Looking Ahead: Week Eleven

We welcome all 28 teams back to the fold (until Week 14, when Phoenix and Minnesota weirdly skirt off into a closet somewhere). And just in time, too, as there's some business to settle this week. There's still a chance for all teams to make noise, as nobody's yet mathematically eliminated, but for the most part it's going to be a grind to the end for some divisions to split apart. Luckily the return to a 14-game format brings with it some interesting divisional clashes. Also, it's the first time since Week 8 that we get to see Albert Bentley and Derrick Fenner compete for your affection!

San Francisco took back control of the NFC West with a win last week, and now must visit the surging Saints in New Orleans. While we've focused in on the NFC East and AFC West log-jam, a Saints win could potentially lead to a three-way struggle--something Joe Montana's well-accustomed to.

The Giants look to get back on track after losing for the first time in six games by kicking around the division's doormat, the Phoenix Cardinals. The Giants No.2-ranked run defense should hold Johnny Johnson in check, so all they need to worry about is how much Timm Rosenbach blood their wives will have to wash out of their whites.

Philadelphia got back into the race last week, and now welcome a fading Browns team for a chance to keep moving in the right direction within their division. It's a battle of nameless QBs, which historically is only the second time since a 1977 game between the LA Rams and St Louis Cardinals.

Despite what you've heard, these teams did exist in 1977

Miami's hit a soft spot in their schedule, facing the New England Patriots only one week after destroying the Colts. The Dolphins made a mockery of NFL parity when they beat New England in Week 6 with a basketball score, which is funny since the Miami Heat were just seen lacing the Boston Celtics' shoes last week.

The Raiders were surging earlier in the season, but fell back to earth and now stand two games out of first behind the Denver Broncos. They meet in Denver with a chance for redemption and a game in the standings after losing a close one in Week 2. There's also a chance that Jay Schroeder may not get lost at the airport.

Indianapolis is looking for their first win since Week 3, and could end the league's longest losing streak in a very winnable game against the New York Jets. While the Jets started their own 2-game winning streak against the Colts in Week 8, signs of a turnaround started showing as soon as Ken O.Brien lost his year's salary playing craps in Atlantic City two nights ago.

In a game where both teams are hungry for a win to stay in the hunt, we're looking for the Chiefs to bury the Rams' hopes for a rare division championship. The Chiefs need the win more, and we think they'll take advantage of a struggling Rams team that's won once in the last four games, and never in scariest uniform contest.

San Diego and Seattle meet for the second time in three weeks, and once again it's in a first-place tiebreaker. The Chargers flopped against Seattle, with BJ Tolliver only completing one stinking pass, but now they're at home and the probability of at least doubling that amount is a strong 20%.

You can't spell Tolliver without 'E-L-I-T-E'

Detroit and Tampa Bay will supposedly play a game.

The afternoon begins with a huge division rematch, as Minnesota travels to Chicago to play the only team that's beaten them this year. The Bears need another win here to stay alive, a statement I probably would have branded you for saying after Week One.

The Redskins are looking for a second chance to move ahead in their division, after giving the game away to Houston last week. They'll travel to Atlanta to match up against a Falcons team with nothing left to play for this season but Mike Rozier's dignity and a bag of used footballs for next year.

In what may have been the game of the week had we not forgotten about the teams actually in our featured game, Buffalo heads over to Green Bay for their first real challenge in weeks. Green Bay was a strong contender for a division crown earlier this year, but have lost some inexplicable games. Look for the Packers to get back on track and delay another Bills' tear to a division crown, and for Ed West to crush a small child during his 3 Lambeau Leaps.

Houston and Dallas will meet in a Lone Star State battle, in a game that carries much more importance for the Cowboys than the Oilers. While Warren Moon has already booked a room in Nashville, the site of this year's Tecmo Bowl, Tommie Agee is still paying off his hotel room in Philadelphia by washing dishes.

