Week Fourteen: The Apoca-Lipps is Nigh

Here we are, at the beginning of the end of another Tecmo Bowl season. Tis the season for spiked egg nog and apocalypse predictions, and for some of the teams on our schedule the world is truly about to end. As far as scheduling goes, it's the fourth quarter with no clear indication of who's going to pull ahead in five of six divisions. In the NFC West, the Falcons and Saints are tied atop the division with neither team showing any give. Both teams are stacked, from Atlanta's Neon Deion to New Orleans' Bobby Hebert and his dynamic corps of Eric Martin, Quinn Early and...Louis Lipps? (Okay, we're stretching). For the AFC West, it's only a matter of how badly the Chargers want some type of postseason advantage. It's the pre-Norv Turner days in San Diego, though that doesn't mean choking isn't in their bolted blood. Let's see how much longer they can prolong the hopeful misery in their division.

1:00 Games

L.A. Raiders (6-6) * Kansas City (2-10)

The Raiders aren't making an improbable surge to a division championship easy with this throwaway game going Kansas City's way. The Chiefs scored 14 points in the 4th quarter of a game Los Angeles was hardly in to begin with. A week after shaming the sure-handed Stan Humphries to stay alive, the Raiders secondary was gobbled up by a starved and rabies-infested Dave Krieg who tossed for 245 yards, 116 going to concrete-footed running back-turned-receiver Barry Word.  

Final Score: Chiefs 35, Raiders 24

Dallas (8-4) * Denver (5-7)

With Kelvin Martin out early, the Cowboys trod dangerously close to their first loss in five games. Rushing leader Emmitt Smith yanked them out from the claws of defeat with another stellar day of 115 yards on 10 carries, slightly outdoing Reggie Rivers' 7-for-29 day. While quarterbacks Troy Aikman and John Elway weren't a clinic in efficiency, it was the younger phenom that led his team to an important victory with 170 yards and no interceptions to Elway's 194 with 2. The Broncos wave goodbye to the 1992 playoffs in the process.

Final Score: Cowboys 21, Broncos 17

San Francisco (8-4) * Miami (8-3-1)

The rising tide in South Beach continues as Dan Marino rides the wave of 374 passing yards to victory over the suddenly stalled 49ers. San Francisco quarterback Steve Young had one of his better days as well with 78% completion and 257 yards, though his demons revolted a bit earlier in the game with 2 interceptions, including a costly one that had them lose in overtime in the end. Miami increases their gap in the AFC East, while the 49ers are quickly finding themselves being the first of the three heads to be lopped off in the NFC West. 

Final Score: Dolphins 41, 49ers 35 (OT)

Houston (8-4) * Chicago (8-4)

After being silenced all game, Warren Moon went to his happy place and took his team through the air for a late score to win. The Bears won the time of possession game, putting late-season All-star Brad Muster on the ground for 17 carries and 111 yards, out-rushing Lorenzo White's 69 yards on 6 attempts. It was White out of the backfield for Moon that won the game, however, catching 3 passes for 109 yards including the game-winner. The illicit haze in the AFC Central is beginning to settle with Houston in a dominant lead. 

Final Score: Oilers 16, Bears 14

San Diego (9-3) * Phoenix (1-11)

The Phoenix Cardinals' probable last win of the season is a stinging one for the San Diego Chargers, who will have to halt the presses in South America for another week with this one-point loss to the worst team in Tecmo. With Nate Lewis going out early, Stan Humphries stalled at 220 yards with no rushing game to speak of. The Cardinals took charge at that point, putting Johnny Bailey on the ground for 86 yards until his own injury. With his recent struggles, John Carney will likely have to buy his own ball cap should San Diego finally win the division. 

Final Score: Cardinals 31, Chargers 30

Washington (7-5) * N.Y. Giants (3-9)

The Redskins take a hugely unfortunate step back in their campaign to retain their championship with this questionable loss to the Giants. With Hampton rushing a 10-yard average 125 yards on 12 attempts and Jeff Hostetler surpassing the 200-yard marker on the day, the Giants cruised to an improbable successful spoiler win over Washington, whose own Mark Rypien had no answers for a secondary that picked him 3 times and held him to just 116 yards. After a disappointing season, New York has this Sunday to revel in the spoils. 

