Week Seventeen: In Like a Boomer, Out Like a Bear

There have been brighter days for some of the teams on today's schedule, as this marks their final day in existence (at least in the blogging realm). We know who's in already, though that doesn't make our slate of games any less exciting. There's no way of knowing until the dust has settled who's playing where or against whom and, in the NFC anyway, none of the divisions have even been cinched up. Philadelphia and Atlanta control their own destinies, whereas Minnesota could find themselves singing the Ray Berry Blues if they can't tow the line in the Central. But we've all been around this mulberry bush before. Let's chase out the Esiason weasel and get down to Week 17!

 

1:00 Games

San Diego (10-5) * Seattle (4-11)

Nate Lewis returns in time for this playoff warm-up against the Seahawks, though the Chargers looked more like an AFC West division mid-dweller with Stan Humphries unable to out-throw Stan Gelbaugh's 119 yards. His 3 interceptions to Gelbaugh's 0 actually put his net total somewhere south of the century mark, and the Chargers stumble from a sure playoff bye-week to a possible 3-seed with their fourth loss in five games to end the season. Bob Gagliano's parents are already on the phone with San Diego's GM.

Final Score: Seahawks 24, Chargers 7

Indianapolis (4-11) * Cincinnati (6-9)

The merciless final year of the Boomer Esiason regime comes to a defiant, shoulder-shrugging end as the towhead tosses in the towel early. Esiason's final stat line as a Bengal reads 27% with just 62 yards and an interception. Jeff George, another quarterback with an itchy jock, padded his resume for teams on the prowl with an 81% completion rating and 219 yards throwing. Suddenly, Cincinnati appeared every bit ready to challenge the Colts' ten-game losing streak this season before being rudely interrupted by its scheduled end.

Final Score: Colts 28, Bengals 14

Kansas City (4-11) * Denver (6-9)

Dave Krieg apparently heard about some open auditions going on and wound up crossing the 300-yard mark for the first time this season. And when he heard it was for the beloved Kansas City acting troupe, the Serendipity Players, he made lemonade out of the lemons he was accustomed to throwing all season and gracefully bowed out. The decision was made slightly easier when, despite his big day on the field, the Chiefs still lost to the punchless Broncos by ten points. 

Final Score: Broncos 31, Chiefs 21

L.A. Raiders (7-8) * Washington (8-7)

In a season that saw as many tie/near-tie games as it did cheerleader panty shots, there was no better way for the Cinderella Raiders to see their season end than in a tie game with the already-deposed Redskins. Mark Rypien threw hard enough to end it early with 293 yards passing, however it appeared Washington was more content in letting the Raiders implode by themselves. Why choose to go out of playoff contention on the last week of the season in a hail of gunfire, when you can go out napping on the couch with a bag of stale Cheetohs in your crotch?

Final Score: Raiders 14, Redskins 14

Minnesota (10-5) * Green Bay (4-11)

The Packers appeared to have thrown every game this season just for this moment; a chance to sneak up and slice the jugular of Rich Gannon and Co. A dominating loss for the Vikings, who have led the NFC Central since week one, suddenly put them on the precipice of going home early to catch their wives with the poolboys should Chicago pull out an improbable win against Dallas later. Brett Favre put on one of his rare yet dazzling flawless performances of 283 yards and no picks to lay the final rotten egg on an already rotten second half for the Purple Poutine-Eaters.

Final Score: Packers 28, Vikings 14

Tampa Bay (6-9) * Phoenix (3-12)

A week off of nearly cancelling San Francisco's plane to the playoff tickets, Tampa Bay lays a stinker and loses to the worst team in football. Whether it was a legitimate underestimation or simply the Buccaneers' front office hoping to draft high on yet another overrated wide receiver, Tampa Bay ended another disappointing season unnoticed by most. Fortunately, this allowed Vinny Testaverde to get away with not realizing his helmet was on backwards for most of the game.

Final Score: Cardinals 24, Buccaneers 14

Miami (11-3-1) * New England (5-10)

When the Dolphins took a big lead early and late-season ROY candidate Kevin Turner went down for New England, Dan Marino promptly took his seat on Coach Shula's lap to watch the Dolphins give up 14 points in the 4th quarter. New England wins their third game in a row to end the 1992 season, overcoming the crowned AFC East champions in the process, though its significance is about as important as Hugh Millen's appearance at Roosevelt High's 10-year high school reunion.

