Looking Ahead: The Tecmo Bowl, 1992

Another turning point, a Pete Metzalaars stuck in the road. And now, we're grabbing you by the wrist to force you to watch just one more game this season: the 1992 Tecmo Bowl. There were plenty of turning points and places where this season could have veered off the road, however their has always been just one, predestined game to cap it all off. Buffalo versus Philadelphia. Chicken versus Steak. Super Bowl ineptitude versus Super Bowl absence. It all ends here.

Despite the fact that football teams in the National Football League take the field against another team each and every week, the road to a football championship is a long and lonely one. Each team must find their own way. They must fight their own battles and find ways to keep their own fans at bay. After losing four Super Bowls in a row, Buffalo had to figure out a new formula. And after winning just 4 games in their first 9, Buffalo fans were getting out the Formula 409 to wipe their team off the grid. The Bills answered their fans' challenge, however, and since their 10th game they haven't lost. They haven't even come close. Buffalo has controlled the road to their championship behind a Top 5 Defense and the best running back in the league, Thurman Thomas. They went up quickly on Pittsburgh, then held them off before laying waste to the AFC's best in Houston and San Diego. And though Jim Kelly has seemingly forgotten his role since losing the 'QB' before his name, he's kept enough poise and leadership to make sure his team doesn't lose sight of their goal.

Philadelphia is a city filled with proud sports fans, though their football franchise has certainly left them with little to be proud of. Participants in only two Super Bowls spaced a quarter century apart, the Eagles have lost both without much of a fight. Philadelphia may be the host city to Rocky Balboa, however the level of fight they routinely bring to the big show is lacking. This year, things are different. Philadelphia took the road well-travelled, and it made all the difference in their ability to plow through their division en route to the Number 1 seed in the NFC and a walk through the playoffs. If Philadelphia is set to wear the choke collars during the Tecmo Bowl, they haven't let on as of yet. Their talent isn't spoken to in their numbers, with mediocre offensive and defensive rankings, though they carry the ultimate X-Factor: the ex-QB Eagles, Randall Cunningham and an athletic ability that has him soaring each week as high as his aptly-named mascot.

        Buffalo                           Philadelphia

                           11-5      Season Record        12-4

                            3-0      Featured Games       2-1

                            2-2      Same Opponents       3-1

                        402/310          PF/PA            409/327

                     25th (2338)      Pass Ranking        19th (2583)

                      3rd (2222)      Rush Ranking        4th (2041)

                            9th      Overall Offense      8th

                     18th (2934)      Pass Defense        20th (2949)

                      1st (1064)      Rush Defense        15th (1535)

                            5th      Overall Defense      18th

 

                            5.1      QB 40-yard Dash      Less than 12 parsecs

 

     Soldier, Showman and                Mascots          Predator, Pilot and

     record-breaking bison hunter       Known For         record-making rock band

 

                 The "Queen" City        Cities           City of "Brotherly Love"

        Next to big body of water        Known            Big bodies filled with water

                        Hot wings         For             Hot air

And now, the lonely roads of both teams are about to get a little more crowded, as the numbers 1 (Buffalo) and 2 (Philadelphia) ranked teams in our final Power Rankings fittingly meet here in a game of destiny. Meet us next week at the Sun Devil Stadium in Phoenix, Arizona where Randall Cunningham returns to a popular site during his college heyday while playing with UNLV. Also, Jim Kelly played for the USFL Houston Gamblers, so traveling all night from Sin City to the Tecmo Bowl isn't necessarily out of the question.