Final Score: Giants 28, Redskins 21

Philadelphia (9-3) * Minnesota (8-4)

A puzzling day in the NFC East continues with this Eagles loss to the hobbled Minnesota Vikings. Rich Gannon was efficient enough to deliver his Vikings a much-needed win late. Randall Cunningham threw 83% and 142 yards, though 100 of those yards were notched on just 2 catches by Fred Barnett, and the gassed Eagles defense was on the field for one play too many. Minnesota moves one step forward in a repeat claim, knocking the cheese out of the lungs of Packers' fans' playoff hopes in the process. 

Final Score: Vikings 24, Eagles 20

Green Bay (4-8) * Detroit (3-9)

With the scoreboard-watching going south for the Packers, the Detroit Lions pulled out yet another convincing win despite their own lopsided record. Barry Sanders was a yard shy of 200 after 18 carries on the ground, making up for much of the Lions' offense. Brett Favre came unglued once again, throwing 276 yards with 124 going to Jackie Harris, but his untamed arm also cost the Packers two possessions with interceptions by a hungry Lions team. It's back to another long, cold winter of skunky beer for Green Bay.

Final Score: Lions 23, Packers 21

Cleveland (5-7) * Cincinnati (6-6)

The battle for Ohio takes on somewhat added meaning with this contest, as the Browns pull out a very important win to stay alive in their division as well as the wild card race. After dropping 4 straight, Cleveland got back on track by defeating the team they last won against. The defense of the Browns won the day, making a depressing Tomczak performance look Marino-esque in comparison to Boomer's 42% and just 89 yards throwing. Cleveland hopes to stay under the radar after the win, as those are the best conditions for Coach Belichick to ferment.

Final Score: Browns 24, Bengals 14

4:00 Games

Pittsburgh (7-5) * Seattle (4-8)

The Steelers took care of business against Seattle after big wins by Houston and Cleveland, uncorking Barry Foster for another jaw-dropping performance of 124 yards on only 6 carries. His 37 yards out of the backfield were more than half of Neil O'Donnell's 62 yards, a man that looked totally inept compared to the inconsistent yet effective Stan Gelbaugh and his 223 yards with 2 interceptions. The long season for Seattle ends with the sound of a squeaky carousel coming to a slow and silent stop.

Final Score: Steelers 35, Seahawks 21


N.Y. Jets (7-4-1) * Buffalo (7-5)

The New York Jets wished they'd played the Buffalo team of the first half of the season, as they might have been able to fool them into losing like they've done 7 other times. But with Thurman Thomas outrunning Brad Baxter 163 yards to 50, the battle for quarterbacks disowned by their high schools raged in utter silence between Browning Nagle's 132 yards to Jim Kelly's 80 with an interception. Buffalo pulled out the win in overtime, something they may have failed at earlier, and their fourth win in a row is enough to seal the deal on New England and Seattle's official playoff pipe dreams. 

Final Score: Bills 20, Jets 17 (OT)

L.A. Rams (6-6) * Tampa Bay (5-7)

Had the Rams played in an alternate dimension of divisions, they'd be in good shape for a late-season playoff surge. As it is, they're now playing for respect and a hard-fought wild card spot as they notch another solid win against Tampa Bay. Jim Everett was key with 241 yards, aided by Cleveland Gary's 81 yards on 7 rushes, silencing the lethargic Buccaneers who, at this point, couldn't even raid their own sisters' panty drawers. Tampa Bay drops out of the NFC Central race while also clinging on with sheer indifference to a wild card spot.

Final Score: Rams 27, Buccaneers 21

Indianapolis (2-10) * New England (3-9)

The Colts win in rousing fashion against their airless opponents in the AFC East, ending a team-worst 10-game losing streak with a rout of the Patriots. Not only did Jeff George throw an unblemished 266 yards, he was also able to fool the Patriots defense long enough to let Anthony Johnson run unchallenged for 139 yards on 14 carries. Kevin Turner continued his one-man band show with 89 yards on just 7 carries, but it wasn't enough to pull his Patriots out of the pit of the late season Toilet Bowl game. 