Final Score: Patriots 28, Dolphins 24

Houston (10-5) * Buffalo (10-5)

A possible playoff preview and replay of last year's AFC Championship didn't disappoint, though this time Buffalo took the spoils to enter the playoffs as the conference's hottest team with a 7-game winning streak. Though Houston already had their division wrapped up, they still had a chance to clinch a bye with a win. Fortunately, Stan Humphries's mystery of which bed he woke up in proved more puzzling than Warren Moon's, and the Oilers back into the bye with their own streak of two losses.

Final Score: Bills 21, Oilers 14

4:00 Games

New Orleans (10-5) * N.Y. Jets (7-7-1)

A tie game for the Jets may not have given them any clear advantage heading towards the end of the season, but it gave the rest of us the advantage of not having to work a calculator by drawing a line in the proverbial playoff sand: win and in, lose and out. And just when it appeared we were close to seeing the end of the clinically-indefinable season for the Jets, Browning Nagle pulled together one of his wholly underwhelming yet somehow effective performances to catch the reeling Saints on their heels. The game was a microcosm of New Orleans' season, with a quick strike to start the game, including a huge Morten Anderson 60-yard cannonball launch before the end of the half, followed by a second half of fumbles, interceptions, and a botched chip shot by the very same Anderson. The implosion opened the door for Cary Blanchard to triple his field goal count for the season, kicking 3 in the second half, including a doubtless game-winner, to give the Jets an improbable and somewhat undeserved chance to redeem their own disappointing second half of the season with a postseason berth.

The Jets not only put the loser of the simultaneous PIT/CLE game out to pasture, but also opened the backdoor for the Atlanta Falcons to sneak through to a division championship, capping an exciting race with a Georgia peach-sized thud.

Final Score: Jets 16, Saints 13

L.A. Rams (8-7) * Atlanta (11-4)

Despite scoreboard-watching telling the story of Atlanta's victory over the torrid NFC West, they still put on a solid performance to deliver upon themselves a first-round bye and keep the Rams from staying above .500, which would have been a respectable feat considering their depressing dethronement midway through the season. Chris Miller put up a strong performance of 282 passing yards with 72% completed passes, designating the Falcons as the NFC's dark horse despite finishing in the Top 2 of the conference.

Final Score: Falcons 28, Rams 21

Pittsburgh (8-7) * Cleveland (8-7)

Though Cleveland fans never expected their team to be fighting for a Wild Card spot in Week 17, the Browns and their somehow fitting 'streaky' season kept them in the race until about 3 minutes into the first quarter. Whether it was the pressure of the situation or the fact that Pittsburgh had mountains more talent in every aspect of the game, Cleveland choked harder than LG Dan Fike at the Sunday morning buffet. The Steelers, knowing that their own promising season was threatened with the Jets taking charge against New Orleans, came alive behind multiple Barry Foster sprints and a defense that, when they weren't feasting on Mike Tomczak's mush-brain, were intercepting his desperation passes. After a sure-thing turned into a probably-not with a 2-game losing streak going into Week 17, Pittsburgh earned their berth with a powerful shellacking and also reviving the all-important fear factor for their first postseason opponent.

With Thurman Thomas still out, Barry Foster's 108-yard performance gave him a 56-yard lead in the rushing champion category that will surely give him MVP honors, no matter where the Steelers end up in four weeks. And if you thought 'fishing for endorsement deals', you may not be far off.

Final Score: Steelers 35, Browns 7

San Francisco (9-6) * Detroit (4-11)

Left for dead and without an answer just a week ago, the 49ers pulled out a classic performance over the kitty cats of Detroit to give them just enough point differential for a wild card spot and making the NFC Central a winner-take-all scenario. Though Barry Sanders tried to make up for another sub-50 yard rushing performance with some yards in the air, nothing will overshadow perhaps the worst year of his career. Meanwhile, Steve Young kept Montananite head-hunters at bay for one more week with 305 yards and 83% of his passes completed.