Monday Night Football: Philadelphia vs. San Francisco

Caution: You may need sunglasses for the glare

In real-life 1991 NFL, Joe Montana was sitting pretty with his four rings and a decade that he could single-handedly call his own. However, the 49ers were looking toward a questionable future while the NFC East started bubbling with teams ready to take back the conference. In Tecmo-life NFL, Montana still rules the roost, and despite a slow start to this particular simulated season, the 49ers appear to have finally hit the turning point after a massive pounding of the Detroit Lions last week. Now they get the grand spotlight of Monday Night, up against one of those flashy NFC East teams in Philadelphia. The Eagles' quarterback may not use a name, but for most of the season he's been letting his legs and arm speak for him. The two teams appear to be heading in separate directions, and tonight could be the defining moment in each team's season. Also, we'll get to see Tom Rathman inevitably juke and jive for 45 yards and at least 8 touchdowns.

Quarter One
The 49ers keep their winning streak alive with a victorious coin flip call, and elect to receive. Dexter Carter brings the ball 15 yards out, from which Tom Rathman chugs all the way to the 38-yard line. Two plays later on 3rd-and-1, however, Thomas Dean Rathman can't bust past his own offensive line and Barry Helton is on for his second punt of the season.

Philadelphia starts on their own 20 after forty-five minutes of trying to find the punted ball floating somewhere in the Delaware River. Keith Byars swoons the Philadelphia fans with a run for no gain, but QB Eagles earns even less yards after a Pierce Holt sack. On 3rd and 20, Eagles' pass is blocked and the 49ers are going to get their ball back.

Just before he cartwheeled in from the twenty

John Taylor is the punt returner, and earns his paycheck for the week with a run to the Eagles' 48-yard line. Roger Craig makes up the remaining distance with a blistering run to paydirt while Eagles Coach Rich Kotite suddenly finds himself holding the Classifieds section of the Philadelphia Inquirer.

San Francisco leads 7-0

The Eagles get another shot from their own 37-yard line, but Heath Sherman resists another first down by falling down after 9 yards. When Eagles can't pay anyone to catch his pass, it's 3rd-and-1. Byars finally converts the first down and gets to midfield, while Sherman's ensuing 7-yard run brings us to the end of the quarter.

Quarter Two
The quarter second begins as the first ended, with QB Eagles' streak of uncaught passes continuing. On 3rd and 3, Byars goes the wrong way. Jeff Feagles, who holds the honor of having the closest name to his team aside from blatantly made up players, is out to punt the ball. His kick goes for a total of 75 yards, with a net of about 15.

Joe Montana adds to the rushing trifecta with a 14-yard scramble, ending his run in front of QB Eagles and making sure to shake his hand with the one covered in golden rings. A pass to Jerry Rice is deflected in double coverage, a definite portent of doom for the 49ers. Of course, Montana recognizes about 10 men covering Rice on the next play, so he goes to the wide open John Taylor who high-steps 53 yards to the Philadelphia 8-yard line. Rathman is up the middle for the score, where he proceeds to do his signature spike and shuffle dance.

San Francisco leads 14-0

QB Eagles scrambles for 12 yards of his own on the Eagles' third meaningless drive, perhaps showing signs of a return to league-leading rushing statistics. His average is knocked in half on the next play, however, when his run is stopped short at the goal line. Two plays later it's 3rd-and-5, and Charles Haley gets involved with a sack of Eagles. Feagles latches on his punting leg for another touchback.

With 37 seconds left in the half, the 49ers show off their humbling display of kneeling out the clock by giving the ball to Rathman for a 35-yard run, just for the heck of it.

Halftime - 49ers 14, Eagles 0

Quarter Three
After reminding the Eagles this isn't a charity event, Kenny Jackson takes the field and returns the kick to the Philadelphia 39-yard line. Eagles' unfathomable passing deficiency continues with a batted pass behind the line of scrimmage on first down. He takes matters into his own hands with an 8-yard designed run, but on 3rd-and-2 Byars is stuffed for a loss of 1. The Eagles are now just 20% on third down conversions, which actually seems pretty high now that I think about it.

