an inept offense and defense that allowed 31 Steelers points keeping them from a share of the AFC West lead. However, we musn't take anything away from the Bubby Brister-led Steelers offense, which put up 14 points in the fourth quarter to pull away for good. Mr. Brister himself was good for a 75% completion rate and 201 yards, enough to be the best quarterback in a division including Warren Moon today.

Final Score: Steelers 31, Seahawks 10

New England (1-5) at Minnesota (6-1)

The Vikings win a league-leading seventh game, and now their seventh in a row, in another close game against the Patriots at home. And once again, they did it with some flair by overcoming a 10-point deficit at halftime behind Herschel Walker's 75 yards on 8 rushes and Marvin Allen's ability to fall down before a first down for New England. Surprisingly, Steve Grogan was the better quarterback than Wade Wilson in this game, but that won't get him a Division Champion t-shirt to match Wilson's at the end of the year.

Final Score: Vikings 21, Patriots 17

L.A. Raiders (3-4) at L.A. Rams (4-2)

The Hollywood Bowl is predictably won by the Raiders, despite a stellar game by Jim Everett (90% completion rate, 206 yards and 2 TDs) and Wacky Willie Anderson (4 catches for 123 yards). Despite these statistics, however, the Raiders were one touchdown better thanks to Jay Schroeder avoiding a first-quarter meltdown, and now they single-handedly set up a couple of exciting divisional races down the stretch. Unfortunately for the Raiders, the race will not be a foot race between Bo Jackson and John L. Williams.

Final Score: Raiders 35, Rams 28

4:00 Games

Phoenix (1-6) at Atlanta (1-5)

Although this was a match-up of two of the worst teams in the NFC, they've somewhat flown under the radar thanks to some decibel-shredding terribleness by teams like Detroit and New England. It appears they actually put on an exciting bout here, with Atlanta scoring the late field goal to nab their second win. Johnny Johnson was decent with 84 yards on 12 rushes, but Mean Mike Rozier was a step better with 88 yards on 8 rushes. Atlanta now takes their second win into a pivotal game against division-leading Rams, while the Cardinals get another chance at their second win against the league-leading Vikings.

Final Score: Falcons 27, Cardinals 24

Chicago (4-2) at Green Bay (4-2)

While not a knockout game for either team, it was an important divisional match-up that pitted two like-minded teams trying to keep pace in their division. It was a rubber band match, with Chicago putting up zero points in the first half, then going up 14-13 after 4 Don Majkowski picks before giving up 17 4th quarter points to Green Bay to drop to 4-3. We thought Chicago would take the NFC Central this year, but it's now apparent that the Majik man has taken the division by its mullet and is ready for a second-half charge at Minnesota.

Final Score: Packers 30, Bears 14

Detroit (1-5) at San Francisco (2-4)

Everyone knew it was a lucky draw for the 49ers to meet up with Detroit in their quest for a comeback in the NFC West, but nobody wanted to see them rip apart a J.V. squad like they did in this thrashing. Roger Craig not only came back off the IR, but he also outran Barry Sanders, while Joe Montana's 218 yards and 4 touchdowns looked downright Olympian compared to Rodney Peete, whose 74 yards and whopping 5 interceptions make it apparent that he completed more passes to the Niners defense than his own receivers.

Final Score: 49ers 35, Lions 0

Buffalo (5-2) at Cincinnati (4-2)

It was perhaps the biggest game of Cincinnati's season thus far, and they let it slip away at the very end with a late Buffalo touchdown. Boomer Esiason out-thrusted QB Bills, but it was the battle on the ground that sealed it with James Brooks' valiant 100 yards on 6 rushes outdone by the Thurminator, who dashed for 127 yards on 17 hard-fought runs. It'll be an insignificant game in the Bills' quest for another division crown, while Brooks and the rest of the Bengals may as well run in place for the rest of the season.

Final Score: Bills 31, Bengals 27

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By Monday night, enough dust will have settled for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and New Orleans Saints to know where they stand. While nobody expects the Saints to follow in the footsteps of the 49ers and charge back into the NFC West race, Tampa Bay surprisingly has a shot to make it a four-way dogfight in the NFC Central with a win. Vinny Testaverde has shown his abilities to hang with the best in the game, both in the league sauna and on the field, whereas Steve Walsh had a hard time impressing his son's students last Thursday during show-and-tell. While we're still standing skeptical of the Bucs' chances as a legitimate playoff threat, we're hoping they can keep things together long enough this season to make things interesting for the rest of the NFC, and so we can admire watching grown men as Flinstones' Push Pop mascots.

Tampa Bay: Smooth as pushing ice cream through a cardboard tube