Final Score: 49ers 35, Lions 10

Dallas (10-5) * Chicago (10-5)

Though Dallas was already certified a playoff contender with the Minnesota loss, they let a shot at the NFC East title slip through against Chicago, whose noses perked up even more at the taste of Viking blood in the water. Led by Jim Harbaugh's effective arm and the balanced attack of Neal Anderson and Brad Muster, Chicago knew a loss spelled the end of their improbable postseason run due to early-season blowout losses. And after sixteen weeks of looking up at Randall McDaniel's ass, the Bears took care of their own blowout. Though it was Chicago's offense that rolled down the field, it was their wakened defense that bloodied and scarred Troy Aikman early and also denied Emmitt Smith the 56 yards he needed to surpass Barry Foster as this season's rushing champion. The Cowboys closed in on Chicago just before the half with their own impressive defensive effort that saw Jim Jeffcoat's labored fumble recovery for a touchdown, yet it was Chicago who, despite being 2 games out with just 3 to go, restored the grizzle to Coach Ditka and has the Bears in as a 6-seed.

The Dallas loss not only cleared the way for the foretold Philadelphia championship, but it also cemented a certain rematch with Chicago in the first round of the playoffs. For revenge to be effective, it must surely be swift.

Final Score: Bears 40, Cowboys 21

Philadelphia (11-4) * N.Y. Giants (5-10)

An NFC East Championship already delivered to them midway through the third quarter, the Eagles still never lost sight at what was at stake. A win over the embarrassment that is the New York Football Giants gives Philadelphia the number one seed in the NFC playoffs, giving Randall Cunningham a chance to rest his weary legs that saw him finishing amongst the Top 20 rushers in the NFL. Jeff Hostetler, meanwhile, will have little chance to rest his weary mustache before inevitably entering into the gay porn industry for a paycheck next year, otherwise known as Raiders Training Camp. 

Final Score: Eagles 24, Giants 20

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just a few short hours ago, we were ready to scratch our final contenders into the engraving that was the 1992 Tecmo Bowl Playoffs. Had we done that, we'd certainly be scouring the mines for new malleable metal as, once again, the Tecmo gods had their way with us. Though Atlanta and Philadelphia came in leading their respective divisions, we had no reason to not believe the Saints and Cowboys couldn't collect on what was owed them, losing to vastly inferior teams that suddenly see their names immortalized on postseason parchment. And, only in Tecmo would we see a team that led every week of the season not only be deposed of a division title, but miss the playoffs altogether thanks to wonky scheduling and the infamous 'point differential tiebreaker'. And now, because our own wonky schedule brought these games to you mid-week, we're not sure if any of us will be ready for this unlikely playoff schedule to hit us. Nonetheless, ready we must be as Wild Card Weekend waits for no man! Unless that man wakes up with a wicked hangover Saturday morning and won't even think about looking at a computer monitor.

Monday Night Football: Chicago vs Pittsburgh

Two teams on the verge of an improbable playoff berth meet up tonight in a make-or-break game. And speaking of 'breaking', both teams have a propensity for turning limbs in the wrong direction and making skin turn unnatural shades of purple when they're through. It's hard to think either team could be prepared for extra-curricular games whether they win or not, so we should extend our gratitude for their exhibition of the following bloodbath. Should points somehow be scored, we'll have to tack that up as a bonus.


Quarter One
Rookie Darren Lewis out of Texas A&M takes the short Gary kick to his team's 39-yard line. Coach Ditka sends out his scrap heap of an offense, led by the beaten and battered Jim Harbaugh, who proceeds to get things rolling with a pass to Wendell Davis that shears the grass about 10 yards in front of his intended receiver. The ball is given to the ghost of Neal Anderson who runs up the middle for 3 yards, followed up by a more successful gallop of 16 after breaking a few tackles at the line. Davis is a bit closer to the ball on Harbaugh's first down pass, though the Steelers defense is prepared with double coverage of the star receiver. On second down, Harbaugh launches the ball in Keith Jennings' direction instead, and the open receiver lays out for the pass to punch an exclamation point on Chicago's impressive opening drive.

Chicago leads 7-0

Able-bodied Dwight Stone fails to cross over his team's 10-yard line on the kickoff, putting his team in a precarious position against one of the NFL's most advantageous defenses. Mike Singletary starts the party for the Bears' defense with a sack of Neil O'Donnell to the 2-yard line. Barry Foster gets some positive yardage on second down with a 6-yard run to open up some breathing room, though it's still 1 yard too short when Dick Dent barrels around the line, undetected, for a safety of O'Donnell.