Final Score: Colts 34, Patriots 10 

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Before you find yourself with the need to hide your excitement of our Monday Night game between Atlanta and New Orleans, be sure to check our belated 4th Quarter report!  Butt Douglas and the Lodgefather hit the inside track to deliver you thoughts and predictions on these last 4 exciting weeks of football. The Power Rankings continue, though this time they're broken up into groupings as to where they stand in the playoff pecking order. Take a listen during your tailgate party, and then be sure to join us for our first-place tiebreaker in the NFC West between the surging Falcons and the sinful Saints! All the slurry sweetness of the Southern contest will have you checking your blood sugar early and often!

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PLAYOFF SCENARIOS (3 GAMES TO GO):

AFC East

Miami (9-3-1)

Buffalo (8-5) -1.5

NY Jets (7-5-1) -2 (Lose AND Mia win and out)

New England (3-9) E

Indianapolis (2-10) E

AFC Central

Houston (9-4)

Pittsburgh (8-5) -1

Cincinnati (6-7) -3 (Lose and out OR HOU win and out)

Cleveland (6-7) -3 (Lose and out OR HOU win and out)

AFC West

San Diego (9-4) – DIVISION with win OR Raiders loss

LA Raiders (6-7) -3 (Lose and out OR SD win and out)

Denver (5-8) E

Seattle (4-9) E

Kansas City (3-10) E

Wild Card

Buffalo (8-5)

Pittsburgh (8-5)

NY Jets (7-5-1)

Cincinnati (6-7) -1.5

Cleveland (6-7) -1.5

LA Raiders (6-7) -1.5

Denver (5-8) -2.5 (Lose and out OR BUF, PIT and JET wins and out)

Seattle (4-9) E

Kansas City (3-10) E

New England (3-10) E

Indianapolis (3-10) E

PLAYOFF SCENARIOS (3 GAMES TO GO)

NFC East

Dallas (9-4)

Philadelphia (9-4)

Washington (7-6) -2 (Lose AND DAL or PHI win and out)

NY Giants (4-9) E

Phoenix (2-11) E

NFC Central

Minnesota (9-4)

Chicago (8-5) -1

Tampa Bay (5-8) E

Detroit (3-9) E

Green Bay (4-9) E

NFC West

Atlanta (10-3)

New Orleans (9-4) -1

San Francisco (8-5) -2 (Lose AND ATL win and out)

LA Rams (7-6) -3 (Lose and out OR ATL win and out)

Wild Card

New Orleans (9-4)

Philadelphia (9-4)

San Francisco (8-5)

Chicago (8-5)

Washington (7-6) -1

LA Rams (7-6) -1

Tampa Bay (5-8) -3 (Lose and out OR SF or CHI win and out)

Detroit (4-9) E

NY Giants (4-9) E

Green Bay (4-9) E

Phoenix (2-11) E

Looking Ahead: Thanksgiving Edition!

The Thanksgiving holiday will last all weekend long here at the Tecmo Bowl, so make sure to pack your fridge full of leftovers to ready yourself for the festivities. Though Thursday is sure to be jam-packed with your favorite football action on the television screen, we here at the Tecmo Bowl are committed to bring you some of our own brand of football gamesmanship over the weekend with the typical Detroit and Dallas holiday games, along with a featured matchup on Monday night. Don't worry if you get lost, just follow the Bubby Brister balloon all the way down the ol' information superhighway back to the Tecmobowl.com come this weekend to keep that tryptophan hangover rolling right along!

The weekend will start off traditionally with Detroit finally getting their chance in the sun, and it couldn't be more fitting in the Thanksgiving holiday game against Cincinnati. At this stage in the game, however, Detroit will only be lacing up their cleats to play the spoiler against a Bengals team trying to get their head back above water while riding a 2-game win streak. Dallas will return to the spotlight as well, hoping to finally bust their way forth from the 2nd place position they've been riding all season. They'll take on the hopeless Cardinals; though it would only be fair to mention that Phoenix's one win came in their only featured game just a few weeks ago. If they can nab another one here, it may be at the expense of their divisional mates' playoff dreams.