And finally, our Monday Night game features the final two teams we've not yet seen, Boomer's Bengals and Bubby's Steelers. It's an AFC Central battle between two 4-5 teams looking for bragging rights and a chance to put a little heat on Houston. While we like the cut of Bubby's jib, Cincinnati has James Brooks and a guy named 'Ickey', while Pittsburgh's lone claim to fame is Bryan Hinkle's failed 'Steel City Selects' line of pickled vegetables.

"If it doesn't say 'Hinkle', throw away that pickle!"

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AFC

NFC

(Tuesday) Night Football: Kansas City vs. San Diego

Those red shorts still give me the shivers

Week Five wraps up in the midst of a divisional clash of two teams with one goal: Keeping each other from winning the division so that Seattle can take it. When the dust clears from this one, there will be more dust caused by the many remaining question marks. Which team really has the staying power right now? It's hard to tell...the Chiefs have an overpowering yet under-utilized back in Christian Okoye, while the Chargers have a renowned party animal in B.J. Tolliver, who, when he can rein it in, is one of the not-worst Tecmo quarterbacks available. With Seattle winning and the Raiders battling back from irrelevance, it's up to one of these teams to stop fighting the Ragnarok of mediocrity and swipe an important divisional win. This division has been one of the best so far, and there's a reason we've featured them three weeks in a row; and no, it's not because we like reliving early-90s era posters.



Quarter One

Whistles can't stop these rivals from their love-wrestling

San Diego is the recipient of Lady Fortune's preference, as she wins them a coin toss and they elect to receive. Nate Lewis takes it out from deep inside his own embattled sense of existence to just the Chargers' 8-yard line. Billy Joe Tolliver saunters out, still sweating from this morning's hangover, and lobs a ball out of bounds to avoid a quick safety. Coach Dan Henning gives Tolliver a Bloody Mary on the sideline while opting to go for a risky Quinn Early reverse, a play of which 75% is run inside their own end zone, but Early rides it out on the wings of Lady Fortune's well wishes to the San Diego 36-yard line. The Chargers go for the Quinn reverse again, but the fair Lady decides not to be a borderline whore and allows Kansas City to stuff him for a loss of 10 yards. After a dropped pass by a wide open Early, it's 3rd and 20. Coach Henning calls out the Early reverse just one more time, a play of which 0.3% of the time has converted a 3rd-and-long situation for San Diego. But Early does just that, with a 21-yard run. Two Marion Butts-stuffings later, and Tolliver decides to drop back and lob it to Anthony Miller, who's leaping catch-and-run for a 57-yard touchdown gets Tolliver back on the sideline in time to take a few Chaser®-Plus pills.

San Diego leads 7-0

Todd McNair is Kansas City's chosen one to return the kick, and he does a perfectly respectable job of getting the return to the Chiefs' 32-yard line. Christian Okoye puts the San Diego defense to sleep, and then terrorizes their dreams with a 27-yard needle-threading into Chargers territory. With their ground game already going so well, Coach Marty Schottenheimer calls the I 72 Dive Right Barry Word Lugs Rocks in His Underwear play, to which Word is stopped for a loss of 1 yard. Quarterback Steve De Berg goes to the air on the next play, and hits a leaping Okoye for a 25-yard gain to the Chargers' 15, and the Chiefs are striking back quickly. Word takes it around the left side for a gain of 3 yards in about two minutes, while Okoye takes it up the middle for 2 more yards in 0.7 seconds. On 3rd and 6, Word takes the drive into his own sure hands and rocks it to the Chargers' 1-yard line as the quarter expires.

The only people who saw this coming were everyone
outside of the Chiefs player implanted in the stands

Quarter Two
Okoye is stuffed just inches from the goal, and his reluctance to stretch his fingers is negatively reinforced by a costly Gill Byrd interception in the corner of the end zone.