Chicago leads 9-0

Lewis fumbles the kick return, though the Pittsburgh fans in attendance are forced to exhale disappointment when the Bears' special teams bails him out with the recovery. From the 40-yard line, Brad Muster takes control with two runs of nearly 20 yards to boost the immediate sales of neck rolls across the country. The streaking drive nearly comes to a grinding halt when Harbaugh throws a dangerous pass into coverage. He's saved for one more play with even Pittsburgh being averse to his throws, though he'd more than likely give it back after Greg Lloyd indents his body into the field and picks up his fumble for a long return to the Chicago 40-yard line.

Quarter Two
Merrill Hoge makes his presence known with three straight runs to start Pittsburgh's next drive. The first one goes for 4 yards, while the second goes for 6. The third goes for -25 when he bobbles the ball at the line and Ron Cox runs it back for Chicago.

Tom Waddle continues his All-Star campaign for Chicago with a 20-yard reception he's forced to lay out for. With his spotlight apparently burning a bit too bright, Waddle fumbles the ball away after another 15-yard reception, allowing Davis  to scoop it up and run a few more yards. Brad Muster keeps Neal on the oxygen reserves with two runs netting 11 yards for a first down to the Pittsburgh 15, though it's the ghost of Chicago's past who is open in the flat for a touchdown catch. Neal's now up to 9 receiving touchdowns to 0 rushing, making about as much sense as Chicago's gargantuan lead over Pittsburgh after just a quarter and a half.

Chicago leads 16-0

Stone breaks open a big return to the Pittsburgh 39-yard line, setting his team up for just their fifth offensive play of the game. It starts off innocently enough with Foster bumping into his own line, before he breaks through and tears down the field to the Chicago 9-yard line. With a bit of time to spare, the Steelers try to get inventive with a Hoge run up the middle that's stuffed at the 2-yard line. Pittsburgh is rewarded for their cuteness with a Singletary sack of O'Donnell for a 9-yard loss, putting them in a 3rd-and-goal situation from the 11-yard line. O'Donnell finds tight end Adrian Cooper at the 3-yard line, though the Bears are waiting for him like hungry...bears. Defeated, the Steelers send Gary Anderson out to chip in a 20-yarder as the half comes to a close.

Chicago leads 16-3

Halftime - Bears 16, Steelers 3

Quarter Three

Pittsburgh gets chance number two after Stone's return to the 27-yard line. Jeff Graham out of Dayton, Ohio, makes a remarkable grab at the 42-yard line. When Foster and Hoge are both stopped at the line on consecutive plays, O'Donnell goes back to the air and finds Graham open once more for a 49-yard gain after a long run along the sidelines. With the hit out, Graham cautiously avoids O'Donnell's next pass, putting the ball back in Foster's hands. He runs to the 2-yard line, setting up an opportune 1st-and-goal situation that sees Merril Hoge run backwards and Graham once again punting the ball that comes his way. On a big 4th-and-1, the man that should have gotten the ball 3 plays ago does so and Foster runs into the end zone untouched.

Chicago leads 16-10

Beginning at their own 25, Chicago is looking to answer Pittsburgh's first big score. Their ensuing drive offers up more questions, however, with Harbaugh faking a run and throwing to Anderson's back followed by a hobbled Anderson getting washed over by a wave of Steelers. On 3rd and 9, David Little has Harbaugh questioning which day of the week it is with a big sack to stamp an impressive defensive stop.

Stone rides the momentum to the Pittsburgh 40-yard line on the punt return. Foster, second only to the cyborg in Dallas, continues his breakout campaign with a 35-yard run that puts Chicago on their heels long enough to set up O'Donnell's beautiful rainbow pass to Graham for the tight-end's much deserved touchdown to give Pittsburgh their first lead.

Pittsburgh leads 17-16

Gary Anderson kicks the ball off his ankle, giving Chicago good field position at their own 44-yard line. Muster pulls in a nice 18-yard grab just in time to flip the field and get his team driving.

Quarter Four
The fourth quarter starts off a bit slower for the Bears, with Muster only mustering 2 yards and Jennings tickling the bottom of the aired out ball on 2nd down. Muster gets just 3 more yards, putting Kevin Butler on the field to attempt a 52-yarder. The ball sails about as far right as Mike Ditka's new aorta will after his next bypass surgery.
 