The games to follow on Sunday have the powerhouse of yesteryear in Buffalo battling against one of this year's surprising Goliaths, the Atlanta Falcons. The Bills have gotten back to their winning ways as of late, but a match-up here against the tough-as-nails dirty birds may wind up knocking them back under .500 for the second time this season. Miami and Houston also tussle in a match-up of division leaders. Both teams have underwhelmed against expectations, though Week 12 is usually about the time that the blood in both Warren Moon and Dan Marino's veins begin to react to the 'medication' they've been receiving on the sidelines.You'll also see the Minnesota Vikings attempt to bounce back against an unidentifiable Cleveland Browns team who are desperately looking for their first playoff shot in some time, as well as Green Bay and Chicago beating each other black and blue in the NFC Central for a chance to stay alive in the NFC wild card discussion.

The late games should pack a punch just as hard as the early ones. New Orleans and Washington undoubtedly make an interesting pairing, with the Redskins taking their 4-game win streak against perhaps the hottest team in our 1992 Tecmo Bowl season. Bobby Hebert, leading the league in nearly every statistical category, takes on the highly-ranked Washington pass defense, including Brad Edwards and his 7 sacks and 3 interceptions. San Francisco takes advantage of the Saints' and Falcons' tougher match-ups in landing themselves the packed-for-the-postseason Los Angeles Rams. Pittsburgh should have no problems making it 6 in a row against the Colts, while the Raiders hope to make it a race in the AFC West with a win over the Broncos.

Monday's contest will highlight our final team to be featured in the 1992 Tecmo Bowl Season, the New England Patriots, when they play the New York Jets. Depending on what happens in Miami, the Jets could be playing for sole possession of the AFC East lead. It seems like the 5th week in a row they've played for that claim, but it finally looks like a reality when they touch down in the Nor'east to play a Patriots team with no real direction. Hugh Millen had us all fooled earlier this season by playing above himself, but now that he's not only landed back on earth but found himself halfway to China, the Patriots are no more than a high school JV team looking for a chance to play with the big boys. Though Browning Nagle and Co. can hardly be labeled as such, they are certainly looking for a chance to redeem themselves after a lackluster tie in their last featured game just a few weeks ago.

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AFC

 

NFC

Week Three: This One's for Steve

It's week three, and we're here to document all of our favorite teams as they begin their quest to separate themselves from the pack. The stove has been turned down to simmer as we let the exciting boil of early September turn over to occasional stirring. We didn't 'Look Ahead' last week to these match-ups, and though that would usually be attributed to our laziness, this time around we did it out of respect to our mentor and hero, Steve Sabol of NFL Films. It's a little known fact that the writers here at the Tecmo Bowl usually recite each entry in their best Sabol voice before posting, and so it's only fitting that we ask you do the same this week.

1:00 Games

New Orleans (2-0) * Atlanta (2-0)

Bobby Hebert. Chris Miller. It was the marquee match-up of the NFC West this week, and it didn't disappoint. Though Bobby Hebert slipped a bit from his previous two dominating performances, he was still calm and collected in the face of calamity. Chris Miller was effective on the Atlanta side of the ball, though it may have been his one interception to Hebert's none that was the factor in this close ball game. The Saints improve their mark to 3-0, while Atlanta continues to remain a threat even in defeat.

Final Score: Saints 24, Falcons 20

Seattle (0-2) * New England (0-1)

Seattle. New England. Two teams on the hunt for their first win of the season. Seattle put up a tough fight last week against Kansas City, yet lost in the heartbreaking final moments of the game. They wouldn't have much time to mend, as the Patriots stole the victory away from the Seahawks in the final quarter again. Stan Gelbaugh's confidence remained shaken, throwing for just 46 yards with an interception. The Seahawks remain winless despite two close losses, and one could wonder if next week the Seattle quarterback carousel will shift.

Final Score: Patriots 21, Seahawks 17

N.Y. Giants (0-2) * Chicago (1-1)

Matt Bahr. Kevin Butler. How often are professional football contests decided on the ability of each team's kicker to put one through the uprights with the game on the line? While we can often recall many exciting and captivating moments with the kicker on the field, there are very few times when those moments involve the routine point after touchdown. Bahr missed one here, and it was the difference in a close game where neither quarterback exceeded 100 yards passing. The Giants continue to struggle, with not even a kicker to quell their descent.

Final Score: Bears 13, Giants 12

San Francisco (2-0) * N.Y. Jets (1-1)

Offense. Defense. Without one, the other could not exist. The 49ers put their perfect record on the line against a Jets team that had been punchless on defense up to this point. Today, New York put on a defensive front that was nearly enough to stop the mighty 49ers, holding them to just 68 yards rushing. However, Steve Young continued to remain just outside the shadow of Joe Montana with another impressive campaign, throwing over 200 yards with no mistakes and scoring a touchdown late to win. The NFC West remains as wild as ever.