Tolliver can't get to Anthony Miller on his first pass, but his perseverance pays off when Miller drags down a 37-yard gain into Chiefs Land. Early continues to be overworked on another reverse that gains a net of -7 yards, and so when he only pulls in a 16-yard pass, San Diego finds themselves one yard short of a first down. Tolliver then audibles a 27-yard touchdown connection with Early, and Chiefs scouts are suddenly lined up for execution for leaving him off the scouting report.

San Diego leads 14-0

The classic Seau Flex: often imitated, never perfected

With 2:03 left in the half, the Chiefs start at their own 30-yard line, looking to come back within a score. Kansas City, always the trend-setter, decides to go with an unorthodox 2-minute drill that involves three Barry Word runs, and somehow manage to capture a first down while also running 30 seconds off the clock. The Chiefs call their last time out to see if the rumors are true of there actually being other pages in the playbook, and when they find one, it is inevitably picked by the San Diego defense--specifically Junior Seau--who sacks De Berg for a loss of 9 yards. Facing a 3rd-and-20 situation with just over a minute to go, De Berg drops back again and lobs it to Stephone Paige, who can't grab it before Byrd nabs his second interception of the game.

With a chance to go up by three scores, Tolliver brings it back into opponent territory with a 23-yard laser to Rod Bernstine. John Carney is out for the 55-yard try with the clock emptying, but he banks it off the left upright--along with his chances of getting into B.J. Tolliver's party later that evening.

Halftime - Chargers 14, Chiefs 0

Quarter Three
The Chiefs get another chance at redemption, but have a longer road this time having to start at their own 13-yard line. With respect to this, they decide to pave that road with Barry Word runs, the first two netting them six yards. On 3rd-and-4, Okoye is wisely given the ball, and relatively busts loose for 11 yards for a fresh set of what are called 'downs' in American football. Due to his success so far, Okoye is entrusted to block for Word on the next two plays which net a total of -1 yard. On 3rd and 11, Okoye is on the sideline asking if he can leave to do another poster shoot while Word only gains three yards. This initiates a Bryan Barker punt, and the Kansas City special teams are able to trap Lewis at his own 7-yard line. Schottenheimer is given the early-season Coach of the Year award for this play.

The crowd goes wild to see Marion Butts take his third carry of the game for a total of 2 yards up the middle. Tolliver, looking a bit pale and now sporting a pair of Ray-Bans®, throws a bad pass into coverage, and is dutifully intercepted by Dino Hackett who returns it to the San Diego 5-yard line.

We interrupt this National Football League game to inform you that a record has been broken for most interceptions in a game by two men who would never have those names in real life.

Alfredo, putting a little sauce on this one *chirp, chirp*

We now return to Steve De Berg throwing a perfect strike to a wide-open Alfredo "Sauce" Roberts for a 5-yard touchdown, which is De Berg's longest touchdown pass as of yet.

San Diego leads 14-7

Nate Lewis takes just his second kickoff of the game, and fares a little better this time with a return to the San Diego 32-yard line. Marion Butts finally breaks loose with a 46-yard gain from scrimmage to the Chiefs' 22-yard line, and suddenly the Bolts are threatening to open this one up again. Tolliver makes it interesting with a flea-flicker that is no good to Miller, and on the next play he's white-washed by the Greensboro Nightmare, Dino Hackett, for a loss of 9. On 3rd-and-19, Tolliver's efficiency rating plummets further, and Carney is on to split the uprights and put San Diego up by ten.

San Diego leads 17-7

McNair returns the ball to the Chiefs' 17-yard line as the quarter ends. Barry Word is on the sidelines, currently getting his 48-inch calves massaged for what will probably be the final 5-minute drive for Kansas City today.

Quarter Four

Word to your Mother.