O'Donnell starts the pity party with a needled pass to Cooper up the middle for a 15-yard gain, followed by another 10-yarder to Graham. Those two plays will have to remain in his obituary, however, after he's buried on two straight sacks from Mike Singletary netting 18 yards in the negative. On 3rd-and-28, O'Donnell's fractured body attempts play action, though it's possible he actually was trying to give the ball away, leaving his splintered and wobbly arm to lob up a lame duck for Donnell Woolford to intercept for a late-game chance to put his Bears back in the lead.

The Anderson-Muster duo gets off to a slow start with just 2 combined yards, and though Harbaugh's cross-body pass to Davis sails hopelessly wild, Singletary's effectively positive yardage for the Bears is enough for Butler's second chance from 47. His kick is straight and true this time, allowing Chicago fans to rejoice with just over a minute to go.

Chicago leads 19-17

After a hefty kick from Butler, the Steelers are staring at a long field from their own 3-yard line. Hoge heroically makes it a memory with a 40-yard saunter after dodging a near-tackle in his own end zone, followed by another run to midfield as the clock hits the minute mark. Two plays later and facing 3rd-and-8, however, O'Donnell opts to use his arm but finds his beard out of lucky strokes as his pass falls harmlessly incomplete. Going for broke on 4th down, Hoge tries to catch the Bears' 'D' off guard once more, which he nearly does when Chicago gives up 7 of the 8 needed yards. 

Final: Bears 19, Steelers 17

It's hard to say who needed the game more, though it appears the Bears played as if they did with a busy day from their defense, namely Mike Singletary and his 4 sacks, as well as an effective-enough Jim Harbaugh taking advantage of opportunities to steal the win from the Steelers. Barry Foster had a monster day from an average back's perspective, though he didn't have an answer for the tough Chicago defense when it mattered most. Meanwhile, the usually quiet Jeff Graham had a solid day wasted, though his performance showed off yet another weapon for the Steelers who, despite the loss, still control their destiny going into the wild card race. The Bears are playing tough late, and as long as the Vikings continue to collapse, their blowout losses earlier in the season could be distant memories as they neck roll through the playoffs.
 

Week Fourteen: The Apoca-Lipps is Nigh

Here we are, at the beginning of the end of another Tecmo Bowl season. Tis the season for spiked egg nog and apocalypse predictions, and for some of the teams on our schedule the world is truly about to end. As far as scheduling goes, it's the fourth quarter with no clear indication of who's going to pull ahead in five of six divisions. In the NFC West, the Falcons and Saints are tied atop the division with neither team showing any give. Both teams are stacked, from Atlanta's Neon Deion to New Orleans' Bobby Hebert and his dynamic corps of Eric Martin, Quinn Early and...Louis Lipps? (Okay, we're stretching). For the AFC West, it's only a matter of how badly the Chargers want some type of postseason advantage. It's the pre-Norv Turner days in San Diego, though that doesn't mean choking isn't in their bolted blood. Let's see how much longer they can prolong the hopeful misery in their division.

1:00 Games

L.A. Raiders (6-6) * Kansas City (2-10)

The Raiders aren't making an improbable surge to a division championship easy with this throwaway game going Kansas City's way. The Chiefs scored 14 points in the 4th quarter of a game Los Angeles was hardly in to begin with. A week after shaming the sure-handed Stan Humphries to stay alive, the Raiders secondary was gobbled up by a starved and rabies-infested Dave Krieg who tossed for 245 yards, 116 going to concrete-footed running back-turned-receiver Barry Word.  

Final Score: Chiefs 35, Raiders 24

Dallas (8-4) * Denver (5-7)

With Kelvin Martin out early, the Cowboys trod dangerously close to their first loss in five games. Rushing leader Emmitt Smith yanked them out from the claws of defeat with another stellar day of 115 yards on 10 carries, slightly outdoing Reggie Rivers' 7-for-29 day. While quarterbacks Troy Aikman and John Elway weren't a clinic in efficiency, it was the younger phenom that led his team to an important victory with 170 yards and no interceptions to Elway's 194 with 2. The Broncos wave goodbye to the 1992 playoffs in the process.