Final Score: 49ers 21, Jets 17

Pittsburgh (1-1) * San Diego (2-0)

Merrill Hoge. Injuries. The two have become synonymous the past few years, and his early exit wrote a recipe for defeat for the second straight week in Pittsburgh. After an exciting opening week win over the Oilers, the Steelers have suffered a tough schedule, this week drawing the West division's powerhouse in the Chargers. Though Neil O'Donnell out-threw San Diego's savior, Stan Humphries, their continued inability to punch it in the end zone will inevitably lead to their sudden and disappointing playoff race departure.

Final Score: Chargers 17, Steelers 13

Minnesota (2-0) * Tampa Bay (1-1)

Fuad. Reveiz. Parts of a name that no two people have ever pronounced the same come together to form the man that won the third game in a row for Minnesota. Reggie Cobb was the first player to return from injury this season, but was held by a stout Vikings' defense for just 44 yards. Rich Gannon's lackluster 189 yards and 2 interceptions kept the Buccaneers in the game, though unfortunately they'd suffer the tough loss with the late Reveiz field goal. It's hard to fault them, however, when Reveiz's range includes all of Hennepin and parts of Ramsey and Dakota counties.

Final Score: Vikings 23, Buccaneers 21

Dallas (1-1) * Phoenix (0-2)

Troy Aikman. Chris Chandler. The main difference between these men, besides one being Charlie Brown's doppelganger, is that while they can both throw 80% Aikman will inevitably throw for at least 100 yards more. The Cowboys nab a winning record for the first time this year while keeping Phoenix in the dust, mainly behind Aikman's efficiency and Emmitt Smith's insatiable hunger for yards, gobbling up 112 of them on 10 attempts. In the end, the main difference between these teams is that one looks unstoppable, and the other lost Ricky Proehl for a few games.

Final Score: Cowboys 23, Cardinals 21

Houston (0-2) * Kansas City (1-1)

Moon. Krieg. That's exactly what the Chiefs fans did to show their distaste for their quarterback's performance as the Oilers ran roughshod for their first elusive win. Warren Moon was 90% effective, throwing for 337 yards and no interceptions, while Dave Krieg was arguably playing blindfolded with 79 yards and 2 picks. Curtis Duncan pulled down 125 of Moon's yards, which is easily more than all Chiefs receivers combined this season, and Houston appears ready for another death march through the AFC Central even with a two-game handicap.

Final Score: Oilers 31, Chiefs 17

Miami (1-0) * L.A. Rams (1-1)

Winning Streak. Tecmo Bowl Chances. Miami lost both in just their second game, falling by 10 points to the lowly Rams. Dan Marino was exciting as usual behind 251 yards and a couple touchdowns, but Jim Everett was a house ablaze with 337 passing yards and no interceptions to Marino's two. And Flipper Anderson may as well have been invisible on the field, as he burned the Dolphins on 5 catches for 134 yards. The Rams exhibited shades of their previous season's selves, down to Jim Everett's death glare and Cleveland Gary's cautionary smile.

Final Score: Rams 38, Dolphins 28

4:00 Games

Cincinnati (2-0) * Green Bay (1-1)

Boomer. Brett. Both names start with 'B', and both men threw 165 yards. While this is pretty standard for Boomer, it was a bit of a letdown after Brett's enormous performance from last week. Favre continues to show signs of rookie weaknesses, throwing one more pick than the seasoned Esiason, though it may have been the dominant Derrick Fenner that was the difference in this game, as he out-rushed Vince Workman by nearly 100 yards. Cincinnati keeps surprisingly stretching their division lead.

Final Score: Bengals 31, Packers 20

Philadelphia (1-1) * Denver (0-2)

100%. John Elway. Close, but it was Randall Cunningham who pulled out the perfect performance to keep his Eagles tied with the lead in the NFC East. Denver loses their closest game yet behind a John Elway performance that included 275 yards and 0 interceptions. Unfortunately, he is still shades behind Cunningham, as his season-leading 7 interceptions is well behind Randall's 0. The Broncos will have to pack up and try again next week, though nobody should be surprised if they still somehow find a way to lose while on their bye.