Unexpectedly, Okoye is given the ball, but loses 3 yards. His fortunes couldn't be getting any better when Word gains 30 yards on the next play, effectively removing any Nigerian quotient from this contest. Word gains another 12 yards into enemy territory, and nobody is more happy than that guy who settled for a Word jersey when all the Dan Saleaumuas inevitably sold out. Two plays later, however, and the Chiefs suddenly face a drive-killing third down situation. San Diego pulls out their 'Word Around the Right Side' defense, but are made fools of when Word takes it around the left side for a big 10 yard gain. San Diego decides to stand strong on the left this time around, but it would appear that Word suddenly had suddenly been injected with something that a few athletes call 'talent', and bobs, weaves, and tosses would-be tacklers 15 yards away for another 25-yard gain. He's stopped at the 2-yard line, but makes up that difference on the next play, and suddenly the Chiefs are back in it, riding on the shoulders of their 230+ pound workhorse.

San Diego leads 17-14

All is well and good on the Kansas City comeback front, but the fact that they relied on a Word-heavy offense means that only two and a half minutes remain in the game, and suddenly the John Carney field goal looks huge. Needing a big stop, the Chiefs special teams instead let Nate Lewis return the kick to their side of the field while also running down the clock to the two-minute warning. Lady Fortune is suffering another mood swing, however, and Albert Lewis is the lucky recipient this time when he picks off a wild Tolliver overthrow of Rod Bernstine and returns it to the Chiefs' 27-yard line.

Stephone Paige FTW...hey, that actually works this time!

With just under two minutes remaining and down by only 3, I described the next play in my notes as thus: Fucking Barry Word for 2 yards. My frustration is elevated to the next level when Word takes it again for no gain, and the Chiefs quickly face a 3rd-and-8 situation. Although Word gets it again on the next play, this time it's a catch on the run and is good for 14 yards. Kansas City takes its last time out with 1:14 remaining at their own 43-yard line. The time out is good for two things: one, for the Chiefs to catch their breath on offense, and two, for De Berg to ready himself for an incompletion and a second Junior Seau sack. On 3rd-and-17, however, De Berg manages to do the near-impossible and dodges another Seau sack for a Stephone Paige connection in which he dodges a few tackles and takes it to the San Diego 21-yard line.

As an aside: It's been five weeks, and I'm still amazed at how Tecmo manages to make COM-COM games interesting--although what that says for my amazement quota, I'm not so sure. With just 15 seconds left, Kansas City opts for the tie and sends Nick Lowery out to attempt his first field goal of the day, which also so happens to be the most important of his season thus far. His leg rust is never more apparent, however, when his kick sails 15 feet wide of the right post. Lady Fortune gets her final laugh, but the only person that hears it is Nick Lowery as he tries to sleep at night.

Kicker's enemies - #2: wind, #1: the harsh rules of geometry

The Chiefs are humanely eunuchised on the very next play when the Chargers run out the clock with a 30-yard Early reverse play.

Final: Chargers 17, Chiefs 14

Kansas City never led in this affair, but made things interesting in the second half with an offense that would be hard to argue against and for as being effective. San Diego was nearly silent in the second half, save for a John Carney field goal that ended up being the difference here, and now the Chargers are quietly and unexpectedly tied with Seattle for the lead in the wild AFC West. There's still some time for Kansas City to pull it together, but after losing three in a row they must be looking for some kind of common denominator, some kind of recurring issue that's been plaguing them. I won't go in depth about my own objective opinions, but if I had to point my finger somewhere, it'd probably be at the guy who has 30 more rushing attempts than his counterpart, has run for about 4.5 yards less per carry than his counterpart, and as a last hint, is the guy whose nickname isn't synonymous with fearful sleeping fits consumed by unimaginable horrors.

Looking Ahead: Week Four

In football itself, not much can be discerned from the first quarter of a game. Likewise, the first quarter of a season, while rife with excitement, tells us little about what to expect going forward. Will a team lunge forward right before the halfway point, preparing for a second half surge? Will a team crumble over the next few games, and fall too far back to stay in the fight? Week four presents some interesting match-ups, and some teams, while not quite facing must-win games, may find it harder to get back in the race if they can't jump the hurdle here. It's also the last week before teams have byes, so records will still make sense until about Week 11.