Final Score: Cowboys 21, Broncos 17

San Francisco (8-4) * Miami (8-3-1)

The rising tide in South Beach continues as Dan Marino rides the wave of 374 passing yards to victory over the suddenly stalled 49ers. San Francisco quarterback Steve Young had one of his better days as well with 78% completion and 257 yards, though his demons revolted a bit earlier in the game with 2 interceptions, including a costly one that had them lose in overtime in the end. Miami increases their gap in the AFC East, while the 49ers are quickly finding themselves being the first of the three heads to be lopped off in the NFC West. 

Final Score: Dolphins 41, 49ers 35 (OT)

Houston (8-4) * Chicago (8-4)

After being silenced all game, Warren Moon went to his happy place and took his team through the air for a late score to win. The Bears won the time of possession game, putting late-season All-star Brad Muster on the ground for 17 carries and 111 yards, out-rushing Lorenzo White's 69 yards on 6 attempts. It was White out of the backfield for Moon that won the game, however, catching 3 passes for 109 yards including the game-winner. The illicit haze in the AFC Central is beginning to settle with Houston in a dominant lead. 

Final Score: Oilers 16, Bears 14

San Diego (9-3) * Phoenix (1-11)

The Phoenix Cardinals' probable last win of the season is a stinging one for the San Diego Chargers, who will have to halt the presses in South America for another week with this one-point loss to the worst team in Tecmo. With Nate Lewis going out early, Stan Humphries stalled at 220 yards with no rushing game to speak of. The Cardinals took charge at that point, putting Johnny Bailey on the ground for 86 yards until his own injury. With his recent struggles, John Carney will likely have to buy his own ball cap should San Diego finally win the division. 

Final Score: Cardinals 31, Chargers 30

Washington (7-5) * N.Y. Giants (3-9)

The Redskins take a hugely unfortunate step back in their campaign to retain their championship with this questionable loss to the Giants. With Hampton rushing a 10-yard average 125 yards on 12 attempts and Jeff Hostetler surpassing the 200-yard marker on the day, the Giants cruised to an improbable successful spoiler win over Washington, whose own Mark Rypien had no answers for a secondary that picked him 3 times and held him to just 116 yards. After a disappointing season, New York has this Sunday to revel in the spoils. 

Final Score: Giants 28, Redskins 21

Philadelphia (9-3) * Minnesota (8-4)

A puzzling day in the NFC East continues with this Eagles loss to the hobbled Minnesota Vikings. Rich Gannon was efficient enough to deliver his Vikings a much-needed win late. Randall Cunningham threw 83% and 142 yards, though 100 of those yards were notched on just 2 catches by Fred Barnett, and the gassed Eagles defense was on the field for one play too many. Minnesota moves one step forward in a repeat claim, knocking the cheese out of the lungs of Packers' fans' playoff hopes in the process. 

Final Score: Vikings 24, Eagles 20

Green Bay (4-8) * Detroit (3-9)

With the scoreboard-watching going south for the Packers, the Detroit Lions pulled out yet another convincing win despite their own lopsided record. Barry Sanders was a yard shy of 200 after 18 carries on the ground, making up for much of the Lions' offense. Brett Favre came unglued once again, throwing 276 yards with 124 going to Jackie Harris, but his untamed arm also cost the Packers two possessions with interceptions by a hungry Lions team. It's back to another long, cold winter of skunky beer for Green Bay.

Final Score: Lions 23, Packers 21

Cleveland (5-7) * Cincinnati (6-6)

The battle for Ohio takes on somewhat added meaning with this contest, as the Browns pull out a very important win to stay alive in their division as well as the wild card race. After dropping 4 straight, Cleveland got back on track by defeating the team they last won against. The defense of the Browns won the day, making a depressing Tomczak performance look Marino-esque in comparison to Boomer's 42% and just 89 yards throwing. Cleveland hopes to stay under the radar after the win, as those are the best conditions for Coach Belichick to ferment.

Final Score: Browns 24, Bengals 14

4:00 Games

Pittsburgh (7-5) * Seattle (4-8)

The Steelers took care of business against Seattle after big wins by Houston and Cleveland, uncorking Barry Foster for another jaw-dropping performance of 124 yards on only 6 carries. His 37 yards out of the backfield were more than half of Neil O'Donnell's 62 yards, a man that looked totally inept compared to the inconsistent yet effective Stan Gelbaugh and his 223 yards with 2 interceptions. The long season for Seattle ends with the sound of a squeaky carousel coming to a slow and silent stop.