Jerry Rice is somewhere in the middle of this gang-rape

Feagles' punt actually falls ahead of the goal line at the San Francisco 1-yard hash, but Taylor still decides to bring it out to the twenty. Minutes later, Feagles is seen on the sideline with a judge, trying to change his name to 'Jeff Feagle-Niners'. Rice makes two straight receptions, the second in double or perhaps octuple-coverage, and the portent of doom is washed off San Francisco to drain into the same hole as Philadelphia's playoff hopes. Rathman coasts in from the 3-yard line for his second vultured touchdown of the game, and to be honest I won't mind if you change the channel to Sister Wives or check out this Wikipedia page of lesser-known 49ers running back, Harry Sydney.

San Francisco leads 21-0

Kenny Jackson takes the kick once more, and breaks off a few defenders to run it out to the San Francisco 48, now leading the Eagles in all-purpose yards. QB Eagles audibles a bootleg run, but it's picked and loses 7 yards. He's blitzed again on second down, but gets the pass off to three 49ers defenders that mercifully keep each other from intercepting the pass to keep Eagles' reception rate at 0%. On 3rd-and-17, Sherman gains 7 yards, but not the 1 in front of it to convert and Feagles is on to put another crack in the Liberty Bell.

Amidst shooting laser beams, Feagles keeps his focus...

The wheels may be coming off of San Francisco's offense when Montana somehow overthrows a wide-open Rice and Roger Craig is stuffed for a loss of two. On 3rd-and-12, Montana's pass is blocked, leading Commissioner Paul Tagliabue to start an informal investigation into 49ers Coach George Seifert's gambling habits.

Eagles goes down in a Halestorm of Haley

Quarter Four
Helton gets off a long punt and Philadelphia is set to start their monster comeback at their own 28-yard line. "The Drive", as it will be come to known by me and the four people that will ultimately read this blog, starts with a 1-yard run by Eagles and continues with a 2-yard loss by Byars. On 3rd-and-11, a blitz-sack of Eagles by Keith DeLong puts Coach Kotite in a tough position. He decides to wear his balls on his windbreaker sleeve and goes for it on 4th and 20 at his own 18-yard line. His balls are then subsequently injected with some of Charles Haley's HGH when QB Eagles is sacked again at the 7-yard line by Charles Haley.

Rathman gains 3 yards on first down, and graciously gives way to Roger Craig on the next play for Craig's fifth rushing touchdown on the year.

San Francisco leads 28-0

Jackson decides to take the ball out of the end zone despite staring at a flock of Eagles at his doorstep, and is dropped at the Eagles' 1-yard line. QB Eagles brings his team into the huddle to ready them for a four-touchdown rally with 3:35 to go. It starts off fruitfully with a combined 5 yards on two plays, but due to Eagles duck-tossing all day they decide to go with a Sherman run on 3rd down. The decision pays off with an 8-yard rush up the middle and their first third-down conversion since the first quarter. Strong analytical skills by this writer determine that the 49ers may be a bit pissed off when they rush all eleven at Eagles, but he somehow gets the pass off and finally connects with a diving Calvin Williams for a gain of 39 yards.

If Calvin Johnson is Megatron, Calvin Williams must be Laserbeak

In a twist of Faulkneresque fate, QB Eagles sprints the remaining 43 yards and a touchdown. The dream is still alive in Philadelphia after a puzzling 99-yard scoring drive.

San Francisco leads 28-7

The 49ers' left guard Guy McIntyre scoops up the onside kick attempt at the San Francisco 46-yard line with 1:34 remaining. Two quick plays lead to a rare 3rd-and-11 for the 49ers, and when Craig only gains 2 the Eagles will be getting the ball back after all. COM play-calling, folks.

Although Helton nails a punt at the goal line, Calvin Williams still fights his way to the Philadelphia 22-yard line with 30 seconds left. QB Eagles gets his second completed pass of the day to prove he's no fluke, but even his legs can't outrun the 15 seconds left on the clock, and the Eagles fall miserably short of the goal line and the win to fall to .500 on the year.