The early games on Sunday present a few key divisional match-ups, as well as some interesting inter-conference shake-downs that aren't exactly Super Bowl previews. After a career-defying game by Steve Grogan last week, the Patriots visit Houston to take on one of the few remaining undefeated teams in the Oilers and Warren Moon. It'll be an air-battle, with Moon throwing up gravity-defying passes, and Grogan passing up gravity-eating throws past the moon. While we hate to see teams lose here at Tecmo, a New England upset of Houston would just be good for the game of football, and strangely enough, put the Patriots within a half game of first place.

Another win, and Denver can continue their strange
suggestive celebrating to all of our collective disgust

After getting toasted by John Elway and the buckin' Broncos of Denver, Seattle welcomes Kansas City for a second straight divisional battle at home. The Chiefs lost their game last week as well, and both are looking up at the undefeated Chargers in the standings. Both teams will be itching to get back in the win column, and though it's early, a loss here would seem devastating with how much the West is living up to its wild nickname. Meanwhile, a battle will be brewing in San Diego at the same time, with the suddenly back-in-it Broncos visiting San Diego for what they hope is a winning end to their divisional road trip swing. That last statement shouldn't be confused with B.J. Tolliver's love for swinging in the offseason, in which he is always a winner.

With names like 'Mack', 'Slaughter', and 'Joines', Cleveland
easily strikes fear into any opponents' hearts

The early afternoon games also include some rousing inter-conference clashes, starting with Miami visiting Green Bay. The Packers return home with a 2-1 record, matching the division-leading Dolphins and their overlord Dan Marino. While the cold tundra isn't the most welcoming environment for the boys from the sunny south beach, it appears Miami is the more locked-in team right now--whereas Packer fans are simply hoping the team locks Majkowski away before he returns to earth. Also, the surprising 2-1 Browns visit the winless Giants. It's an important game for New York and their flickering playoff hopes, while the Browns are hoping the playoffs begin after this week. As exciting as the Browns have been, the Giants are too good a team to lose four in a row to start the season, just as Phil Simms is too mustache-less to be called a real man.

The late afternoon games include Buffalo visiting Tampa Bay and stealing all their players' wives, while Phoenix attempts a comeback tour in Dallas. The Jets also go to Chicago, my sources tell me. But the biggest match-up late Sunday will be San Francisco visiting Los Angeles to settle a few scores, most coming from Montana to Rice. The Rams shot to a quick 2-0 lead, while San Francisco has dropped the last two, to the surprise of all Tecmo fans and most Vegas bookies that have been following this blog. The 49ers can leap into a first place tie with Los Angeles, which is the obvious choice, but a Rams win would put enough distance in the early part of the season to give the Rams some breathing room, which they'll need after chasing Tom Rathman all over the field.

Football Night in America is brought to you from the Georgia Dome in Atlanta, where two elite teams on a crash course will meet, both bringing a sense of pride and intense determination to accomplish the same goal: win a game. Atlanta and the Los Angeles Raiders are the janitors of their respective divisions, cleaning the basement after hours while the teams above them party together, dancing to club beats and snorting lines with hundred-dollar bills in the bathrooms. Maybe that's an over-exaggeration; however, we wouldn't be over-exaggerating if we said that Jay Schroeder plans on throwing more interceptions than yards, while Chris Miller will be happy if anyone will catch his passes, on either side of the ball.

Barry Sanders' 11.5 yards per carry with no touchdowns
would have befuddled fantasy owners everywhere

And finally, the first quarter of our exciting Tecmo Bowl season concludes with a Monday Night Football match-up that was originally intended as a means to involve every team in a featured game, and eventually turned into a quizzically interesting showdown. Indianapolis visits Detroit, owning a 2-1 record and, depending on what happens in the earlier games, a chance to keep pace with the division leader(s). Detroit, meanwhile, hasn't won a single game, but, also depending on what happens, has a chance to keep pace within their division as well. The Lions are dead-last in total offense, while the Colts are 26th overall in defense, which either means this will be a dud of a game, or perhaps the most exciting throw-down since the XFL.