Final Score: Eagles 35, Broncos 33

Cleveland (0-2) * L.A. Raiders (1-1)

Mike Tomczak. Jeff Jaeger. One of these men has won more games for his team this season than the other. And if you guessed the man that Maroon 5 wrote about, you'd be blatantly wrong, but closer than guessing Tomczak. Jaeger hit one through the uprights in overtime to keep Cleveland winless, though if anyone had seen it after the suckfest between Tomczak and Jay Schroeder it'd be a minor miracle. And yes, if you're still faithfully reading as Steve Sabol, you just heard him say 'suckfest'.

Final Score: Raiders 20, Browns 17 (OT)

Washington (1-1) * Detroit (0-2)

Barry Sanders. Earnest Byner. One is the franchise player for his team, while the other is only entrusted to carry the ball 3 times in the entire game. Barry Sanders went out with an injury early in the game, but still outran his counterpart on the Washington side. And though he was gone, the Lions would go on to score a spirited 13 unanswered points for the comeback win over last year's NFC Champions. Whether it's a blip on the Redskins' radar or signs of the coming storm, this Byner boat is sinking fast.

Final Score: Lions 23, Redskins 21

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Monday Night Football will shine its spotlight in the east, where the Buffalo Bills are looking up at the Indianapolis Colts in the standings. Though there's always early-season shuffling going on in the NFL, there's never really been more of a chance for the Colts to make a statement than their week three match-up against Buffalo. The Colts are fresh off a stunning upset over Houston behind the league-leading passer through two weeks in Jeff George. Buffalo, meanwhile, is coming off a demoralizing loss to San Francisco, still looking for their offensive rhythm with Jim Kelly returning to take over for the much more efficient and intimidating QB Bills. It's a make-or-break moment for Indy, hoping to keep their momentum and remain undefeated over a struggling yet very angry Bills team. David takes on Goliath in our Monday Night match-up, with George needing his slingshot to be more accurate than ever before.

Jeff George: Half Skynyrd, Half Wu-Tang

Monday Night Football: Indianapolis vs. Detroit

Get Bentley'd

Indianapolis travels north on I-469 to Detroit for a Monday Night Football clash with some incredibly poignant implications. The Colts are within one win of a first-place tie with the Bills, while Detroit can enter the land of wins, which hasn't become too exclusive in recent days. Albert Bentley is on the bus with the Colts for the trip, returning from a mysterious injury in Week One. On the other end of the ball is Barry Sanders, who has yet to score a rushing touchdown this year, a statistic that seems exponentially related to Detroit's winning percentage. Indianapolis' run defense is middle-of-the-road, but you can believe they're ready to stop the run as Rodney Peete has yet to show any sort of a threat in the air. Although they are both classic franchises within the NFL itself, the history between these two teams isn't filled with too many storylines, so hopefully Jeff George and crew can make a few before I run out of things to say.


Quarter One
The host team wins the toss and elects to receive. Mel Gray brings the ball out to the Detroit 12-yard line and the men from the Motor City get to work. The first play from scrimmage is a Barry Sanders pitch that's good for 17 yards. The second play is a lateral to Sanders is good for another 16, and the Detroit offense looks to be running on all cylinders. After two batted away passes, however, the well-oiled machine now looks like a Volkswagen lemon, and on 3rd and 10 when Peete's pass is nearly picked off, the Lions will be lucky if they can be salvaged for spare parts.

He not only catches footballs, he births them

Indianapolis takes advantage of their new Bentley-fied offense with a pitch to Ivy Joe Hunter for a yard. Dennis Gibson eats Jeff George for breakfast, or dinner, we're not sure when he woke up today, and it's third and long. George shows off his Fighting Illini credentials on the next play with a long pass to a wide-open Bill Brooks for 36 yards into Detroit territory. The storybook beginning for the schoolboy legend playing for his hometown comes to a startling cliffhanger, however, when he's sacked twice by Chris Spielman, with the second one being on 3rd and 26. Something tells us this villain won't be one to go away in the next chapter or two.