Final: 49ers 28, Eagles 7

Would it be okay for me to say I hate watching games like this? Just when I think I'm having a blast running this simulated season, games like this remind me why I never used to do it after I turned 13 years old. The 49ers weren't as dominant as they were against Detroit, but didn't have to be as QB Eagles had both holsters heated with guns to shoot his team's feet with. The schedule ahead is very favorable for the 49ers with two intra-divisional games and another against Phoenix before a showdown with the Rams in Week 13. This is why we should never be fooled by a 1-4 San Francisco start, even with all these years under our gut-busting belts. I don't see the Eagles recovering from this loss, mostly because a 28% completion rate and only 72 yards would be enough to shatter even a Rypienesque type of confidence.

Week Six: Hunker Down

It seems that much has changed since we started this thing, but there's a long road still ahead. Some teams have come to find this out already, while others are using it to their advantage and building up some steady comebacks to get back into the thick of the hunt. It's usually at this point of the season where the favorites start sticking their necks out, but up until now only a few of those teams are still in that same position and even those teams don't exude confidence. There's no point in being flashy any longer, as the only goal should be to hunker down and win. And while that plan isn't always so easy, it remains good news for the 49ers, whose bye week assures them that they'll stay out of the loss column for the first time in four weeks.

1:00 Games

Buffalo (3-2) at Kansas City (2-3)

The Chiefs returned to an Okoye-heavy offense, as he took 9 rushes for 80 yards and a score. Buffalo answered with a Thurman-heavy offense, however, as he took the ball for 106 yards and scored a touchdown in the 4th quarter to go ahead for good. Buffalo may have won, but their stats didn't tell the story of a dominant team. Fortunately for them, dominance won't be a requirement to beat the Colts next week; keeping Jeff George in the game, however, will be.

Final Score: Bills 17, Chiefs 13

Indianapolis (2-3) at Pittsburgh (1-3)

For those of you who enjoy segues, Indianapolis and Jeff George played down to their abilities here, with only 76 passing yards and 4 interceptions. Bubby Brister didn't have to be spectacular, but his 250 yards and no picks did give Steelers fans hopes that their season may not be a bust quite yet. On that same token, the Colts did win two games to start the season, but you'd have to be a fool or Clarence Verdin to think they'd continue that streak.

Final Score: Steelers 27, Colts 14

Miami (3-2) at New England (1-4)

The Dolphins needed a win here to pull in line with Buffalo, but apparently they thought they needed two as they drubbed the hapless Patriots with 52 points. Perhaps inspired by the return of Mark Clayton, Miami and Dan Marino put up 337 passing yards and 19 first downs. Steve Grogan, on the other hand, put his resume up on Monster.com after throwing 3 picks and barely cracking 100 yards passing. The Dolphins are showing the confidence and poise that the Bills are lacking now, which is saying a lot for a bunch of pixelated computer icons.

Final Score: Dolphins 52, Patriots 7

Detroit (1-4) at Minnesota (4-1)

In this highly touted NFC Central showdown, the Lions took Minnesota to the wire looking for their second win. Rodney Peete passed for a modest 184 yards but tossed up two touchdowns to one interception, while Barry Sanders ran around the field for 95 yards. Unfortunately for them, they're the Lions, and even more unfortunate is the fact that the Vikings have been on the lucky end of some questionable scores. They take the NFC Central lead for the time being here, and nobody is more surprised than coach Jerry Burns and Herschel Walker's agent.

Final Score: Vikings 17, Lions 14

Cincinnati (2-2) at Seattle (4-1)

Boomer Esiason weaved together a tale filled with such precise detail and inveterate quality that even the most critical of literary scholars had to take a step back and acknowledge his ability to tell a story with the sort of grace and stylistic perfection that only he is capable of, with his 90% completion rate and 265 yards to no interceptions. Unfortunately for those who follow him on Twitter, this type of lyrical accomplishment is nowhere to be found in his actual writing abilities.