My references are bookmarked below, so please don't delete this entry, Wikipedia:

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AFC

NFC

Week Three: Return to Glory

We stumble into Week 3 with more questions than answers. Who will tear away from the four-way tie in the AFC East? Who on the Philadelphia staff will need a fire extinguisher handy on the sidelines for QB Eagles? And finally, who does Barry Sanders have to kill to get a win around here? (And don’t say Rodney Peete—the sharks in Vegas have dibs on him). The early division leaders are looking for a return to glory, and though it's only Week 3 it's an important time to keep those ugly early season prognosticators (such as myself) at bay.

1:00 Games

A Tom Rathman-led offense, though exciting, rarely wins

Minnesota (1-1) at San Francisco (1-1)

And the questions keep pouring in after the Vikings, with their thus-far impotent offense and as-of-yet non-existent defense, handily defeat the Niners at home. Wade Wilson appallingly throws for 100 more yards than Joe Montana, and the Vikings serve up 17 first downs on a San Francisco team with a lot of explaining to do after dropping two in a row to highly inferior teams. Luckily for them, they reside in the NFC West, home to midget rodeos, Chris Miller, and the entire New Orleans Saints.

Final Score: Vikings 31, 49ers 17

LA Rams (2-0) at New Orleans (0-2)

Also luckily for them, Tecmo and its unhealthy passion for parity lets the searing hot Rams drop a cold turd in New Orleans, losing to a field goal in the final quarter. This may or may not have been an exciting game to watch: May have, because of the combined 669 passing yards, with Dynamite Willie Anderson dragging down 182 while Brent Perriman played catch-up with 158 of his own. May not have, because it was played in the Superdome.

Final Score: Saints 24, Rams 21

Indianapolis (1-1) at LA Raiders (0-2)

This one was about as cringe-worthy as it gets, but the Colts somehow stick it out for all four quarters in the absence of Albert Bentley and pull away at the end with a touchdown. If it’s any consolation to the Raiders, Bo Jackson did come to play with 102 rushing yards on the day. Jay Schroeder, on the other hand, came to only complete 44% of his passes and throw up a couple of picks, prompting any sane sportswriter to mention that at least he accomplished putting his jersey on the right way this morning.

Final Score: Colts 21, Raiders 17

NY Giants (0-2) at Chicago (1-1)

The Giants continue their free-fall here with a loss in Chicago to the slightly non-threatening Bears. Neal Anderson was back in business with a respectable 92 yards rushing. Phil Simms and his shades of Jay Schroeder were the death knell of his squad, with only a 30% completion rate and 2 picks, and somewhere along the New Jersey turnpike fans are constructing ‘Hoss or Bust’ billboards, rife with suggestive mustache poses.

Final Score: Bears 27, Giants 10

Stripes v. Skins: The age-old battle

Cincinnati (1-1) at Cleveland (1-1)

The first in a series titled “The Battle for Ohio”, or, for us non-natives, “The Battle of Boomer’s Bulge” did not provide many exciting storylines at this juncture, but there were some exciting statistics. James Brooks tried his best to keep the Bengals from bungling this one with 129 rushing yards, but QB Browns was slightly sharper with 339 yards passing and no interceptions. Reggie Langhorne helped his boss keep his job with 138 yards receiving and a few TDs, and Cleveland keeps pace with Warren Moon’s flashy smile.

Final Score: Browns 34, Bengals 23

Houston (2-0) at Kansas City (2-0)

The Oilers skirted past the undefeated Chiefs with 13 unanswered 4^th quarter points, and by skirted we mean they made Kansas City look like a bunch of little girls. Warren Moon was his prolific self, but the Oilers ground game showed some flaws with a total of 22 yards rushing. However, when Barry Word is the leading receiver on the opposing team with 65 yards, it all of a sudden looks like a minor first-world problem.