Final Score: Steelers 35, Seahawks 21


N.Y. Jets (7-4-1) * Buffalo (7-5)

The New York Jets wished they'd played the Buffalo team of the first half of the season, as they might have been able to fool them into losing like they've done 7 other times. But with Thurman Thomas outrunning Brad Baxter 163 yards to 50, the battle for quarterbacks disowned by their high schools raged in utter silence between Browning Nagle's 132 yards to Jim Kelly's 80 with an interception. Buffalo pulled out the win in overtime, something they may have failed at earlier, and their fourth win in a row is enough to seal the deal on New England and Seattle's official playoff pipe dreams. 

Final Score: Bills 20, Jets 17 (OT)

L.A. Rams (6-6) * Tampa Bay (5-7)

Had the Rams played in an alternate dimension of divisions, they'd be in good shape for a late-season playoff surge. As it is, they're now playing for respect and a hard-fought wild card spot as they notch another solid win against Tampa Bay. Jim Everett was key with 241 yards, aided by Cleveland Gary's 81 yards on 7 rushes, silencing the lethargic Buccaneers who, at this point, couldn't even raid their own sisters' panty drawers. Tampa Bay drops out of the NFC Central race while also clinging on with sheer indifference to a wild card spot.

Final Score: Rams 27, Buccaneers 21

Indianapolis (2-10) * New England (3-9)

The Colts win in rousing fashion against their airless opponents in the AFC East, ending a team-worst 10-game losing streak with a rout of the Patriots. Not only did Jeff George throw an unblemished 266 yards, he was also able to fool the Patriots defense long enough to let Anthony Johnson run unchallenged for 139 yards on 14 carries. Kevin Turner continued his one-man band show with 89 yards on just 7 carries, but it wasn't enough to pull his Patriots out of the pit of the late season Toilet Bowl game. 

Final Score: Colts 34, Patriots 10 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Before you find yourself with the need to hide your excitement of our Monday Night game between Atlanta and New Orleans, be sure to check our belated 4th Quarter report!  Butt Douglas and the Lodgefather hit the inside track to deliver you thoughts and predictions on these last 4 exciting weeks of football. The Power Rankings continue, though this time they're broken up into groupings as to where they stand in the playoff pecking order. Take a listen during your tailgate party, and then be sure to join us for our first-place tiebreaker in the NFC West between the surging Falcons and the sinful Saints! All the slurry sweetness of the Southern contest will have you checking your blood sugar early and often!

Hosted by Kiwi6 file hosting. Download mp3 - Free Music Hosting.

PLAYOFF SCENARIOS (3 GAMES TO GO):

AFC East

Miami (9-3-1)

Buffalo (8-5) -1.5

NY Jets (7-5-1) -2 (Lose AND Mia win and out)

New England (3-9) E

Indianapolis (2-10) E

AFC Central

Houston (9-4)

Pittsburgh (8-5) -1

Cincinnati (6-7) -3 (Lose and out OR HOU win and out)

Cleveland (6-7) -3 (Lose and out OR HOU win and out)

AFC West

San Diego (9-4) – DIVISION with win OR Raiders loss

LA Raiders (6-7) -3 (Lose and out OR SD win and out)

Denver (5-8) E

Seattle (4-9) E

Kansas City (3-10) E

Wild Card

Buffalo (8-5)

Pittsburgh (8-5)

NY Jets (7-5-1)

Cincinnati (6-7) -1.5

Cleveland (6-7) -1.5

LA Raiders (6-7) -1.5

Denver (5-8) -2.5 (Lose and out OR BUF, PIT and JET wins and out)

Seattle (4-9) E

Kansas City (3-10) E

New England (3-10) E

Indianapolis (3-10) E

PLAYOFF SCENARIOS (3 GAMES TO GO)

NFC East

Dallas (9-4)

Philadelphia (9-4)

Washington (7-6) -2 (Lose AND DAL or PHI win and out)

NY Giants (4-9) E

Phoenix (2-11) E

NFC Central

Minnesota (9-4)

Chicago (8-5) -1

Tampa Bay (5-8) E

Detroit (3-9) E

Green Bay (4-9) E

NFC West

Atlanta (10-3)