Final Score: Bengals 30, Seahawks 10

Houston (4-0) at Denver (3-2)

The Oilers came off their bye with their undefeated streak in tow, but immediately ran into a white-hot Denver team that pulled within a half-game of first place in a tight win at home. As predicted, Warren Moon and John Elway played very similar games, but it was the defense of Denver that made the difference in this game, only allowing Lorenzo White to rush for 20 yds. David Treadwell also made a difference with his three field goals (including the game-winner), but we've been told by his mother that she's the only one allowed to heap praise upon her baby boy.

Final Score: Broncos 16, Oilers 14

New York Giants (2-3) at Phoenix (1-4)

The Giants marched into the desert of Phoenix with a shot at getting back to .500 after an 0-3 start, and just barely clutched the win from the jaws of defeat with a blocked Al Del Greco extra point. Johnny Johnson ran wild again for around 100 yards while Timm Rosenbach outplayed Phil Simms with 190 yards passing and a few scores. Needless to say, Del Greco was in need of a new wardrobe after discovering a few presents in his locker after the game.

Final Score: Giants 28, Cardinals 27

4:00 Games

L.A. Raiders (2-3) at San Diego (4-1)

It may be said that San Diego's cause never had a chance, when Marion Butts went out in the first quarter and still finished with the team lead in rushing yards. L.A. somehow finds themselves back in the race after a big day from Jay Schroeder, who tossed an unfathomable 83% completion rate. The Raiders showed their power on the ground as well with a combined 122 yards rushing from their two-headed demon, and suddenly the 'Black Hole' is no longer being used as a reference to the Raiders' postseason chances at this time each year.

Final Score: Raiders 31, Chargers 13

New York Jets (1-4) at Cleveland (2-2)

The Jets are quietly having a horrible season, and the Browns smartly took advantage of that here with a convincing win at home. QB Browns kept Mike Pagel's pager quiet with 264 passing yards and no picks, while Webster Slaughter's 122 receiving yards killed the Jets' chances at making any headway in their incredibly difficult division. Ken O.Brien has to be hoping that their futility remains to go unnoticed, but his 69 yards passing to 3 interceptions speaks about as loudly as the Jets' namesake over old Shea stadium.

Final Score: Browns 34, Jets 14

Philadelphia (4-1) at Tampa Bay (2-3)

The Eagles had a chance to stay tied with Minnesota among the league's best records with what seemed like a walk-through here, but Tampa Bay put up 14 points in the fourth quarter to pull it out and continue to be the league's nagging pests. Nobody is more upset than Keith Byars, who could have walked away a winner despite his team-leading 39 rushing yards. With the loss, however, the disappearance of QB Eagles in the rushing game once again becomes a factor to be discussed ad nauseum on Sportscenter.

Final Score: Buccaneers 21, Eagles 17

Washington (3-2) at Chicago (4-1)

Despite being up against a Redskins' defense that was ranked 26th against the run, Chicago couldn't score a touchdown. Neal Anderson was either abducted by aliens or missed his cab, as Jim Harbaugh led the team in rushing with just one 23-yard sprint. Mark Rypien kept his non-interception-less streak going with another pick here, and while this saddens us to no end, it appears the rest of Washington is content with his otherwise effective play as he led his team to victory and a share in the NFC East lead.

Final Score: Redskins 20, Bears 6

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Tomorrow night we return to Green Bay for their second featured game of the season. Before you accuse us of small-town midwestern bias, please be assured that this was the only scenario that would allow us to feature a new team while also not subjecting you to a coma-inducing meaningless mid-season contest (not to point any fingers, Freeman McNiel). Dallas watched both Philadelphia lose and Washington win, and with the Giants hot on their tails need a win here to pull into a three-way tie. While we don't think that Troy Aikman is necessarily scared of Don Majkowski and his hair-preference, we do think that Bob Nelson provides him with enough nightmares that not only must he sleep with a nightlight, but also with a den of trained Dobermans circling his bed.