Final Score: Oilers 27, Chiefs 21

Close your eyes and say 'Steve Grogan v. Bubby Brister'
Now open them. Yes, you're still in the same dimension

New England (0-2) at Pittsburgh (1-1)

Pittsburgh, the heroes of last week’s Bills-thumping, drop one here to the winless Patriots of New England. Bubby Brister fought toe-to-toe with Steve Grogan, and if you need to re-read that sentence I’ll give you a minute while I make a sandwich. Now that I’m back, I’ll explain that Grogan was playing over his head with 259 yards passing and completing 81% of his passes with no picks. Let me be the first to jump on this bandwagon; don’t worry, there’ll still be room for a few more years.

Final Score: Patriots 28, Steelers 24

Green Bay (1-1) at Tampa Bay (1-1)

The Packers had a chance to keep their momentum, and luckily for them they drew a Buccaneers squad that didn’t feel like winning twice in a row. Green Bay had 165 yards on the ground and converted 19 first downs. Tampa Bay hosted two back-to-back retirement parties at the Seaside Lodge and Casino. So if you had any questions as to Vinny Testaverde’s whereabouts, that should answer it for you.

Final Score: Packers 36, Buccaneers 28

4:00 Games

San Diego (2-0) at Atlanta (0-2)

San Diego’s leading performers were Anthony Miller and his 139 receiving yards and Quinn Early with 51 rushing yards. While Atlanta can claim a small victory in keeping Marion Butts quiet, the fact that their leading performers were somehow 50 yards shy in both aspects of the game usually means the season is pack-in-able at this point. The Chargers move temporarily into 1^st place, and already BJ Tolliver is popping bottles and making it rain in the team’s locker room.

Final Score: Chargers 21, Falcons 17

Buffalo (1-1) at NY Jets (1-1)

The first place tie atop the AFC East is broken by the Bills’ comeback tour, starting in New York and rifling its way across the entire United States and parts of Southeast Asia. Buffalo scores in the last quarter to the despair of Jets fans and sheer rage and shoulder-shrugging ‘what-else-is-new’ sentiment of every Tecmo enthusiast. There’s no need to go into the menial stats of this game; all that needs to be mentioned is that QB Bills isn’t really that bad of a guy once you get to know him.

Final Score: Bills 24, Jets 17

The Comeback Kids pour it on, and the flavor's 'Extra Bold'

Philadelphia (2-0) at Dallas (1-1)

The 4^th quarter comeback by Dallas will be something that’s spoken about when talking about their history for the next two years, until they win three Superbowls and nobody cares any longer that their 17 unanswered points in a Week 3 game was a big deal. But right now, it is, and maybe the even bigger deal is that Keith Byars led the Eagles’ ground game with only 32 yards. Question marks surround the health of QB Eagles in this game, until one realizes he was at Hee Haw’s BBQ until four in the A.M.

Final score: Cowboys 24, Eagles 21

Miami (1-1) at Detroit (0-2)

The ‘Phins keep pace with Buffalo in the East after a predictable win over the forlorn Lions of Detroit. Barry Sanders is held to only 38 yards rushing, but most of that may be related to a bad case of apathy that usually sets in throughout the Motor City by this point in the season. Rodney Peete does manage to throw for a respectable 210 yards, but the Miami ground game ran up and down the field on Detroit for 170 yards. Detroit can take solace in the fact that Tigers’ pitchers and catchers report in just 5 months.

Final Score: Dolphins 34, Lions 21

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Tonight we'll bookend an exciting day of flavorful football with a clash between two quarterbacks that were no doubt covering thousands of teenage girls bedroom walls in the 90s. It'll take a whole barrage of Bronco offense to unseat the division leaders and the old defensive benchmarks in the Seahawks, but if anyone's up to the task it's the ol' Buckin' Bronco himself, John Elway. It's an AFC West showdown with somewhat important implications for how the end may play out, which is sure to be just as wild as the west itself once was, before Derrick Fenner was given a football team to play for.

Suave has a name: Krieg.

Hee-haw!!