New Orleans (9-4) -1

San Francisco (8-5) -2 (Lose AND ATL win and out)

LA Rams (7-6) -3 (Lose and out OR ATL win and out)

Wild Card

New Orleans (9-4)

Philadelphia (9-4)

San Francisco (8-5)

Chicago (8-5)

Washington (7-6) -1

LA Rams (7-6) -1

Tampa Bay (5-8) -3 (Lose and out OR SF or CHI win and out)

Detroit (4-9) E

NY Giants (4-9) E

Green Bay (4-9) E

Phoenix (2-11) E

Looking Ahead: Week Thirteen

As we turn the corner into the post-Thanksgiving portion of our schedule, we'll see some playoff jockeying going on and teams gearing up for a fight down the stretch. November will be torn off the calendar, leaving one lonely sheet containing the final few weeks of the season, and these contests have never meant more. We've had a lot of fun and watched a lot of Jeff George concussions, but now it's time to see who passes the test and makes it into those exclusive 6 spots per conference. Some of our teams have sat back on their heels like Mark Rypien preparing a pass, and now it's time for them to kick it into gear if they want to keep up in the race. Let's take a look at some of the meaningful match-ups occurring in the first of our final weekends.

The AFC West is really the only division with a clinching scenario this weekend, which is the only reason we're highlighting the Seattle versus Denver contest. With a win, the Broncos can hold off the streamers in San Diego as they continue their quest to claw out of the muck after 5 wins in their last 7 games. Seattle surprised many with their wild card steal last year. That won't happen this time around, however their position of spoiler will have eyes in the AFC West on whether or not Stan Gelbaugh faces the right way when he lines up behind center.

Dallas and Washington play important divisional contests, both trying to keep up with the soaring Eagles in Philadelphia. Minnesota, suddenly feeling the salivating teeth of Mike Ditka at their heels, will need to play tough against the unpredictable Rams, while Buffalo goes for another important win at the expense of Indianapolis' 10th straight loss. The Jets look to bounce back from another lackluster performance on Monday Night Football, and as long as the 'Savior' Dave Krieg doesn't wake up at the bottom of the Missouri River they'll have a good chance at a much-needed victory. Detroit will follow up a strong Thanksgiving performance against a formidable foe in Houston, and New Orleans and Miami will wrap up our early schedule in a dogfight of divisional leaders. Bobby Hebert will hope to continue hanging with the big boys as he tries to out-throw Dan Marino, while each teams' running back coaches will take the day off to shuck crab shells in the Bayou.

Cleveland has struggled under the watchful eye of The Tecmo Bowl team of writers after flying under the radar and knocking off 5 straight wins. Since then, they've stumbled backwards, rolling off 3 losses and find themselves fighting off a rabid Bears team with a divisional title suddenly in their sights. Atlanta and San Francisco have taken a step back from New Orleans after weeks of imitating Cerberus in the NFC, and will have some late games to jump back into the bouncy castle of the Wild West.

The day ends in a pivotal AFC Central melee to whet the appetites of anyone looking for mustaches to get tangled as Neil O'Donnell tries to avoid the hungry Carl Zander to get his Steelers their 7th win in a row. The Bengals were the talk of the division last year, but after falling behind early on they'll need to slowly work their way back up a ladder that's had a few rungs slightly sawed in half by the fiery Barry Foster, who's heating up at the most dangerous time.

Monday night has San Diego returning to the stage after a short standby, with their game taking on exponentially more meaning should Denver lose Sunday. They'll take on the Raiders of Los Angeles, which may stand as their final hurdle in claiming the first divisional crown in our 1992 Tecmo Bowl season. As the Raiders await the return of their fearless leader, Jay Schroeder, from "injury" (see: Rogaine sponsorship tour), they'll perhaps be looking toward Todd Marinovich and hoping the side of the bed he wakes up on is the side his father isn't waiting for him with a wooden paddle. Stan Humphries has followed up his MVP performance in the NFC playoffs with an equally solid year, quietly bringing his Chargers into the fold of perhaps the top 3 teams in the league. They've proved it once on Monday Night Football, and this week they can prove it even more with a trophy presentation under the hot bulbs of TheTecmoBowl.com's fancy set design.


***************************************************************************************

AFC

NFC