After being pushed back from the Detroit 45 to their own 28-yard line, Indianapolis punts it over to the Lions, with Mega-Boot Rohn Stark still limiting Detroit to a touchback with a monster 70+ yard punt. Peete gets his first completion to a man with the last name of Johnson and the first name that is not Calvin, at least not quite yet. Richard Johnson brings it into Indianapolis territory as time expires in the quarter.

Quarter Two
Peete momentarily forgets that he has a SkyNet cyborg on his team named Barry Sanders, and runs a bootleg for 12 yards twice in a row. After the resounding success of these two running plays, Peete gets a little too greedy and forces a pass out of bounds on both first and second down. On 3rd and 10, Peete drops back to pass, and Jeff Herrod drops him back a few more yards for a sack to take the Lions out of field goal range.

Like a wild stallion riding into the sunset of his career

The Colts start from their own 20-yard line after another touchback, and Albert Bentley gets his first play from scrimmage for a 21-yard dash around the right side. After this gracious display of sportsmanship from the Lions defense, they pounce on Bentley during the next play for a 5-yard loss. Jeff George puts the team on his back and gallops the necessary 15 yards for a first down, and them promptly bucks them all off when he tosses up two horrible-looking ducks for incompletions. On 3rd-and-10 from the Detroit 43-yard line, George's pass to Jessie Hester is good for 27 yards and the Colts are trotting right along. Detroit uncorks the thorn from its collective paws and stuffs Hunter, while on second down they paw away a pass by George. It's third down inside the red zone, and the Colts come back to life just in time, trampling over the Lions with a beautiful strike from George to Bentley in the end zone.

Indianapolis leads 7-0

With 53 seconds left in the half, the Lions start from their own 32-yard line. Knowing his options are limited, Peete goes with the most undesirable one and lobs up an interception to Chris Goode in Detroit territory with plenty of time remaining for another Indy score.

From the Detroit 47-yard line, George surveys his own options, scanning the field for a wide open Brooks and Hester. When he can't distinguish their routes beneath his increasingly furrowed brows, he chucks it behind him to Hunter for a loss of 4 yards and an unfortunate amount of clock time. Hunter is given the ball in a more conventional manner on second down, and he graciously runs down the clock on this uninteresting half of football.

Halftime - Colts 7, Lions 0

Quarter Three

I don't think he's down yet; better keep piling on!

Clarence Verdin is the recipient of an inadequate Eddie Murray kickoff, and he returns it to a very desirable field position at the Indianapolis 48-yard line. An Albert Bentley pitch gets the ball to exactly midfield, and then a perfect toss to Hester gets the ball to exactly within Code Blue field position for Detroit. Pat Beach gets involved with a bumbling five-yard catch-and-run in which he sheds about ten defenders, but can't quite get the eleventh to uncork his hands, and falls down at the 3-yard line. Bentley gets an opportunity for the first rushing touchdown of his short season, but instead decides to crash into the brick wall of Ray Donaldson's ass. George opts for the easier route, and tosses a fade to Bill Brooks in the corner of the end zone to move Indianapolis' chances at a possible Week 4 first place tie with Buffalo from laughable to George Lopez laughable.

Indianapolis leads 14-0

Rodney Peete does his best Heisman trophy impersonation

Mel Gray returns an equally opportunistic kick from Dean "It's soo-chie" Biasucci across midfield to the Colts' 48 yard-line. Peete overshoots Robert Clark on first down, and we here at The Tecmo Bowl are  beginning to understand that whole 'No Rushing TDs for Barry Sanders' thing. Peete spit-shines that philosophy even more when, while connecting with Aubrey Matthews for a 15-yard gain, promptly takes a blitz for a loss of 9 on the next play and tosses the ball out of bounds on second down. With 3rd-and-19 and a frothing Jeff Herrod staring at them in the face, the Detroit offense pulls off one of the trickier slot passes seen in Tecmo to Matthews, who gets the 19 yards plus one needed for a first down. The Lions and Barry Sanders are stopped on the next two plays, but Rodney Peete roars back when he sheds multiple defenders for a 16-yard touchdown run.

Indianapolis leads 14-7

Verdin returns a more traditional Murray kick to the Colts' 25-yard line. The third quarter ends with a long Hester reception into Detroit territory, busting open the Lake Michigan levees and washing away hopes of a Detroit comeback.