Looking Ahead: Week Five

It's Week Five, folks. We called Week Two "Separation Sunday", where the 1-0s tried to move farther from the 0-1s. Things didn't go as we predicted, of course, as Tecmo never does. Maybe we jumped the gun; however, I don't admit to mistakes. And I don't look back. Neither will the teams presented in this docket of games. There are some teams that have had a few roadblocks, and others that haven't been playing up to their potential. But with Week 5 here already, it's time for some of those teams to break out from the pack. I'm looking at you, New Orleans.

Schroeder doesn't understand golf scoring, either

The first slate of games are sure to kick off the short-listed schedule off with a bang. The Los Angeles Raiders travel just a few miles north to San Francisco, hot off a blowout win against Atlanta. The 49ers, meanwhile, haven't had a breather since their Week One win, losing three in a row and falling behind the Rams early on. They're still favored over the faltering Raiders, with their fourth-ranked run defense up against the two-headed demon known as Bo and Marcus. Who will give in first? We're going with Jay Schroeder's rubber band arm.

Another early game to watch will be the Colts marching to the great Northwest Territory to battle the Seahawks. The Colts started off strong, but lost a shocker in Detroit to put them at 2-2. Being that we're huge Albert Bentley supporters (in the fan sense), we're hoping they're not petering out already, and this match-up against the 3-1 Seahawks will most likely be the litmus test of the Colts' staying power. The AFC West, meanwhile, has been one of the best divisions early on, and Seattle can't trip up here if they want to keep up with Denver and San Diego. Like two Cy Young pitchers going in a do-or-die game, Dave Krieg and Jeff George will need to be the leaders to take their team to the next level, or in George's case, to take to the hair-grafting clinic.

It will also be hard to look away from the Giants in Dallas, as they try to continue their comeback tour against a divisional rival that has been surprisingly dominant. Two other surprising 3-1 teams collide in the Twin Cities as the Broncos visit the Vikings. We think only one of these teams is for real, and if you need a clue, the team that will win will be the one with a quarterback that went on to win two Super Bowls and become a successful Vice President of his team, and not the one that got busted for using HGH.

Note: There are 28 more Pro 'Running Backs' after No.2

The late afternoon games are all about heavy hitters locking up and settling some bets. Three of the four games feature teams that are all 3-1 (a combined 18-6 record), while the odd game out will probably get cancelled due to a Ringling Bros. Circus coming to town. We can't tell which one will provide the most playoff implications, but perhaps the one with the NFC East divisional leaders will provide the most coke dealers. We're hoping for a return to glory for QB Eagles, but if he's overshadowed by Mark Rypien, well, we know we won't be able to blame the guy.

With Sunday Night games cancelled until the bye weeks are over, we move to Monday Night Football, and a key AFC West match-up in San Diego. The Chargers stumbled last week after a quick 3-0 start, while the Chiefs lost as well for the second time in a row. If De Berg was looking for a breakout game, there couldn't be a more perfect time than in South Cali against a divisional rival that's currently in the lead. We're thinking this game will come down to the Nightmare from Nigeria versus the man named Butts, and with Kansas City's defense, and the inability for most of the Chargers to point out Nigeria on a map, we say advantage: Chiefs. We had Kansas City winning the Wild West, with San Diego only eking out 5 wins, and so the Chiefs will need to buck up. Otherwise, I'll be spending the rest of the week wiping egg yolk out of my eyebrows.

Hitting Power 88 = 88 mangled defenders

But don't take my word for it; here are the standings, as read by a bunch of loud-mouthed children:

***************************************************************************************

AFC

NFC

Byes: Houston Oilers, Cleveland Browns, Cincinnati Bengals, Pittsburgh Steelers

Football Night in America: Philadelphia vs. Green Bay

Time to settle the age-old question: who would win a
fight between an eagle and a meat-packager?

It's Philadelphia vs. Green Bay, two teams that your league guide has boldly picked to become eventual NFC playoff contenders. While the main difference between the two teams is that one player has the initials 'QB' before his name, there isn't much separating the two. There's superb offensive talent on both sides of the ball, which could lead to an offensive explosion in this electric Week One match-up. Also, Green Bay has Bob Nelson. It's still early in the season, but both teams are looking to stick their heads out from the pack of early favorites. If Don "Magic Man" Majkowski can keep his team in it through three quarters, they may have a chance to hold off QB Eagles' jivin' jukes.



Quarter One

Someone had to catch it, just not one of the three Packers

Philadelphia wins the toss, and elects to receive. Chris Jacke kicks with the wind, but still only gets it about twenty yards, and before long Kenny Jackson has the ball at about midfield. Two plays later, on 3rd and five, QB Eagles fools everyone and runs for a long 20 yards. On the next play, the Eagles are on the board with a pass into triple coverage to Calvin Williams.

Philadelphia leads 7-0

Green Bay starts with the ball on their own 33 yard line, and soon Majik man and his offense are staring at their own 3rd and 5 situation. Coach Lindy Infante starts to send out the punting unit early, when Majkowski tells him he has other plans. And on the very next play, Don finds Perry Kemp for a beautiful catch and run of 62 yards that gets the Packers on the board.

Score tied 7-7

Jacke lends his efforts in keeping the game tight with another 20 yarder, but it appears only to be a setup to injure Kenny Jackson, which the Packers promptly do. QB Eagles holds a quick vigil, and then looks to the cot as it's carried away and tells Jackson "This drive's for you." After a quick incompletion and 6-yard loss on a sack, Eagles hands it off to Heath Sherman who promptly hands it back to the NFL's Wisconsin representative.

The Green Bay fans are clearly not amused by this trick

Majkowski tells his huddle that he wants to try off a new trick he learned over the weekend. His offense doesn't quite know what to make of the title, the Disappearing Chance for an Important Lead Trick, but after Don's interception it all makes sense.

At their own 33, Heath Sherman is heard shouting at Bob Nelson that he could build a small metropolis in the gap of his teeth. On the next play, Sherman is left picking up his own teeth from the 27 yard line as the quarter expires.




Quarter Two

Referees sniff the pits, too

On a long 3rd and 19, Sherman gets the ball again and slides between Nelson's legs, elbowing him in the crotch on the way, and streaks for another 42 yards. Literally. His uniform was torn off him by a diving Chuck Cecil. While he goes to the sideline for a new uniform, the Packers defense wakes up again and stuffs the Philadelphia run game until there's another 3rd and long situation. Needing 20 yards, QB Eagles takes a chance and realizes he maybe should take a 3 month vacation to Vegas when he runs in for an easy touchdown.

Philadelphia leads 14-7

At their own 49 yard line after a nice return, Majkowski pulls out another trick from his book, called Nobody Ever Covers Ed West, and finds the Toolbox for a 51 yard touchdown.

Score tied 14-14

With only 30 seconds taken off the clock, QB Eagles gets the team primed for another quick score before the half.  Not long after, it's 3rd and 7, but with the Packers day-long lack of understanding that only one more stop = punt, Keith Byars snags another first down with 1:21 left on the clock. Two more plays, and Keith Byars finds himself tripped up at the Packers' 1-yard line with seconds ticking off the clock. A quick huddle doesn't help, as Bob Nelson's labradoresque hearing gets his defense to stuff Byars on the next play. On 3rd and 6 with seconds ticking away, Roger Ruzek comes in for a chip shot to give the Eagles a tight lead at halftime.