Quarter Four
And Chris Spielman starts building those levees back up with his third sack of the game. A Bentley pitch is picked, and ol' Uncle Alby is almost put back on a stretcher. On 3rd-and-23 back on their own side of the field, George overshoots Hester by a good 10 yards and somewhere on the sidelines, QB Bills and Co. are suiting up in silver and Honolulu blue.

The famous Barry Sanders tight-rope run

Detroit begins what will come to be known as 'The Motor City Melee' by Steve Sabol's writers with Peete absorbing a Jeff Herrod sack on first down. The second play from scrimmage is a tipped pass that falls harmlessly out of bounds. On 3rd-and-19, a pivotal sack by Sam Clancy gets the t-shirt presses in Indonesia cranked into high gear, but Wayne Fontes tosses conventional wisdom aside and shouts "Nobody punts in Tecmo!", and fucking goes for it on 4th-and-28 from the shadow of their own goal post. And in true Tecmo fashion, a Barry Sanders pitch is good for 46 yards to midfield. After this miraculous turn of events, Detroit soon faces another third down situation, to which they wisely entrust Sanders to convert once more. The glory is all Robert Clark's, however, when on the very next play he brings down a Rodney Peete pass for a touchdown.

Score tied 14-14

Verdin rumbles to the Indianapolis 42-yard line with nearly a minute and a half to go. With enough Bentley runs combined with no Chris Spielman sacks, the Colts may have a chance to kick their way into unheard-of territory within the AFC East. However, showing the infamous unconventional play-calling that usually gets them a perennial 2-14 record, Rick Venturi calls for two Jeff George passing plays that fall predictably incomplete. On 3rd-and-10, Ivy Joe Hunter is entrusted with the incredibly important conversion, and proves why his followers in Twitter are dozens less than Barry Sanders with a 5-yard run that doesn't exactly tick away the necessary amount of seconds. But the Colts didn't travel all this way for an overtime loss, and on 4th and 5 from their own 44-yard line, the Colts dig down deep and go for it. George lobs it up to Hunter, who bobbles and drops the ball. Venturi is seen pocketing an envelope with a very clear blue buffalo logo in the corner.

Who said these two couldn't exhibit exciting
and/or inept football?

With 21 seconds left to strike a final blow, Peete tosses a shovel pass to Sanders, who trucks it down the middle of the field, leaving defenders in his wake. Amazingly, he trips over a rift in the space-time continuum and falls over at the 2-yard line, sending this game into OT for the first time since we began covering them, much to this writer's seething disgust.

Overtime - Colts 14, Lions 14

Overtime
The home team wins the toss, and the momentum shift is more noticeable than the transmission of a '48 Lincoln. Sanders, the obvious horse of Fontes' overtime schematics, takes the first two plays for a total of 31 yards into field goal land. When his next play is blitzed for a loss of 6, the Lions decide to go to the air. The choice, in hindsight, could be diagnosed as a poor one by focus groups of coaches and men wearing beer helmets when Peete is intercepted in the end zone for an Indianapolis touchback.

This picture will be used for all 'Wanted' posters in Indiana

Bentley can't TCOB when he's blitzed for a loss of 6 on first down. George is reunited with Spielman on the next play for a loss of 12, putting the Colts in precarious position at their own 2-yard line. And then, in what could only be described as a twist on the modern-day home-grown quarterback legend, the villain Chris Spielman claims the spoils when he vanquishes the hero and safeties Detroit into their first win.

Detroit leads 16-14

Final: Lions 16, Colts 14 (OT)



This wasn't an easy game to watch, let alone write about, but the ending made it probably the most worthy of all games to recount this week. Don't get me wrong, the forced intrigue I wrote about early on did sort of get my Tecmo juices flowing, but right after the first kick-off I immediately began looking for pencils to sharpen or doorknobs to tighten. The first half didn't disappoint in its suckitude, but as soon as the Colts scored again, I started to take notice. A 3-1 Colts squad? Please write me if any of you in Tecmo land have seen this before, and I'll send you a notarized certificate asking you to "get out of town!" Unfortunately, the Lions struck back, and we didn't even get a Barry Sanders touchdown to show for it. The Colts go to 2-2 and will more than likely never recover, Bills fans everywhere rejoice their blasphemous lifestyles, and this writer will go to bed a more angst-ridden and jaded individual.