Halftime - Eagles 17, Packers 14

Quarter Three

Although Sharpe dislocated his tibia on this catch, he was
apparently able to pop it back in for any inevitable reverses

Running out to the field, Coach Infante's playbook looks to be about half the size it was going in. During the halftime show, he apparently told sideline reporters the only running play he needed was the Sharpe reverse. Starting at their own 22, a few passes to Michael Haddix and Keith Woodside get the chains moving. After a QB Eagles-channeled 12-yard run by Majkowski moves the Packers near midfield, a sterling silver pass to Sterling Sharpe gets the Packers their first lead with a 65-yard connection.

Green Bay leads 21-17

On the ensuing kickoff, Jacke picks the ball up off the tee and places it at the Eagles own 49 yard line for the next drive. On the very first play, a QB Eagles bootleg run is good for a 39 yard gain, which is respectable by QB Eagle bootleg run standards. While Byars finds the end zone two plays later, he still trails his quarterback by about 975 rushing yards.

Philadelphia leads 24-21

Must be an extra puff of Philadelphia douchbaggery in that ball

Ruzek spoils the kickoff fun by actually getting the ball across Green Bay's goal line. Charles Wilson, fresh off his political stint and Afghan troop-rousing, takes the ball out to the 13-yard line. Majkowski starts it off promising with a 20-yard laser to Haddix, but then gets greedy with the same pass to Perry Kemp getting picked off by Ben Smith.

Quarter Four
The Eagles run two quick plays to begin the quarter, but soon are staring at the looming 3rd and 2 situation ahead of them. After somehow skirting the touted Green Bay third-down defense all day, Byars somehow gets a second wind and hoofs it down to the Green Bay 14-yard line. Not waiting for Brian Noble to finish double knotting his cleats, QB Eagles squeaks his way in for his second touchdown of the day.

Philadelphia leads 31-21

He was all-tool before Tim Allen made tools cool

The Eagles stuff Green Bay at their own 10-yard line on the ensuing kickoff, and the Majik man is staring at a long field ahead of him. With the time showing just over 3 minutes remaining, he pulls his team into the huddle to construct the perfect drive that will be executed quickly and with finesse, so that there would still be plenty of time remaining to try an onside kick. The first play from scrimmage is a beautiful Sharpe reverse that, while netting Green Bay an important 25 yards, also takes nearly 45 seconds off the clock. Pleased with his cunning abilities, Majkowski dumps a 6-yard pass off to Haddix in the middle of the field. A final timeout is called by the Packers, which is just want the doctor ordered, as on the very next play the Majik man actually gets the game within three with a perfectly lobbed meatball to the wide-open and new Green Bay folk hero Ed West.

Philadelphia leads 31-28

What Green Bay was like, pre-Favre (hard to imagine)

Infante boldly calls for the onside kick, and when Jacke shoots him a confused look, Infante shouts for him to just keep doing the same thing he's been doing all game. Jacke kicks it it midfield, and who else is there to scoop it up but QB Eagles. After running plenty of time off the clock with a few bootlegs, the Eagles face 3rd and 10 with 33 seconds left. If ever there was a time for Bob Nelson to grease his mustache and bear down, it was now. Or, perhaps another time, as QB Eagles finds a wide open Keith Jackson in the end zone for the final proverbial nail in the first of many proverbial coffins of this 1991 Green Bay squad's season.

Final: Eagles 38, Packers 28

The Majik man was sizzling with his 206 yards of passing and 4 touchdowns, but it was the two interceptions that were the real deal-breakers in this shootout. That, and the Packers stunning revulsion to stopping any third down conversions from occurring (there were 7...yes, I had to count them). QB Eagles was at the top of his game--while not always hitting the open receiver, his own special set of bionic legs carried him to two rushing touchdowns. His 120 yards led a team that ran up and down and all over what appeared to be an imposter Bob Nelson-led defense. Green Bay has a lot of work to do if they want to make any noise in the NFC. Philadelphia, on the other hand, has enough noise coming out of that city with Will Smith rapping about his parents that they don't really need help from the Eagles.